AN: Hey all, here's the next chapter. Enjoy~
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC Izy
Rachel's POV:
*Wednesday + Thursday*
Finn still seemed to not be phased by the break up and seemingly understood my want to be friends. It was all I could ask for and more, but for some reason I felt it wouldn't last. Deciding that it was better not to fix it if it wasn't broken I decided to let the feeling go that he expected us to get back together. I chose to attend the dance class Wednesday if only to spend more time with Kurt and Quinn while getting in some extra practice. Thursday went quickly as I was excited to hear the other Glee members perform their songs. I couldn't help, but notice how Izy seemed to be lost in thought for the past few days. I had tried talking to her about it, but she always gave an excuse saying it was just the cold she had. I was worried, but decided to give her some space. Thursday night I spent some more time thinking on what song to perform for the next week but nothing came to mind. I was worried I would make the wrong choice for song, but did not want to have to ask Mr. Schuester for help. Deciding I would work hard on it over the weekend I allowed myself to retire for the night and fell asleep.
*Friday*
*Izy's POV*
I turned over in bed and looked at my clock. I hadn't been able to sleep much over the past few days. Only a few hours each night. I knew it was a horrible idea to stay over at Rachel's till late... Especially having that talk with my father. When I came home he was furious that I had stayed out without telling him. He only noticed because he got off an hour early. It took a long time the next day applying some cover-up to cover the bruise on my cheek. Luckily Rachel only noticed that I was running as late as she was. After I received the permission slip I really had no idea what to do with it... My father told me never to waste my time with activities like singing cause it would get me no where. It was time better spent at a job making money. I tried telling him about my singing before, but I was met with only more violence and abuse. I knew he'd freak if he knew I had even joined the Glee club. I quickly forged his signature as always, but was still thinking on a reason to give that I'd be out that long. We definitely wouldn't get back till late that night. Far too late to be considered overtime. At least I had another week to think on it. I let out a sigh deciding I might as well get ready for school a couple hours early since I wasn't going to be able to sleep. I got ready and listened to music for awhile before deciding to walk to school. I was glad not to see Rachel on my way and quickly isolated myself in the back of the library as I worked on chapters that hadn't even been assigned yet. The school day passed by like a blur and moved too fast. As the last bell rang students began filing out of the school, but I decided to make my way to the auditorium knowing no one would be there today. Having nothing to do since Burt had given me the day off I wasn't sure what to do with my free time. I looked around the large empty room carefully. It was silent. I stood on the stage where a few left over instruments from rehearsals lay. A small smile grew as I remembered performing with Bongi and the others.
' How long has it been since I've sang on a stage? ' I questioned silently. I had never performed with Bongi and the others in any of the performances but I enjoyed practicing on an actual stage. Imagining an audience there to enjoy your voice. I dropped my backpack and picked up a guitar laying on the stage and sat on the stool it lay near. I strummed a few cords, but stopped. ' I really shouldn't... But what's the harm? ' I thought. I began to playing a song and soon couldn't stop myself from singing the words that went with it.
~Jigeum naega haneun yaegi
Neol apeuge halji molla
Ama nal jukdorok miwohage doel kkeoya
Naega yejeon gatji antadeon ne mal
Modu teullin mareun aniya
Nado byeonhaebeorin naega nat seolgimanhae~
I finished playing the last cord and then set down the guitar. ' He works late today... Wonder what else I should do... ' I thought picking up my backpack.
"That was... amazing." I heard a voice say from behind me. I quickly turned around to see none other then one Rachel Berry. "I thought you said you couldn't sing... I mean that was in a different language and I really couldn't understand the lyrics besides lonely, but your a really good singer." She said smiling.
"Thanks, but... Really I'm not a singer." I said turning back around and beginning to leave.
"I would disagree." She said walking in front of me and stopping me. "You should join the Glee club!-... I mean.. Sing in the Glee club since your really already a member."
"No thanks Rach." I responded indifferent.
"Why not? Believe me if you think your voice is not good enough then I can assure you-"
"It's not just that Rach." I said interrupting her before she could continue her speech. "I have a job that I can't afford to lose. I need all the hours I can get. I don't have the spare time to be in a glee club. Plus, I'm not pursuing a career in music so it would really be pointless."
"Izy, please do not interrupt me when I am in mid sentence for it really is my number one pet peeve. It wouldn't be cutting into your schedule, you already go to the meetings and Mr. Schuester will probably drag you to our competitions even though your only his assistant in the club. It wouldn't change your schedule at all so what do you have to risk? Nothing." She finished. I let out a sigh knowing this would be extremely hard to get out of without telling her the truth.
"No means no Rach. I don't want to join and my reasons are my own." I said. She let out a huff.
"IZY! That's not a good reason. Plus, once Mr. Schuester finds out you can sing he wont take no for an answer. I really think that it would be a positive creative outlet. And Glee is filled with people who will support you." She said. I let out a sigh and looked down thinking of how to respond.
"Rach... I just can't join right now. I'm asking you as a friend. Don't tell Mr. Schuester and don't make me join. I can tell you that I do have my reasons for not wanting to join and I really wish that you would just take that as a good enough answer and leave it be." I finished. She gave me a concerned look.
"Izy..." She began. "I'll respect your wishes, but I would like to know why your being so evasive. You seem to dodge speaking about many things and I'm really starting to worry for you."
"I'm fine Rach I just..." I fell silent. I could not think of a lie that would be a good enough reason to explain my actions.
"I understand. Your wish for privacy about your life... I just want to know that you're okay." She said. I nodded.
"I am. I'm not doing great, but I'm fine. I just have been dealing with a lot lately, but it's nothing I haven't had to deal with before." Rachel nodded still not feeling too reassured by that comment, but understanding. "How about I make it up to you?"
"Izy, you don't have to make it up to me for not feeling comfertable talking about your life."
"I know, but still. It's also to make up for you keeping this whole singing thing a secret." She nodded knowing that arguing with me was like arguing with another version of her.
"What did you have in mind?" She asked.
"I am helping you with your Glee assignment cause I know you will fail if left on your own." I said. She looked at me shocked.
"Excuse me? For your information Isabella I am perfectly capable of picking out an opposite song for myself. I am not inept." She said angrily.
"I mean no offense Rach." I said giving her a reassuring smile. "But let me guess. This opposite song you were considering is done by a... very well known artist?"
"Maybe..."
"And it concentrates on your vocal skills?"
"Yes, but I don't see the point of-"
"There's your problem. You think just because the song is a different genre that its your opposite. Well it's not. It's still a song you would usually perform. Its by someone well known and it focuses on your vocal skills. I know a song that would be one, by an artist moderately known... in America. Two, focuses on dance little more then vocals in my opinion. Three... is hip-hop/pop and that's not really a genre you're good with." She was silent for a moment.
"I am great at pop." She said.
"Hip-hop/pop." I responded. She thought about it for a moment.
"Fine, but I'm not really good at hip-hop dance. You said the song focuses more on dance..." She said unsure.
"That is perfectly fine because hip-hop dance is the kind of dance I'm best at." She looked at me questioningly. "Yeah I know I don't look like it. Come on." The walk home seemed like it lasted hours. Rachel of course asked many questions about how I first got into music, why I stopped, how I learned the guitar. I gave short answers, which didn't really answer her questions. She bit her lip and looked down knowing I was dodging all of her questions. I let out a sigh knowing she was slightly hurt. "I guess... I really got into music about... two years back." I said trying to open up. She gave me a small smile and waited for me to continue. "I learned how to play the guitar before that, but it was... is something I do only in my free time. But two years ago I met a friend. She wanted me to practice singing with her and her group. They sang Korean pop music after school and practiced the dances that went with them. Since I could speak fluent Korean and had an okay voice I joined them... but... She moved a year later. After she left I... Just didn't feel like singing anymore." I finished as we arrived at Rachel's house.
"One doesn't simply loose interest in singing Izy. It's a form of self expression. Also I highly doubt you don't feel like singing. You sang today. I'm sure you sing when you're at home or whenever you play guitar... Or... Is it also because of the reason you do not wish to sing in glee?" She asked
"Indeed it is. It's just... Not something I can pursue at this moment in time." I responded looking at her house. "Shall we?" I asked changing the subject.
"Right." She nodded unlocking the door. "Would you like something to eat before we start practicing?" She asked already walking to the kitchen.
"I'm not-"
"I will insist. If we were to start before eating we will not have any energy resulting in a very unproductive training session. It would be a waste of both of our time and you're still getting over your cold. To push yourself and without some food could have serious repercussions." She said. I gave her a look. "What?"
"Did you just interrupt me before I could finish?" I asked.
"I-... While I must say that was not my intention I just knew you would probably be your usual stubborn self and refuse to take care of your body. Also I would like to add that this is the first time I have done something like this and see that we are "even" because you have interrupted my train of thought multiple times before." She explained. I let out a laugh.
"What?"
"A simple "yes" or "Doesn't feel good being interrupted does it?" would have sufficed Rach. You don't need to explain yourself so thoroughly. I can understand what you mean without the explanation." I said smiling. She blushed slightly.
"Sorry... I am used to it. Finn often didn't understand my actions or things I would say so I often followed them with explanations." I gave her a confused look.
"He didn't understand? I would think doesn't would be a more suiting word unless he understands you more now." ' Which I highly doubt. ' I thought.
"It is... no longer a problem. I broke up with him a few days ago..." She said quietly.
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have asked." I said giving her an apologetic look.
"It's quite alright. We had been growing apart and it was apparently obvious to others that we needed to go our separate ways. He also seemed to take it well so... what's there to be sorry about?" she asked.
"Well... I can imagine he was someone to talk to. You must be going through a lot with your m-... Shelby being at our school and all. He was someone you could talk to. Ending things with him... You might feel lonely." I said worriedly. She smiled softly.
"I appreciate the concern, but I... Didn't talk to Finn about things like that... Plus, now I have you and Quinn to talk to if anything should happen."
"O-Oh... I see." I nodded. I was surprised how she didn't talk to Finn about Shelby. ' She probably hasn't talked to Quinn about it either since Shelby adopted Quinn's baby... She shouldn't keep it all inside.' I thought to myself. ' I really can't talk though. I do the same thing. ' I gave her a warm smile and nodded. "That's true. I'm happy to listen if you ever need someone to talk to." She handed me a bowl of fruit and returned the smile.
"Thank you... and you do know that I am more then willing to listen if you need to talk about something as well." She said giving me a concerned look. I nodded slowly and looked down. It actually pained me to lie to her, but did I really have any choice?
"I am trying Rach." I said as I started eating. "I actually feel most comfortable talking with you, but... I need time." She nodded seemingly understanding me, but I knew she still wondered why I couldn't tell her what it is. There was another silence so I decided to change the topic once again. "So, I know it's not my business, but Finn never really seemed your type... What originally made you like him?" She let out a small laugh.
"You make it sound like it was painful for me to be around him. He's a good guy."
"No! I just... You two didn't seem to go together. You're complete opposites." She nodded and thought on it a moment.
"I don't know what it was. He's so kind, giving and caring. Not to mention he was incredibly good looking and our quarterback. I just... liked him."
"I think-..." I started but stopped.
"What?" She asked curiously.
"I don't mean this in a bad way or to offend you, but... I think you just liked the idea of dating him... That and... you wanted someone to be there for you like no one else could. Someone who could hold you and say everything will be alright other then your dads." I explained.
"I-I..." She started. "You're right. I-I guess I never looked at it that way before... now that I do it explains a lot."
"What do you mean?" I asked concerned.
"Everyone's right. Everything I do, I do for myself. I am that selfish..." She said looking down. I felt my heart sink.
"That wasn't what I meant at all Rach." I said quickly.
"It's true though. I always act in my best interest no matter what it does to others. I don't even realize it half the time." She said starting to tear up slightly
"No you don't!" I said loudly. Rachel looked at me confused at my sudden outburst. I let out a sigh and moved next to her. "You're not selfish. You may have been in the past, but not since I've known you and... It's not selfish to want someone who will be there for you... I want it too. More then anything, but... it's not something I can have right now. So until either of us finds someone... I guess we'll just have to be there to tell each other that everything will be okay." There was a silence as she took in the sincerity of my words. Heat started to rush to my face as she gave me a warm hug in response. I felt a tad awkward, but wrapped my arms around her. ' She makes it so hard not to like her. ' I thought to myself. She let go of me after a minute and wiped a few stray tears away.
"Thank you Izy... you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better." She smiled. I laughed.
"I know. I give great advice, but can not follow it myself." I took a quick glance at the clock on the wall. "We better get to practicing Rach. You need all the practice you can get before you perform next week." She nodded and led the way into her basement which had been reformed into a small performing area.
"Alright, let's start with some warm up stretches then you can lead the way and teach me the choreography for the dance. I will practice singing it at night and in my free time." Rachel said starting to do ballet warm ups. I smiled at her enthusiasm and effort. She gave me a small glare. "Izy. Why aren't you warming up?" She asked.
"The way I warm up is dancing to songs I know the dances to so my warm up is the same as teaching you. What is the point in me doing extra stretches?" I asked. She let out a huff.
"Isabella Walker I will NOT have you subject me to sub-par teachings because you were not properly warmed up. That would effect my ability to learn the routine and would make my performance lack luster. You will warm up with me." I tried hard not to laugh because she had such a serious face.
"And what if I were to say no?" I asked as I removed my jacket, walked next to her and beginning to stretch.
"Then I would simply argue with you further, though it would end the same. You would end up doing warm-ups." I couldn't help, but find her inability to loose an argument adorable.
A couple of hours passed and Rachel was starting to grasp the routine and was able to run through more parts of it without asking what moves were next, but she still struggled on the dance.
"Ugh!" She let out an exasperated sigh.
"It takes time Rach, you'll have it down by Thursday." I said trying to get her to relax. ' I have never seen someone this determined to get a routine down since I was with Bongi. '
"I know... But I don't want you to have to teach me. You're so busy with work that you don't need to teach on top of it everyday. You need some rest."
"Don't worry about me. I'm already over my cold and I like dancing. It's no trouble." I responded putting on my jacket and grabbing my bag.
"It is trouble... Why don't you stay for dinner on the nights you help me practice. It's the least I could do." She responded smiling.
"Rach you shouldn't offer without asking your dad's first, plus I would hate to impose on them."
"You are not imposing and they work late every night so it's just me here... I rather have company then be alone and I'm sure my dads feel the same way." She responded. I sighed. ' How am I supposed to say no to that? '
"Alright then." I nodded. We both walked back to the kitchen and I helped her make some pasta. After it was made we both took our plates into the living room and Rachel put on Funny Girl.
"You did say you'd let me make you watch any and all Barbara Streisand movies I want." She grinned as she sat down and started watching intently. After we finished eating she took our plates into the kitchen. "So... what do you think my type is?" She asked as she returned to the living room.
"Hmm?" I looked at her confused.
"You said Finn wasn't my type. What is it you think my type is?" She asked. ' One with a higher IQ ' I responded in my mind.
"Umm... I guess... Taller guy, maybe not buff, but with at least a little muscle. Someone who is kind and caring who will listen to you rant even about the things that aren't important. Obviously someone who is also a good singer and shares some interest in musical theater." She nodded and sighed. "What?"
"I dated someone like that. His name was Jesse St. James. Turns out Shelby was using him to get close to me. I still thought he liked me though so we continued together, but after a poorly thought out performance of run Joey run he and the rest of vocal adrenaline egged me in the parking lot."
"WHAT?" I half asked half yelled. "The hell is wrong with this guy?"
"Well I did deserve it kind of..." Rachel thoroughly explained her past relationships with Jesse, Finn and a short lived relationship with Puck.
"I see... You still didn't deserve that. He sounds like an ass Rach no offense. I think you just haven't gone after the right people." She nodded.
"Yes, but there aren't many people to choose from in Lima..." She trailed off. "What about you Izy? What type of person are you looking for?" She asked. ' Well, shorter brunette with a thing for gold stars. '
"I'm not really looking to start things with someone right now." I responded truthfully. She nodded understanding.
"I agree. This is the time to focus on our futures not worry about high school relationships. I still can't help, but wonder what your type is though. I am having issues picturing you with anyone." She said giving me an apologetic look. I laughed.
"It's okay. I'm an oddball who will most likely end up with another oddball, but really I don't have a type. I just want a kind person who cares as much about me as I do about them. Someone who I know would never hurt me." Rachel smiled.
"Sounds perfect. Mind telling me where to find someone like that?"
"I'll tell you as soon as I find one myself." I smiled. We carried on light conversation about the reasons why or why not certain couples worked out. As the movie ended I gathered my things and made my way to her front door. "Well I have to get home. Since I have work tomorrow I'll see you around... four-ish?"
"Sounds great." She smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow Izy."
"See you tomorrow Rach." I said as I got on my skateboard. When I got home I couldn't help, but notice how much happier I felt after spending the day with her. I plopped on my bed and sighed contently as I made my way under the covers. ' Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to open up and tell her everything... but... knowing her she'd over react... Still wouldn't hurt to open up a bit more. ' I smiled to myself. I enjoyed the feeling of having a friend again. It made me think on contacting Bongi again, but I decided against since she would be able to tell the beatings have gotten worse. I closed my eyes and to my pleasant surprise was able to fall asleep quickly and with a small glimmer of happiness.