Notes: I started writing this before 'She's Mine' Aired. It put a slight halt on the plot, but hopefully it still runs.
FIRE - By Atheniandream
CHAPTER 4
'My love
Come home to me
Just for a while
I'll leave this
Why can't you stay?
Don't run away,
Don't slip away my dear,' ~ 'The Fall' By Rhye
"...we can't go back now."
The words hang in the air around her bed; thick and scratching at every nerve in her body. She huffs, turning roughly on her side as her eyes wince at her bedside clock through her thick red hair.
Was she the only one in the world who thought that the choice was a hard one?
Harvey seemed to think it was simple. In some ways it was. What they had… could still have was unique; lopsidedly 'them' in a nutshell, perfectly formed. From the day they'd met they'd stuck together like glue; ripping in and out of each other's lives like they were formed out of the corresponding velcro.
But things had changed. Harvey had changed. She worried that she was the only one who hadn't.
He had been so light, so open and eager for the world when they'd first fallen into each others lives; they'd worked so perfectly together that neither had the time to even blink. But there had been moments, moments where he'd look at her, eager to get into her head and figure out her secrets just to know her better. He was arrogant, even back then, but had been softer somehow, naive, self effacing, honest. She wondered, if all of these years it hadn't been his mother that had ruined him,
It had been her...
Had they continued on that path; would she have been another forgotten casualty? Another woman to warm his sheets in the night to be forgotten months after?
She would never apologise for herself. She was who she was and he knew that.
But regret,
Regret wasn't so easy to disregard.
And the only way to stop the regret,
Would be to talk about it.
Regardless of the hour...
"I don't know how to say it, so I'm just gonna come out and say it: I don't wanna lose you...come work for me."
"What?" She frowned.
"Don't go to Scadden, I took a job at my old firm…" "I was hoping you'd be happy?"
She knocks on the hardwood; shuffling as she hugs her coat around herself.
She hears the padding of feet down the hall and curses his complete lack of momentum.
When the door opens, there's already a lopsided smirk waiting for her. He starts to smile, until he spies the pyjamas poking out from under her coat.
"Are we having a sleepover?" He asks, amused at the state of her; her ruffled hair around her face and make up smudged eyes staring back out at him.
"Can I come in?" She asks.
"It's 3.30 in the morning, Donna?" He points out, stifling a yawn.
"You can tell time; so cute." Her face falls immediately after her retort. "I need to talk to you."
"Couldn't this wait until the morning?"
"Don't you think we've aired out enough of our dirty laundry at the office?" She says, shuffling once more.
He turns around, walking back down the hall as she shuts the door behind them, following him into the kitchen as he flicks on the coffee maker, before turning back around to face her.
"So, what's on your mind?" He asks, leaning against the white kitchen counter.
"Okay. This is...not easy for me to say…"
"Is this about Stephen?" He blurts out onto the kitchen cabinets, placing his cup on the counter with a heavy clank.
"No Harvey," She fires, her eyes sharpening. "This isn't about him, this is about us…geez." She huffs, looking away from him at the sheer audacity of it all.
"Sorry." He says quietly, waiting for her to continue.
"I know I said that we should never talk about it,"
"The Other time?" He offers. It's the only thing they don't talk about...
"Yeah. But… it's sticking in my head like broken goddamned record..." She says, shaking her head.
"What about it?"
Her face contorts; holding the surface of emotion from escaping out of her eyes. "When you asked me to meet you; at the diner that morning, I…" She pauses.
"What?" He frowns, moving off of the counter.
She sighs. There is no right way to say it. "I thought that you wanted to be with me."
"Donna I,-" He starts, but she interrupts before he can elaborate.
"Just let me… finish, okay? I," She stops for a moment, levelling her expression. "I thought that you had asked me there, because you wanted us to…to be together… like normal people. And then it wasn't about that, and you know I love my job. I do, and I don't regret accepting your offer, but. We did everything backwards, Harvey. For a second, when I realised what you weren't offering it just… it broke me. For a second. I came to the firm because you wanted me to. But I would have been happier...if you had just wanted to be with me."
She feels empty when she finishes, like she's just regurgitated ten years of unsaid things. His face falls for a second until he looks her in the eye.
"Donna. I know I screwed that up. I should have thought about things before, but... I never thought for a second that you would actually keep to the damn rule! And especially not break it for some guy you just met..."
"Harvey…you know why I had it," She warns.
"I thought we were better than it. Was he better than it?" He asks, bare accusal lacing his words.
"Harvey, you know I," Shakes her head, chewing on her lip. It's the thorn in his side still...
"I can't take back going to your apartment...and I won't." He says, a weight to his words.
"It's not enough Harvey," She says, moving the weight between her feet in frustration.
He bows his head, a second worth of thought, before he skirts the breakfast bar to stand in front of her.
"You know what I told Jessica?"
"What?" She asks finally looking up at him where her attention is caught by his unruly hair.
"I told her I wouldn't take the job unless I could bring you with me." He says; his brown eyes staring out at her; solid and steady.
"It's still not enough…" She admits sadly, the tears sliding ever so slightly, encased by lashes and a frown.
He steps closer then, their feet almost touching.
"Ten years ago...I was crazy about you. I was six years ago; five years ago. And I'm crazy about you now, Donna."
She looks at him, her eyes blinking slowly as he stares back at her, waiting.
She suddenly wonders if he's always been waiting...
"Well couldn't you have just told me that… ten years ago?" She says limply, her hands flapping in frustration as a smile grows slowly on her face.
He smiles too, despite her conflicted outburst. "Really, would it have been better if I had? At least," He says, moving closer to her; her eyes watching his every move as his fingers play with edges of her silk camisole. "If we screw it up now; we've had ten years of a good run... right?." He says, watching her.
"If we screw it up, we lose everything, Harvey. I want to keep it all." She says, the seriousness not lost on him.
She's always been the rational one. They both know it.
"Then it's time for another condition." He says, standing tall despite the hour.
"You really think that's wise?" She eyes him, unsure.
"I think it'll help you. The condition is, that if it doesn't work out; we remain friends; we remember that work is important to us both and we work out how to make it work, like we did before."
"Since when did you become the accommodating one in the relationship?" She smirks tiredly at him.
"I've been listening to you for over ten years, Donna…you rub off on people." He says tenderly, his hands resting on her hips as he pulls her into him. "So...is this you... choosing?" There is an odd shyness in his question that he really gives away any more.
"If I say no, does that mean you're gonna kick me out?" She asks carefully. She's aware that she's dancing on his nerve, but it's important to her. Important not to jump in to anything on either side. She's aware that it's her problem, not his.
"Just say what you mean, Donna." He says bluntly.
"I just mean...that I want you hold me. And I want to sleep in that god awful bed that's housed so many women." She says, her nose crinkling at her knowledge of his conquests. She never did approve.
His smile falls, but his resolve remains steady as he questions her.
"You can't keep him on retainer. It either works with us or it doesn't." He warns.
"I know. But maybe… we should just… take a few days, see how the both sides of the land lie together?" She says, her hands resting on his forearms.
"Is that a euphemism?" He asks, smirking at her.
She is not amused and he still doesn't get it.
"We've screwed at work, Harvey; it's not like we can make it this worse for ourselves, But," The word lingers, the options of everything going to shit run through her head at double speed.
"I like that you're going with the positive approach," He remarks, his hands moving around her back, finally allowing him to pull her flush to him as he kisses down the column of her throat.
"Well, something's positive." She says, waiting for him to question the smarmy look on her face. He ignores it, his hand flattening just above her ass as it encourages pyjama flannel out of the way, pushing them even closer together.
"Now that's gotta be a euphemism," He growls slightly in reply as she leans back in a peel of laughter.
"You're smart? Did anyone ever tell you that?" She offers, smiling then.
"It may have come up once or twice…" He says kissing her shoulder.
"Bad'um-tish." She half-jokes.
"Stop. I'm trying to have a moment here?" He says, a mock-frown on his amused face.
"Sorry. Continue."
With that, he sweeps her up, making a spontaneous giggle rise in her throat as he carries her through to his bedroom, placing her on the mattress as it bends against their collective weight.
The phone ringing has them both huffing as Harvey picks it up, shaking his head at the caller i.d.
"Mike, it's nearly four in the morning." He says, irritably, his hand on his hip as the other cradles the phone.
She can tell as she watches him, that something's caught his attention. Something big. He retreats from her slightly as he nods into the phone. It worries her. "Get in for seven thirty." He commands, ending the call.
As she stares at him, waiting for him to look at her. It occurs that it's not good news for them.
"What is it?" She asks, the look on her face expecting an answer.
"Donna, I," He stumbles, his jaw setting.
"Harvey… tell me." She demands.
"Donna?" He questions. His look unnerves her more, any sudden urge she has painting the air grey.
"Tell me now."
"We know why Stephen is so interested in Ava's case," He finally says, deadpan.
"Why?" She frowns, waiting.
He sighs, rubbing his face.
"Ava didn't order those murders. Stephen did."
Suddenly the world fell into disarray, the blocks around them tumbling down.
And like that, her world became so simple, and yet so very complicated.
It's only a little Chapter because cliff hang seemed pretty good there. This fantastic show has stumped me on this fic. I shall keep a'working on it.