It is midday. You and Nancy are on the carriage ride to the circus. You have a black coat on with white gloves. Nancy is sitting across from you. You frown, looking down at your purse. Your hair is up in an up do. Nancy looks at you with a frown.
"Miss _, whatever is the matter?".
"I don't know... it's just that... well, father had always wanted to take me to the circus...". You remember your father. You loved him greatly. You sigh. Nancy smiles.
"I know he did, but remembering... oh, come now! Let's have some fun!", says Nancy as the carriage stops. You look out the carriage window to see the entrance of the circus. You look at the entrance sign.
"Noah's Ark Circus... so this is the traveling show?", you say, looking at Nancy.
"Yes, my Lady... I heard it was all the rage in Paris!", says Nancy, excitedly.
"Well, we'll see...", you say with a sigh. The carriage driver opens the carriage door. You walk out first, holding both sides of your skirt. Nancy follows. You look up at the entrance sign. "Noah's Ark Circus...", you think, admiring the blood red sign. You look at the big top. It is yellow and blue striped with a flag on top. There are balloons hovering in the air near the tent. The smell of popcorn and cotton candy enriches the summer air. You close your eyes and picture it to make sure you have the sights and smells memorized.
"Come on, Miss _! The show's about to start!", shouts Nancy, waving at you from behind the entrance. You open your eyes and run to her, smiling.
You both walk into the big top. The place is slightly dark and very humid. Hundreds of people are gathering around the stage. Nancy gives the ticket man your tickets. She grabs your right arm and leads you to your seats. You both sit in a middle row around the stage. You take your seat. You look at the crowds of people waiting to see the show. Hundreds! You sigh. You look at the stage. It is tan dirt. There is a cage and some multicolored platforms on the dirt. There is a rope going across the top of the tent with two wooden platforms at each end of the rope. Two trapeze sticks hang from the top as well. A minute later, everyone is silent. You look around, not sure why. Nancy taps your shoulder and points at the stage. You look down. From where you are, you see a man with... orange hair? And he has on... a white glove... and the other hand is behind his back. He has on a black and white checkered vest. His pants are black and he has white black tipped boots. A yellow bow tie resides on his chest. A long purple cape covers his shoulders and back. He takes a bow, closing his eyes and smiling.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls of all Ages!", he exclaims loudly. "Welcome to Noah's Ark Circus!".
"Where have I...", you think, questioning the man's voice. You have heard or perhaps seen him before... but where? When?
"My name is Joker!", says the familiar man with a smile and looking up at the crowd. "I like to juggle, and as you can see...", says the man, bringing his right hand to the front with a bunch of different colored balls in it. His hand looks abnormally different compared to the other... you can't really tell from where you are sitting. The man throws the colored balls into the air and attempts to juggle them. A ball hits his head and the rest tumble to his feet. The crowd laughs at his antic. "I'm not the best juggler in the world!", says the man with a laugh.
"That laugh...", you think to yourself. "I know I've heard that laugh somewhere before...". Your eyes gleam at the man. The man looks up at the crowd with gleaming eyes and a smile.
"You are in for a treat, my friends! Today we have feats beyond your wildest dreams! Here! Up on the wire!", exclaims the man, holding his left hand up. You look up to see a white rose covered person walking across the rope, balancing with a white umbrella. She manages to walk from one platform to the other with ease. The audience applauds at this feat. The girl takes a bow from atop the platform. You look back at the man. He smiles and laughs. "Next we have our snake-human half breed!", exclaims the man, pointing at a boney man next to him. The half breed has grey hair and green snakes cover his entire body. Green scales cover his face and body as well. The audience cheers at the sight of the being. The man laughs again. Where have you heard that laugh? "Our knife thrower never misses his target!", exclaims the man, looking at a boy. The boy is holding several daggers in his hands. He is wearing a black and tan hat and a black and tan shirt. The boy winks at the audience and throws his daggers at a target repeatedly and rapidly. He walks over to the target and moves his hands at the target, winking again. Bull's-eye. The audience cheers with excitement. The man closes his eyes and smiles, moving his left hand on the back of his neck. "Now the only man I know who can breathe fire!", exclaims the man. A big muscular man comes on stage and eats fire on a stick. The audience applauds. "Then we have the two flying blanco!", exclaims the man, looking up again. You look up. Two tiny children soar on the trapeze, moving back and forth and holding onto each other. The audience cheers. The two artists jump on a platform and hold each other's hands and close their eyes while taking a bow. "And now...", exclaims the man, closing his eyes. "The one you've all been waiting for... our animal tamer!", exclaims the man, opening his eyes and moving his hand towards a black haired woman with a whip. The audience applauds. The woman smiles. A big tiger comes at her and the woman, without hesitation, whips the tiger right in the face. She braces herself as the tiger comes at her again. She whips at the tiger's head again. "Betty!", she shouts with a frown. The tiger stops growling. The tiger walks up to the woman and lets her pet her head. The woman smiles. The crowd cheers. The man laughs and looks up at the crowd. "Well! It has been a spectacular show and I hope to see you all again soon!", exclaims the man with a smile and a bow. The audience applauds. The crowd begins to leave. You stare at the man without blinking. You sweat.
"I know I've seen him before...".
"Miss _, the show's over!". You look up. Nancy is standing up, looking at you.
"Yes...", you say. You keep your eyes on the man. He looks up and turns around. You think...and think...and think... wait... you remember... nine years ago... at the East End... could he be...
"Miss _!", says Nancy. You remember Nancy telling you that... after he...
"You vile heathen!"... you remember it clearly...
"I didn't quite get that far... that far... that far...", he said... you see his face... in his... that smile... that laugh... those eyes...
"Smile..."... he is smiling at you... you are smiling back... this is a dream... an instant of reality... he is here... you are here... all over again...
"Miss _!" "You vile heathen!" "I didn't quite get that far..." "Smile..." "Miss _!" "You vile heathen!" "I didn't quite" "Smile..." "Miss _!" "You heathen!" "I didn't" "Smile..." "Miss" "Heathen" "didn't" "Smile..." "Miss" "Smile..." "Miss"
"SMILE..."
You stop. His face... his smile... unchanging... never forgotten... unforgettable... he is he... he is he... they are both... one in the same... unbreakable... unchanging... never forgotten... unforgettable...
"Miss _!"
"NO!", you shout, slapping Nancy. You frown angrily. Nancy covers her front with her arm. She frowns, on the verge of crying. You hold your arm in front of you. Both of you look at each other for a minute. You move your arm down slowly. You run into Nancy and start sobbing. "Oh, Nancy!". She closes her eyes and gives you a hug.
"It's ok, child...", she says softly. You stop crying. You look up at her.
"Child?".
"Yes, and you'll always be one if you keep this up...", says Nancy.
"Keep what up?", you say, letting go of her. "Whining to you? Getting supervised when I can take care of myself? Is that what a child is to you, Nancy?". Nancy looks at you with a smile. "Well, I'm not a child!", you say angrily. You walk past her, pushing her.
"Miss, where are you going?", shouts Nancy. You keep walking.
"I'm going to start again what should have never ended in the first place!", you say, walking away from her and walking to the tent's flap. You hold onto the flap with your right hand. You breath out, closing your eyes. You feel like looking at Nancy... but something inside of you prevents this from happening. You open your eyes. You look up and walk out of the tent.