No Turning Back
Chapter 8 Remember
After four more nights, filled with nightmares, Edea knows for sure she has made the right decision to bring Quistis home. Each night the same nightmare plagued Quistis dreams. Always dreaming of Seifer betraying her. Dreaming of him almost killing her. While Quistis knows none of this is Seifer's fault, Edea is sad to see that her mind hasn't fully embraced that thought.
But during the day, Quistis is getting better.
She enjoys being on the ship, it really seems like a second home to her. While Edea was having trouble with her sea-legs and her seasickness, Quistis flourishes on the ocean.
In the morning she can be found sitting on the deck, watching the sunrise. Trying to get rid of her nightmares that had plagued her dream.
During mid-day Quistis and Ellone play a game of chest or triple-triad. Watts always sitting close-by, still trying to get his Angelo-card back from Quistis (which she had won from Squall).
In the evening she tells stories of her adventures to the children on the ship, young and old. She tells about the friendship during their travels. How they found out they were raised together and therefor where family. But she never talks about Ultimecia and what happened in the future, or how she had gotten back after Time Compression, days behind the others.
She never talked to her, not even in her private chambers.
She knows the one person she needs to talk to, and she will do anything she can to make sure her two children can leave this past behind them and look towards a brighter future, together or not, as long as they're happy. That's what matters.
x-x-x-x
Ten-year old Ellone is sitting on the beach, watching the rest of her siblings playing in the sand.
Quisty and Seifer, chasing each other in the surf. Always playing together.
Selphie, Zell and Irvine, building a grand castle in the sand. Before they are going to destroyed it in a game of War!
Squall, sitting in the sand, between Ellone and Selphie's group, not knowing where he wants to be, either with his Sis or with the others. With his fingers and toes he is digging small holes in the sand.
Ellone loves watching them, because she knows she will have to leave them soon.
A week ago Cid and Edea had been discussing her, or rather discussing her powers. She knew she had them but didn't know how to use them, and she never has tried while living here. It seems there were still people looking for her, for her powers she didn't control, and Cid and Edea had to think of the safety of all their children. Ellone understood of course, so when they told them she had to leave, she only asked: when?
This was her last day on the beach. Beginning tomorrow she would be sailing the seas with a few of Cid's most trusted people, but no-one else she would know.
She would miss them all.
Bossy Quisty, with her sky-blue eyes. She was the eldest next to her. She knows Quistis will fill the void she will leave, and be their new big-sister.
Spunky Selphy, green eyes and light-brown hair, her sweet face so in contrast with her personality. One moment the sweetest girl on the world, the next she is a little monster chasing you around the beach because you had broken her doll.
Little Zell, blue eyes and blond hair, in looks he could pass as Quistis' brother, but that is the only resemblance. Zell is always moving, he can't sit still for one second, while Quistis can sit quietly in the sofa with a good book in her lap. But Zell's loves to take machines apart and built them up again.
Angry Seifer, yes most of the time he had this angry scowls on his face. By everyone except with Edea and Quistis, and sometimes he lost that scowl when she was alone with him. But the others he couldn't stand. She could never figure out why, and she probably never will.
And her little brother Squall. Squall; who will never meet his mother because she passed away, and his father who doesn't even know about him. She will do her best to get Squall to see his father, even if that is the last thing she will do.
But she would use this time to find Laguna. That's one promise she is going to fulfill.
x-x-x
A few months later and she was feeling so home-sick she had cried herself to sleep, again. She thought about all of her siblings, and that is where her dream took her:
Quistis was crying in her room.
(Where am I? Quisty is that you?)
She was gathering all her clothes and belongings and was putting them in a small suitcase.
(Quisty! Can you hear me? What's happening?)
Wiping the tears away she walks out of the room to the living room. Selphie, Irvine and Zell are crying. Even Squall has some tears in his eyes. Seifer isn't showing any emotion, nor angry or sad.
(Where are you going Quisty? Why are you leaving them?)
She hugs all of them, even Squall, but Seifer steps away when she approaches him. Now the tears stream down her face by his openly rejection.
"You told me you weren't leaving like Sis. You lied to me!"
(You were supposed to look after them when I was gone! You was supposed to be their big sister in mine absence.)
Seifer runs away and Cid comforts Quistis before taking her away from her home, the orphanage.
(Oh no! You had to leave too, right?)
Edea hugs her goodbye with tears in her eyes, before putting her in the car, kissing her forehead one last time.
Slowly Cid drives away, Quistis turns in her seat so she can see her home as long as she can.
(Are you going to join me on the ship?)
Edea stands still at the threshold. Seifer is standing next to her. "Who's next?" He asks her. "You're splitting my family apart. I hate you!" Seifer runs away from the orphanage.
(Are you the only one that is leaving, or are the others going as well?)
Ellone would never forget his angry face.
"I'll safe you Quisty! No matter what!"
x-x-x-x-x
Ellone wakes up with a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.
This is all her fault!
Jumping out of bed she runs out of her room. It's freezing in only her night-shirt, but she doesn't care. She runs to Edea's room and knocks on the door before entering.
"Maybe if I didn't have to leave them, we would all be together." Ellone rambles. "Then all of them would know about our shared childhood, and then maybe all of this would't have happened."
"Ell, dear, what are you taking about?" Edea asks her. She had just fallen asleep when Ellone stormed into her room. And she has no idea what Ellone is rambling about.
Ellone takes a calming breath, and starts at the beginning. "You shouldn't have sent me away. If I was still at the orphanage we would be together. We wouldn't have forgotten our shared childhood. Maybe this war wouldn't even have begun if they had known about you and me."
"Maybe, maybe not." Edea said. "We can never know what our actions, or inactions may have had for consequences. We just have to live with the choices that we have made and make the best of them."
"But.."
"You should know this child. As you have already tried to change the past. It didn't work then and it won't work now."
"But what if Seifer knew about us! He wouldn't have turned his back on us. I know he would've helped us if he just knew!"
"But he knew Ellone. Somehow he still had some memories about his childhood in Cetra. That's why he went with me in Timber. He would do anything to safe Quistis, he still loved her, and he had ever done so since he was a child. He even made a promise to himself when Quistis had to leave. He told her: 'I'll safe you Quisty! No matter what!'."
A door slams shut behind the two women.
"Quistis!" Ellone stands up to go after her sister, only to be stopped by Edea's hand on her arm.
"I'll go."
x-x-x-x
Edea found Quistis sobbing in a corner on the deck. Sitting down next to her she rocks her daughter in her arms. Silently they're sitting together until Quistis' broken voice ends that silence. "Is it true?" She asks. Her watery-blue eyes turn towards her matron. "Am I the reason he went with you that day?"
"Oh Quistis. No. You're not to blame. If anyone is to blame it will be me. I've made so many choices I've regretted ever since. Maybe I shouldn't have taken you in. There were other people who could've taken care of you-"
"-No Matron, don't blame yourself. My time at the orphanage was the best time of my life." She wipes her tears away and gives Edea a watery-smile. "It just hurts so much….I still love him Matron."
"I know sweetie. And I think he feels the same way."
"He does? How'd you know?"
"A mother knows." Edea said warmly.
Quistis snuggles against Edea and both woman fall asleep on the deck.
Ellone watches them, after placing a thick woolen blanket over them to keep the chill cold away.
"And a sister knows."
x-x-x-x
Waking up with the sun in her face is a nice why of waking up, Quistis decides. With Edea on one side of her and Ellone on the other, she feels loved and no longer alone. Snuggling deeper under the blanket she thinks back to the day before, to her little breakdown and the talk that followed with Edea, a talk she desperately needed.
It was good to know that Edea knows about her and Seifer. Finally she can talk with someone about her feelings for him. While she still loves him, she's also scared of him. She knows that Seifer's action's weren't his own during the war, but she did see snips of the man she loves during that time, and know she doesn't know what's real and what's not.
"What are you thinking about?" Ellone asks her. "You know you can tell me anything, right."
"I know." Quistis said softly. "But I don't know how to tell you this."
"Tell me what Quis? About you and Seifer?"
"You knew too? What about the others?"
"I knew. The others don't know." Quistis was too shocked to reply. So Ellone continues. "While you didn't remember me, I've been to the garden enough times to see Seifer and you together. And sadly I've also seen you drift apart."
"But you never said anything?"
"It wasn't mine place to tell you. You didn't know that I knew, and I always figured you would come to me if you needed me."
"I'm sorry Ell."
"Don't be. I haven't been the greatest big-sister there is. I'm sorry too."
Quistis hugs her sister tightly. "I still love him, but I'm also scared of him."
"Your nightmares?"
"Yes. How can I ever trust him again? It's so hard. I want to see him so desperately, but at the same time I want to avoid him too. I really don't know what I've got to do."
"You want my advice?" Ellone asks. Quistis nods her head eagerly, which is still resting on her shoulder. "You should talk to him."
"But I don't even know where he is!"
"But I do." Edea said, both girls turn towards the older woman who is slowly stretching her body. "He is coming towards Cetra. Everyone is coming, we will all be together again at the orphanage since you were all children."
Hope shines in Quistis eyes, "Everyone is coming. Even him?"
"Yes. We're all here for you Quistis." Edea said. "You'll never be alone again."
x-x-x-x
One day later Quistis stands atop of the deck, looking at the lighthouse she can see in the distance.
Ellone stands next to her and she clasps Quistis hands.
"We're almost home."
Not long after the ship lands on the beach. Quistis jumps of the boat and she falls down on her knees. She scoops soft sand up her hands. The soft sea breeze caresses her hair.
"We're finally home."