You called Jody.
Even more frightening than your little brother on his knees, arms curled around himself, silently staring at broken glass on the floor and not snapping out of it when you called his name, was the realization that you didn't know where Sam had been for the past year, what he had done, where he lived, or if someone had been taking care of him.
Or who you could call for help, when you couldn't get through to Sam.
Surely he hadn't spent the last year completely solitary. Sam had always been afraid of being alone as a child. Until he got older and hated everyone and continually shouted at Dad and you to leave him alone.
You fished a cellphone, one you had never seen before, from his jacket pocket and pressed a few buttons before you found the call log.
Of the first dozen entries, eight were labeled "Jody" with the others being "Big Cheese Pizza", "Station", and two for "Apex Supply".
That pretty much told you where Sam had been for the past year, especially coupled with the fact the phone had a South Dakota number.
You almost dropped the phone when Jody answered "Hey hon."
"Jody?" you suddenly felt as if you were standing in the middle of a land mine field, and had no idea which movement would blow the ground from under your feet.
"Dean?" She sounded surprised only for a second before her voice became authoritative. "Where's Sam? What's wrong?"
"I don't know what's wrong!" You snapped. "He's kneeling in the floor looking at broken glass and he won't answer me!"
"It's the P.T.S.D.," she sighed. "Just clean up the glass and talk to him calmly, about ... whatever. Not whatever you were talking about that set him off. Touch him, like on his hand. He'll come out of it, maybe in a few minutes, maybe an hour or so. Just ... " she trailed off and took a deep breath. "I knew I shouldn't have let him go alone. Just bring him back here. He's not the same person he was before the thing at Sucrocorp, and it was a bit much to think you coming back was suddenly going to make things better."
"Where is "here"?" You asked in a softer volume but with more intensity. "You want me to bring him to your house?"
Jody huffed. "You two didn't get very far in catching up, did you?"
"Wait," you looked at Sam, still hunched in the floor before turning your attention back to the conversation on the phone. "Are you saying that you and Sam are together now? Like together together?"
"Yes, Dean," you could practically hear her eyes roll over the phone. "Sam and I are together."
"Well that's just great!" you burst out. "Fine and dandy! My brother leaves me in Purgatory for a year and doesn't even look for me, and abandons the prophet and the tablets to go play house with ... "
"Dean!" she shouted over you.
"What?" you grumbled.
"I want you to leave there right now. Go to Columbia Falls, to the Glacier Inn. I've already paid for a room for tonight, and I'll meet you there in about 3 hours." she instructed.
"Why?" you demanded.
"Because Sam is upset enough without me beating the shit out of you in front of him!" she shot back.
"You think you ... " you began, and then stopped when your thoughts moved past the threat to grasp what she was saying. "Jody?"
"You don't know what he's been through in the past year!" she barked. She seemed to realize that shouting wasn't going to help anything, and she calmed herself before continuing. "He thought you were dead, Dean! He lost it. He completely lost it. He blamed himself for letting you and Castiel get killed. I picked him up from a mental hospital the day after you disappeared, and the only reason they let me take him was because of the badge. He couldn't deal with you being gone. Do you have any idea how long he set a place at the table for you? He didn't leave the house for two months! For about four months I honestly expected to come in one day to find his brains splattered on the wall! The only reason he never did it is because he was afraid he would end up back in the Cage instead of in Heaven with you!"
"Jody, I ... " You trailed off, having no idea what to say.
"Dean, it's taken him a long time to get to where he is now. Where he can hold a job and go out in public and be a functional adult." She warned. "Don't screw it up for him now."
"What do I do?" You asked.
"Just bring him out of it gently," she instructed. "And then bring him home."
"Ok," You agreed. You could do that, for Sammy's sake. "I'll call you back in a little while."
"Keep me posted."
You swept up the broken glass, and then knelt beside your brother, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder, leaning your foreheads together.
"Hey Sammy," You murmured softly. "I guess there's a lot we haven't talked about yet. Jody told me that you have a home now. And a job. She didn't tell me any details or anything. You get to do that. But I need you to snap out of this so I can take you home."
"Dean?" Sam whispered.
"Yeah, Sammy," You sighed in relief. "It's me. Come on, let's head back to Sioux Falls, ok?"
Sam's fingers tightened around your wrist and he whimpered and your heart nearly broke. "Don't leave."
Your hand untangled from Sam's shirt to come up and brush the side of his face. "No, I'm not leaving you. I talked to Jody. She wants me to bring you home. I'm going with you."
"Ok," Sam nodded.
He hadn't brought his bag in from the car. You swiped a spare duffle hanging in the back of the closet, and grabbed a few of the shirts and two pairs of the jeans Rufus had left there.
"I draw the line at taking someone else's underwear." You joked, zipping up the bag. "Unless it's yours, of course, and I'm leaving them all in a gas station trash can so you have none when we get to the next town." You teased, referring to an incident when you had both been much younger, trying to make him smile. Make him do the bitchface. Make him do anything but look lost and frightened and so young and fragile.
"I have your stuff." Sam frowned at the bag in your hand. "It's at my house."
"What stuff?" You asked, unconsciously tilting your head slightly, like Cas used to do.
"All of your stuff." Sam shrugged. "Your clothes, your weapons, your Busty Asian Beauties, everything. Your bags are in my closet."
"I've been gone a year and you kept everything of mine?" You raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah?" Sam's shoulders hunched defensively, and you understood.
If Sam got rid of your possessions, it meant he accepted that you were never coming back.
"Thanks Sammy." You said softly, with what you hoped was an encouraging smile. "We got gas?" you asked, swinging the duffle to your shoulder.
"Of course," Sam shook his head. "Didn't know what I might have to outrun when I left here."
You were proud of him for a moment, for remembering the things you taught him, for being prepared when walking into an unknown situation.
The two of you closed up the cabin carefully, and after picking up burgers at a drive-thru in Columbia Falls, headed toward Jody's house.
You waited until you were on the road an hour or so before gently prodding "So Jody told me you have an actual home and a job now."
Sam turned sharply, several emotions flickering through his face in rapid succession.
"What else did she say?" Sam asked cautiously.
"Not much." You shrugged. "Said you'd had a rough year."
"Did she tell you about Spider?" Sam stared out the windshield.
"Apparently not, because I have no idea what you're talking about." You shifted in the seat, then raised your head to grin at him, guessing at who Spider was. "Did you finally get a dog?"
"No," Sam squirmed, still not meeting your eyes.
"So ... " You turned back to the road stretching out in front of you. "What kind of job do you have and how did you get good enough fake documentation to get one?"
"I repair guns," Sam informed him. "Or work on them in general, really. Change out barrels and grips, install trigger guards and stuff if that's what the owner wants. I work for myself, from the house. Jody got me started, asked me to fix some guns for the sheriff's department. From there, it was mostly word of mouth. You'd be amazed how many people around there own guns."
You nodded, proud of him, that he had found a way to use the training he had always hated.
"So you and Jody ... " You trailed off, willing Sam to pick up and continue the conversation.
"Yeah, me and Jody." was all he said.
"So is it serious?" you pressed.
"We ... " Sam stammered, his cheeks turning pink. "Uh, yeah. Um. It's kinda serious."
He looked like the boy you had picked up at Stanford years ago, telling you about Jess.
You smiled, an honest, genuine smile. "I'm happy for you Sam. Really."
And you really were.
"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam replied hoarsely.
"For what?" You frowned. "Because you have a thing with Jody?"
"Because I didn't look for you." Sam choked.
"Hey," you reached over and gripped his shoulder again. "You thought I was dead. You didn't think there was anyone to look for. I can't be mad at you for finding a life for yourself."
"I never thought about Purgatory." Sam shook his head, swallowing hard, trying to force back tears.
"Stop it, Sammy," You told him firmly.
You switched the subject then, asking about the world in general while he had been gone. Sam's answers were mostly limited to single words, as he hadn't participated much in the world.
The awkward attempts at small talk finally lapsed into silence, and Sam fell asleep, head against the passenger window, as if nothing had ever changed.
You gently shook him awake once you hit Sioux Falls. "I forgot to ask earlier," you cut his eyes over toward Sam, then back at the road. "If you and Jody ... if you live at her house, where she used to live."
"The one on Holly Avenue, where she moved after Owen and Jason," Sam nodded.
You frowned for a moment, realizing you had never known Jody's husband's name, but Sam referred to the man with familiarity. Before you could comment, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and dialed.
"Hey, it's me. We'll be there in just a minute. Yeah, I'm ok. Ok. Bye." He said into the phone.
"You call to tell her you're coming home?" You raised an eyebrow.
"We both do." Sam shrugged. "No one gets shot coming in the door."
"Oh," You thought of saying more, but didn't.
Moments later, you turned into the driveway and parked beside Jody's truck.
She opened the door as you came up the walk, nodding "Dean," waving you into the dimly lit living room, but to your surprise, she didn't move to hug or kiss Sam.
Instead, she handed him something, something that was making noise.
"I think he wants you," she said. "I've tried everything but he just won't settle."
Sam took the fabric wrapped bundle from her and held it against his shoulder.
"Hey kiddo. You missed me?"
The squawking noises stopped, and you realized suddenly exactly what Sam was holding.
"You have a baby?" you choked in shock, looking from Sam to Jody.
Sam looked at Jody, then smiled shyly at you. "Dean, this is Spider." He turned his son for you to see.
"You have a baby, a human baby, and you named it Spider?" You asked incredulously.
"No!" Sam snapped automatically, reverting to twelve year old Sammy.
You turned to Jody. "How many painkillers were you on when you agreed to that?"
Jody smacked you upside the head. "Spider is his nickname, idjit!"
You and Sam both momentarily froze at the sound of that word.
"Sorry," she murmured.
You recovered first, taking the baby from Sam's arms. "Well then, what's his real name?"
"Dean," Sam answered softly.
All your breath was knocked out of you by the sound of that one syllable and you looked at your brother. Sam was looking at the baby and didn't
meet your gaze. Still unable to make your throat work, you turned to Jody, who smiled faintly and nodded.
"Dean Robert Winchester," she supplied, gesturing at her child's father. "Sam picked his name."
Sam's shoulders hunched, and he met your eyes with an embarrassed but unrepentant expression, sort of like the time he was seven and had been caught shoplifting your favorite candy.
Jody slipped out of the room, although neither of you noticed at the moment.
"How old is he?" You asked softly, examining at your namesake.
He had just a dusting of brown hair, barely enough to say he had hair, and Sam's eyes, the odd mix of green, blue, and brown.
"Three weeks, well, three and a half tomorrow." Sam murmured.
And that one sentence plunged you right back into the river of anger.
"I've been gone thirteen months?" You snorted. "You didn't waste any time diving into the apple pie life, didya Sam?"
"You ... Are you serious?" Sam snapped. "Do you honestly think I would have intentionally risked passing demon blood to a child?"
"Oh shit," You breathed, feeling as if you had been kicked in the chest. "Is he ... ?"
"I made up something about a history of unexplained birth defects in our family." Sam sighed."They've tested him for everything known to man, and as far as they can tell, he's perfectly healthy. But then again, I was too until my early twenties."
"He's gonna be fine, Sammy." You promised, looking down at the child who studied you with wide eyes, willing the universe to make it true. "Yellow Eyes is gone. No demon is gonna get near this kid. I don't blame you that you haven't been hunting. You replaced me ... "
"I didn't replace you, Dean!" He shouted. "I ... it was ... you were dead, Dean!" His hands spread wide. "I didn't ... I couldn't hunt any more. Every time I thought about it, I would remember you were gone, Cas was gone, Bobby was gone, Dad, Jo and Ellen ... " he shook his head. "Hunting got everyone we cared about killed! It wasn't that I was afraid of dying, but I was afraid Jody would be next. She was the closest thing to family or friend I had left." he rubbed a hand over his face. "I was just going to stay here for a while until I figured out what I was going to do. And then she got pregnant. We didn't ... I mean, it just happened. I did offer to marry her, by the way. I figured if anything was gonna make John Winchester come back from the dead just to kick my ass ... "
"Yeah," you nodded, with a half-hearted smile.
"He saved my life." Sam looked down at the baby sadly. "He gave me something to live for. You were gone, I couldn't hunt any more, my whole life was ripped out from under me."
He looked at you then, and you saw the same devastation in his face that had been in yours when he died at Cold Oak.
You realized that he had lost the one person who would have truly understood what he was going through.
"I didn't quit hunting because of Spider," Sam concluded. "I quit hunting because you were gone. But I wouldn't have him if I hadn't quit hunting."
He looked at you, not with the puppy dog eyes he reserved for getting his way with strangers, or with the shy smile he used to flirt with waitresses, but with the look he had always given only to you. The look that begged you to believe in him, to be his big brother.
"Sam, for the past year, you've done what you've always done." You looked him in the eye. "You survived whatever life and God and the demons and the angels threw at you. You survived the situation I left you in. And you've had a year with a woman who is obviously crazy about you, and you've got a child named after the best hunter you ever knew."
The two of you stared at each other silently, allowing the old relationship, the ability to communicate without words, to wash over you.
It wasn't fixed, not yet, but it was a lot better than it was a few hours ago. And it would get fixed now, because you knew that was what both of you wanted.
Life wouldn't be the same as before Purgatory, but the Winchesters would adapt and adjust and never let each other go.
Spider began to whimper, making the little sounds that indicated full fledged howling would start momentarily.
"Give him here." Sam held out his hands.
"Nope," You half turned, moving the baby away from his father.
He frowned. "Are you sure?"
You grinned at your brother. "I've got a lot of spoiling to catch up on."