Chapter 13: Threshold

"What the hell!" Renji yelled.

There was a flash of power as the three facing Byakuya shielded themselves from the incoming blades and when the light faded, Byakuya was lying facedown in the sand with his hand still wrapped tightly around the hilt of his zanpakutou. The petals faded and the blade slowly returned to its sealed form.

"What happened?" Renji asked, flash stepping and dropping down next to Byakuya, "He's not supposed to have any power! How did he do that?"

Kisuke shook his head.

"Damn! I was hoping this wouldn't happen."

Renji looked up at him in confusion.

"Isn't this good? Doesn't it mean he's coming back? Regaining his shinigami powers?" he asked.

Kisuke shook his head.

"You don't understand. It isn't like his shinigami form is trapped inside that body somewhere. Byakuya is human. Now, some humans have powers…and the centers necessary to support them, but that isn't true here. Byakuya's human form isn't supposed to have any spirit centers and shouldn't allow any connection with his zanpakutou. It suggests that the technology of the human form was altered before being used on him. And that could be good or bad. Now, he has a connection with Senbonzakura…and he instinctively draws power from his weapon whenever it is in his hand. In this case, instinct overcame nature. Senbonzakura felt Byakuya's emotion…that he wanted the power. He couldn't help himself any more than Byakuya could. He loosed the power and because Byakuya has no way to control it, Senbonzakura's power hit him like an attack."

"Well, what do we do?" Renji asked frantically, "Is he going to be okay?"

"Bring him up to the house," Kisuke said calmly, "and hurry. He doesn't look so good."

Renji carefully extracted the weapon from Byakuya's hand and returned it to the sheath, then lifted Byakuya into his arms. He followed Kisuke and Ichigo up into the house and set Byakuya down on the bed.

Kisuke leaned over the noble, studying him carefully. He extended his hands over Byakuya's body, carefully scanning from head to toe. As his hands passed over the noble's heart, he felt something odd and increased the energy focused on the area. His brow furrowed as he studied the area, thinking. He looked up at Renji and Ichigo.

"This could take a while, but I can tell you that he is going to be all right…for now. This wasn't good for the human form he's in. You have to realize…every exposure to spirit energy steals a bit of life from the body he's in. And he just took a pretty heavy hit. He'll be out for a while. While he is, I want the two of you to take over guard duty for me. Don't let anything get in here. He's vulnerable right now. "

Renji and Ichigo nodded and left the room. Kisuke waited until they were gone, then placed his hands on Byakuya's chest and sent a shock of spirit energy into the area. The noble's body twitched sharply in response and the dark eyes opened. He blinked several times and his eyes slowly focused on Kisuke. Kisuke smiled.

"Welcome back, Captain Kuchiki," he said quietly.

Byakuya stared at him in silence for a moment, then his eyes scanned the room.

"I sent Renji and Ichigo to stand guard," Kisuke said, looking into Byakuya's eyes, "You and I need to talk."

Byakuya sat up slowly.

"Do you understand what just happened to you?" Kisuke asked.

"I believe I somehow managed to release Senbonzakura," Byakuya replied, meeting his eyes squarely.

"Yes…well, something like that. I just completed a scan of your body and I discovered something unexpected. I thought you would prefer that I talk to you alone before involving Renji in this, because what I found could have major repercussions."

"And what is it that you found?" asked Byakuya.

"Before I answer that, I want to remind you that your human form was first conceived and constructed when I was captain of Squad Twelve. I was not responsible for its creation or development. I actually learned of it, studied it…and shut down the research on it after a couple of shinigamis died in the test run. I deemed the technology too dangerous to be useful. I ordered that all information related to it should be destroyed. But it looks like someone didn't exactly follow orders…and the information survived. Now, the human form you're in is not exactly what I remember witnessing. It has been modified so that it is a bit more stable. It seems able to withstand more punishment. And this inception of it has something the ones I saw didn't…an active spirit receptor. As you know, shinigamis have spirit centers that control the channeling of reiatsu. The spirit receptor doesn't direct it…it gathers the energy and spins it inside the chamber it occupies…in this case, your heart."

He looked at Byakuya meaningfully.

I believe that this chamber and spirit receptor are meant to work together to assist the human in returning to shinigami form. The way I think it works is that when a large enough shot of reiatsu is directed through it, it opens a vortex that will carry you into your inner world…and that is where you have to go to face Senbonzakura to regain your shinigami form."

Byakuya thought for a moment, then his eyes widened. Kisuke lowered his eyes.

"I see you have come to the reason why I am speaking to you alone. I am a firm believer that one shouldn't know too much in advance of the making of some decisions. And so I thought that you would know best how this should play out. Understand?"

Byakuya nodded.

"I understand. And I am grateful to you for your discretion."

"Now, I'm still working on how to address the fact that when you go into the vortex, you will not have any powers. I think I may have a way to address that, but because it is your inner world, I need to know your thoughts on my plan."

Byakuya listened and his eyes widened as Kisuke laid out his plan. He was silent, both during the delivery of the plan and after hearing it. He was so withdrawn that Kisuke wasn't certain that he would ever form an answer. But finally, he looked up.

"Kisuke Urahara," he said quietly, "I need to consider this carefully. I would ask that while I do that you continue to honor my need for privacy on this matter. I don't wish for Renji or Ichigo to hear of it until I am ready to move forward. It would be a great burden for them…one I would spare them…for as long as is possible. I agree with you that some choices should be made in the moment."

Kisuke nodded in agreement.

"I think you are making a very wise decision, Captain. Think carefully. But remember that the amount of time you have to think about this is limited. Once the form begins to fail, the time will be upon us. Be sure then, that you are prepared to act swiftly. A hesitation at the wrong moment could cost you everything."

"Kisuke Urahara," Byakuya said softly, "I assure you that I am aware of my exact position."

"Very well, then. I'll go take up guard duty and send Renji along. He's pretty worried about you…and he's right to be worried. I think you're going to find it very difficult to keep him in the dark, Captain. Renji seems quite capable when it comes to reading you. You had best be cautious."

Byakuya nodded silently and watched as Kisuke left. Left alone, the noble slid down into the pillows. He closed his eyes and thought deeply. He wondered where the line was between being honest and doing the right thing. In a perfect world, the two would be one in the same, but locked in the living world left Byakuya in a world that was about as far from perfect as he had ever been.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I brought you some tea," Renji said, setting the cup in Byakuya's hands.

It was the oldest of rituals they shared and it went back to a time when Byakuya was a cold, introverted bastard and Renji was the subordinate out to undo him. It had started as a way to bridge the distance between two distant souls…and now it was something sacred that always seem to bring them back to the center of who they were.

"Arigato, Renji," Byakuya said quietly, watching as Renji sat down on the bed beside him.

Renji watched in silence, his brown eyes troubled.

"So how are you feeling now?" he asked finally.

Byakuya swallowed the tea, but found that he was unable to taste it.

"I am fine now, Renji. I did not suffer any ill effects from the unexpected release of Senbonzakura. You needn't worry."

"I'm not just worried about that, Byakuya. I just need to know…I need to be sure that you are in this and fighting with everything you have."

Byakuya nodded.

"I am, Renji."

He looked down at his hands and smoothed the blanket they rested on.

"Renji…I owe you an apology. Before…the way I acted…was inexcusable. I hope you know that it only happened because I wasn't myself. I don't know what came over me. The emotions are so much stronger in this human form that sometimes they just take over. I am improving in my control of them, but I have a long way to go yet."

Renji moved over and rested his head on Byakuya's shoulder.

"I know that…and I don't care. Byakuya, it has to be hard as hell to deal with all of the shit you have going on. I don't know how you manage it. I don't know that I could be that strong…but I'm here for you. I want to help you. I love you…"

Byakuya turned and nuzzled beneath Renji's chin, burrowing into his shoulder.

"I love you, too."

"I just wish there was something I could do to help you. I feel so damned useless."

Byakuya lifted his head and took Renji's face in his hands.

"Renji," he said, bringing his face close to the redhead's, "you are not useless. If you hadn't found me in that alley when you did…I would be dead already. You found me and you didn't leave my side when I was struggling to survive…and you are here now, calming me and giving me the strength to fight. I wouldn't have the strength to do this if not for you. So don't tell me that you feel useless. I don't want you to feel that way. The only thing I want you to feel…is loved. As long as we have love, it doesn't matter where this ends."

"Byakuya?"

Renji hand rose tentatively and brushed away the tear that had formed in the corner of one dark, shadowed eye. He looked into Byakuya's eyes and felt very strongly that there was something the noble wasn't saying…something tormenting him.

"Byakuya, what is it? What aren't you telling me?" he asked, placing his hands over Byakuya's.

Byakuya stared deeply into his eyes.

"Renji…you have heard me say from time to time that there are some things that cannot be decided until all of the facts play out. This is one such time. I will tell you in honesty that I do not know exactly what will happen…how I will regain my shingami form. What I do know is that I will depend on your strength. I need you to be incredibly strong, because as you can see, my own strength comes and goes. There may come a time when you feel your strength failing. If that should happen…remember this. Remember what we're fighting for. If you hold that in your mind, you will be able to help me. Will you trust me then, Renji?"

"Will I trust you?" Renji asked, feeling an uneasy twinge inside, "Byakuya…of course I trust you. Why do you even ask?"

Byakuya's cheek brushed warmly against his.

"I ask because it is important. I ask because I need to know that when I turn to you, you will be there for me…and you will do as I ask…no matter how difficult it is."

"Byakuya…" Renji said, touching his face, "you are really scaring me. I know that there's something you're not telling me…something important. Please tell me. Don't try to take this on yourself…talk to me."

Byakuya leaned forward and placed a long, slow kiss on his mouth.

"Renji…I don't know as much as you think. I just…have some suspicions, but like you, I must wait to see how things play out. Waiting is difficult, especially locked inside this over-reactive body."

He kissed Renji again, more deeply and with greater urgency.

"I need to know you are with me, Renji. I need to feel your arms around me. I can do this, but I cannot do it without you. Be with me…"

Renji found himself meeting Byakuya's kisses with urgent kisses of his own. He knew there were still things that Byakuya wasn't saying, but he also sensed that he had what he must feel were valid reasons for holding back. And he hadn't lied and said there was nothing being left unsaid. He had asked for Renji's trust…and even though it hurt to yield it, even though he knew there were secrets, he had to trust his lover. Byakuya would not hold back unless he had to…unless something made it necessary.

But the secrets left a chill in his heart.

He turned to his lover to find warmth again and found himself buried deep within Byakuya's arms…sinking into the heated, searching mouth and feeling Byakuya's heart racing beneath his skin. Pale hands tore away their clothing and then seemed to touch him everywhere…touches filled with love, with tenderness, with desperation.

Bya, what aren't you saying?

His body strained against Renji's and Renji could feel that he was shaking.

"I'm with you," he whispered, "and whatever it is, we'll face it together. I won't fail you, Byakuya. I won't let you die. I didn't in that alley after Tadashi attacked you and I won't now."

Byakuya answered him with an explosion of warmth…of kisses and touches that carried away his words and made everything around them disappear. The noble plunged into his lover's body, gripping him tightly, like one hanging on for dear life. And Renji was there just as he had promised, meeting each heavy, penetrating thrust with raised hips and clenched hands.

The pleasure overtook them and sent them spiraling into oblivion. They held each other tightly, each loathe to release his hold on the other…their firm grip a promise of what would always be. It didn't matter what happened. They would face it together.

Byakuya turned and sank into Renji's embrace. He rested there, brushing the sides of his face with softer kisses…watching as Renji very slowly succumbed to sleep.

And when his lover slept, he carefully pulled free. He dressed quietly, looking back at Renji with deeply shadowed eyes. He slipped out of the room and made his way through the darkened house, down the steps and onto the cold sands of the beach. He walked the edges of the water, listening to the surf pounding and rolling in to hiss against the shore. It hadn't been easy holding back. And Renji wasn't fooled into thinking that Byakuya had told him everything. But it was very much as Kisuke had said. Things must be allowed to play out and they must make their decisions in the moment. There was no use in thinking ahead. It would only drive him crazy with despair. And despair was an emotion that Byakuya could not afford to feel. He had to trust that Kisuke's plan would work. He had to trust in the plan…even if it killed him.