10 Giving Thanks
The days are getting shorter which means I've been able to spend more time with Amber. I decide my brother's ain't total dorks so I take 'em up on their advice. Amber and I fly across just about every bridge connecting Manhattan to the outer parts of the city on my newly finished bike. She has never been on one before, so we take it slow at first. She's holding on to me real tight but I don't mind one damn bit. She gets into it quickly and yells at me to go faster. And faster… and I do…until the police spot us and I get to show her what my ride can really do. I'm cool the entire time, weavin' through traffic and soaring off ramps, but I think Amber almost loses her religion. I never heard the word 'shit' sound so sweet… and so many times in one outing. We eventually dodge the cops, like I knew we would and park in a dark alley. I hoist her up on my shell I climb up onto a high apartment building. From there the city sparkles and the hum of life below is my type of music. We lean against the old bricks and take it all in. She touches my arm and she looks around. Our helmets are on but our shields are lifted. We don't speak. We just stand there and listen to New York. I look over at her. The chilly breeze hits her face and I see her mouth is quivering. She's wearing a slim leather jacket, knee-high boots and tight jeans so she couldn't be that warm in this weather... she looks sexy as hell though. I'm fully covered in a black body suit and, what I like to call, my 'nazi kickin' boots. I face her and look into her eyes. I close her shield, and then I close mine. I take her hand and we head back town to the street.
We pull up in front of the bookstore around ten and Amber dismounts from behind me. She stands beside me from the sidewalk and takes off her helmet. As I lift my shield to see her clearly I suddenly get nervous. Her long twisted hair flies freely in the wind, caressing her face. Her lips are almost blue from the cold. I wish I could remove my helmet fully and kiss her, but there's a couple passing by, walking their dog.
"I've never been so scared or so excited at the same time! And forgive me for cussin' so much. I thought I was gonna get tossed away from you a few times." She says.
"Naw it's ok. I woulda never let you get away from me." Wow. Did I just say that? Feelin' the rumble of my bike under me must make me feel more ballsy.
"I believe you, now that I'm alive to see it." She smiles through chattering teeth.
"Why don't ya go on inside? We'll all be by tomorrow. I'll come over with Mikey earlier and help in the kitchen wherever I can.
"Sure, I'd like your help." She turns and walks to her door, "As the taste tester." She teases.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.
"Um… just bring Mikey with you. If you come to help in the kitchen without him, then at least bring a fire extinguisher."
"Oh my gosh, that little squealer!"
"Goodnight Raphie." She smiles and quickly closes the door.
"Sweet, sweet dreams." I say under my breath. I flip my shield down and speed off toward home.
…
They kick me out the kitchen for the third and final time. I use salt instead of sugar for the pie, I spill the beans, and I drop a whole carton of eggs. Thank God she had a spare. My only job now is to keep the couch warm and answer the basement door when the rest arrive. Amber's still a little bummed about being away from her family for Thanksgiving. That's why she invited us all over her place for the big feast. She said she would have it no other way. I'm lounging, reading a graphic novel. Mikey and Amber are busy in the kitchen. He's making mac-n-cheese and she's baking cookies. We yell at each other back and forth, playing a game I haven't played since I was a teenager.
"I might be an Egg Head, but you're a Fart Face!" Mikey says.
Amber giggles. "I might be a Fart Face, but you're a Goober."
"What? "I might be a Goober but you're a… Hood Rat!" I say.
Mikey laughs out loud. "I might be a Hood Rat but you're an Ingrate!"
"Well! I might be an Ingrate but you're a Jolly Green Giant!" Amber throws back.
We all crack up. "I might be a Jolly Green Giant, but you're a Knit wit." I say.
"Oh, that's a good one!", she teases.
'"Didn't think I would get that, huh?"
"Nope," Mikey says, "because you're a Lamo!" Mikey yells.
"Oaf!"
"Panty Sniffer!"
" Ewe! Q… Queen of the Damned!"
"Raphael!"
We laugh out of control.
"Oh no! My these cookie balls are sticking to my fingers!" Amber whines.
"Raph, she said balls!"
We are roaring now.
Then her cell phone rings from the coffee table.
"Can you see who it is?", she asks.
I lean over. "It's a 4-1-2 area code… Ruthie."
"Answer it! Answer it! Put it on speaker!"
I press the button, walk into the kitchen and place her cell on the counter.
"Hey Ambi Bambi!"
"Hi, Mommy! Oh my gosh, it's so good to hear your voice!"
"How's my baby girl all the way out there in New York? I miss you so much!"
"Oh, Mom, I'm doing great! Much better than I thought." She glances up at me from her mixing bowl. "I miss you too! She finishes the bowl of cookie dough she's been mixing and washes her hands." I'm making my chocolate chip cookies, At least two dozen!"
"Oh, Amber! I love your cookies. I wish you and your delicious cookies could be here in California. Amber the weather is too beautiful for this time of year! Are you sure you can't hop and plane and join us? I'll be out here at your sister's for another week."
"Mom, I told you, I really can't leave. I have to keep the bookshop open on the biggest shopping day of the year, and everyday after til Christmas Eve's eve. I haven't run the store for a full year yet. I want to give my best, y'know?
Yes, Ambi, I know… Hold on, someone wants to say hi." The phone rustles and then a small voice speaks.
"Hello, is this my Aunt Amber?"
"Yes, is this my niece, Y'anna?"
"Yes, it's me. I can't wait to meet you! Gramma says you're pretty."
"Awe, well, Gramma says' you're pretty too. How old are you now?"
"I'm four. I started preschool this year. I like it a lot."
"That's great Y'anna. I can't wait to meet you."
"Ok bye, Aunt Amber. I love you."
"I love you too." Y'anna leaves the phone and Amber's mother returns.
"Amber?"
"Oh Mom, she sounds adorable!"
"She is… Ah, my first granddaughter. I look at her and it makes me wonder when it'll be your turn to give me some babies to spoil."
At that remark me and Mikey decide to go into to the living room. This is way too awkward for so many reasons… We're still listening from the couch though.
"Ugh, Mom! Not again!"
"Oh please, Amber! You've been there almost an entire year and you're telling me there's no guy in the picture?"
"Well, no one I can write home about. And that's not why I moved here. I'm not searching for no man."
"Does that mean you're gay?"
"God. Mom, what?"
I put a pillow over my face and Mikey is on the floor. This is painfully funny!
"Didn't you know Bubba was gay? He wrote to me that after three months of living in New York, he discovers that he's always been gay. He told me in a letter! He's gonna wait 'til he's miles away to tell me. My own Brother! He didn't even call! He wrote it down and sent it to me!"
"Mom, everyone who moves to New York isn't gay."
"I don't know if it's ok with God to be gay or not. And I'm not fit to judge anybody, especially you. You just make sure you're being true to yourself."
"Mom, oh my God, stop! Stop it before you start crying again!"
I fall down on the couch, cracking up silently, breathing into the pillow. Mikey's trying his best to hold in his chuckles. I bet if her hands weren't covered in dough, she woulda hit that speakerphone button ages ago!
"Mom, I'm not gay. I like males. I like guys. Ok? But you might have to cope with the fact that I may never get married or have kids."
"Amber! Don't you dare say that!"
Wow, She's ok with gay, but damn it if she don't get her grandkids.
"Mom, I don't ever want you to stop asking me who I might be dating. And I don't ever want you to stop dreaming about me having kids. I know it makes you happy. But there are a lot of things in my life that make me happy right now. I'm not ready to change anything just yet. And I'm only twenty-four. Whatever decisions I make in the future, marriage or no marriage, kids or no kids, I hope you can still be proud of me."
I don't want to think it, but I'm really, really hoping she is talking about me when she says this.
"Amber, I will be proud of you forever. And whatever makes you happy makes me happy. Gina and Justin are living their lives the way they want. I want you to do the same. If you want to write, write. If you want to run the bookstore, make it your very own. And if you ever meet someone someday who loves you completely, and they find their home with you, don't you ever let him go."
"Thank you mommy." She whispers. "What you just said means more to me than you'll ever know." She pauses. I hear her grab some paper towel and sniffle.
"Awe that's so sweet." Mikey says too loudly.
"Amber is there someone there with you?"
"Uh yeah, I've invited some friends over for dinner. So see? I'm not all alone."
"Well, that's wonderful! Hello girls! Happy Thanksgiving!"
It's funny that her mom assumes we're girls.
Mikey changes his voice to some creepy sounding lady, "Thank you Missus Grant! Same to you! You're daughter is wonderful!" I can hardly breathe!
"Ok Mom! Gotta check on the bird in the oven! Tell everyone I love them and I can't wait 'til Christmas to see you all!"
"Alrighty! Bye-bye, love you!", her mom says.
"Bye-bye, love you!" The call ends. "Mikey, you Looney Toon! What the heck!"
He walks back in and calms himself down as he continues to prep his dish. I stand in the doorway, not wanting to get yelled at for coming in. My phone buzzes.
"They're here."
…
A few hours later, we are still gathered around Amber's dinner table. I know she don't use it much. The pile of books that were scattered across it yesterday is now in boxes stacked in the corner. I like the candlelight and the red tablecloth and the different smells and the warmness of it all. Dinner was amazing! Amber and Mikey are a great team when it comes to the kitchen. Everyone 'Ahs' when Mikey comes in with warm cookies and hot coffee and tea. We all take our share, no matter how stuffed we are.
Amber gets April's attention from across the table by holding up an old tablet. "April, remember I told you that I had heard of you before? It took a while for me to find the source, but here it is. An entry from one of Uncle Bubba's old journals." She thumbed to a folded page and began to read. We are all silent.
"6-14-1999: It seems like the other shops around me are closing earlier these days. I don't blame them. Crime is getting out of control. What is wrong with people? Last night Ludmann's drug store got hit. He's just a nice little old man from Jordan trying to provide for his kids. They sprained his wrist and stole his cash register. The good thing is that the perps were caught, tied up in an alley nearby, cash register and all. The sad thing is that the troublemakers were kids! A bunch of teenage boys lost in the sauce! Where are the fathers for these boys? I know what a good father is. I had one growing up and my old friend from way-back-when is definitely a good ftaher. I don't know who's pulling the strings, but I feel like something darker is going on. So where is this city heading? How can we recover? Who is going to help us? Where is the answer?
Well, I have a theory. On my way back from Clyde's liquor store I walked past Pete's electronics. It was sad to see his windows barred up like that. In one of he windows the news was playing, Channel 6. I don't watch the news much but I stopped when I saw April O'Neil. I recognized her from when she came into my shop a couple of months ago, interviewing me about the recent crime wave. I remembered her quick wit, and that she complimented my japanese artwork on the walls. She even stopped by later that week and purchased a book, I think, Shakespeare? I watched her on the screen as she gave her opinion on the state of our city when she turned toward the cameras... and she thanked Raphael... Now, I've met a lot of people in my day, some more unique than the others but never another Raphael. I felt a sudden rush of hope. What if? What if the answer to get out of this darkness, is in the darkness? I wanted so much to go find out for my self but I'm too far removed. I have thought about selling the shop and moving far away. Even though I would be a real oddball in Japan I would enjoy spending my latter years there. For now, I think I'll stick around. I am eager to witness the upcoming developments. And I wonder, if I'll ever see Miss O'Neil again and we start talking and suddenly share a knowing grin. I'm smiling now as I remember stomping my feet briskly on the pavement toward home, hoping that my boots could somehow be heard as a happy 'Hello again!' to the world below." she closes the journal.
"That's absolutely amazing Amber! I remember that interview. And I still have that book of Shakespeare's works. I can't believe it..." April sighs.
"Whoa! Full circle!" Mikey and Casey say in unison. They laugh.
"I remember that night! Bustin' those jerk's skulls was a piece of cake! Donnie, you perfected your roundhouse kick that night." I say.
"Yes, I do recall that outing. It was one of the first times Master Splinter allowed us go to the surface."
"I'm just happy we proved ourselves to master Splinter, and that the shopkeeper got all of his money back." Leo says.
I roll my eyes.
"It astounds me how our lives seem to be woven together like this." Splinter muses.
Yes, it's kind of creepy, but I'm very glad about it...", Amber says.
We all agree as we start to eat our desert. Cookies, cake and pie, I'm in heaven! I stop mid bite when I notice Amber staring at me. It looks like she's thinking real hard about something. Then she raises her cup of coffee and we all look to her.
"It's tradition in my family to go around the table and give one reason why you are thankful for the person to your left... I'll go first." She turns to Splinter. "Uncle Splinter. I am thankful for you because no one else could have been a better stand-in for my Uncle Bubba than you. You showed up right on time. And I'm thankful that you willingly passed your friendship from him to me." A tear falls from her face.
Splinter's eyes are glassy. He can only take her hand and nod. A moment passes and he turns to look at Donatello. "My son… my brilliant son. I am thankful for you because no matter how much knowledge you acquire, you continually humble me by coming to me for advice. I am thankful that everyday I can count on you never ceasing to amaze me."
Donatello is wide-eyed, "Thank you Father." He turns to Leo. "Uh, Leo. It has been scientifically proven that the body cannot survive without the head attached for more than six minutes…" He clears his throat. Yes, Don, that was a very weird thing you just said. "You being the head of this team of brothers is not without its difficult circumstances and decisions. And your skill of leadership is what always pulled us through. It is also very clear that without you, we would have never survived our many journeys. You are our beacon and I will follow you anywhere, brother. And for that I am thankful." He looks down.
Leo puts a hand on his should and smiles; He turns to Casey. "I am very thankful for you Casey. You risked everything to fight alongside my brothers. Even though we were different on the outside you shared a kindred spirit with us and rushed to our aid without hesitation. I am thankful that I will always have a trusted ally and lifelong friend in you."
I am really surprised to see Casey choke up. Hmph. Marriage musta made him soft. He pats Leo on the shoulder hard and then turns to his wife. "April. Doll, I am very, very thankful for you. I wish I could say all the ways but…I guess the rules say keep it to one thing so… You, you saved my life."
"Oh Casey…" She kisses him lightly on the lips. She turns to Mikey. "Oh, God I hope we make it all the way around the table." Everyone laughs softly. "Mikey, I am thankful for you because no matter how I low I felt, or when I just wanted to give up and drown in my own tears, you were that bright face and big smile and warm heart that chased all my clouds away. You still amaze me after all these years that you can make me laugh when all I wan to do is be angry at the world. Thank you and don't ever change."
He smiles and nods slightly. He almost breaks. "Jeeze April, you got me feelin' all emotional." He sniffles a bit.
He slowly turns to me. We don't look at each other. "Uh, Raph. I'm thankful that… you never told Donnie I used his bo to unclog the toilet!"
"What?", we all shout.
"Kidding just kidding! I had to lighten the mood! Ugh! It feels like I'm trapped in a greeting card!"
We all laugh. Yeah, that does feel better.
"Ok Raph, I'm thankful for you because even though you tease me a lot about how goofy I can be, you always have my back. When we're out there brawling and the battles hot, it's like I never have to worry about what's going on behind me. While you're fighting with one eye, your other eye is always on my shell. I know you got some scars over the years because of what you do and I'm thankful for every one of them Bro." He smiles broadly at me.
"You know it. Anytime Bro." God this is gettin' unbearable. I can't take much more of this! I feel like this is a big therapy session. My stomach is churning, the coffee is getting' cold and I'm the last one to go. I'm thankful that there's only six hours left in the day!
I look over to Amber and I can't help to wonder if she planned it all this way. All those books she reads, she probably got the idea to play the 'thankful game' from one of them just to torture me. Or maybe she wants me to tell her how I really feel about her. I don't know how much I'm willing or able to say.
"Amber, you already know…" I want her to stop me but she doesn't. She's sitting there patiently, like everyone else. They all know I ain't no Edgar Allen Poe, so they're gonna give me as much time as I need. Great. I look at her, her hair in that pretty bun on top of her head, tiny pearl earrings, a deep, red dress with a gold belt hugged against her waist. She reaches down to where my hand rests and grabs hold of one of my fingers. She's tying to help but she's not helping.
"Amber I am thankful for you because… you never looked at me with fear. It's like you expected to meet me that night and never ran…away. I mean, look at us! There's only a few of us in this room, this is all my family. And then there's the rest of the world. You told me once that we may never be accepted, but you… you give me hope that they would accept us. But then again… maybe I don't want them to accept me. Because you do… that's enough, I guess so… thank you… forever…" I trail off.
She put her hand fully into mind. It's so warm. I look around the table and everyone is…crying. I'm trying to find the words for this silent peace that's in the air. I can breathe it in. I feel different. I see hand in hand on shoulder in hand on arm on hand on cheek on lips. It feels like every time I breathe, they breathe. When I smile, they do too. Everyday isn't like this, where you live in the moment and really think about what you have and what you can't live without. I have my family and I can't live without Amber. I can't. She can't ever go away or this table would be incomplete. I would not survive.