Disclaimer: I do not own Eyeshield 21.

Short Pass: Idiot

Even Idiots have survival instincts.

Taki was continually amazed at how much the gods favored him.

Ok, so he dropped out of school and then got lost for several weeks in America trying to find the Armadillo try-outs. But he found them, didn't he?

Ok, so no one was really impressed with his skills, he failed the pro test, and his sister followed him and yelled at him and skated on his head. Which hurt. But then he got invited to join the Deimon Devil Bats, didn't he?

Ok, so joining the Deimon Devil Bats involved running across the United States in hellish heat with an even more hellish captain/quarterback shooting and shouting at him all the time. But once he survived the Death March, he could go back to Japan and wow everybody with his genius and skill as a tight-end, right?

Really, it was amazing how everything worked out.

And then there was Anezaki Mamori.

"Would you like some water, Taki-kun?"

Taki peeled his face off the asphalt and forced a bright grin and a weary sparkle. "Why, of course, Mademoiselle! Not, of course, that a genius like me would need it, but it's important to stay hydrated!"

"Idiot," muttered his sister, untying herself from the lead around his waist. "You're lucky you didn't die of heat exhaustion. What does your weird spinning have to do with football training?"

Mamori just laughed, and handled him the bottle. Taki unscrewed the top and drank about half of it in one gulp as he watched her try to revive Monta. Though he was, of course, a genius, he was impressed by the smaller boy's stamina and determination not to be beat by him, Taki. They had kept up with each other until Hiruma and Doburoku-sensei had finally called a break for the night.

"Fucking idiot and fucking monkey." Speaking of the devil, the spiky blond came walking up with his gun on his shoulder. "You'd better not die here. Fucking manager, you better make sure that they are up tomorrow. I'll shoot them if they're not."

Hiruma Yoichi had even been known at Taki's old school, though only as a hushed and frightened whisper. Taki could now attest that any rumors he'd heard were true, and not exaggerated at all. Even a genius like him found the man somewhat frightening.

Anezaki Mamori, to Taki's surprise, was not affected in the slightest. "If they are given a chance to rest, they'll be fine," she said coolly. "They'd be even better if you wouldn't drive them so hard-"

"Kekekekeke!" Hiruma snorted. "You know perfectly well we can't slow down, fucking manager."

Mamori gave a small sigh as if to say, well, I tried. But instead she stood up and held out another water bottle to the quarterback. "You need to keep hydrated as well," she said. "And how's your knee?"

Hiruma looked like he was about to refuse, but Mamori kept holding out the bottle and looking at him expectantly. To Taki's surprise, Hiruma folded and grabbed the bottle before walking away. "You worry too much, fucking manager. Look after the brats."

"Wow," whispered Suzuna to Taki. "Mamo-nee is pretty cool, huh?"

Hmmm... Taki scratched his chin thoughtfully. Mamori was indeed pretty cool. He had just met her, but even he could tell that Anezaki Mamori was an impressive individual. She was smart, kind, patient, brave and determined. And, of course, very pretty. In short, Taki decided before going to sleep, she would be the perfect girlfriend for a future football star.

Taki was of course sure that Mamori would be delighted to be the girlfriend of such a wonderful guy, but years of living with Suzuna and skates to the head had pounded in the notion that girls at least liked to be wooed a little. So over the next few days, Taki made a point to seek her out. His twirling and leg spinning was in rare form, and he always grabbed the seat by her during breaks. Suzuna and some of the others gave him weird looks, but he seemed to be making good progress-she always laughed at his jokes (even when he wasn't making any) and always seemed to happy to talk to him. He learned that her favorite food was creampuffs, her birthday was November 24th, she had grown up with Sena, and her worst subject was art.

After the third day, Taki decided to go in for the kill. "So, Mademoiselle Anezaki, do you have a boyfriend?"

She stared at him in surprise. "Well, no. I'm far too busy for that."

"Perfect!" He gave her his trademark Grin/Wink/Sparkle. "Since we are on the same team now, why don't you become my-"

Quite suddenly, Taki was looking at the wrong end of a flamethrower.

"Eh? AHHHHHH!"

He barely ducked in time to avoid getting his face barbequed as Hiruma laughed maniacally.

"KEKEKEKEKEKE! Break's over, brats! Back to work and stop fucking around." His tone was pitched to address the whole team, but he was looking straight at Taki. Taki felt a shiver run down his spine-was it just his imagination or was the quarterback's expression particularly menacing...? But then he had to duck and dive out the back of the truck as Hiruma sent another wave of flame over them all.

Later, Taki would decide that he imagined it. After all, what possible reason would Hiruma have for specifically targeting him? The quarterback was a psychotic nutjob, but you could at least say that he was non-discriminatory in his mania.

However, Taki thought that maybe Mamori wouldn't make the perfect girlfriend after all. Well, she probably would but was it really a good idea to put all his eggs in one basket? After all, he was sure that Deimon High would have plenty of nice girls who would be interested in becoming a football genius's girlfriend. There was no reason to just limit himself to the first pretty girl he met.

Yeah, that was the reason. Nothing to do with pointed flamethrowers and spiky blond hair at all.