He knew that his master was upset with him as well as embarrassed about the events the night before. He felt they should talk about what had occurred, he still worried that the younger male wanted to cause harm to himself. He hardly realized how much more closely he watched and followed Ciel through out the day, they both knew the reason why. He didn't want to see him physically harmed ever again, even by his own hand; he just wasn't quite sure how to handle a situation like this. He had come across many suicide victims and people hell bent on self destruction, but as a demon he wasn't exactly prone to stop them. It aggravated him seeing the man he loved being this way, wanting to hurt himself, because Sebastian wouldn't do it for him. He felt that anything he could say would only make it worse, he hadn't the slightest clue how to make things better. It seemed not very long ago that he desperately craved Ciel's misery, he wanted him to be in mental pain; he wanted him to ache and hate as much as a human possibly could. Even now the demon, the killer, and beast within himself craved it but that part of him that was ever slowly feeling more and more human made him want to take away the pain. He knew death would take away the pain, but he couldn't any longer tolerate the idea of his master dying. He wouldn't lose another person to ignorance or hunger, he didn't want to lose Ciel no matter how much the younger man fought against him.

After night fall Ciel requested the butler accompany him outside and through the garden. It was an odd request, especially considering how late the time was, but he knew that when they were alone after dark then they could speak to each other more freely.

As they walked they walked in silence, they came to a bench in the center of the garden; Ciel took a seat and gestured for the demon to sit next to him.

"Why did you want to come out here?" Sebastian asked breaking the silence, his voice was quiet as if speaking above a whisper somebody may hear him.

"I get tired of being inside, this is a change, and I need to talk with you."

"About what my Lord?"

"Last night was something I did not wish for you to witness to begin with."

He knew the other man was embarrassed, he had been in a state that was odd for him.

"Secondly I want to know why you denied an order."

"You were drunk and you would have regretted such a foolish decision."

"Damn it! It isn't for you to decide, I own you until our deal is done. I told you to take my life, my mind hasn't changed."

Sebastian had a difficult time looking at him, seeing the pain in his eye.

"I can't go through with it, even if it means going against our contract."

"Stupid bastard, why is it everybody has to deny me happiness?"

"I more than anyone in this dreadful realm wish to see you happy."

The demon gently brushed his fingers against the blue eyed man's cheek, he would do anything to see him smile. Not in a million lifetimes could he imagine wishing to see this mortal man happy, but how he wished for it now.

"Then kill me" He said meeting the demon's eyes.

For the first time since her death he felt as if he could cry, he felt a tightening in his chest. He moved closer to the earl, he placed a hand on the back of his neck his fingers rubbing over his skin. He pressed his lips against Ciel's kissing him gently.

"I can't, forgive me"

Ciel leaned against the demon resting his head against his shoulder, Sebastian wrapped an arm around him holding his body close to his own. He placed a kiss against the top of the younger man's head.

"Tell me more about her, the woman before me."

Sebastian let out a heavy sigh.

"Are you sure?"

"Is it that painful for you?" He asked curiously

"Her name was Madeline; believe it or not I was much younger then, many years before your time. I was in the country with a fleet of other demons, there was a war and we were raising Hell. Back then I didn't make contracts, I hunted, stalked, tortured, and killed; she caught my interest. A beautiful young woman who lived in a small cottage, she seemed so fragile like even a touch would break her. Something while I stalked her changed, the more I saw of her even from afar the more I felt something for her. I became stupid and she caught me, surprisingly enough we talked; she found me charming and handsome. I found her hypnotic and fascinating, she even found out what I truly was and she still cared for me. I spent a long time by her side, I told her I would never allow harm to come her way, but I was young and being young I was stupid. I left her side to go join some others, we were raiding a village to feed and steal, when I returned I found her dead. Some men had broken in, found her a woman alone, over powered her, and murdered her. I promised I wouldn't let anybody harm her, I swore I wouldn't give a damn about anybody after her."

The images would never leave his mind, he could remember her so vividly; vividly enough that it brought him pain to think of her. He felt Ciel's breath against the side of his neck, his lips brushing against his skin.

"I'm sorry, it isn't your fault she died though."

"I keep telling myself that, but with what's happened with you I keep thinking I could have prevented both situations."

"I'm still here, our situation is much different than what you had with her."

"I never wish to lose you"

Ciel pulled away and looked up at the other man.

"Loving me is dangerous, you should know better."

"I enjoy danger, you're an interesting challenge...You always have been, I've known you longer than any other mortal in this world."

Ciel smirked

"Are you really willing to be with me, it's horrible loving a human being."

Sebastian kissed him again this time with more passion, his fingers tangling in the other man's hair.

"I'm much more than willing"

"Even when I grow old and lose my looks?"

"I'm not vain, I love much more than your beauty; I would light this world on fire to make you smile. I would defy Hell and destroy Heaven, I'd even give you the moon."

The younger man gave a bit of a laugh before kissing Sebastian, his arms wrapping around the demon's neck; he pressed himself against the other man moving so that he now sat upon his lap.

"Very cliche I must say"

He removed the patch from Ciel's eye dropping it to the ground, he stared into his mismatched eyes. He loved him so deeply, every emotion involved in love was so conflicting. Loving somebody like Ciel made it all the more complicated; someone who could push him away then hold him closely, somebody who did everything to prevent his own death but then would do everything to cause it. He wanted this man, he wanted to love him, and keep him for eternity.

"I love you"

The younger man gave a sad little smile at hearing the words.

"I still don't know what I want; I think that is part of the reason I wish to die lately. At least in death there's security, living and feeling is far too difficult."

"Isn't there a way I can make living easier for you?"

Ciel kissed him softly.

"Don't leave and don't tell me what you think I wish to hear, only the truth."

There was a slight peace sitting outside in the dead of night, sitting there with the man he loved on his lap and in his arms. He could protect him like this, keep him from being hurt by every evil in the world except for the evils inside of his own mind.

"I promise, I won't ever hurt you again."

Ciel leaned against him, his head resting against the demon's chest. He wondered what it would be like if the roles were gone; if they didn't have to spend the hours of the day playing master and servant, what if they could just spend their days as lovers?

As a demon especially one in his position it was shameful to be in this situation, in love with a mortal being, but he couldn't help it. He was willing to break the social codes of demons to be with him, he needed to be by his side for as long as was possible.