The Adventures of Toonbutt

Chapter twix: Crazy Fat Pedophile

A banshee call was heard from above deck "Get up here!" "Great we're here" Kat grumbled. She dragged Tl above deck to be faced with the scariest place in the world (coughnotreallycough)

The Forsaken Fortress (cue evil music) Kat just stood there and stared at it, she then mumbled "He never did have great taste" Tl looked up at her "who?" She waved her hand "It's nothing, really. Just...thinking" It was obvious she was spacing out. Tl shrugged and climbed up to where Tetra was while Kat waited at the bottom.

Suddenly Tl fell from the roosts nest and on top of Kat, he yelled "YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT!" Kat felt broken beneath him "eh… can you get off of me?" Tl looked down at her "oh...Sorry" he got off from the top of her and offered his hand. She didn't take it and stood up, her face looked pained "dude I think you broke a rib" "but I feel fine" "me you idiot! I think you broke my rib!" "Oh crap! Really?"

She stands and traces a hand over her ribs "no...But I'm still gonna hurt you" she punches him square in the jaw. He stumbles and grips at his jaw; there was blood at the corner of his mouth. "What the cheese nuts?" "Cheese nuts?" Tl looked incredulous "you haven't heard of cheese nuts?" Kat's eyes widen "I-I have…it's just, eheheh do you even know what the original is meaning was?" Tl gave her a questioning look before being dragged away by tetra (who looked ever so grumpy) "come on kid, you can get back to your girlfriend later"

Irritation flashed through Kat's eyes while Tl struggled but just stared amazed at Kat. 'She's not denying it? D-does that mean she's going to be m-my girlfriend? *insert squeee here*' Tl looked ever so happy and ogled at Kat who was following behind.

The ever so kind pirates *insert sarcasm here* loaded Kat and Tl into a barrel. Kat was in an uncomfortable position, no matter how she shifted, her boobs always pressed up against an ever so joyful Toon Butt. "If you touch me in any way that makes me uncomfortable I swear, I will not hesitate to kill you when I get out of this barrel" Kat never looked more serious in her life.

TL :(O,O)

Kat: yeah, just...try not to touch me, personal space issues when it comes to retards in green tunics.

Tl looked hurt and shifted his gaze up to the top of the barrel. "Tetra I really don't want to do this!" Tetra yelled back at him "yeah well I don't really care!" Kat smirked up at her "do I smell a hint of…jealousy?" The smirk grew wider as Tetra's cheeks tinted slightly.

Kat reached up out of the barrel and slapped tetra's boob and yelled "BREAST CANCER!" Tetra stepped back and yelled "launch!" And then Kat and TL were launched up into the air only to crash into the wall three fricken feet away from the window causing TL's sword to go flying. The problem was that TL and the wall had made a nice Kat sammywich. And then, they fell into the water, Kat and TL swam up onto the shore.

Kat started wailing "OH AWFUL WAFFLE WALKER, HAVE MERCY UPON MY SOUL!" Aloud booming voice came from above "HELL NAW! WE GONNA RUN YOU OVER BE-YATCH!" Kat's face was stark white. "Fffffff*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*k" TL stood and looked around "uh….. This place is creepy"

Kat looked at him and said "You think the place is creepy, just wait till you see the owner" and off they headed on the most epic adventure ever! Full of thong wearing bokoboblins and pig things with lanterns of doom! The screen freezes and out walks a girl with brown hair and brown eyes, wearing glasses and a lab coat "Hello everyone, My name is Miranda and I'll be your favorite person from now on" the girl coughs into her hand and mumbles something about 'stupid producers' "now, let's see. Ah yes, wait….what was I talking about? Oh yes that. Beyond this point are very…um mature comments, and pedo bear in Ganondorf form. That is all, and thanks for your cooperation" The screen unfreezes.

Kat blinks "what the hell was that!" TL just stands there and then notices something "wait…. When'd we get here?" Kat looked around; they were in a jail cell. "Da fook?"

TL starts looking around "how do we get out of here?" Kat flopped down and started to pick at her nails (they were getting quite long mind you) "I unno, but I think I broke the fourth wall" TL just stared at her "the what!" Kat blinked "wot? Never heard of the fourth wall before? It's what tells us there's a reality beyond this one I guess. But seeing as Harry-fucking-Potter is right over there" she points to a corner where Harry is being emo "might be an indication that I broke it,"

TL at this point, looked like he was about to explode. Kat sighed "Kid, I'd help ya, you know I would but... I forget what happens next" she grinned sheepishly. TL blinked and a blushed formed on his face. "OOH MONEYS!" he shouted once he saw the vase on the shelf, and dived for it. The vase broke and there sat a hole in the wall. "i found a way out!" he practically screamed.

Kat sighed with relief "oh thank god, I thought that the author would get frustrated and turn me into a Mary-sue again" the two crawled through the hole and hopped out on the other side. "ALRIGHT! WHO'S READY TO KILL SOME SHIT!" Kat screamed. TL looked over at her " but I lost my sword when we hit that wall, remember?" "FUCK!"

(several hours later)

Kat and TL found themselves in a room with a ramp going all around it and a large cell. Inside the cell were three girls. The youngest one looked up "big brother!" TL smiled. Kat looked at the young girl and she smiled as well. That's when big bird came and abducted them. "BROTHER!" The ones in the clutches of big bird both screamed as they were carried to the top of the fortress. Kat went pale when she saw the man standing there. TL just glared at him. Then he turned around and saw the two kids. The man smirked in a very pedo-ish smirk "ah Kat... so lovely to see you after so long, I've missed you. Now that infernal creation of mine isn't in my way. But alas, I'll have to wait." then with a flick of his hand, the bird then tossed the two out into the sea. As the two floated there in unconsciousness a mysterious boat (somehow) put the two in the protection of its body and drifted off.

(when they wake up)

"hey... wake up...Hey! Wake up you lazy children!" Kat sat up right away "Mommy I'm awake! Please don't get the kounais!" whereas TL just slowly woke up as if he didn't just get abruptly waken by an unfamiliar voice. The two finally looked and saw the talking lion head. There was much girly screaming on both parts. "SHUT UP!" TL flinched and Kat just blinked.

The about seemed to scowl at the two before clearing his throat and starting his speech. "hrmpf, yes...well. As you can tell, I am a boat, a talking boat. Now, I admire both of you for your bravery, but the forsaken fortress is by far your superior," Kat opened her mouth to argue but thought better of it and shut her mouth. "the man you two saw... his name is Ganondorf" Kat flinched at the name and TL just gasped. The boat looked at Kat "you know this man?" Kat nodded "I knew 'im, before I woke up here, he always tried to get me to...well. Let's just say, he's a darker looking form of Pedo-Bear,"

The boat seemed to raise and eyebrow then cleared his throat " well anyways, I'm the king of red lions. I brought you here, and we need to continue on to other places, but alas, oh I'm embarrassed to say this but... I have no sail. So I need you to go up onto this island and find one for me, along with other things you may need"

Kat stood and looked over at TL "well link, ready to go?" her voice was soft for once. Link just looked up at her surprised and just dumbly nodded. And with that, the duo made their way up onto the island.