A/N: So I decided to continue because I was inspired to. I created a bit of a theme with the first one that I am going to try to continue through this one. I'll see where I go from there. Thanks to all who read and commented. It made me so very happy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing that pertains to The Mentalist.
Agony
He never thought he would feel anything even semi close to the agony that he felt the day Red John stole his family from him. In all reality it barely measures on the scale of what he felt that day, but at the moment it takes most of his formidable will power not to turn around and look at her as he waits for the elevator. Walking away from her was hard enough, but staring at the contraption that will take him out of the bull pen is pure torture. Losing her is much more difficult than he had initially anticipated. He's lost his touch over the years in the confines of her care.
This part of the plan had always been the most difficult part of the plan. Leaving her is better for all of them. There is too much at stake for them to become just that, them. Combining the two of them is like trying to catch fire in ice. It will never work, and one will be destroyed in the process. Destroying her is unthinkable.
He thinks about the tea cup he only just rinsed out and put in the sink in the bull pen; the blue one that he always has to use when he is at the CBI. Tea is a comfort for him; it doesn't have to have a strong flavor. In fact, the strongest tea is not as bitter as a dark roast coffee. The idea that she prefers the stronger drink isn't lost on him. Standing here waiting for the elevator, not trying to let go for a millisecond to really see her is the cowardly move. If he is totally honest, he doesn't trust himself. He could fall apart right here. Turning around and going back to her would be a relief. She would forgive him just like she always does. He doesn't want her forgiveness this time. This time he knows he doesn't deserve it, shouldn't have expected it as many times as she was willing to give it to him. He still can't forgive himself for many of the things that have happened in his life. If he can't forgive himself, then she shouldn't be able to offer it to him so easily.
The elevator door slides open in front of him and he thinks about all the times he has entered that confined space and all of the people he has shared that space with. His hand in his pocket traces the memento he took off of her desk as he said good-bye for the final time. The business card doesn't look like much, but it has her name on it. His steps are practiced and easy hiding the turmoil inside. He pushes the feeling of the stitches on his heart sliding apart to reveal a small opening aside.
He pushes the button to go to the ground floor where he will get into his car and never come back that he catches a glimpse of the agony she feels. Her face remains stoic, but her eyes betray everything he wanted to prevent. She told him more in that second than she could have told him in years. His eyes fill with unshed tears at the thought of the pain she is feeling. He never meant it to be like this. He wasn't supposed to stay this long, to let her in. She wasn't supposed to affect him this way. The elevator door closes on the current chapter of his life and a tear rolls down his cheek.
A/N: Share your thoughts please!