Tavros Nitram awoke from his usual afternoon nap to the sound of someone banging their fist hard against his hive's wooden entrance device. He lazily stood up and made his way towards the noise, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He took a few more steps towards the door but then fell flat on his face after tripping over something. Tavros turned to see what had tripped him and found that his lusus, Tinkerbull, had also been having a peaceful nap, before he was rudely awakened by your large gray foot.
"Sorry, Tinkerbull!" he apologized. Tinkerbull, clearly annoyed, fluttered upstairs. Tavros turned and whispered, "Yeah you better run, motherfucker," under his breath, which made him feel extremely empowered. Finally, Tavros opened the door and the knocking ceased. He discovered that the person making the loud banging noise was none other than one of his best friends, Jade Harley.
"Hey," she said, inviting herself in. Tavros sighed in his mind, knowing what was coming. He closed the door and took a seat on the couch beside the green eyed girl, who had already sat down. The sound of creaky, rusted springs filled the room with every move made on the couch. Most of Tavros's furniture consisted of old, broken and ugly hand me downs, which made his house look a little like the Strider's house, except a lot less awesome because everyone knew that he didn't choose to have such a drab atmosphere. Oh, also don't get him wrong. Tavros wasn't exactly friends with the Striders, he just tagged along with Jade to a party they had at some point, and then ended up going home early because he was the only one with a nine o'clock curfew. Damn you, Tinkerbull. Damn you.
"What happened this time?" Tavros asked, cutting to the chase.
"Rose just called and told me that Dave went over to her house this afternoon to talk about John! Can you believe him!?" Jade asked, completely flabbergasted at this shocking revelation.
"Uh, yes, actually, I can. I mean, he does have a crush on John," Tavros said, pointing out the obvious, "oh, and is a hobosexual."
"Homosexual," Jade corrected.
"Oh, right, sorry. I always mess up my human sexualities!" Tavros said with a laugh.
Jade let out a forced laugh, trying to humour Tavros. "What I'm saying must sound really messed up, right?"
"Well, yeah," Tavros answered honestly.
"But like, despite his sexuality, maybe I'm the exception? Or maybe if he entertained the thought?" Jade wondered aloud to Tavros, hoping for an answer to her problem.
"Yeah! I bet you totally are the exception! The odds of that are super high because you're so beautiful and kind and confident, so I strongly suggest asking him out before the dance!" Tavros said, but he was lying. He did not strongly suggest asking him out before the dance and he did not bet on Jade being the exception. The truth is that he was in love with Jade and had no idea why he was encouraging her to go after Dave. "GOD, you are SUCH an idiot!" He thought to himself.
Jade brightened up a bit. "You really think so, Tav!?" she asked.
"Totally!" he lied.
Jade smiled off into the distance for a minute with a grin on her face, but then returned to reality. "Oh, but enough about me. Tell me about who you like, Tavros!"
"Uhh…"
It is at this point that Tavros started thinking something along the lines of "MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!"
"Nobody that you'd care about, probably," he said.
"No way! I'm totally interested! C'mon, lay it on me!" she insisted.
"It's uhhh….ummmm…" Jade tilted her head in anticipation for Tavros's answer. "Vriska! Yeah, haha, that's who it is, Vriska!"
For a moment there was silence but then Jade shattered it by saying, "Are you shitting me?"
"wHAT!?" Tavros asked, knowing exactly what the problem was.
"SHE LITERALLY HANGS YOU BY YOUR HORNS AND USES YOU AS A PUNCHING BAG WHENEVER SHE'S IN A BAD MOOD HOW THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A THING FOR HER!? LIKE THAT'S NOT EVEN KISMESIS WORTHY SHE'S JUST A BITCH!"
Tavros whimpered a bit in fear. Jade looked timid and was really nice most of the time but she could be REALLY scary. "pleasedonthurtme," he said really quickly, shielding himself from any possible oncoming attacks.
Jade calmed herself down and sighed. "Whatever. Who am I to judge? I'm have a crush on gay boy, heheh," she laughed lamely.
"Yeah, heheh," tavros laughed in return, which increased the awkwardness in the room. That was his talent.
"Well anyway, I think I'm gonna follow your advice," Jade said, heading for the door, "I am going to ask Dave to the Valentine's Day Dance! I'll probably do it tomorrow sometime, though, because it's getting pretty late."
"Yeah, hehe! You go girl!" Tavros said in his usual stuttery, insecure voice as he followed Jade and opened the door for her.
Jade was about to leave when she turned to Tavros, a sincere look filling her green eyes, adding a certain glow to her entire aura. "Thank you so much, Tavros."
Tavros blushed as he was a little taken aback by her seriousness. "D-Don't mention it!" he replied, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.
Jade blushed as well, gave a little smile and then was off. Tavros shut the door and sighed. "Way to blow it, Tavros. You've really done it this time," he muttered to himself.
"I think that someone's got a motherfuckin hard on for a certain Harley human. HONK."
Tavros let out an extremely girly scream and almost fell over again. "TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT BUT I HAVE NOTHING OF VALUE SO I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD BUT JUST DON'T HURT MEEEEEE!" Tavros felt a hand gently pat his shoulder and he gathered the courage to see who this intruder was, exactly.
"Hey there, Tavbro." Gamzee Makara, one of Tavros's other best friends (and definitely most rad bro ever), had somehow entered his hive undetected.
"Gamzee!? How did you?" Tavros didn't bother finishing his sentence because he noticed that the window opposite to the door had been opened. "Oh," Tavros exclaimed. "Wait, wasn't that locked? How did you open it!?" Tavros asked.
"Miracles, bro." :o)
"Haha" }:)
Angry cow noises could be heard from upstairs, which Tavros translated into "KEEP IT THE FUCK DOWN."
They both ignored the mooing, and Tavros continued, asking, "No but seriously how did you do that?"
"I googled 'how to unlock a motherfuckin window'," Gamzee replied.
Tavros laughed the hardest he had in a long time while Gamzee honked away. "Bro, that was motherfuckin hard to watch," Gamzee said.
"Yeah...I know. I just got nervous and said all the wrong things and ahhh!"
"It's all cool, bro! I'm sure she'll come around eventually! Miss Harley will see what a badass you are and be slobberin all over your sweet ass. To be honest, anybody would be the motherfuckin luckiest motherfucker in the world if they got the chance to mack on those luscious Nitram lips" Gamzee said, trying to encourage his pal.
"Wow, thanks Gamzee!" Tavros said, completely oblivious that Gamzee was totally hitting on him just now. Little did he know that Gamzee had created a cardboard cutout of Tavros so that he could play "Pin the Horn on the Nitram" whenever he was bored. The game consisted of taping one of Gamzee's spare horns to the cutouts crotch. That's not weird, right?
Yeah.
Right.
Totally not weird.
At least Gamzee didn't think so.
In fact he thought it was quite…
Miraculous
:o)
HONK.