For once he woke before Sherlock.
The child was cradled in the center of his master's body, the tall figure was wrapped carefully around him, as if to protect him from the rest of the world. John's face was pressed deep within Sherlock's chest when he awoke, the boy nestled deeper into his master's hold. He had never felt so comfortable in his life.
Then why at the same time did he feel so hollow?
The fight.
They had fought terribly.
John pulled his teacher's arm around him and willed the memory away. It was a deed that would take a while to forgive, but it did not stop John's admiration of the elder Jedi. It was a not quite healed wound that John was still licking, but as he noticed his master's tightly drawn face, he knew the Jedi had his own wounds to clean. Sherlock's arm involuntary tightened around the child in his sleep.
John still felt safe, despite his previous hurt.
His master gave a low groan of pain as John nudged him in the ribs. The padawan stopped swiftly, he realized it was the first real time he saw his master sleeping. The dark haired man looked younger, but his cocky expression was gone. To John's horror he realized Sherlock looked anxious when he slept.
John prodded him gently in the stomach, but the elder merely grimaced. The boy felt a desperate need to wake his teacher up and carefully pressed his forehead against Sherlock's.
The transportation was immediate.
He was standing on a lush green planet, not unlike his home planet, but with more trees and thickets. He took several steps back in shock, his back struck something hard. He yelped and twisted around.
Sherlock's surprised face was looking down at him.
"Little one?"
"Master!" John fussed over his rumpled clothes, before casting Sherlock a curious look. "Where are we?"
"In your room still." The elder said smoothly. "It seems you have managed to dream jump." Sherlock laced his fingers through John's hair. "You are in my nightmare."
"How?" John asked softly. After last night all he wanted to do was curl into Sherlock's warmth. He leaned into the elder man's leg.
"I believe it is the Force's way of explaining why I am the emotionally handicapped man before you. Someone wishes for you to understand more about me." He continued to graze the child's head.
"Not you?"
"Believe me, John, I would not show you this memory. This is a lesson my…master taught me that I did not want to share with." John felt momentary excitement at the thought of seeing Lestrade teach Sherlock, but his master's voice was far off. His ice blue eyes were staring at a child no older than John, with dark curly hair and sharp cheekbones all dressed in back. The boy was playing with a small akk pup.
Sherlock, John's Sherlock, hoisted the boy into the air and held him close. John wrapped his arm around Sherlock's neck and watched the scene unfold. Waiting patiently for a silver haired master that would not come.
Little Sherlock was feeding the pup meat from his hand, the pup bounded up and down as the child giggled. He held the meat in the air with the force, letting the pup reach for it, before eventually giving it to him. The pup growled in appreciation, the younger Sherlock giggled and handed the pup more food.
John's Sherlock tightened his grip on his padawan and twisted violently away from the unfolding events. He held John's ears between his shoulder and his hand. The child never heard the light saber activate, the pup yelp, and his younger self shriek.
"What happened?" John asked quickly after being released. He peered over Sherlock's shoulder.
"John, don't look." Sherlock tried to say, but his padawan would have none of it. Curiosity drove him to stare back at his master's smaller self. A red light saber glowed over the pup's dead body. John's body went livid.
"He killed the pup!" John yelped. "Why? Why, Master? I don't understand!" John wiggled in Sherlock's arms, his teacher tried to soothe him swiftly.
"You should not have feed him your precious food." A cruel high pitched voice was saying scornfully. John's Sherlock tightened his grip over his padawan. John and little Sherlock cowered at the voice. "Now the only thing you have left to eat is him."
The younger Sherlock cast a grieving look at his pup. "Her." He whispered. He rose to his feet and brushed himself off. He gave an icy look towards his owner.
"He, she, it doesn't matter to me. Hmm, I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it. The point is my young apprentice there is only one emotion you are allowed to feel. Well two. Loyalty towards me, and anger. Any other emotion is forbidden. Such as happiness and compassion. Yuck." The Sith master stepped out of the shadows. He was smaller than the present Sherlock, but his eyes were black as coal and his very being radiated dark power. John whimpered. Darkness followed closely behind him out of the shadows and wrapped themselves around his ankles lovingly.
"Master, she was only a puppy." Little Sherlock protested. "She didn't do nothing."
"Anything. Don't. Be. Stupid." He smack the little Sherlock across the back of the head with each word. "And you will not feel anything other than anger and loyalty. Repeat that."
"She was my friend!" The boy shouted painfully. "You kriffing bastard! There was no reason for you…"
"Listen to me you little whelp." The man grabbed Sherlock's neck and made him look into his blackened eyes. "Anything you care for I will take from you and until you learn to control you rage and use it, there is nothing you can do to stop that. One day, my padawan, the Sith empire will be yours to rip from my hands, but until than loyalty and anger. Repeat that."
"Shan't." The boy said stubbornly.
The knarled hands curled tighter around the thin throat. Black eyes bore into icy blue, and though John could not feel it Moriarty shattered Sherlock's young mind shields. "Repeat it."
The boy struggled for breath. "Loyalty and anger."
"Again."
"Loyalty and anger!"
"Once more time, little slave."
"Loyalty and anger, damn you!"
"Are you angry yet, young one?"
"Yes. One day I will kill you!" The child spat at his master. The Sith smiled, clearly approving of his padawan's outrage.
"Good." He threw the boy down. The child skidded painfully over the dirt, his master vanished. Sherlock curled into a ball on the dirt and wept for what had, in reality, been an hour, in the dream a few seconds. The dream ended with Sherlock digging the pup's grave.
Both Jedi awoke with a start.
Sherlock pulled John tightly against his chest. "Are you alright?"
"That evil hundark!" John swore.
Sherlock tried not to chuckle. He stroked the child's back comfortingly. "Watch your mouth, little one."
"Kriff that!" The child swore again. "I can't believe that he did that. Damn it! Why was he so mean to you? What drives a person to be that cruel?" Sherlock silently vowed he would stop taking John into Tatoonie's bars.
"Be still, John." The knight said sternly. "It is the way of the Sith, and it was meant to show you why I am an emotional cripple."
"But you did not send me there?"
"Of course I didn't, why would I fuel your protective ambition after we spent an evening arguing about it?" Sherlock sat up with his padawan held against his chest. "And you will watch your mouth for the rest of the day, have I not taught you restraint?"
John pondered for a moment. "You have taught me much, Master, but restraint is something foreign to me."
"Padawan, you will run laps for every swear word uttered from here on out." Sherlock said with half-hearted scorn. The child's attitude suggested what he dare not hoped for. He shoved the boy out of the bed forcefully with a small chuckle. "Go. Use the shower, before I beat you beyond walking." Sherlock's teasing was cautious.
Am I forgiven?
John wagged his tongue at the knight and quickly stepped into his chest. Sherlock made no move to hold him, but he rested his chin on the blond hair. "I am a hundark."
"An annoying hundark."
"John."
"An annoying, nagging, hundark."
"John."
"An annoying, nagging, know it all, hundark."
"Little one, that is three laps."
"Yes, Master. I believe you have one as well." John wrapped his arms around his master's upper body. "You will tell me what Master Qui Gon says?"
Sherlock pushed the child away gently, so he could kneel in front of him. He cupped the boy's cheek. "You will be the first person I talk to after Qui Gon." The knight promised. "But I want you to meditate on last night. I want you to assure yourself that I am right for you."
"You are." The child said stubbornly.
"Padawan, I want you to think on it." Sherlock pressed his forehead to John's. "If you decide otherwise I will step aside for you."
John's tiny hands cupped his face. "With all due respect my master, shut up." The boy gave him a sloppy hug and darted towards the shower. Sherlock watched him go.
Is this the same boy from two months ago, who nearly fainted when I first told him off?
He took a deep breath in. He needed to steady himself, he needed to talk deep breaths, he needed to eat. He ruffled his hair in frustration, he could still sense his padawan's apprehension. John was deeply troubled, but refused to act on it.
Why?
Sherlock stared at fresher door.
Could it be because John loved…?
No. It was foolish to theorize without all the facts. He let his hunger rule him and made his way to the kitchen. From the cupboard he pulled out several biscuits and devoured them with a fierce appetite that he had not felt before. It had been a week since he last eaten.
He needed to start monitoring that better.
John emerged from the shower with his hair sticking into the air at all angles. He had his towel wrapped around his bare shoulders, his attention was trained on Sherlock's breakfast. He cocked his head. "Has a month passed already?"
Sherlock scowled at him. "Little one, you eat so much of my food, have you perhaps thought that I do not eat because I must feed you?"
"It has never crossed my mind, Master. When I am hungry all I can focus on is eating." The boy said truthfully. "May I have a biscuit as well?"
Sherlock held the biscuit high over his head and nodded. John frowned deeply.
"Rude." He huffed.
"We have agreed that I am an annoying, nagging hun…"
"Know it all." The boy interjected.
"Know it all hundark." Sherlock finished.
"And now you owe me two laps, Master mine." The boy giggled and reached for the biscuit. "I am willing to overlook it for that biscuit."
Sherlock considered it by worrying at his lower lip, John pouted. Sherlock passed the biscuit down to his padawan, he wrapped the child's towel around his head and dried his hair tenderly. As he finished gave a gentle tug on the forming padawan's braid. John nibbled at the corner of his treat hungrily. "I hope to cut this one day." Sherlock said softly.
John froze at the end of his biscuit. "You will, Master."
"We will see." He rested his hand on the child's fair head. Anxiety filled both Jedi's chest and threatened to burst out, John gave a small whimper. Sherlock cupped the side of his face tenderly. "Do not cry." He said firmly. "You are my padawan, you are pass crying."
John nodded, tearfully disobeying his teacher. Sherlock sighed heavily and exited into John's room, he called to his boy softly. John entered hesitantly, his knees clattered together. Sherlock was sitting at ease on his bed. John, who was still convinced he was to blame for the terrible events that transpired, knelt at his master's feet.
"You are still angry with me." And it was the elder that spoke.
"I…"
"Padawan, if you think I cannot read you like a holocron, you are sadly mistaken." Sherlock said shortly.
"It is not anger, so much as it is fear." John admitted quietly. "Jedi do not lie, Master…there must have been some truth to your words."
"Little one." Sherlock pulled his padawan onto his feet, the boy looked miniscule in his broad hands. "The only thing in those words was anger. I promise you this."
"Anger at me." The miserable response.
"Anger at disobedience, anger at the lack of concern for one's own life, and anger at myself for not stopping you sooner. Anger at your actions, John. Not at you." Sherlock said meaningfully.
"I was angry at you, Master. I fear I will never understand how you take such insults with a grain of salt, nor will I be able to duplicate this technic. I was angry at how little you seem to care for yourself."
Sherlock shrugged. "John, I can take care of myself. Remember this. It is you that requires protection, my little one."
"I am still upset." The child confessed despondently.
"As am I, but…" Sherlock rested his reed pipes in John's hands. "Insurance. I am not going anywhere without you or without these. As of now I am still your master and we will continue to act as such until our bond is severed."
"Yes, Master." John whispered. He sidestepped his master, his hand reached behind the elder and passed him the small teddy bear that often cured nightmares. He knelt quickly. "I am not going anywhere either." John ran into his master's arms for a final time. "Except to class. Unless you really can't stand it, then I can always skip…"
"Go, you arrogant child." Sherlock gave him a small shove. "Before I decide to keep you for laps."
He watched the child scurry away with a hesitant smile.
There.
Fixed.
Like adhesive tape over a dam crack.