A/N: I'm still struggling with getting them all in the room - and also how to deal with who's left because as hard as all of these were - I think the hardest is still to come. Next chapter will finally get everyone into that room and talking to each other, though. I just need to pace this out for my own sanity, too. Please continue to review. I really appreciate it.
Rachel is walking down the hall slowly, but Kurt isn't sure she's even aware of where she is. Her eyes aren't focused, and when he'd tried to take her hand, she hadn't even noticed. So they're walking side by side, but they might as well be in different worlds because that's how it feels right now. And Kurt can't remember ever being more worried about anyone.
He doesn't mind, though. If he's worried about Rachel, then he's not thinking about why they're here, and he prefers that. Because if he lets himself really think about this, he knows he will dissolve into a blubbering mess. That hasn't happened yet, and he would prefer for it not to happen at all. He glances at Rachel again, and he wonders when it'll hit her. He wonders if it already has and if this is how she's going to be from now on. He can't imagine that's true, but so many things he could never imagine happening have happened in the last 48 hours, so he's not ruling anything out anymore. He's still walking, wondering suddenly if Blaine might be there already, waiting, when he realizes he's walking alone. Rachel is standing still, and she's - wait. She's trembling. She is shaking from head to foot, and she is also shaking her head back and forth. Kurt realizes she's also saying something, and he walks quickly back to her, and she is mumbling "no no no no" over and over again and showing no signs of stopping.
Slowly, Kurt guides her over to the nearest staircase, and he eases her down to a sitting position, and then she's looking at him, and he can't believe he ever thought she'd stay that numb forever. Because she is definitely not numb now. Her eyes are filled with more pain than he's ever thought possible, and she says "I - I can't. Kurt. I can't go in there. Not there. Not without - without - " and here she chokes off, but she doesn't need to finish. He knows what she can't bring herself to say, and he can't say it either. All he can do is wrap his arms around his best friend as the tears she's been trying to blink back overflow and cascade down her face. She isn't sobbing, but her tears soak into Kurt's shoulder, and she lets out a shaky sigh. She isn't moving. She doesn't care who's in that room. All she needs to know is that the only person she wants to see isn't.
Kurt swallows hard as he smooths her hair. He gets it. He doesn't blame Rachel for not wanting to go in there. It's just - he does. He wants to be with everyone else. He wants to be in that room where he can feel just a little bit closer to... to him. But he can't leave her here, and he doesn't want to force her to do this, so he sighs and closes his eyes and hopes maybe someone will come along soon who can help.
But he doesn't expect to hear footsteps at that moment. Even without looking up, though, he knows who it is. There might be multiple footsteps, but there is no way that some of them don't belong to Blaine. Slowly, he lifts his head, and he is completely unsurprised to see Blaine and Tina. Tina's eyes are puffy, and she's looking at Rachel, and her whole face is twisting in sympathy. She seems to being moving almost involuntarily, and then she's sitting on Rachel's other side, and she's reached out and is touching her shoulder.
Rachel stiffens. She doesn't know who this is - who it could possibly be. She realizes that she's forgotten where she, herself, is right now, and she forces herself to let go of Kurt and look around. When she sees Tina, though - that's when the sobs start for real. So do Tina's, and she and Rachel wrap their arms around each other, both of them shaking uncontrollably.
And then - it's Kurt, and it's Blaine, and they are forced to look at each other. They'd been watching the girls, but the girls have each other now, and they don't need either of them. Kurt also knows he needs to get away from Rachel and Tina as quickly as possible because the sounds of their grief are just too hard. He can't listen to any more of this and have a chance of keeping his composure. So he gets up and walks away, toward the chorus room. He doesn't look to see if Blaine is following, but after a few steps, he hears a sound behind him - an entirely unfamiliar one, and his steps slow again. He turns almost against his will, and this time, he sees a sight he doesn't really expect.
It's Blaine's turn to have stopped walking. He is staring at the floor now, and his shoulders are quivering, and it's all Kurt can do not to lose it all at once. But he knows for sure that he absolutely can't do that now. Because if Blaine is in this bad shape, then he really does need to be the strong one. He doesn't know if Blaine will let him, but he has to try to find out. All it takes is one half step towards him, though, for Blaine to fling his arms around him, and then they are holding each other again. And it's clear pretty immediately that neither of them will let go any time soon.
They are caught in these twin postures of grief when the door at the end of the hall opens again. Mike is walking in now, and the first sight that greets him is Kurt and Blaine locked in an embrace that makes him ache, suddenly, for comfort of his own. But no - he doesn't need comfort, he reminds himself as he forces his feet to move. He's ok. He can make it past them to the chorus room. They won't want him to intrude now anyway. But he's only managed a few steps when the staircase comes into view, and what he sees there knocks the wind out of him more effectively than any football tackle ever had. It's - it's Tina. And Rachel. And their tears make his eyes start watering. He wonders if he has it in him to just walk past all of them - to get to the chorus room as quickly as possible - but Tina must have heard his footsteps because all of a sudden her head comes up, and then she's looking at him, and he can't bring himself to look away. She whispers something to Rachel, and then she's standing.
He stares at her. It's been so long since they've talked, and they'd never talked about anything like this. But then - there'd never been anything like this to talk about. He remembers how sad he'd been when Sue's sister had died, but that - that was nothing compared to this, and he realizes all over again just how impossible this is all going to be. He swallows hard. They still haven't said a word, but then Tina is reaching for him, and he almost smiles. He can hug her. That will be ok. But when she puts her arms around him, he feels like he's home again, and suddenly he realizes - home will never be the same again. Because they're about to walk into that room and not see Finn. Not ever again. And then he hears a whimper and wonders who's making that sound before he realizes - it's coming from him. He buries his face in Tina's hair as the tears finally start to fall.