Chapter 6: loneliness

I felt Kid slump next to me and fall a sleep. I was still dizzy, hormones rushing through my body as were my thoughts.

Why did I do it? Why? Have I lost all self control just because I was a bit horny? I couldn't forgive myself for it.

Now my chances to escape this ship and him are zero. I had an overwhelming urge to cry. It was getting to much. The injury, the ship, this, him. I'm going to burst.

Hugging my legs to myself I started to tremble and silent tears fell down my cheeks.

Something rustled near me and I saw Kid's face in front of me

˝What's wrong? I didn't.. you know..I was careful˝ - he leant to kiss me but I pushed him away. I couldn't do this anymore. He was shocked and looked angry. Really angry. Another wave shook me and I trembled.

I made him angry and upset.

He rose from the bed and slammed the door from the bathroom.

What did I do now? He's mad at me and will probably punish me. Or worse.

My wounds ached, the soreness was killing me but the worst was this hollow feeling inside of me. It was guilt and it was eating me.

Tears were pouring out of me. I couldn't control myself. It was all too much.

In my sorry state I haven't noticed Kid come back out of the bathroom and sit next to me

˝Shiva what's wrong? Have I hurt you?˝ - he gently touched my leg but I pulled away.

˝Please just leave me. Leave me alone˝ - I sobbed. No more touching, kissing, anything. Every seam on my body was starting to break.

He sighed and stoop up, took his coat and slammed the door.

I layed on the bed and closed my eyes.

Hours later the sun was setting. Kid didn't even once come to the room and I didn't feel like getting out. I felt numb.

**time elapse**

It was the second day and I still haven't seen Kid. My wounds were okay I guess but my insides ached - guilt, loneliness?, anger and sadness. I was still too confused and dizzy from all those emotions.

Hunger. I haven't eaten in two days. Slowly I put on my clothes and a scarf to hide Kid's obsessive mark on me and made my way to the kitchen. It was quiet on the ship, early in the morning. I wonder where Kid slept? Maybe in the crow's nest under the stars. I miss him.

It pains me to say, but I do. He felt safe. As stupid as it seems I've grown attached to him.

Sighing I went into the galley. Killer was sitting and eating. He noticed me and nodded.

He was alone. Might as well try to be civil. ˝Can I join you?˝

˝Ask my mother˝- came the reply. I chuckled but sat anyway. Donny came smiling ˝You're still here! Oh I'm so glad! Ye'r hungry gal?˝ - I nodded happily, at least someone liked me here.

Killer watched as Danny talked with me so casually. ˝The cook likes you, you must be okay then˝

I grinned ˝you saw me fight you and stand my ground. Where's Kid?˝ - it slipped from my lips sooner than I thought.

He chuckled ˝Miss him?˝ - I looked at my food and suddenly all my appetite was lost ˝Kinda, I think he's mad at me˝

˝Probably, what did you do?˝ - he asked, sincerity in his voice. I blushed at the memory.

˝Oh I see˝ - he continued to eat. How did he eat with that thing on his head?

˝Erm what do you see?˝

˝You pushed him away˝ - he said simply. It was the truth.

˝It was too much for me. I was overwhelmed with everything and I don't know him. I can't just turn a trust switch and be okay with it˝

Killer ate in silence and I followed. ˝He's on deck. He sleeps on the deck and he's sore and grumpy. More than usual. Watch out for what you say˝

The poor thing slept outside.

Did I just sympathy him? I did miss him but still. The guilt and pain roared in my belly.

˝I don't think I have the guts to face him yet˝ - I confessed.

˝Are you scared of him or of his reaction? He seemed fond of you. I never saw something like that from him¨ - I smiled, he cared? ˝What do you do anyway's?˝

Huh? ˝Uhm, I'm a weapon smith and inventor˝ - he turned his face (cage) to me and whistled.

˝So you might be a recruit after all, and the stuff about Rayleigh?˝

˝He's my dad, haven't seen him in years.˝- now that we exchanged few words it was so easy to talk with him.

We talked some more about our hobbys and I yawned.

˝I think I'll go lay down for a bit˝ - I announced.

˝He's still out there you know˝ - he pointed out. I knew that.

˝I'll tak to him but not now,I'm still...˝

˝hurt and confused˝ - he finished.

I smiled and went back to Kid's room.

Short and cold. Don't kill me It's necessary for the story flow.

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