Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and even just read. I keep taking on too much, will try and get the last few Stories finished soon. A xx
FIRE - By Atheniandream
CHAPTER 3
With our eyes wide open we...
So this is the end of the story
Everything we had, everything we did
Is buried in dust
And this dust is all that's left of us
And only a few ever worried
While the signs will clear
They have no idea
You just get used to living in fear
Or give up
When you can't even picture your future
We walk the plank with our eyes wide open... ~ 'Eyes Wide Open' - Gotye
"I was hoping you'd stay."
The words reverberate in her brain; echoing in an apartment that seems too large all of a sudden. He's staring at her; poised, open and it's occurs to her that he's completely serious. They are hardly ever serious with each other when it comes to them, and yet here he is dealing it out in spades.
"I..." She says, her mouth falling open.
He immediately senses the reservation in her face; the slight twitch of doubt in the back of her head.
"Donna," He breathes...
"I think we should... take things slow..."
"What?"
"Harvey," She sighs, straightening in her heels. "We don't even know what's going on... me staying isn't going to change that."
"Then we'll...talk. We'll talk about it." He says, his expression solid.
"I need time to think," She says, backing away by a hair's breath.
"No, when you get time, you bail. I propose the opposite of thinking."
She smiles then.
There is something adorable about his begging.
It's a 'Harvey' version of begging, but begging nonetheless.
"I think we should be smart. I'm... gonna go home. We'll talk tomorrow?" She asks, her eyes soft.
His jaw sets then. "Donna," He protests, shaking his head at her as he closes those last few inches.
"Harvey. You're not thinking with your head right now," She says; trying to resist as he pulls at his shirt for her to come closer. She obeys in end; she has a feeling she probably always will.
"I'm thinking with a head." He jokes, the growl in his chest offsetting the comment as his lips ghost her neck.
"And that's the problem." She says, their eyes finding each others she pulls her coat on over his shirt, moving to pick up her things.
He follows her to the elevator, leaning against the wall opposite. She walks to him, watching how he stands, the anticipation of her actions in his features. She leans close and kisses him on the cheek; feeling his hands hold her waist as hers linger on his slightly rough cheek.
"Goodnight Harvey." She says, before getting in the elevator.
"Goodnight Donna."
It's a slow and quiet ride in the cab; watching Manhattan drift into Downtown as Bellhops are replaced by undercover Hookers and deal-makers. It's amazing how much of a divide there is in the city between where they both live; Harvey in his ivory tower and her in the humble quaint apartment.
She waits for the cab to slow, before paying the cabdriver and half inching out onto the sidewalk; her dress and bra now folded in a neat square in her hands.
"Late night?"
When she zeros in on her door, and the distinct voice, she sees Stephen standing with a bunch of red roses in a tuxedo.
It's like the gods are just laughing down at her. She sighs.
"That's not apology; that's a booty call." She remarks harshly, pointing at the bouquet in his hands.
"I promise...It's the former, rather than the latter. Although I'm not adverse to the idea," He says, a tight smile on his lips.
"You been out tonight?" She asks, indicating to the tuxedo.
"No. I just thought it'd make a better statement if I wore the tux. Otherwise I'm just guy holding roses."
She rolls her eyes at that. It's typical. Typical of her life to have this all happen in one day. The Universe is against her and she's poignantly aware of the fact.
"We said it was only going to be six weeks. 'Just some fun'. Had you not lied to me, we could have had those six weeks."
"I know, I'm sorry. And you're right. I did try and get back at Harvey. But...then I realised how much the fun that I was having was because of you, and not because I was getting back at him."
"You're about a day late on that revelation, Stephen." She says. If only he knew...
"Can't we just start over?" He asks. She can see how genuine the question is. The sex was great and new in her life. It's tempting.
"How? You're not staying in New York, and as much as the many theatres tempt me, there is far too much rain in London..."
"We're good together. And I could...stay. Maybe. If I had a reason to,"
"I don't want to be the reason."
"It would be so easy for you to be..." He says, his sultry English manner flowing out of him.
She couldn't help it, it rose her ire. She was going to hell.
"I need some time to think about it. If we're going to start over, then we're going to start from the beginning."
"As in dates? I'm a master at dating." He says, holding out the bouquet. "And you've already tested the merchandise so," He says with a grin.
She laughs, lightly, finally taking the roses. "Why when you say it like that does it sound perverted?" She asks, frowning slightly.
"Don't blame me just because your mind's in the gutter, Ms Paulsen."
She smiles softly. They were good together. "Goodnight Stephen." She says quietly, moving to pass him. He stops just in front of the door. She pauses, waiting for him to decide what he's doing. Slowly he moves in, leaning straighter to kiss her on the cheek. It's chaste, and she's not adverse to it.
"Goodnight Donna." He says, before walking past her. She turns, watching him walk down the street; and wonders where he's going.
It's then she realises,
She's not in trouble,
She's in deep shit.
It's something that occurs to her as she's dressing for work. She doesn't feel the need to look particularly beautiful. With Stephen she found herself wearing new dresses, with plunging back and necklines. But with Harvey... somehow now it seems pointless; and even more than that if she walks into the office wearing Cavalli; not only will Harvey wonder what's going on; but also Stephen would be on her like a rash.
She doesn't want a target on her back after all...
So instead, she dresses modestly, in a light grey skirt and black ruched top; and abates the urge to wear her louboutins; until something in her kicks against it all and she throws them on anyway.
Come hell or high water heels are the way to go...
She ignores the red roses on her dressing table as she picks up her bag to leave.
When she gets to the office, Mike is waiting with another 'I'm sorry' specialised beverage of choice; except this time his face isn't saying sorry.
"Morning Michael," She says carefully, eyeing him as he straightens against her cubicle with a purpose..
"Morning Donna," He says, the open-endedness in his words making her suspicious. "How was your evening?" He asks, an almost insubordinate questioning on his face.
"Let me guess," She sighs. "Rachel?"
"I know nothing... Unless there's something I should know...?" He says.
Unfortuntely he's not quite mastered 'coy'...
"Cut the crap. If you don't tell me what she told you I'll revoke ALL your privileges."
"I have privileges?" He asks, his nose crinkling.
"Mike," She warns, letting the warmth of the mocha slide down her throat with an indulgence.
"She told me everything." He says finally.
"Everything Everything?" She asks, eyes wide.
"Everything Everything."
"Everything, What?"
They both jump at the distinct sound of his voice as Harvey appears behind them; his face cautious as the morning paper hangs in his hands.
"Nothing. I'll uh...leave you two." Mike says pointedly, watching Donna's eyes grow wider as he saunters past, ignoring the look Harvey gives him.
She swallows heavily as he watches her. There is a difference with them. Something bubbling and easy under the surface. It reminds her of when they first met, full of fire and challenge and ease that isn't there anymore.
"Where's mine?" He asks, pointing to her drink.
"Mike bought me this. One of his many 'apology' beverages." She says proudly.
"Where's mine?" He repeats.
"You need no apology." She says, popping a hip. He ignores her, rolling his eyes as he takes the mocha out of her hands and takes a sip.
"Hey. It says 'Donna' on that cup!" She says irritably.
He nods in agreement, taking the opportunity to analyse the flavour. She sighs, watching him, as he places the coffee back into her hand, licking his lips deliberately.
"It's...not bad." He says, watching her.
She's not sure about the shiver running down her back. It makes her uneasy.
"It's delicious and you know it." She chides.
When he moves to take the cup again she moves away, frowning. "Get your own, Specter."
"Isn't my assistant supposed to do that?" There is a playfulness in his eyes, verging on a challenge.
"Your 'assistant' is already doing more than she's required to do. Maybe you should lay off of her?"
"Maybe I like laying on her," His jaw hardens as a smirk creeps into his features.
"Harvey..." She warns, her eyes darting around self consciously to the people passing them.
"What?" He shrugs, feigning ignorance.
"Alright Mister, I'm revoking your cubicle privileges. Get out of my office. Now!" She says, eyes wide, pointing at him as she then places her cup next to her computer with a huff.
He grins, wandering into his office.
She lets out a sigh, and finally sits at her desk.
"Donna?" He asks through the intercom.
"He's on his way."
"Thank you."
The rest of the afternoon is met with the usual gambit of jobs; filing, farming calls, deterring Norma from getting into Harvey's office and all with Mike and Harvey darting out of the office periodically to develop more strategy on the Hessington Oil case. Since Harvey kicked Stephen off of the case, Stephen had very wisely kept his distance of Harvey's fraying temper; and whatever words they had had, Donna was still not completely aware of.
She's pretty sure she can guess along what kind of things have been said; but the fact that for the first time she's the only one not in the know is a frustration; especially when it considers her.
And that, she's sure of.
"Well, if it isn't my favourite assistant."
She internally sighs, as she looks up to glassy greeny blues and a self satisfied smirk.
"'Executive' assistant. And did you forget what I said about work? This is Harvey's office, you're on enemy territory; I will not be held responsible for what happens if he finds you here."
"There's something so 'Romeo and Juliet' about that. I like the challenge." He says, smiling at her.
She knows what he's doing. He's playing with fire. "Stephen, I said I needed time," She warns.
"I know that. But... I miss you."
"Miss the sex, you mean?"
"No. I told you... I like you. As a person. As rare as it is to find that in a woman as beautiful as you."
"Stop it," She says, her eyes surveying the hall.
"Have dinner with me." He presses, leaning slightly over the top of her desk.
"I..." She falters, thoughts cramming up her head space.
"Just dinner." He says, simply.
"Stephen...I," She smiles, completely at a loss.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
The voice comes out of nowhere, until her eyes zero in on Harvey, looking severe but contained with Mike in tow. Mike's face is priceless, like he's watching a snake tackle a cute little mouse. She'd comment on it if the alarm bells of danger weren't ringing vibrantly in her head.
"Nothing. He's just leaving. Right, Stephen...?" She jumps in, trying to neutralize the situation.
"Of course. Donna," He says, his eyes saying 'I'll call you'.
She watches Harvey, who doesn't miss the look, watch his counterpart walk all the way down the hall, until his eyes flash back to hers.
And he is not happy.
"Mike. I need to talk to Donna. I trust that you can finish off the paperwork?" He says, his eyes still locked with hers.
"Of course." Mike says, tempering the alarm in his voice at their sudden change of plan. He seems happy to be out of it, taking the file from Harvey quicker than she's ever seen and disappearing in a flash. Probably stopping off at Rachel's office on the way...
"Donna. My office. Now." He says, marching through the door.
She presses 'divert to answerphone' on her phone, slowly rising from her seat. It's like a meeting with the headmaster over toilet papering his car all over again... If she'd have slept with her headmaster, that is.
She closes the door.
"You didn't break it off with him, did you?" He accuses, firing of immediately. This was the reaction she'd been waiting for since everything began. She was unsure why she'd welcomed it in the first place.
"Yes, I did. I told him everything. He's just not... in agreement with the decision." She says, carefully.
"About us...?" He asks. "Donna, did you tell him what happened between us?" He repeats, watching her every move.
She can't lie to him. He already knows the answer anyway. He shakes his head walking around his desk.
"If I told him, he'd tell Darby; do you really want that in the mix, too?"
"Bullshit. You have feelings for him, don't you?" He says, the weight of his words sharpen her, her back becoming ramrod straight.
"Harvey,"
"He doesn't even know, does he? That anything's changed? Because it hasn't." He says, almost throwing the words at her.
"Harvey. I haven't... we haven't done anything since you and I..."
"That doesn't make a difference; Donna. Your head's the problem. I can't believe you..." He whips around then, his temper flaring only causing her to unravel hers.
"Harvey...what do you expect, huh? You know I've been having...an affair, of sorts with him. You knew that and you still came after me."
"You could have said no," He fires at her.
"I can't ever say 'No' to you, Harvey. Don't you know that by now?"
"And what, that's supposed to be an excuse? A silver lining? What do you want?" He asks.
"I..." She stumbles on the answer.
"Donna. What do you want? You need to decide now..."
"I want what I told him I wanted. What I told you I wanted from the beginning. Time. To figure things out. Neither is choice I can make lightly,"
"You shouldn't even have to think about it..." He says, the words raw as his shoulders set.
"Harvey I... that maybe be so in a perfect world. But on one hand I have a guy who just happens to have fallen for me whilst trying to get back at his Ex's ex. He screwed up, but he appears to want something that's actually feasible. And then on the other hand, I have you... my Boss, of eleven, nearly twelve years; a Boss that I have watched bed more women than Hefner and never had a bad word to say about it, might I add. And to make things worse you suddenly change everything; the entire playing field, so much so that now we only have two options; move forward into the chaos where I work with you and for you and yes, my life pretty much revolves around you anyway so why not just lump sex into it; or I have the option to just... stand still... for a second, out of the chaos and be objective about things. Which do think is the best choice to make?" She can't help as the sarcasm props up her words.
He sighs heavily.
She's right. It's not pretty, but she's right. He reluctantly swallows the fact.
"Do you really see a future with that guy?" He asks.
"I don't...I don't think so, but... we had something, Harvey. And I can't ignore that."
"What about what we have?"
"Harvey,"
"At least when I was having casual sex with all those women, I knew the difference. Like I know the difference now. You need to decide."
It throws her. It's the things that he alludes to that catch her off guard the most. The half-feelings and suggestions of more. For a second she's warm and tingly inside. But he can't see that. All he can see is her standing, expressionless in the middle of his office.
He's done then; she can see it in his gait, that finality. The conversation is over.
She never usually challenges it...
"Harvey." She protests, moving towards him.
"Don't 'Harvey' me. Decide, Donna. I won't wait forever, and you're right,"
"What?" She asks.
"...we can't go back now."
Rock,
Her...
Hard Choice...