He spent the night making love to him; he explored every inch of flesh, this was the body, and the voice he wanted to memorize for the rest of his eternity. He wanted these passionate moans and rapturous calls of his names falling from swollen lips, he needed this voice this sound to haunt his mind until the end of times. He wanted the feel of his hot sweat soaked flesh to be the last thing he ever felt in his lifetime; he wanted much more of him than he had so many years ago. So many years...So many years these feelings had grown, had angered and confused him; feelings that had caused him to flee from the young man's side. Feelings that no immortal being should feel; every angel, demon, and Death God he had met in his entirety never felt pure love. Merely lust and attraction, feelings that could come and go, but never stay for long. This was love, this was the feeling they all mocked because for their types it was a thing that just did not exist and yet he was feeling it. He felt it strongly; he felt it in ways that terrified him beyond words. At the end of each session he would hold the younger man, hold the man whose soul he owned; he would hold him in such a protective way as if every being on this dreaded Earth dared to steal away his love.
"How long have you wanted me like this?" His master asked as he stared up at the older man just barely able to make him out in the dimly lit room.
Sebastian's fingers ran through his damp hair pushing it out of his face.
"For longer than you could ever know my Lord."
Ciel gave the smallest of smiles, he nuzzled against the palm of the demon's hand.
"You still left, tell me why you left."
"You would never understand or believe me."
The blue eyed man moved so that he now sat atop the demon, his hands placed upon his chest. Sebastian wondered if the mortal could feel his heart pounding against his chest in this moment; to everything in Heaven and Hell he was gorgeous. The way the moon light shone on his pale skin, the way his mismatched eyes glowed in the darkness of the room, and that saddening question in the forefront of his mind.
"I don't believe much you have to say anyway, so what difference would it make now?" He asked tilting his head to the side as he continued to gaze down at his servant
Sebastian absentmindedly rubbed his fingers against the younger man's hips, to lie was horrible; to tell the truth was worse. For a creature of his kind to be against lying was a joke, demons lied nearly as much as humans. What was the truth and what was a lie? Both could crush or create a life, he had never had the slightest of problem with either. Only ever since the contract with Ciel did he swear to not tell a lie, but lately he could only dance around the truth.
"I want so much more from you than your soul my Lord. Your body, your mind...Your heart." He whispered as he lightly ran his fingertips from the man's cheek down to his chest resting his hand over the place of his heart.
He could feel it, could hear it, and how it was quickening; did he sense it? Couldn't he sense it in the way Sebastian had touched him, had made love to him? Love the word appeared far too often lately and it felt as if it were a curse, a curse that could kill any immortal being.
"What are you saying?"
Sebastian sat up, he wrapped an arm around Ciel's waist holding his body firmly against his own. His breathing quickened as his body pressed against the demon's, such reactions; was it all merely pent up lust for an obedient dog or was it love?
"Say my name, please I must hear it."
A shudder passed through Ciel's body at the urgency in the demon's voice.
"Sebastian, Sebastian"
He repeated the name over and over, his eyes never leaving the servant's; he wrapped his arms around the older man's neck holding onto him.
"I fear the day when I must kill you."
"Why?"
Sebastian buried his face in the crook of his master's neck, couldn't he keep this moment for a lifetime? It pained him to think any day this could end, any day the body he held so closely would be nothing more than another corpse to the pile. In this moment his own existence sickened him to his core, what was this feeling doing to him?
"I don't wish to lose you my Lord, you mean so much to me; more than you're willing to accept or to admit, do I mean as much to you?" He asked pulling away to meet the other man's eyes.
He silently begged for the younger man to know where this was heading.
"Foolish demon, don't tell me you're turning human on me." He said with a teasing smirk.
Sebastian didn't respond, he let the silence grow between them and neither male seemed to mind it much. They kissed and touched like they had been doing all night, if it meant he could keep him forever he would be willing to become a mortal man. Oh how lonely Hell could be.
"Remember when I couldn't touch you without you becoming scared or angry, you used to be so closed up, and scared."
"One tends to fear the touch of another man when you've suffered what I have." Ciel replied looking away from the demon.
Sebastian traced his index finger over the scar, so many scars...
"I've never meant you any harm my Lord, my only purpose has ever been to protect you and to rescue you."
It used to hurt him when he'd go to console or simply touch Ciel and the then young boy would lash out at him. The hate and disgust in that big blue eye, how hard he would hit him, and how loudly he would scream at him. He used to not understand why it had hurt to be rejected by this mortal being, why it shocked him to be hit by a weak child, but now he understood it. To be hurt and considered dangerous by one you were willing to give your life for often hurts you deeply.
"I never knew that, I never figured it mattered much when I'd hit you. Does it matter?" He asked curiously.
"Yes" He replied simply
Ciel caressed the demon's cheek, he kissed him gently.
"Stay with me until morning."
"Are you sure my Lord?"
"Don't make me order such a silly thing." The younger man said smirking.
Sebastian lay down on the bed with Ciel pressed against his side, he kept an arm wrapped protectively around the younger man's waist. The word love hung heavy in his mind and it swelled inside of his aching heart, a word he wished to whisper; to speak out loud in order to give it a real purpose in this world. He wished to speak it to the man who made him feel it, the first being to make him feel it for many lifetimes now; would he even comprehend how important the word was to come from such a creature as Sebastian or would he throw it away?
He closed his eyes sighing heavily, Ciel's head rest upon the demons' chest; could he hear his heart racing? Could he hear the frantic melody it played for him, because of him and him only?
Would he ever care?
"Promise to never leave my side, not again; I don't think I could handle it a third time."
"I swear I will remain by your side for eternity my Lord."
The younger man gave a sad little laugh, he curled his fingers against the other man's chest.
"Not eternity...You will remain loyal to me until the time comes to take what I owe you. You will devour my soul, make me feel the pain of living and dying; torture me for any humiliation and pain I have caused you in these pitiful times you have been forced to play this part."
The words caused him to ache, the man in him hated those words, but the demon only hungered and lusted further at hearing them. He held him closer knowing full well that the mortal in his arms hadn't the slightest clue of the war waging inside of Sebastian's mind. A war that would most likely only end in tragedy.
"Yes...My Lord"