A year had passed since he had departed, a year away from his master; an entire year away from the man he had created a contract with. No being could comprehend the pain that this year had caused him; at first it hadn't been too difficult to be so far away from his master. The seal placed upon his hand had not caused him much pain at first, only a minor tingling sensation. He knew the young man was calling for him, probably wandering around the estate angrily yelling out the demon's name. He had felt a hint of amusement in picturing his master so frustrated and annoyed, but still sadness came when he thought about being away from the man. The tingling had ceased leaving him once more feeling empty; the time that he felt nothing was the time he had gotten to try and distance himself emotionally. He had gone as far away as the contract would allow him to go, there really was very little for a demon bounded by chains to do when left to his own devices. He thought about the years he had lived, he had existed since the beginning of time; he had been one of the first to be cast from Heaven's beautiful grace. He had fought in battles, in wars, he had slaughtered masses for his own pleasure, and somehow he had ended here. This was the second time in his existence that a mortal being had brought him to his knees, he allowed himself many moments in that year to ponder about her. He would close his eyes and picture her beautiful face, her smile, her sad looking eyes, and do his very best to remember the feel of her warm body pressed against him. Oh how he had loved her...Oh how badly it had hurt him to find her lying there in that pool of blood; demons could feel, they simply chose not to, and for countless reasons.
The year had been difficult; many times he had considered caving in and going back to the mansion. Yes he knew the wrath that awaited him behind those gates, but he'd welcome it gladly just to be around Ciel again. Every time that his hand tingled or burned he urged to run back to the estate or to where ever his master was calling him, he urged to run to his side, and rescue him. He had the dumbest of thoughts that if he kept on ignoring the young man's desperate cries for help then he'd grow cold again. Maybe the flame burning in his chest would extinguish itself all over again, turn back to a block of ice settled in the depths of his chest. Each time the seal burned he felt the aching in his chest, until one night it burned to the point that he could hardly tolerate it. He had never felt the marking of their contract burn the way that it burned on that night, as fast and heavy as the pain had arrived it vanished just as fast. He was left feeling confused and worried, he wished that he had raced to his master's side that night. Instead he cradled his throbbing hand against his chest and pretended that he had never heard Ciel's pained call.
One year had passed, near the end of that year there were no more calls. No more calls after that last painful one; that was the reason he had to return to Phantomhive manor, because a pain in his chest and a morbid memory in his mind told him that he had to return to his old home and to the man he longed for.
That was why he now stood at the gates of the manor, running his fingers absentmindedly over the top of the hand with the seal placed upon it. He feared what he could find inside of the mansion, he feared so many things, because he knew whatever negative facts he discovered would be his doing. Any bad things that had taken place in the past year were his fault, because he had to be selfish and ignore the desperate calls of help from his master, from the man that he longed to hold and to love.
Demons could feel, they could love, they could hurt, and they could cry; they were after all creatures that at one time had been angels, creatures graced in beauty and light who had been cast from Heaven because of their unholy desires and longing for freedom and destruction. Demons could feel, but that didn't mean that they wanted to.
Sebastian Michaelis could feel even though he was far from wanting to.