Obviously, I got to know all the monks real well, even the ones that scared me.
They were real nice people. In fact, I'd call them my family now. There wasn't a time when I didn't feel loved.
Our group is called an order. The order of Saint Gannon. It's named after a human named Anthony Gannon who brought the gospel to this side of the universe. Funny to think of Martians reading the bible. It never happened in Star Wars, but that's how it is.
We've got pretty much the same bible as everyone else, but it comes in a lot more languages, and the apocrypha has the Hunger Games in it. I never figured that one out, but I guess it had something to do with Mr. Gannon or his grandfather running out of bible books to translate. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be in there, but he just happened to have the book in his briefcase. I wouldn't be surprised if some of those apocryphal stories in the Catholic bible started out that same way.
I guess Doc must have seen all the crosses in my parents' living room or something and put two and two together and decided to put me here.
When I first found that Doc left me, I was catatonic. Their weird faces made me shudder, and they practically scared me to death when they showed me the altar, a big thing built with bones and pieces of skeletons from all kinds of animals and humanlike things. I almost died from shock until someone explained they were from monks who died long ago and voluntarily offered themselves to the cause, and nobody's skeleton gets used unless they sign an agreement saying that's what you want, and I didn't believe that until a year later when someone died and the matter was put to a debate, and someone ended up saying no.
Lecmed was one of the debaters who had wanted that dead person I mentioned to get upon the altar. He could have been seeking a replacement body, but a Hasugi has no real skeleton, so nothing was done. That was the last I heard about the matter until years later.
Baekvu is our resident chef, but I wish he wasn't. He has no eyes. The only thing he knows how to cook is rice stuff. The first couple days I was here, I didn't eat anything because I was too afraid of him. He looks like a bald rat, and his mouth is full of shark teeth. I would have starved if Racwaya hadn't brought trays of food to me that first week.
Racwaya is a Urkava, which means she looks like a person, but she's got spots and her floppy ears rise up when she's surprised.
The head of our group is called Lidwar, but I call him Scooter because he looks like one of the Muppets, kind of a yellow salamander thing with glasses.
Oh. There's a Dalek. Doc didn't like them very much, but Dalek 34290 (we call her Dee) was a wonderful individual. She always tucked me in at night, brought me drinks...
She used to have a laser cannon a long, long time ago, but then she found Jesus, so now she just has a pair of utility clamps (I think she threw the gun into a quicksand pit somewhere). She even climbs out of that metal thing from time to time to hug us. She trusted us that much.
She looked like a scary octopus or something, but everyone loved her, which is why it was a shame when we found her in a pool of blood with a kitchen knife stuck through her head.
It was Baekvu who found the body, ish, thing. Since he works in the kitchen, he was the first suspect. They said he only told us about the death because he felt guilty, and so they locked him in the dungeon and tried to get him to confess.
That ended when they found out the knife said American Stainless on the side.
It was Scooter who thought to check the weapon.
That knife was mine. I brought it along because I thought I'd get to eat steak. And that got me locked in the dungeon.
Serves me right for bragging about my country. They would have never thought about America being associated with Earth if I hadn't said anything.
They wouldn't let me out of that dirty cell until I confessed to murder, and I wasn't about to do that. Ever. Because I loved Dee.