I'm back! Sorry for the wait, I lost my Latin history notes which I was using to write this with, and I didn't want to accidentally skip something important, but I'm back now! Enjoy!

Poland: *smiles winningly* Welcome to another thrilling episode of the Bad Girls Club! I'm your host, Feliks Lukasiewicz-

Narrator: Damn it Poland! I told you we weren't doing that!

Lithuania: And you thought he listened?

Narrator: *sighs* No.

Lithuania: *pats Narrator's back sympathetically*

Narrator: All right, moving on. Following Romulus, there were a number of kings who, to be quite honest, really weren't that interesting. The second king of Rome was Numa Pompilius.

Italy: *grins* That's-a me! I devoted attention to legal and religious institutions!

Narrator: *wipes away a tear* If only everyone could follow the script like that. *clears throat* Anyway, after Numa Pompillius, there was Tullus Hostillius.

Romano: *is grumpy* Damn it, all that German bastard did was make our military all strict and declare war on the Albans. Our grandpa's still over there douche bag!

Narrator: Um, Romano? I think you're getting a little confused. Tullus Hostillius was Roman. Germany's just playing him.

Germany: *sighs* I don't think he cares.

Romano: *shrugs* Tomato tomato. His gramps still killed mine.

Prussia: What happened to the potato potato part of that?

Narrator: Aw, shit...

Romano: Bastardo! *bitch slaps* Do not mention that vile fruit to me!

Prussia: I thought it was a vegetable...

France: Non, I believe it is a starch.

Narrator: Do you guys really want to argue with him?

Prussia & France: *consider this*

Narrator: Anyhoodles, like Romano said, Tullus Hostillius DID renew the emphasis on military posture, and declared war on the Albans. Eventually, I guess everybody got fed up of the war, because they ended up getting two sets of triplets and pitting them against each other in an ultimate smackdown to decide the victor. Fighting for Rome were the Horatii brothers-

Canada, Male!Mexico, America: *try and fail to appear menacing* Gr.

Narrator: -and for the Albans were the Curiattii.

Male!Ukraine, Male!Belarus, Russia: *smile, wave, and look unbelievably intimidating in doing so*

Canada: *is shaking at the knees* I think I just pissed myself.

Male!Mexico: *eye roll* Oh brother...

America: Man up Canadia! We've got Ruskies to kill!

Narrator: Hey! There will be no racial slurs in this chapter, all right? What happened to all that politically correct nonsense anyway?

America: *shrugs* It's Russia.

Canada: America's rules don't apply to Russia.

Narrator: Well, anyway, at some point down the line, the killing started, and soon two of the Horatii bros. were gone.

Male!Mexico: *to Canada* I bet it's your fault.

Canada: *sighs* It probably is.

Narrator: It was. Now, at this point in the fight, things were looking pretty grim for the final Horatii brother. After all, three against one, and these aren't just normal Albans we're talking about, these are Russian/Belarusian/Ukrainian Albans! So-

America: Spoiler alert! I'm the only one who lives!

Male!Belarus, Male!Ukraine, Russia: *die*

Narrator: Damn it America! I wanted to narrate that part!

America: *shrugging and not sounding especially apologetic* Sorry.

Narrator: Sigh, so as America so rudely point out, Horatius, the last of the Horatii, was the winner, and Rome won the war.

Herd of Roman thugs and wives from last chapter: *somewhat half-assedly* Hurray.

Narrator: Sometime later, Tullius was struck by lightning and died. It was probably Jupiter's fault.

Romano: Am I Jupiter?

Narrator: *shrugs* sure, why not?

Romano: FUCK YEAH!

Narrator: After Tullius came Ancius Marcius, the grandson of Numa Pompillius. He really didn't do much but build stuff. *looks expectantly at Switzerland*

Switzerland: *groans* Do I really have to say this?

Narrator: *nods, looking way too pleased with herself*

Switzy: *sighs* BOOM BABEH! *gestures wildly to all that he has built, then, when no one is looking, flees in shame*

Narrator: Things that Ancus built included, but were not limited to: new city walls-

Romano: Hey, what was wrong with mine?!

Narrator: -a prison-

BTT, Denmark, Scotland, Ireland, Poland: Ah, crap.*

Narrator: -a bridge across the Tiber, and a new seaport at Ostia. That's about it. After him came Lucius Tarquinius Priscus-

Hong Kong: *waves less than enthusiastically*

Narrator: -whose name was long to the point of being inconsiderate. He was from Etruria, not Rome, and gained the throne through fraud. He didn't get to do much because Ancus Marcius' sons killed him.

Switzy: My sons? Wait, does that mean-

Liechtenstein: *has borrowed Germania's BAMF shades and Romano's AK-47*

Switzy: ...shit

Liechtenstein: Bitches gonna die.

Hong Kong a.k.a. "bitches": *dies*

Narrator: And this brings us to the last decent king, Servius Tullius. He married Priscus' daughter-

Liechtenstein: *is sweet again* Me again. I guess I'm multiple boys and a girl.

Switzerland: What the hell?! Did I tell you that you could marry my sister/sons/daughter?!

France: Well, mon ami, you didn't, but you cannot stand in the way of l'amour!

Switzerland: Why you- *Reaches for machine gun*

Narrator: Whoa Nellie! Don't kill Francey-pants! That's Prussia's job.

France: Qu'avez-vous dit?! (What did you say?!)

Narrator: That's right! Soon after marrying Servius' daughter-

Ireland: *scratches neck and waves uncomfortably* Er, hello.

England: Bloody hell! What is it with you people and my brother?!

America: *has been scarred yet again* U-Uncle Patrick?

Narrator: Jesus Christ people! At least let me say who married Ire- I mean Servius' daughter.

America and England: *are quiet*

Narrator: Thank you. After marrying Servius' daughter, Lucius Tarquinius Superbus (whose cognomen means "the proud") threw Servius bodily out of the Senate and had him murdered in the streets.

France: Pour quoi?! (What?!)

Narrator: Later, as her carriage was being driven by the scene of her father's murder, his daughter had her driver deliberately drive over Servius' corpse, like the coldhearted bitch she was.

Ireland: *is suddenly pregnant, but chooses to ignore it* Heheh, sucker.

England: He got you too?!

Narrator: We've been over this. Prussia works fast... *clears throat* Moving on from YET ANOTHER distraction, after Servius was killed-

Prussia: Ze awesome me took power.

Narrator: STOP STEALING MY LINES DAMN IT. Ahem, but yes, Lucius Tarquinius Superbus then took power and killed a crap load of senators.

Prussia: *sing songy voice* Oh Austriaaaa~ Kesesese

Austria: ...Crap *dies*

Narrator: After all dem senators were out of the way (sorry Austria), Superbus decided that all Rome needed was a nifty sewer system and a great temple to Jupiter put on Capitolline Hill.

Romano: *looks in shock at Prussia*

Prussia: *is also quite shocked*

Romano: *coughs*

Prussia: Well this is awkward...

Narrator: *pleasantly* Yes. Yes it is.

Everyone: *feels mildly uncomfortable*

Narrator: *hates awkwardness in her damn script* But don't worry. Cuz you see, Superbus' son got the hots for his cousin's wife and, well... Austria, we need to awaken you for a second.

Austria: *is resurrected*

America: Sweet JESUS

Ireland: Literally *swigs beer*

Narrator: *is probably going to hell for making an Austria-Jesus parallel*

Prussia: Well darn. Hey, who's my son anyway?

Holy Rome: *is also alive* Sup bro?

Narrator: Yaaaay, awkward family reunions! Holy Roma, this is your brudaddy (combo of burder and daddy) Prussia/Lucius Superbus, and here's your cousin Austria/random senator who's name I forgot, and this is your cousin's wife Hungary!

Hungary: I'm the wife? Hm... Why do I get the feeling this doesn't end well for me?

Narrator: Because it isn't.

Holy Rome: S-Sorry about this Miss Hungary.

Narrator: And so, Superbus' son got his rape on-

Prussia: France, are you sure he's not your kid?

France: What century was he born in again?

Ireland: *suddenly has curlers in his hair and a rolling pin in his hand to wave at Holy Rome* DAMN IT I raised you better than that!

Narrator: *has finally learned to ignore them* and after telling her husband and her father what happened, said cousin's wife killed herself. Wow. That's depressing. Well, get to it Hungary.

Hungary: I blame Prussia *dies*

Prussia: I am far too awesome to take offense to that.

Holy Rome: *is going through his sassy teenager phase* Riiiiiiight.

Narrator: And on that note, people got fed up with Pru- I mean Superbus and told him to hit the road, Jack.

America: *starts singing "Hit the Road Jack* under his breath*

Ireland: *Curlers and rolling pin gone as suddenly as they appeared* Did you drop him on his head or something?

England: No! I only did that with you!

Ireland: Wait...what?

Narrator: After several epic failures (seriously, did anyone besides Romulus get his shit right?) the Romans decided screw kings and set up a really boring Republic with way too many government officials. The end. Toodles!

Yeah, this one isn't my best. I'm getting all over the place with these crack ships though. I've created Ireland/Seychelles, Scotland/Belgium, France/Liechtenstein was probably a thing, but there's also Prussia/Ireland and Holy Roma/Hungary. So yeah. WAIT THERE'S MORE! Nah, just kiddin', I just like making infomercial references. There WILL be more though! Oh, so many more MWAHAHAHAHA. Again, not my best, but please review with suggestions and commentary and shit. It would seriously make my day. PEACE