CHAPTER FOUR

"Here you go, Sweetheart." Angela cheered as she unloaded a stack of bunny-shaped pancakes onto Arizona's plate, "These were always Jane's favourite. She and Maura usually come to eat here when they have been up early for a case." She smiled warmly at the blonde, and Arizona couldn't help but adore this woman already, "You must have been so confused this morning when there was no one in the house. It's such a good thing that Maura left my number on the desk so you could call me, huh?"

Arizona tried to hide just how amused she was with this entire situation; she was sitting in the small cafeteria at the station where both Maura and Jane worked, and she was surrounded by people in uniforms, and they were all drinking coffee like addicts, and everyone seemed stressed, yet Angela was taking her sweet, sweet time making sure that Arizona was comfortable. "Thank you, Mrs. Rizzoli, it all looks very, very delicious." She replied, as she glanced at all the food on the table in front of her.

Angela made a face. "I told you already, Arizona, call me Angela. Rizzoli just reminds me of my stupid, unfaithful husband."

"Angela." Arizona replied and dutifully picked up the fork from the table, making sure that Angela knew that she was going to eat every piece of food on her plate. "Thank you." She glanced at the counter where a line was forming, something that Angela had yet to notice herself, "Don't let me keep you waiting though. The police need coffee to keep the streets of Boston safe!"

The older woman looked confused for just a second, but when Arizona delicately nudged her head towards the line, it seemed like she suddenly realised that she had a job to do. "Oh!" she made a funny little jump. "Will you be okay here by yourself?"

"Maura is just on her way." Arizona replied and stuffed a piece of pancake into her mouth. "Go. Do your job."

Angela smiled warmly at her, before she turned around on her heel, coffee pot in one hand, and hurried behind the counter again, making countless of excuses to the grumpy policemen. Arizona couldn't help but watch her in amusement while she started eating her breakfast and drinking her much-needed coffee. She could sort of see some of Jane in Angela, even if she'd only just spent yesterday evening with the youngest Rizzoli-woman. Of course Jane was much more controlled and focused, but there was still some of that adorable confusion in Jane as well. Perhaps Angela was just more open about it, where Jane's confusion only appeared in situations she had no control over. Which wasn't her job, that much Arizona had pretty quickly learned from all of Maura's stories. Jane's personal life though... Arizona definitely saw it there.

Yesterday had been such an overwhelming day. She knew that she probably should have told Callie that she was going to Boston, but she simply hadn't had the nerve. The other woman would have told her not to go, and Arizona would have listened, because Callie's reasons would have made sense. She was missing Sofia so much already, it was heartbreaking, and she couldn't help but worry about Callie and all of her patients back at the hospital. She'd needed to do this for herself though – there was no doubt about that. If she was ever going to function properly again, this was exactly what she needed, and she was going to allow herself to do it.

Being with Maura was – easy and nice. It was just like back in medical school where they'd been each other's best friends and just had fun together. Of course Maura's idea of fun had often been studying together and making flashcards, but Arizona had to admit that that was part of what got her so successfully through medical school. It had been wonderful back then; she'd been able to tell the other woman everything, and they'd shared their secrets and their dreams. Now she was with her again, for the first time in many years, and it was just as easy as she had remembered. She wished that the circumstances had been different, but it was still nice. They could still have fun, and she was surprised that she was able to smile and laugh so easily.

If anyone was going to figure this out with her, it was going to be Maura, there was not a doubt in her mind about that.

She missed Callie though, like really missed her. Right now – as she was eating that cute bunny-shaped pancake (she really should ask Angela how she did those; Sofia would love it) – she couldn't even explain how things had gotten this bad. Away from the hospital, away from all of those same old people and problems, it seemed just silly. Lauren had been hot, but she was no Calliope Torres. Arizona was well aware that she had a gorgeous wife with a giant heart – and she'd willingly tried to gamble all of that away. She couldn't tell you why, she couldn't even tell Maura why. Just that it had something to do with that leg and the fact that Callie had lied to her about it.

Of course she also knew that if Callie hadn't promised her to safe the leg, and then told them to cut it off anyway, she wouldn't be here right now. She knew that she would be buried in the ground had they not amputated it. And logic told her that she really couldn't be angry with Callie for that, because despite being in an awful plane crash, she had gotten out of it alive, and she was still functioning and breathing. It confused her deeply that she couldn't figure out why all of this bothered her so much still – it shouldn't, should it?

"I see you found Angela's phone number?" Maura questioned and effectively pulled Arizona out of her downwards spiral of thoughts. She gracefully took a seat across from Arizona at the small table. "I apologise for leaving this morning without saying hello, but Jane and I got called into work. They got a break-through with the old case files, and Jane and Frost are making an arrest right now." She smiled warmly at her, "Thankfully I'm able to eat my breakfast."

Arizona finished her cup of coffee, and she was going to ask Angela for a refill when she – undoubtedly – came to give Maura some food. "Don't worry about it. I took my time showering and I slept in late for the first time in God knows how long." She paused, "It was... nice."

Maura blinked, "Oh yes, I can imagine. I don't often get to sleep in late either." She drew in a shaky breath, "So now that you and I are having a moment alone, will you please tell me whatever went through your mind when you decided to cheat on Callie?" she looked absolutely confused at the mere idea, "You guys are perfect for each other, Arizona, you even have a perfect baby girl. And I know this because you send me pictures of her every week and I used them as wallpaper on my laptop."

Biting into a piece of melon, Arizona couldn't hide her chuckle. "She is perfect. With her perfect brown eyes and her black hair..." she chewed and added, "She looks so much like Calliope. And she's a Sloan. She's going to be a heartbreaker, Maura."

Just then Angela turned up with a plate of food for Maura, and Arizona didn't even have to ask her to refill her cup, before she was doing it. She thanked her profusely, but Angela barely had time to breathe, before she had to run back to the counter to sell coffee. Maura watched the older woman for a little while; her eyes following the movements behind the counter and the way she barked out orders. Arizona couldn't help but study the way her eyes seemed to glisten with so much love. It wasn't really an emotion she was used to seeing on Maura's face, and it really caught her completely off guard. Maura cared deeply for these people. She'd been able to see that already last night during her interactions with Jane. Arizona wasn't sure if Maura knew just how she acted around the other woman, but it was almost as if...

Arizona shook it off and tried to think of something else. She couldn't let herself get sucked into this, and it was probably her own confusion that made it seem like it was something it most definitely wasn't.

"So," Maura poked at her, as she gracefully crossed one leg above the other, looking impeccable as always, "talk to me, Arizona. What's going on?"

Arizona sighed; she knew that this was going to happen. That was why she came there after all. She'd maybe just hoped that it was going to be a little while longer before Maura opened the can of worms and brought the subject up for conversation. But of course – there was no time to waste; there were lives to be lived and marriages to be saved. She couldn't hold out on her forever. "Callie, she..." she breathed out shakily, gathering her voice that had somehow managed to turn shaky, "she lied to me, Maura. She promised she wouldn't take my leg, but then she went ahead and cut it off anyway."

Maura raised an eyebrow, "You do realise that that was to save your life, am I correct?" she questioned, before hurrying on as she delicately cut her pancake, "That hadn't Callie told them to amputate your leg, you would not be sitting in front of me right now, enjoying these delicious peanut butter pancakes?"

She knew that her friend was right; logically Arizona knew that Maura was so, so right, and that was what so many other people had told her before as well. But one thing was what they said, and another thing was what went on inside her head. She closed her eyes for just a second, thinking the noise away, before she returned, "I know that." She whispered, "I know that very well, and – and maybe it's not the leg at all anymore. Because I'm so grateful to be alive right now, believe me. I am. I am so grateful that I get to experience love and joy, and that I get to watch my child grow up, but... it doesn't change the fact that I can't get over the way she just, she just told them to cut it off!"

"Hmm." Maura chewed her breakfast slowly, musing things over in that certain way she always did. The look on her face was peculiar, and she hummed slightly as she ate. Arizona watched her, slipping pieces of fruit into her mouth, with a beating heart and anticipation itching in her fingertips. "Oh!" Maria suddenly said then, and she pointed her fork at Arizona and added, "I know. Maybe it's not about the leg. Maybe it's about what the leg represented."

Arizona stared at her best friend. She was sort of stuck right there, in the middle of her breakfast, and Maura just said something very clever. Which was a given, after all Maura always said clever things, but. This was just... super.

Maura continued, completely unaware that she was just changing Arizona's view on herself drastically, "You know, because the leg – your leg – it represents the trust and faith you had in Callie and your relationship. And by amputating it, she disregarded all of that." She shrugged her shoulders and took a long sip of her coffee. "Uh, Angela remembered to give me the organic brew from Brazil, that was nice of her." She leaned in closer, whispering the last part, "I make sure to have my own blend stocked here so I can get good coffee. Otherwise they'll serve me with the stuff they give the officers."

The blonde woman couldn't help but chuckle slightly at her friend; Maura never ceased to amuse her. "But it's not just about the fact that she cut it off, isn't it?" Arizona continued, placing a hand on her knee and rubbing the end of her prosthesis, "She kept pushing me. She kept talking about the crash as if she was there. As if she experienced all of those horrible, horrible days and nights with the rest of us. She wasn't there, Maura, she doesn't know. And then she expects me to get over it and just move on? That week will hunt me for the rest of my life." She whispered, her voice barely audible above the all of the other conversation in the room.

Maura offered her a soft look, and she slipped her hand across the table to grab Arizona's hand and squeeze it tightly. "Just like some things will hunt me for the rest of my life." She whispered, and her eyes were full of love and affection, "And some things will hunt Jane, and some things will hunt Callie. It's a part of life, but we all move on. Maybe you just weren't quite ready to do so when she asked it of you."

Trying to calm herself down by breathing slowly in and out, Arizona wasn't sure what to say. Logically, she knew that Maura was right; everybody had to move on, it was a part of life, and it was the natural thing to do. But it wasn't just as easy as that. Sure, she'd seen Cristina move on, she'd watched Derek and Meredith move on; but... It wasn't just as easy as that for her. She couldn't just do it. She wished she knew how to, but she couldn't just let it go. "Maura?" she whispered, and she squeezed her best friend's hand right back, because that was everything she could do right now. "Everyday, it feels like I'm faking my smiles, and I – I don't like faking it, I want to be truly happy again. I want to joke with my kids and really mean it, I want to make them feel better when they're going through the hardest part of their short, short lives. I just – what if I'm never going to be that person again?"

"You will be." Maura promised her, and she sounded so sure, so certain, that Arizona could do nothing but believe her. "I know you will, Arizona. You just need to keep fighting."

"First step," Arizona replied, swallowing and moving her eyes away from Maura's promises, "being here."

Maura smiled warmly at her, "You're right. You've realised that there are some things you need to work on, and you're here, and that's first step. You're doing good." She said.

Arizona watched her best friend, as Maura turned back to her breakfast. It seemed so easy, so easy to get there, when Maura told it to her like that. It seemed like it was just something she'd easily do, when truth is... It was something she had to work on – for a long time – and maybe then it wouldn't even be good again. Maybe it would take years, and maybe if it did, Callie wouldn't be waiting for her. And then there was the ever-going question: Did she even want her to?

Just then Jane entered the cafeteria; she looked tired, but pleased, and she seemed to search the entire room, until her eyes met Arizona's, and her face lit up in a tiny smile. She zigzagged between the other tables, before she stopped behind Maura and greeted them with a sigh. "We got the guy in custody. We have to question him later. Will you be there, Maura?"

Wiping her mouth with the corner of her napkin, Maura answered, "Yes, I would love to. Perhaps I can be helpful, I sometimes am."

Jane grabbed Maura's cup and took a long sip of her coffee. "Thank you. God," she took another sip and seemed to really savour the caffeine, for just a second, before she made a disgusted face, "is this that crap from Brazil again?" she put the cup down and huffed.

"It's organic, Jane!" Maura said, before she grabbed her cup, "You can get your own coffee, if you're going to criticise mine."

Jane rolled her eyes, and Arizona couldn't help but chuckle. "Have some of mine." She offered and pushed her cup across the table. It was only half full, but Jane grabbed it and finished the rest of it with a grateful smile.

"Thank you." She said. She then turned to Maura with a loopy smile and continued, "Are we doing that thing tonight that we talked about?"

Maura looked confused, "What thing? Tonight?"

Jane continued, "Yeah Maura. That thing... that thing that we talked about last night before we went to bed. Remember?" she made a face and it was clear that she was trying to imply something without actually having to say the words. Subtle had never been Maura's thing though, and it was clear to everybody around the table that she was just not getting it. Her confused face was so worth it though.

She sat up straight. "What thing?"

"For God's sake, Mauraaa!" Jane whined and turned to Arizona with a relinquished sigh, "Wear fancy pants tonight and go out with Maura and me for drinks, okay?"

"Oh, that thing!" Maura broke into a smile when she finally understood it, "Yes! Arizona, we're going out tonight, because we need to cheer you up."

Arizona nodded, laughing, "Alright. I'll wear my fancy pants." She couldn't hide the fact that she was thoroughly amused right now, "It's going to be awesome."

Maura's smile was nothing less than gigantic, and Jane's cell phone started ringing. She had only just swiped it out of her pocket when Maura's phone went off too, and before Arizona could figure out what had happened, both of them were moving out of their seats, suddenly in a hurry.

"Rizzoli." Jane mumbled.

Just as Maura queered, "Isles?"

"What have we got?" Jane continued, and Maura grabbed her bag from the back of the chair. The two women made their way out of the cafeteria, their shoulders brushing slightly as they walked side by side. Arizona's gaze lingered at her best friend, and her now best friend as they walked together, and she couldn't help but smile. Not only had that been entirely surreal how they'd just answered their phones, but the way they were walking together just seemed so natural that Arizona could hardly believe her own eyes. She followed them with her eyes until they were out of her sight, and then her gaze wandered from the empty doorway to the counter, and, for just a second, her eyes locked with Angela's, and Arizona could see that her smile was just the same.

That made her feel slightly better. Perhaps she wasn't entirely crazy?

X

"Buenos días, buenos días, ¿como están? ¿Como están?" Callie softly sang as she stroked Sofia's black hair with her hand, "Estamos muy contentos, estamos muy contentos." She continued lowly, watching her daughter's dark eyes – shaped just like Mark's – watch her with curiosity as she tried to murmur the words along with her Mama, "Din don dan, din don dan." She finished, and these words Sofia could actually sing along to, and a tiny smile appeared on her tired face.

Callie began singing the song again, still in a soft murmur, to lull her child into sleep. She'd been singing this lullaby to her since she was born; it was the same song her mother had lulled her to sleep with when she was a little girl. It was what she always did when she put Sofia to bed. But it wasn't really working this time; sleep seemed far from Sofia's mind, even if she looked tired. She was clutching the pink blanket with her tiny hand, and her eyes were fluttering, trying to stay awake. She was surrounded by all of her favourite teddies, and she looked so beautiful and so peaceful.

"Mama..." she whispered, rubbing one of her eyes with a fisted hand, "I want Mommy..." she sighed and her eyelids fluttered again.

Reaching into the bed to kiss Sofia's forehead, Callie had to fight to hold back the tears. Her heart was breaking for her daughter, and she wished that she could explain to her that Mommy would be back soon and that it was only temporary, but Sofia didn't understand that; all she understood was that her Mommy wasn't there right now, and it was upsetting her. "Mommy's not here, mija." She whispered, placing another two kisses on her face before pulling back and continuously stroking her hair. "Mama's going to have to do for now, okay?"

"W'ishe?" Sofia tiredly questioned, slurring her words together. She was fighting sleep so hard, and her cheeks were rosy. She should have been sleeping an hour ago, but it was impossible to get her to willingly sleep. Which was stupid, because normally she loved bedtime.

Callie glanced down at her daughter with flickering eyes; she wished that she could tell her. She wished that she knew. But Arizona wasn't just somewhere in Boston with an old friend – she was lost. And Callie wasn't sure if she was ever going to get her wife back, or if Sofia was going to get her mother back. At least not in the way she used to have her. "She's..." she breathed out, "She's away for a little while, okay baby girl?" she questioned, nodding her head. "She can't give you bedtime, you're going to have to listen to Mama sing again, okay?"

Sofia turned onto her other side, burying her face in her pillow. "Don't wanna." She cried, and it took everything in Callie not to break down crying right there. She had to hold it together for her child. She had to keep a calm face and do this for Sofia.

"Mama will sing the other song, how about that, mija?" Callie desperately questioned, stroking Sofia's arm, "I'll sing the song that Mommy sings, okay? Mommy can't sing it herself, but she reeeeeally wants to, Sweetie. She really does. I promise you. In a few weeks Mommy will sing it herself, but right now, Mama has to do, okay?" she rattled off, desperately trying to get her child to listen to her.

Sofia nodded, still with her head buried in the pillow, and Callie drew in a shaky breath. Alright, so far so good. She could sing the song that Arizona always sings when she puts Sofia to bed. She'd listened to it so many times after all, and admired the way that Arizona's delicate voice would calm their daughter and sing her to sleep.

Combing her fingers through Sofia's hair, Callie softly began to sing the song that Arizona's mother had sung to her when she was a little girl, "One, two, three, four, five, once I caught a fish alive. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, then I let it go again." She lowly sang, and she could feel Sofia relax beneath her; she drew out a breath and her shoulders were shaking, "Why did you let it go? Because it bit my finger so. Which finger did it bite? This little finger on my right."

She could feel her daughter – her absolute everything – relax more and more, so Callie repeated the song again and again, even if it was very hard for her, even if it pained her so much to sing the song that she'd listened to Arizona singing so many times in the last few years. She fought the tears and ignored the heartbreak that it caused her and sang for her daughter, because it comforted her right now. She needed it more than Callie did herself, and she was willing to do everything to take care of her.

Only when Sofia's breathing was slow and even, did Callie stop singing entirely. She stood up from where she'd been kneeling the past few hours and slowly tucked her daughter's blanket closer around her. She kissed her forehead once more and watched the tiny human for a few seconds. She was filled with so many different emotions right then and there, she could hardly handle all of them. On one side there were all the emotions she had for Sofia, all the love that consumed every part of her, from her very core; from the tips of her toes to her fingers. And on the other hand... there was the complete despair and devastation that surrounded her because she missed Arizona, she hurt because of her, and she was hardly holding herself together right now. Because of her.

She crept out of the room and closed the door behind her with a soft click. Sofia would sleep through the night – she always did. Callie backed into the bedroom then, stripping out of her clothes, as she clenched her teeth and told herself that she shouldn't cry. She thought that she was done with this; she thought that she was all cried out, and yet there she was, fighting tears once more. She dropped every piece of her clothing onto the floor beneath her, as she closed her eyes and tried to remember what it was like when Arizona was there; when she'd be able to cuddle up next to her warm and soft body every evening; to breathe in her scent and feel her presence with her.

The Latina was shaking when she finally got into bed; she tucked herself beneath the covers and reached out to grab Arizona's pillow – it was still laying there, right where it had always been, where she used to sleep, and Callie grabbed it and tucked it closer, burying her face into it and breathing in the familiar – and comforting – scent. She breathed in everything that was Arizona; the way her skin smelled, the scent of her shampoo. Callie took it all in, and before she knew it, she was wetting the pillow with her tears. They slipped out of her eyes with no control, and she cried. She cried for Sofia, who was missing her mommy, and she cried for herself, because she was losing her wife; the woman she loved.

She hugged her pillow so close, crying into it; her fingers were turning white and she curled herself into a little ball, trying to remember Arizona; the pain, the pleasure. The way that she used to bring her absolute love and joy every day, and the way that she'd hurt her more than any other person had ever hurt her.

Callie couldn't take it anymore – she couldn't do this. She wasn't – she wasn't capable of functioning properly without Arizona by her side, she wasn't sure if she could. She needed the other woman; not because life couldn't be lived without her, but because life couldn't be lived good without her. Callie didn't want to wake up with anyone but her every day, and she needed her. Her heart told her that she needed her, and it was bleeding every day without her touch, without her love.

Biting back a sob, Callie blindly fumbled for her cell phone on the nightstand. She grabbed it and punched in the familiar number. She knew that it was late, but she didn't care. She couldn't be like this, not for another second, and she needed her. It probably didn't make much sense, but nothing seemed to make sense lately; it hadn't done so the last eight months, and Callie was starting to fear that it might never make sense again. All she could do was hope, and try, try to make it better for herself; create the outcome that she wanted.

The wait was excruciating as the phone rang, waiting to be picked up. She was clenching her teeth and biting back the sobs. She could hardly hold it in anymore, and when the phone was finally picked up, Callie almost chocked out the words, "I need you to come. I – I need you here."

I want to thank you so much for the kind reviews I received for chapter three. Your support is really appreciated! I hope you liked this chapter as well; bonding time with the threesome in Boston, as Callie is in a bit more pain before I attempt to fix what's broken.

The new semester just started again this week, so now I'm going to be really busy once more. I will try my best to update – as a minimum – every two weeks. I really will. But if updates are further between, I apologise beforehand. It's just that real life sometimes gets a lot in the way of my fanfiction-writing time. I am already one page into chapter five, so hopefully I'll get time to write some more very soon!

Disclaimer; I don't own Rizzoli & Isles and I don't own Grey's Anatomy.