Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N Here is the next chapter! Sorry I have been taking so long! Lots of things have been happening in my life, so bear with me! I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! Love you guys! *heart* Thank you to all who have and keep following, favorite, review, and read!
Chapter Nineteen, Enough.
I've tried everything. My brain seems to have stopped working. No matter how much effort I put into seeing where Esme is, I can't see anything. It's too blurry, too scattered. But I've been taking this as a good sign; she must be alive, corpses don't move, right?
"Hey? Can I sit with you?" A voice interrupted my thoughts.
I look up to see a shy looking girl; she had long brown hair and brown eyes. I almost told her no, but something in her eyes made me say yes. I nodded my head and she sat down, smiling softly. She reminded me of Bella, and a little bit of Edward; like she was their child.
I'm going crazy… I thought, she is obviously not their child. I just miss my friends.
"My name's Renesmee." She said brightly, "I've noticed you don't have any friends."
Well…that's a little blunt…that sounds like something Rose would say…
"Yep…I have no friends."
Renesmee nodded, "Me neither."
We sat quietly and ate the rest of our lunch, not saying anything, but it felt nice. For the first time in the past month I didn't feel as alone.
Edward's POV:
The voices around me didn't use to bother me, I just tune them down. All of those thoughts calling out as if the person were talking directly to me. When I met Alice, I learned to tune them out, because I was so focused on the random visions she would get. Then, our little group formed and I completely forgot they were even there. Now with Alice gone the group is gone, and the voices; they are louder than ever. That's why I am outside, eating my lunch in my car on this rainy day. I've had enough of this, enough of the dark, dreary, loneliness, I've had enough. But yet, I still sit in my car, avoid everything, I just am breathing. Because no matter what else is out there, it will never replace my family, it will never be enough.
Rosalie's POV:
Mary disappeared. No one will talk about it, yet everyone is talking about it. It's the gossip of the town. Two women just disappear. No one knows anything, and if they do, they aren't telling. Edward and Emmett, I have a feeling know, but they aren't talking to anyone. I mean it, no one. They closed themselves off. I didn't know Emmett had it in him, to not socialize. Even though he is still in sports he is like nonexistent. The Cullen boys don't talk unless spoken to, and even when spoken to its short. I loved Emmett, and I thought he loved me. But apparently, as circumstances have shown, he doesn't or at least not enough.
Emmett's POV:
Lunch… I used to enjoy the period, I used to enjoy school and my friends; but I can't enjoy anything anymore. Anne…Esme, she is probably dead, and Mary…Alice, has been shipped away somewhere "safe". Even though the safest place in the world would be here, where everyone would protect them! But the Witness Protection people just didn't understand that. Now Alice is off somewhere, with no one.
"Emmett, you'll be at the game tomorrow, right?" Mike asked, "Scouts will be there."
I used to want to go to college, but now, I'm not so sure. My life had been turned upside down when my parents died, and it crumbled when Alice left; because I didn't just lose her, I lost Rose, Jasper, Bella, and even Edward. Edward avoids people, he is just going through the motions, walking around in a zombie like state.
"I'll be there." I said to him.
Mike nodded, and walked away. No one sits with me anymore, and I am missing my friends; not only our little group, but everyone. I am in a crowded room, yet alone. The feeling is like stuffing too many marshmallows in your mouth when playing chubby bunny; you feel sick and slightly regretful. I love Alice, and I would never tell her secret or be mad at her, but I wish I could still hang out with people. Just because Alice had to leave, doesn't mean everyone right? Rose, after that first day of me refusing to tell her what happened to Alice; the look in her eyes, she didn't trust me anymore. Rose deserves better than that, so I shut her out, Edward and I, we shut everyone out. Dad was even worse, his love may be dead. All of this changed my mind. I am going to go into the army, because I want to protect people, I want to serve my country, and I want to get away. I love Rosalie, with everything in me, I'd give up food for the woman, I'd give up my life, but loving her; it isn't enough.
Alice's POV:
Two Months Gone.
Slowly, life goes by slowly; nothing to do, nothing to say. The past week, Renesmee has sat at lunch with me, not saying anything but hello and goodbye. Even though it's just a little, I am feeling less alone. Tia and Ben have (against my best efforts) become something like my family. Although they can never compare to what I have…what I had in Forks, it is keeping me from completely dying inside. It's enough just to help me get through the day.
I asked Tia if I could write letters to my friends, let them know I am okay, but it isn't allowed. I have seriously thought about doing it anyway, but I don't want to put anyone, especially my friends and Tia and Ben, in danger.
Three Months Gone.
I can't remember…I can't picture it anymore. I spent months with them, and their faces are a blur. I wasn't allowed to keep my photos of them; must forget everything from your past life. I swore to myself that I wouldn't forget, but I can't remember certain things. Their voices, their laughter, I can't imagine them without second guessing the noise that comes to mind. Jasper, Edward, Rose, Emmett, Bella…none of them, I can't remember their laughter. I cannot bring the memory to mind.
Four Months Gone.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, all those other Holidays around this time of year. I cannot cry anymore, it's as if I have used up all of my tears, and my tear ducts are refusing to create any more. My heart breaks every second of every day. Because I realize, this is it. This is my life from now on, and I feel empty. Renesmee, she is kind, and I have become friends with her. We hang out and go out to see movies and to eat. I've also met Seth and Paul. The four of us, they are the little family I have learned here. Although I cannot tell them details, they do know that I had to leave my real family behind. They can see the sad, dead, pain in my eyes, and they just try to help me through it. I didn't think there was anything to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, but them and Tia and Ben, I am thankful for them. I know Esme, Jasper, Edward, Emmett, Rose, and Bella, if they all knew what was happening to me right now, they would be thankful that I was starting to feel normal again. But I will never be complete again; I doubt I will ever love again, because each of them holds a piece of my heart.
Thirteen Months Gone.
College, it was never really on my radar before the past couple of months. Tia, Ben, Ness, Seth, and Paul have all been talking about colleges nonstop. Ness and I decided to go to the same place, UNCSA, University of North Carolina's School of Arts. I am going into their Visual Arts program and Ness is in their Music program. We start school in two weeks. I am still living with Tia and Ben, and working. I still have all of the money I earned in Forks, and that is helping. Seth and Paul are a year younger than Ness and I, so they are still looking into colleges and what they want to do. I miss them, and they are always on my mind, but as life goes on I've learned to cherish the memories. Esme, well the detectives have ran into a dead end, they found an alley full of blood, and that's all I know. My visions…I can't see Esme, and I refuse to see them… That's what I have taken to calling the ones I love in forks: them. Ness has tried to set me up with several guys, but no one will ever mean as much to me as Jazz. So I will keep on hoping, keep on waiting, keep on praying that I can be with him again someday.
Emmett's POV:
Boot camp. It's strict, difficult, straining, stressful, and so much more. But I can honestly say that I love it. Rose, she came to say goodbye to me, and I could see it in her eyes that she wished to say so much more, and maybe she would have if life hadn't taken its terrible twist on us. She gave me a hug, and wished me safety, and left. That's the most I have spoken to her in the past year, and I regret it. As I lay in bed, about ready to sleep, she is on my mind. She is in my thoughts when I wake, and when I am running and training. Her soft blonde hair, her full soft lips, her small soft, curves, I miss my soft Rosie. Everyone thought she was some diva, anything but soft, but once she let you in and you actually get to know her you learn she is just a softy who enjoys throwing the world off. Someday, maybe when I come back home, there will be a chance for her and I. Someday, the word sounds pleasant like the thing you wish will come to pass, but it is just another word for maybe. And maybe doesn't cut it. Once I get back, I plan to propose. Apologize first, and then propose.
Rosalie's POV:
Emmett left, Jasper left, Edward left. All of the men in my life that I have ever trusted and loved, they left. The moment they were free and graduated, they left. Life moves on as I feel stuck in the past. A year ago I felt like I was on top of the world, like I could do and beat everything, but life changes. I'm going to school in Seattle; I am going to be a nurse. Maybe I will even go into the military and be a nurse someday. Maybe Emmett will get past whatever happened with Mary and maybe we can be together someday…just maybe. But that is wishful thinking, and I refuse to be some sort of girl who pines away for someone who obviously as moved on with his life…at least that's what I tell myself. Truly, honestly, I am wishing on that someday.
Edward's POV:
I had to leave; I had to get out of there. So I did just that. In the past year I have worked as many hours as I could, barely spent a dime. I'm moving to North Carolina going to their art school for music. It is completely across the country, just the amount of space I need. Forks hold too much sadness, too much regret, and far too many memories. Carlisle, he checked out months ago, when the some alley full of blood was found. We haven't heard anything of Esme, but I went to the scene and read those unsuspecting officer's minds, it was about Esme. Too bad the freakin' cops didn't think about Alice. But I'm moving on with life, at least on the outside. On the inside, I am dreaming for the day I can be with all of my family again. Carlisle and Esme married, Rose and Emmett married, Jasper and Alice married, and Bella and I. But those are useless, fairy tale dreams that will never happen. And, hey, maybe I have become a little bitter, but life does that. The only thing place I feel at peace is around music, so that's how I am coping, that is how I am moving on. Goodbye Forks, hello North Carolina. Maybe someday, when I am traveling playing music (which is my dream) I will meet Alice again, and then we can all have our happily ever after's…yeah, right.
A/N Let me know what you thought! As always, I love hearing from you guys! I will be posting new in She's My Sunshine soon…and I know I keep saying that, but I was having writer's block on the next chapter for that story and I am determined to get out of it so I can continue with it. Hope you guys enjoyed this, and hope you keep reading! *heart* Thank you for reading, favoriting, reviewing, and following!