4 Has Beens and Heroes
I knew the night I brought home four partially eaten pizzas' my family would start wonderin' about me. I'd told 'em that I found the pies thrown out behind Monticelli's, the cook musta got the order wrong. Nevermind I got them all the way from Brooklyn. If they think I'm bein' nice to them all a sudden, they'll start askin' questions. My secret ain't gonna keep for long.
I see Amber every week like I promise. I keep that promise for the next six weeks. It starts out the same way each time. I climb the ladder, push the white button and she invites me in. Lately she's been reading me shorts stories by a guy named Bradbury. I like him much better than Poe. If she doesn't read I tell her stories about our patrols and past adventures, or how my brothers get on my last nerve. She thinks my everyday life is so exciting. I'm amazed she isn't bored of me already. If neither of us is talking, we just sit in her living room and listen to her ipod. I never heard so much music with no words before, but Amber seems to love it.
Honestly, she's different than what I expect. The only education I have about people is from TV. They're able to solve all their problems. They always survive, and they always find a happy ending. They all look shiny and glossy. The women are pink and perky and the men are tan and untouchable. TV lies. Amber ain't none of those things. She's complicated and curious. She's a dreamer and she's thoughtful. She keeps all her happy memories and hurt feelings in diaries. She doesn't want them to go away. She tells me they're a part of who she is.
It's been a little over two months since I met her and today I find myself rocking back and forth in her big leather recliner. Amber is in the kitchen, and the fragrance of hot coffee and store bought cinnamon buns start to warm the air. The sun set a while ago. Her ipod is softly playing. I look back at the bottom row of journals in the bookcase. I gently thumb across them. I wonder which one is about me. I pull out a small brown loose-leaf and read the cover, "Yoshi the Rat, by B. Grant, 1987."
Yoshi?!
"Uh Amber, what's this book about?" I hold up the old journal. She turns and peers over at me.
"That's' my uncle's. It's a story he wrote about a talking rat from Japan who befriends a bookshop owner… all this time I thought is was some sort of children's book he was working on. Since I met you, I'm not so sure. Do you know any other mutant's? Any other rats besides your Master Splinter?"
"I do know of other mutant's, no rats though… you mind if I borrow this? I'd like to take some time later and read it."
"No, go ahead. I don't think Uncle Bubba would mind." Her oven timer beeps and she takes out the hot pastries. "Come on in, Raph. Everything's ready."
I stash the little brown book in my belt and sit on the stool next to her. Everything is hot and fresh, the club sandwiches are delicious! I compliment her cooking. She says her mom is much better. She tells me about all the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter dinners she enjoyed over the years. Her family was never big but the food her mother made could feed the whole block. Her mom's potato salad is her favorite dish. She's sad that she'll miss the Thanksgiving this year since her mom is going to California to be with her older sister.
I tell her that Mikey is a pretty good cook. He is getting better all the time. I tell her we've never celebrated Thanksgiving before. As she is about to invite my family over to meet her, for the millionth time, her doorbell rings.
We are silent.
It rings again and she asks me to wait a moment as she runs downstairs. I follow two seconds behind and stop at the bottom of the steps. I listen as she unlocks and opens the front door. It's a man.
"Hey, Beautiful! How are you?" he says.
"I'm fine Charlie. How are you?" she says.
"I'm happy now that I see you. I though you dropped of the face of the planet. You don't return my calls or texts."
"Sorry. I've been really busy… honestly."
"Ok. You don't look busy now. Can I come in? Or do you wanna go out? Grab a bite to eat?"
"Oh, no thank you. I've just finished eating. And you caught me at a bad time…"
"Amber, listen. I'm getting straight to the point. I think you're great. And you're gorgeous as hell. You seemed to have fun the last time you went out with me. I want the chance to do that again…your hands are as soft as I remember."
He's touching her! I'm raging inside even though I really don't got the right to… who the hell this Timberlake thinks he is?
"Charlie, I did have fun but…"
"But what? You know, I ran into Tanya and Darrel and they can't seem to get a hold of you either. Why are you hiding in there all alone… are you alone?"
"What do you think?"
"Hmm, dressed like that, you better be."
Wow, he notices her outfit too.
"Oh my. Charlie, let me get straight to the point. I think you are a charming, handsome and intelligent young man. You are a great guy and I would like it very much if you would be my friend."
"Aah." He cringes. "I've been friend-zoned already?"
She laughs "There is nothing wrong with being friends. It means I value your opinion and I do think it's been too long since the four of us hung out. We can still hang out right?"
"Yeah, but I don't get to kiss you."
They stand there silent for a while. I can't see them and it makes me crazy. One of them better say somethin' soon or a book's gonna come flying at them from outta nowhere!
"Charlie, I appreciate you comin' over to check up on me but I do have to go."
"Yeah, no problem, Amber… you make sure you answer when I call next time?"
"I will." A pause, then, I hear the door close, ring, and lock. I hear her walk back toward the stairs. I jump up a couple steps. I want her to know I'm here, but not seem like such a snoop.
"Hey there." She says, "Coast is clear." She grins and we head back to the kitchen. She sits on her stool and picks at her cold cinnamon bun. I put the dishes in the sink. I stare down into the drain. My mind is going a hundred miles an hour. I wanna know what's up with that guy. But it's none of my damn business. I decide to put on a good face.
"So, that guy seems nice." I turn to her, smiling slightly.
"He is. A little pushy, though."
"Why'd you turn him down? It's clear he really likes you." I'm glad you turned him down! Screw him!
She sighs, "Because, all guys are the same. They're superficial and only wanna play in my panties. And they wanna 'be my man' for a while, 'til they find out something about me they'd rather not deal with and move on."
She sounds a little bitter. "Amber, I don't understand what could be so bad about being with you… I mean, ah, I don't know any other women to compare, hmm, what I mean is… give me any example?" God, help me, I'm drowning!
"Well, let's see. I've been called a dick tease 'cause I didn't put out on the first date, I've been told I was very pretty and smart but that his mom would kill him if he brought home a black girl. I've been told that I don't have an athletic build… in other words I was too fat for him. I'm not fat! I'm just not built like a boney bird… I was even told by one guy that he appreciates my natural hair but prefers straight hair on girls."
"Was he a white guy?" I ask.
"No! He was darker than me!" She laughs. "I know what guys want; it's never what they need. And I was never willing to give anything else…so I gave up." She looks down and picks at her nails. "I'm better off not playing the game. The rules are screwed up. I think even good old Charlie would let me down sooner or later."
I look at her. She slumps on her stool. It looks like her whole body is loosing air. How can someone so…beautiful… think she'll never find the right guy? I want to say something, something that makes her smile, but I got a ten-mile traffic jam in my head.
"Amber, don't worry. There are a lot of great people out there. And a perfect man for you will come by and only see how perfect you are. And… you'll both be happy. Hell, I'll never be as happy as you can be. I'm just a big freak. You're gonna be fine."
"What did you say?" She looks at me suddenly angry and confused.
"I, I said..."
"Did you just call yourself a freak?"
"Well, Amber, yeah I am a freak. I mean, look at me. I ain't exactly gonna be on the cover of GQ. And even though me and brothers may be monsters to them, people are the best company you got. You shouldn't just push 'em away like that."
"Damn it, Raph! Don't you get it?" She snaps back at me. "It's people who did this to you! It's people who threw you away like garbage, and it's people who carelessly exposed you to chemicals that could have killed you! You live in our holes and scavenge through our waste and walk through our shit. You're afraid that we may never accept you. And the horrible truth is you might be right! You see the worst of humanity everyday but… you still come to our rescue! So don't ever call yourself that ever again! You're not a fuckin' freak, Raphael!"
I lower my head as she yells at me. I've been chastised before and lectured to. But never like this. I can't yell back. I can't even speak. Her words are harsh but I feel her passion as well. Why's my heart beating so fast? Why do I feel like crying? She then jumps up from her stool and shoves herself against me. I hear her nails scrape over my shell, trying to get a tight grip. Her soft head of hair is nestled right under my chin. Her rich perfume invades my senses. I return her hug, still in shock and wrap my arms around her. She's so warm.
She whispers, "We people are a mess. We are the monsters… We make a lot of mistakes, Raph. But God is known to change a lot of our mistakes into miracles. And you are a miracle…. And you know what else?" She pulls back a bit and looks me. I meet her gaze but quickly look away. Tears have fallen down her face. She is so beautiful. "You and your brothers and your father are heroes. You're my hero, Raphael. And on behalf of the wretched citizens of New York, I thank you for saving us from ourselves." She kisses my cheek. Her lips linger there. My face feels like a furnace. She then places her head back against my neck and we hold each other a while.
What does this mean? What is she doing to me? My whole body burns where it meets her skin. Why is she ok with being so close to me? I then realize that this is what acceptance feels like. She is a real friend and I can now put my complete trust in her. I breathe in her scent deeply and exhale in relief as I feel the weight of the city fall off my shoulders.