AN: Sorry, I know it's been a long time since my last update, but I've had a lot of things in life to deal with and many health issues. I would like to take a moment to say thanks to all of you~ Those of you who read, watch, favorite or the occasional review really mean a lot. I appreciate it a lot~
Disclaimer: I do not own glee or any songs (not that I'd want to own glee with we're it's headed _) I only own my original character Isabella 'Izy' Walker
*Wednesday*
Izy's POV:
I yawned exhausted from work, school, dealing with my father and teaching Rachel the routine for her glee assignment. Not that I minded three of the four, but I seemed even more tired then usual. I decided against taking my motorcycle and walked to school. I was a bit disappointed not seeing Rachel on the way there and started to worry when a car pulled up next to the sidewalk. Then again I didn't really think there was anything worse then my father so I shrugged and took out my headphones from my ears.
"Get in." An irritated Santana commanded. I looked at her through her cars window a bit confused.
"Umm... I'll pass." I said continuing on. She honked the horn loudly and I let out a sigh not in the mood to deal with her so early in the morning. "Fine." I groaned getting in the passenger seat. When I did she continued driving to McKinley.
"Listen em-... Isabella. About yesterday-"
"Like I said yesterday I couldn't possibly care less what you do." I responded bitterly.
"Hold up bitch, I am trying to apologize so let me talk." I looked at her even more confused, but dropped my look of irritation and my attitude to listen. "I'm not gonna tell short, dorky and irritating that you like her. I just... Wanted to apologize for snapping at you. It was a long day and I was tired. So whatever, we cool?" I looked at her a minute before responding.
"Who told you to apologize to me? I haven't been here long, but that's not the kind of thing you do." I deadpanned. She sighed knowing it was unreasonable for me to believe she did it of her own free will.
"Listen, I just know what it's like. The whole moving somewhere new, not knowing anyone. Not really having anyone to talk to... it kinda made me into the bitch I am today, so I'm gonna do something I don't normally do and cut you a little slack. Yes someone told me to, but after thinking it over I should be a bit nicer to people." She explained. I nodded still not comfortable with the notion of friendship with Santana of all people, but I didn't say anything against it. In all honesty having one less person to worry about was good.
"Okay..." I muttered feeling awkward by the whole conversation. "So... where's Brittany?"
"What's it to you?" Santana snapped.
"God, I was just asking cause she's usually with you. All the time."
"She's with Q. B didn't want to make lady love until I apologized so, we'll make up for it today in-"
"Too much information Santana! I don't need to hear about when and where you plan to make up for your lost 'lady love'." I said rolling my eyes slightly blushing. Santana looked at me and let out a laugh.
"Wow, you still have your v-card too?! God it's like you and Berry were made for each other."
"I don't-... Is it really that bad to still be a virgin?" I asked sarcastically. "Is it that obvious?" I asked a bit more seriously. Really these things didn't bother me. I hadn't done it since I never found someone I loved. Though from the comment it seemed I was as obvious as Rachel. She smirked.
"I guess not, that whole goth look accompanied by your whole I'm too good to hang out with others attitude kind of makes others think you have lost it, but you need to work on your reaction to hearing others talk about getting it on. Blush is a dead give away." I let out a sigh at the comment. I didn't realize I gave off the feeling that I'm too good to hang out with others. I might as well be a cheerio if I acted like one. It wasn't who I really was. We pulled into the parking lot and she turned off the car. "You know with that attitude you could be an okay c-"
"NO!" I interrupted with a slight yell. "Sorry... I just... I wouldn't join the cheerio's if it were the last extra curricular activity available. Can you see me in a cheerio uniform?" I asked honestly as I got out of the car. Santana looked me up and down a moment and nodded.
"You have the body, but not the personality. Plus your outfits... Could you be anymore butch?"
"Is it a crime to like comfortable clothes?"
"Yes it is dweeb. Make sure we don't have to do this personal talk again. Makes me sick." She said walking off. As much as I didn't approve of Santana's attitude or treatment of others, but part of me felt it was to make up for some kind of pain she felt inside. 'After all, wouldn't I have been violent if I didn't feel the effects of it from my father?' I shrugged off the thought and continued into the school. I was a bit worried having not seen Rachel on the way to school so I made my way to her first class to find her asleep on her desk. I smiled lightly and shook my head knowing that she probably continued practicing all night after I had left last night. I took a seat next to her having some spare time before school started and lightly shook her shoulder.
"Hey Rach, you okay?" I asked a bit worriedly.
"Hmm...?" She mumbled a bit as she opened her eyes. "Izy?" She blinked a moment and sat up. "I must have dozed off."
"I told you to take it easy after I left last night. Don't tell me you actually practiced all night after I left." I frowned slightly seeing the guilty look on her face.
"Well... practice makes perfect and I can not afford not to-"
"Rach. Your not going to practice at all today okay?"
"But-"
"But nothing. You wont do well if your exhausted and an over rehearsed song and dance never seem good. They come off well... rehearsed. That's not always a good thing. You loose the flare the spirit in it if it's been drilled in." Rachel took it in a moment and nodded.
"I guess you have a point, though I've never taken a day off the day before a performance. That's usually when I-"
"Focus most on it so you don't make any mistakes. So the performance is perfect and you don't have any per-performance jitters. Cold feet. Anything in the like to those. So it flows flawlessly and it seems to come naturally even though in reality you worked hard to get it that way." I said honestly. It was true. I was a bit tired of the way everyone seemed to act as though Rachel was born with talent. She worked her hardest and that was the reason she did so well. If any other member had put that effort into their performances they would do just as well. Rachel gave me a disapproving look, but also had a small smile.
"You know... You wont always be right guessing what I'm going to say." She retorted, angry for being interrupted again.
"Yeah well it's not my fault you've never met someone that understands you or the way you think. Now rest, and don't worry about tomorrow, you'll do great." I gave her a reassuring smile. She let out a small laugh and nodded.
"Fine, but you better get going. The bells going to ring and I will not be responsible for you being late to class. You know how important I feel education is. Who knows what you'll miss if your late for the first few minutes of class!" I sighed and got up.
"Will do, but really? The first few minutes of class...? You can think of better ways to get rid of me. The world wouldn't end if I missed roll call." I said rolling my eyes. "By the way you can say I wont always be right the day I'm wrong." I smirked and made my way to class as the bell rang.
Rachel's POV:
I smiled as Izy left feeling a bit happier. Quinn took her seat quickly next to me before the late bell rang since we shared the same first class of economics. With a sub in it turned into a movie day. A particular thing I did not approve of. Just because you are a substitute did not mean you needed to throw away a day of education and put on whatever movie was lying around in the classroom which in this case resulted in 'Remember the Titans'.
"What's with the smile Rachel? Haven't seen you look like that since you and Finn first got together." She asked. I felt heat rush to my cheeks at the thought.
"N-no... Someone just helped me realize that I put too much pressure on myself and that I really need to relax. Seems they know me better then most. I did not realize that overly rehearsing a song could have negative effects on the authenticity of my performance." Quinn blinked in realization of who I was referring to and thought for a minute.
"So, you and Isabella have been getting close lately?" She asked. I nodded.
"She's really coming out of her shell, after the slight mishap a few days ago she took my apology almost instantaneously. So we've been practicing and working hard, I'm really surprised she works just as hard as I do when she wants to do something, but she seems to have more fun with it and take it just as seriously without being too... well serious." Quinn smiled a bit and nodded.
"Seems you found someone to help get your mind off of things. Also seems like she really cares about you..." She trialed off. I sent Quinn a light glare.
"Quinn if you're insinuating what I think you are then you are simply wrong." Quinn gave an obviously fake and overacted look of appall.
"I wasn't insinuating anything. Why would you ever come to that conclusion?" She spoke sarcastically laughing a bit. "I know, you two are just friends, but I think it's great she cares about you. It means she really thinks of you as a friend... That's one step to getting better. You know?" I nodded.
"I did not think of it that way, but I suppose your right." I smiled then let out a sigh. "But breaking habits of practicing the day before a performance? It's madness. I'm gonna be a nervous wreck wondering if it's good enough. Hardly the mind set one should be in before a performance."
"I think the point is to get you to relax. No offense Rachel, but she's telling you nicely to get that stick out of your ass and calm down. You're always so tense when it comes to things like this. Think how much better you'd be if you relaxed yourself. And your vocal chords." Quinn said honestly. I thought on it for a moment and returned with a slight glare.
"Why haven't any of you told me to relax before? If it is so beneficial to my singing abilities I do not see why none of you would come and tell this to me in any of the previous years." Quinn shook her head and sighed.
"We have Rachel, you don't listen to anyone when it comes singing cause you always think you know best. I'm shocked something she said actually got through to you. By the way what song did you end up picking?" She asked curious. My glare slowly turned into a sympathetic smile.
"Sorry, I did not realize that you had tried to tell me that before. Most likely because Izy tends to word things like I do so they make more sense coming from her. As for the song choice... It's definitely not my comfortable genre, but it's not entirely my opposite. Instead of going with something like R&B which I would dub my entire opposite, or doing a song well known to us Izy suggested I do a song that doesn't focus on my vocal talents but instead dance. It's hip hop pop and as we've seen before it is far from my best genre. So... It should be interesting."
"Sounds like your really going for what wanted. I don't think us going for the genre's we're not good at was really the task. After all he really didn't seem pleased with the results yesterday. Though I think he really liked what Tina did with her song."
"Exactly, so hopefully my performance will go well."
"Can I ask you something Rachel?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Why do you take each performance in glee so seriously, I mean... We are all in this for fun right?" I looked at her a moment then looked back at my binder and lightly traced the gold star.
"Quinn this isn't just for fun. If I don't do my best constantly then it will reflect in 's mind. I was hoping on getting a letter of recommendation from him. If he truly thinks everyone of my performances is flawless then it'll show in his written recommendation." I responded hiding the worry in my voice and trying to cover it with my usual sound of self confidence. 'So... no. Sometimes this isn't always fun for me. I really need this so I can get into NYADA. If I don't become a performer then... what's left for me?'
"Right." Quinn nodded and switched topics, possibly sensing my sudden tension. Remembering how close my resume was do for NYADA made me a bit nervous. I nodded every now and again while Quinn and I talked about some other things not related to glee. She also grazed over the topic of Beth not wanting to bring up Shelby too much. Seems Quinn had finally gathered the courage to see Beth with Puck by her side and as awkward as it was I could tell talking about seeing Beth made Quinn happy. She really did regret the decision to give her up and wanted to do everything in her power to make it right with her. Let her know she still loved her. I couldn't help but feel jealous of Beth. A mother that wanted nothing but to make things right... how lucky could this child be? I let out a sigh and continued on with the day a bit darker then it had first started.
Izy's POV:
Classes passed by relatively quickly since I was in a better mood today. I felt happier with Rachel... Even though I knew we weren't together and she liked me as only a friend, for some reason it just felt right spending time with her. Part of me told me to go against that feeling of warmth that I felt spending time with her, but for the first time, I went against it. I did try and get my mind off of it though, thinking too much on matters like this in the past never did me well so I instead focused my free time in classes on making a light sketch of an outfit I would think appropriate for the song. When the final class bell rung I made my way to the parking lot to meet Rachel. I assumed she drove considering she didn't walk to school. I saw her I immediately knew something was off. Seeing Rachel so often outside of school I knew when she was feeling off her game.
"Oh Izy, I almost forgot about our shopping trip today. Do you have anything in mind for the outfit?" She asked getting into her car. I got in the passenger seat and she looked at me a bit confused when I didn't immediately fasten my seat belt. "Izy I know your used to a motorcycle, but really seat belts are a necessity when it comes to safety in a vehicle, further more-"
"Whats wrong?... You seemed a lot better this morning after I forced you to get your mind off of tomorrows performance, but somethings eating at you." Rachel sighed and looked at me a bit confused.
"How can you just tell that? I didn't even say anything."
"Well, your usually smiling, even when you fake it around the others when your still feeling down and walking out of school you just looked... like you had a lot on your mind. Kinda the opposite of what I tried to do this morning. Also you 'almost forgot'. The Rach I know doesn't forget anything and to make sure keeps a detailed schedule on her at all times. So... What's wrong?" She took a long sigh and removed her hands from the wheel.
"I just feel..." She paused a moment and I knew that look. It was the look I had whenever Bongi tried to talk to me. She was contemplating whether or not to tell me something that was bothering her... But I didn't know why. I had reasons, but possibly everyone felt a strong aversion to telling others their pain. Each with their own unique reason.
"If you don't feel comfortable talking about it... then I understand. I just... want to help. Get your mind off of it if I can't help." I said with a warm smile. It was the only comfort I could think to give her. She shook her head and took a breath.
"I feel like I have to be perfect all the time. If each one of my performances isn't perfect then I wont get the letters of recommendation I need for the college I'm applying to. I need to get into NYADA to be a performer, if I don't then I... I can't think of anything else that fits me other then performing. It is who I am. It's all I've ever worked for." She explained as her eyes watered up. "What if I'm not good enough?" She finally asked looking down after a moment of silence. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and put my hand on her shoulder.
"Rachel. No one is perfect all the time. No artist, no actor, no performer. It's physically impossible to do what you're trying to do. Holding yourself to expectations no one can fulfill will just tear you apart. You are perfect the way you are. We all have flaws... if we didn't we wouldn't be human. Believe me when I say I think your as close to perfect as a person can physically be, but... I'm worried... Being like that all the time... it'll exhaust you. Your putting yourself through so much unneeded stress and I hate to see you getting upset because of it." Rachel let a few tears fall as she thought over what I said.
"B-but... what if they don't-" She started. I leaned over and hugged her a bit tightly feeling myself tear up as well.
"That's impossible. They will jump at the opportunity to accept you into their school. It's just not a possibility that they'd pass up the chance to be known as the school one Rachel Berry went to. You'll be famous one day and... when you look back at all of this you'll realize how you stressed too much and missed out on what was great in your life. So don't... focus on what you have now before it's gone." I said softly. Rachel returned the hug fully and smiled through her tears.
"I'm starting to think you have all of this stuff written down ahead of time. How do you know what to say and do all the time?... Your right though. I guess getting upset and stressed about it isn't going to effect my outcome... I just felt if I wanted it more. Made it the center of my life... then maybe it would tilt the odds more in my favor. I'll... try to not stress about it as much, but... it's hard. It really does mean a lot to me."
"I know it means the most to you. Which is why I've been helping in any way I can. Trust me when I say that without the stress you'll do even better then you would before. As for knowing what to say... I kinda had someone ranting without end on the same things, so believe me this may come as good advice now, but you will get tired of it." I smiled. Rachel let out a small laugh and grabbed a few tissues from her bag to dry her eyes.
"Thanks Izy... I don't think anyone else would respect my madness and put things the way you do."
"Indeed, but my respect cuts off here cause your not driving like this."
"But we need to get to the store."
"Precisely." I said getting out of the car and walking around to the drivers seat. "I'm driving, so relinquish your keys and prepare for the ride of your life, cause I do better with a stick and I'm overall better on motorbikes." Rachel gave me a worried look.
"You know if anyone else said that I would highly concerned." She said handing me the keys and moving to the passenger seat.
"But I'm special~" I responded happily as I started the car.
Rachel's POV:
The drive to the store was short, but lifted my mood a great deal. Izy put on a funny girl CD she had found in my car and played it much more loudly then I would deem safe and non distracting to her driving skills, but I think that was part of her taking my mind off of the performance and NYADA. When we arrived it was a surprise for me to see Izy so active when it came to looking for clothes. She wanted me to go for more of a hip hop look that felt like the song. She ended up picking out an outfit similar to the one in the music video, but simpler. A white tank top that was fitting, some loose green pants that were a bit baggy so we added a studded belt to it. When it came to the last piece of clothing we took some time browsing for what seemed right. Shoes~ normally something I would know so well, but they needed to be adidas or shoes that looked much like them. Izy made the point that really they just needed to look like street hip hop shoes, but feel comfortable to move in. When we did finally decide on a pair that matched the tank tops white tone we went back to my house to see how the whole outfit came together. Izy waited in the practice studio as I got dressed.
"So... how do I look?" I asked as I descended the stairs into the studio. Izy smiled brightly.
"Perfect. Well... Except one thing." She spoke thinking on it.
"What?" I asked looking in the mirror. I felt Izy and I did a great job picking out the outfit and it looked great to me. I wasn't particularly fond of changing the style that I dress in, but this was a costume for my performance. Though I could see why Izy often dressed like this, how it was easier for her to pick out the outfit since it's her normal. I looked over to see her taking something out of her bag.
"I thought you might need this, but I didn't know if it would match." She handed me a green hat. It was simple, but looked like it would fit perfectly. I happily put it on and smiled, but Izy only shook her head. "Rachel if you want to look street and act it, you need to be all gangsta and wear your hat slightly turned and at an angle." She said laughing a bit as she positioned my hat. I laughed as well knowing she really didn't mean 'gangsta' but she knew it was what I would think of if she told me to position it that way.
"Thanks Iz, I don't think I could quite pull off 'gangsta' without you." Izy nodded and plugged in her mp3 player.
"Don't thank me yet. Show me you have what it takes to pull this off."
"I thought you said no practice or stressing the day before." I pouted angrily. She shook her head.
"I'm reminding you what it's like to do this because it makes you happy. Plus... It's not really practice if I'm doing it with ya." She shrugged.
"You're going to sing?!" I asked excitedly at the thought of duet. She laughed.
"Just this once and let me tell you... You need to be pretty damn amazing to beat my skillz." She responded sarcastically as she took her place. I quickly moved next to her as the song started.
"Report to the dance dance dance dance dance floor."
"I'm feelin' so energetic
Don't think y'all will ever get it"
"The floor is callin' me
And I don't know what else to do
The energy in here is fire
And the speakers too"
"See the DJ hittin' that replay
Do what he say and turn me on
Imma do a lotta talkin' with my feet
And the beat and I promise don't need no phone"
We moved through the song almost without thought. The dance all came easier when I let go and I really felt like my old self again. The Rachel Berry that loved singing for fun. Not to prove herself to someone or get accepted, but to express herself. When the song finished I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Being able to find myself again and singing with Izy was the best way to lift my spirits. Though I was slightly concerned at how I seemed to loose why I loved music in the first place, but it was back and I wasn't going to let it go again.
"Really Izy. There's no way I can truly thank you enough for this." I said hugging her tightly. She chuckled and returned the hug.
"Rach this is kinda my thank you. You've really kept my mind off of some things and became a friend. I haven't really had one in awhile and I forgot what it felt like to have one. It really means a lot to me." She said honestly. I could understand how much a friend meant not having any myself for the longest time. I gave a smile and a nod in acknowledgement. Izy looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. "I need to get going Rach, but I'll see you tomorrow. Looking forward to it."
"Alright Izy. I'll see you tomorrow." I waved as she headed upstairs and left. The rest of the night passed and the smile on my face never left. As I got ready for bed a small question formed in my mind though. 'Do I like her?' Not that I am against sexual experimentation, but I've never felt that kind of attraction. I thought I had felt it with Finn, but in all reality it seemed I hadn't. So I wasn't really sure, but I knew I was happy around her. So I moved the question to the back of my mind for now and let myself drift to sleep with thoughts of a promising tomorrow.
ANN: So this was a lot longer then I had thought it was going to be. Probably a bit too much bonding and happiness too quickly, but rest assured more drama, fights and angst to come~ Please review if you have any comments, questions or suggestions. The song in this chapter was Energetic by BOA.