9 All Out
She is starting to feel more and more like family. And that is really bothering me. Whenever she wanted picked up and walked through the sewers to visit our den, she would only call me. I miss one text from her while taking a nap and the next thing I see is her walking through my front door with Mikey. Actually, she's willing to call any one of us now to walk with her back and forth from the den to the bookstore. And we always say yes. I wonder what they talk about along the way. I wonder if they help her up and over the tough parts of the sewer like I do. I wonder if they hold her hand and if that means something to them like it does to me. It's crossed my mind more than once that me and my brothers may never find someone special and, instead, spend our lives alone. But now that we know that someone like Amber is possible, maybe one day there will be someone for all of us. I notice Amber smiling and laughing and spending more time with them and less with me; and I'm a little confused. It used to be just me and her, and now… I wonder how she sees me. One mutant turtle in her life is crazy enough. Now that she got four to choose from… Ugh. Just stop thinkin' about it and let it ride!
But I can't.
It used to be just me visiting her and now it's like I'm never alone with her anymore. Nowadays, at least one of my brothers goes with me to visit her. I know I don't own her or nothin' but I'm starting to feel defeated. I'd rather that none of us has a chance with her. It's better than each of us havin' the same chance … and in the end, she doesn't choose me!
I roll out of bed and check my phone. She texted me three hours ago, wanting to stop by. I gotta turn the volume up on this thing! I run to the bathroom and then check to see if she's come by yet.
I look around the living area and no one is around, no one in the kitchen. I hear tapping in Donnie's lab and go there. I knock. Donnie looks up from his computer. He smiles and waves me in.
"Hey." I say.
"Hey." He says, turning back to his screen. He continues to tap away.
"So where is everyone?"
"Amber is on her way back home with Mikey and Leo."
It stings a little that she came and went without seeing me "I, I wasn't asking about Amber."
"Yes you were. You were going to find a way to bring her up eventually. I just didn't feel like taking the scenic route."
"Ok… how did you know I was lookin' for her?"
"Because Raphael, you're in my lab. You never come in here."
"Well, it's not like she ain't always in here, helpin' you with your brainiac machines and genomes and whatever you guys do." I sit on a nearby stool. I cross my arms and my legs. I guess I'm stickin' around for an explanation.
He stops his work and turns to face me. He begins to speak but stops. He looks me up and down. Then he looks away and a stupid grin grows on his face. I don't like his face right now.
"Raphael, Amber is a breath of fresh air. She asks the cutest questions. I finally have someone who is interested in me and my extravagantly, impressively, huge talent! I needed a DNA sample for some tests and I accidentally tickled her when I combed my fingers through her curly hair. It's very soft. She's become my little helper. You see, her hands are much smaller that mine so she can work very intricately. At first I did have to hold them and guide them, but she is a very fast learner. Ah, those tiny hands. Those limber fingers do things for me, well, that I never thought possible. I'm so glad you met her. I find her very, stimulating." He looks up at me and hums a little.
At some point I realize that I've stopped breathing, I'm digging my nails into my skin and I'm about to give myself a Charlie horse. If my eyes could kill, Donnie's head would be a mural on the wall right now.
His smile goes crooked and he suddenly falls out laughing.
Laughing, laughing.
He drops to one knee and hoots, wiping tears from his eyes. I'm really pissed now but I still can't move. He finally calms himself and sits way back in his office chair.
"Oh boy, that was hilarious! Woo!" He clears his throat. "Raph, I just could not help myself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that."
"Donnie, what the fuck? Why did you…"
"Well, maybe you're not the only one who likes to play with their food."
I relax and sigh. "Yeah, I guess I totally deserved that. I'm s-sorry Donatello."
He smiles. "I know you are. And I've noticed your progress since that day. Everyone has … and speaking of what we've noticed, I need to tell you that it's ok that you like Amber."
My eyes widen. "What? What do you mean by that?"
"Oh, don't insult my intelligence! Everyone knows how much you pine over her, except her! We see it all the time. Why, just the other day Leo said…"
"You guys talk about me behind my back?"
"It's not like that Raph. Can you blame us for not including you in these conversations? You would rather knock our heads together before admitting your feelings for her."
I swallow. "Well,… if I admit them now… would you guys promise not to…" I'm too humiliated to say it.
He leans over and places a hand on my shoulder. "Raph, we are rooting for you. Amber may be our new sister. But you will always be our brother." He sits back towards his computer. "And I'm sure that if one day we find ourselves in your, special, situation you will do the same for us." He continues working over his keyboard again.
I get up and go to the door. I want to thank him but…" You know it, Donnie. Ok, I'm gonna go…"
"Say hi to her for me?" he says.
"Sure." I leave.
…
I'm halfway to the bookstore when I hear soft voices. I slip around a corner and see Leo and Mikey coming from that direction.
"Hey bro, what up?" Mikey says.
"Nothin'. I was just about to head over to Amber's and hang with you guys."
"Well, she just kicked us out. Her friends were about to arrive. They are taking her out to dinner." Leo says.
"Oh, cool." I say and turn to walk back with them to our den.
As we quietly walk along I start to hear Mikey giggle. Then he mumbles something to Leo. Leo holds in a chuckle. I sigh and turn around. "Alright guys, If you's is laughin' about what I think you are, then you can just cool it. I already talked to Donnie and… I know that you guys know… how I feel about… someone."
They both gasp.
Mikey says, "Raphael! Did you just openly admit to us that you like Amber?"
Leo speaks, "Yes, I believe he did."
I look at them back and forth, waiting. "Well? C'mon! Ain't ya gonna tease me and make jokes? Like how I got urban jungle fever? Or the one where once she goes green, she'll never go back?!"
Their eyes get even wider. Leo clears his throat and Mikey speaks up. "Whoa, no, no Bro. We are totally excited for you. We think Amber is awesome and we hope you get the nerve to tell her how you feel some day."
"Yes, Raph, and just be yourself. Things will happen in the right time. You give hope to all of us." Leo says.
"Ugh you guys! I'm so confused. I don't know what do say or how to act. I got these things I want to say and do in my mind all the time but I just freeze up! I'm thinkin' If I do what I really want to do she might hate the real me. Not that I don't act like myself but I edit myself…a lot."
"I think that's natural. No one pours out their heart to someone they just meet." Leo says.
"But I've known her for four months now. I know almost everything about her. When we're alone I ask her to tell me stories about herself. And she does it freely. I like her stories and how she tells 'em. When she asks about me, I tell her about our patrols or our adventures. Nothing is just about me! What else is there about me outside of what I do with you guys?"
"Don't' sell yourself short, Raph." Leo says "There is much more to you than fighting with us."
"Like what?" I ask.
Crickets.
"Well, you love motorcycles. You've built three from scratch already and this new one you're working on is gonna be the sweetest of all! And when it's done you could take Amber on a midnight ride through the city!" Mikey says.
Leo says, "Yes, and you can show her all the places you like to go at night. You've found some pretty spectacular views of the city not many people will ever get to see."
"Yeah and besides. The more time you spend with each other the more your own stories will become your… both stories? Shared stories? Y'know what I mean?" Mikey tries.
"Yeah. I know what you mean. And thanks too…for not teasin' me."
"Didn't even cross my mind Bro… But if I was gonna say something, it would be more like, "Oh Raph! I bet you can't wait to dip your red strawberry into her milk chocolate!"
I could have snapped right there and pushed Mikey over the railing, but I sigh really hard and roll my eyes at him, "Yeah Mikey, that would have been real funny." We continue to walk towards home and my phone beeps. I check the incoming text. It's Amber:
'Missed u tdy. Hope we can hang 2nite. 9p or L8r?'
I wanted to respond 'Missed u 2! I'll b there 9p sharp! Ima stay all nite and have u ALL 2 myself!
Instead I respond: 'Sure.'