Chapter 15: Necessary Words
Byakuya's human form is beginning to fail…
Renji couldn't get the words out of his mind. He rested against the pillows, holding a still-unconscious Byakuya against him, watching the rise and fall of his breathing and the soft shift of his body when he moved. He was regaining consciousness slowly…but at least he was going to wake. At least, that's what they thought. There was really no way to know.
The human form was experimental. There was no way to know which fall would be Byakuya's last. Before that happened, they had to find the answers, the way to return Byakuya to his shinigami form. The thought sent a shiver of dread through Renji. He knew that while Byakuya might not know the exact details of the process, he knew in general what it would take. And Renji knew that the fact Byakuya hadn't immediately revealed what he knew was a sure sign that whatever it was, it was going to be difficult for all of them.
I can't stand this…
He pulled Byakuya closer and sank his fingers into the dark, soft black hair. He leaned forward to place kisses on the soft, lightly moving eyelids.
It has to be really bad or you would have just told me. It wasn't like you didn't want to tell me. I could see you struggling, but you just couldn't say the words. You only told me to stay beside you…to be ready to do whatever you asked. But Byakuya, what are you going to ask of me?
Byakuya stirred in his arms and moaned softly. Then he burrowed more deeply into the redhead's arms.
Whatever it is, I know it won't be easy. But if you ask something of me, I will do it…even if I hate myself for it. Because you mean that much to me. And I know you wouldn't ask me to do something painful or difficult if you could find another way. Maybe that's what you were using the time to do. To find another way… But you don't have to worry. I'll do what you ask, even if it kills me. I told you once that I was going to love you, no matter what the cost. You were afraid that the cost might be my life. You were ready to walk away because you didn't know if you could be that strong. Now it's you who may die and I am the one who is afraid, but I won't walk away. Even though it's hard, and I might lose you, Byakuya, I want every damned moment with you, even the ones that hurt.
Byakuya stirred again and his dark eyes blinked open. Renji felt the soft flutter of an eyelash touch his skin.
"Renji?" Byakuya whispered uncertainly, "What happened? I thought that we were on the beach. Was I just dreaming?"
Renji shook his head and kissed a furrowed eyebrow.
"You weren't dreaming," Renji assured him, "We were on the beach."
Byakuya's lips curved into a smile.
"Good," he said softly, "because I was enjoying our time together so much that it would have been…sad…if it turned out not to be real."
Renji forced a smile.
"Well it was real. Look," he said, pointing to a handful of shells that lay on the nightstand, "Those are the shells we picked up while we were walking on the beach. I found those in your pocket and I thought you would like to keep them."
"Arigato, Renji, I would."
He was quiet for a moment.
"Renji…my human form is beginning to fail, isn't it?" he asked softly.
Renji nodded, but said nothing.
Byakuya looked over at the shells on the nightstand.
"It's all right, Renji," Byakuya continued, sitting up, "It isn't like this was unexpected. We knew it was coming."
"I know," Renji said, sitting up and moving closer to Byakuya, "I guess that I just didn't expect it would be so soon. I thought there would be more time for finding a way to get you back the way you were."
"Well," said Byakuya, looking into his eyes, "Kisuke and I think we have some sense of what it will take."
He reached out and took one of Renji's hands in his.
"I think it's time for us to talk about what is coming. Some things are as of yet unknown, but some things can be expected."
Renji felt a shiver pass through him.
"Okay, Byakuya. If you're ready to talk about it, I'm ready to listen."
Byakuya raised the warm tanned hand to his lips and kissed it before bringing it to rest on his cheek.
"Renji…when Kisuke scanned my body after it was hit with Senbonzakura's release, he noticed something. What Kisuke noticed was that this body, though it has no spirit centers for channeling reiatsu, has a large spirit receptor. He suspects that the spirit receptor is there to capture a large infusion of reiatsu and to use it to create a vortex that will carry me to my inner world."
"So…we just fire some reiatsu through it and you go to your inner world. But that doesn't solve the problem of how to defend yourself once you are there, right."
Byakuya nodded.
"Kisuke said that during the testing, even though one of the shinigami reached his inner world, he couldn't defeat his zanpakutou, and he died. The other that died never reached his inner world. But…before his form failed, he began to suffer from power flares, losses of consciousness, fatigue and eventually, madness. Renji…they had to kill him because he went out of control and killed one of the scientists who was trying to help him."
Renji didn't say anything, but his face paled.
""What this tells Kisuke…what it tells me…is that whatever action we take, must happen before form failure makes the recovery of my shinigami form impossible."
"So you need to go to your inner world before then. We just need to figure out how to help you defeat your zanpakutou."
"Kisuke has an idea how we might do that. You see, because you and I are lovers, our zanpakutous have a connection, a resonance. Because of the resonance, if you or Zabimaru are in physical contact with me during the reiatsu infusion, you should be carried with me into my inner world. But Senbonzakura will be in his untamed form. And Kisuke and I think that it will take two shinigamis to have a hope of both defeating Senbonzakura and keeping me alive. But we may have a solution for that as well."
"What kind of solution?" Renji asked.
"Well…there is only one zanpakuto that has defeated my Senbonzakura. That is Zangetsu. Because of this, there is also a connection between the two. It is our intention to use that connection to bring Ichigo to my inner world as well. Once there, you and Ichigo would battle Senbonzakura on my behalf. If you are successful, everyone comes home…"
"Byakuya," Renji said quietly, "Not that it will happen, not with both Ichigo and I there, but what happens if we fail?"
Byakuya met Renji's eyes squarely.
"All three of us will die as my inner world collapses."
"Shit!" muttered Renji, "That's not good. But you know that Ichigo and I are going to be strong enough…working together like that…right?"
Byakuya sighed.
"I believe you will be, yes. But don't think this will be easy. We aren't sure that we will be able to get you both to my inner world at all. And once you are there, you must remember that the zanpakuto you will face is in its uncontrolled form. It will strike you with greater strength than what you faced when you opposed me before. And he may use attacks that I have not learned yet…extensions of ban kai that won't appear in me until later. It will be a very difficult battle. And Senbonzakura will be focusing all of his power on killing me."
"But…why? Why would your own zanpakutou want to kill you? Doesn't he know it will kill him too?"
"No…You see, the process used to transform me caused a break in our connection. Senbonzakura is disoriented and confused, uncertain what has happened to me. And when I appear in my inner world, he will not recognize me as his master. I am human and have no way to connect with him. It will drive him into a maddened rage and he will try to kill me."
"And I suppose he won't want to waste time talking about it."
"Not likely," Byakuya replied dryly, "Renji, right now, Senbonzakura is suffering. He is alone in my inner world…and because my human form is now failing, that world will begin to crumble. I know that if I were connected to him, I would feel him reaching out to me. But there is no connection. I cannot feel his presence at all…not even when I lift my sword."
Byakuya turned to look out the window.
"Renji…You also need to be aware that when you go to my inner world, it will be in a state of collapse. You have as much to fear from that as you do from Senbonzakura. Once there, you must act quickly."
Renji nodded.
"We will. Ichigo and I will do whatever we have to."
"Arigato, Renji," Byakuya said, leaning into him and placing his head on the redhead's shoulder, "I am grateful."
Renji sat quietly, holding Byakuya against him and thinking.
"Byakuya," he said softly, "there's still more to this, isn't there?"
Byakuya lifted his head and kissed Renji warmly.
"Your instincts serve you well, Renji. How did you know?" he asked, looking calmly into the troubled brown eyes.
"I know, because if everything you told me was all there was to this, then we wouldn't be sitting here. If that was all it was, we would infuse you with reiatsu and go now…before your form failed anymore. But we aren't doing that."
"No," Byakuya said, looking into his eyes, "We aren't."
"Why are we waiting?"
"We are waiting because there is a way that all of this has to be done…and the conditions for that are not yet suitable. You see, the spirit receptor in my body will only capture the reiatsu and open the vortex if the conditions are met."
Renji felt coldness in the pit of his stomach.
"And what are the conditions?"
"Right now, there is a force that is holding the spirit receptor in a state of suspension. Kisuke realized this when Senbonzakura's attack caused a reaction in the spirit receptor. He tested it and came to the conclusion that the receptor won't be able to capture the power to open the vortex until the force holding it back is sufficiently overcome. Once it is, then the receptor will awaken and the reiatsu can be fired through it."
"So why don't we just destroy whatever is holding the receptor back?" Renji asked, not liking the look in his lover's eyes.
"The reason," Byakuya said softly, "that we cannot simply destroy the force holding back the receptor…is because I am that force."
Renji's eyes widened.
"What? What do you mean, you're that force? How do you mean that?"
"The spirit receptor is surrounded by my flesh and my life force. For the receptor to be strong enough to awaken, those things must be breached…but carefully."
"What?" Renji managed in a harsh whisper.
"I mean that both flesh and spirit receptor must be pierced…but first the flesh, then as the life force weakens sufficiently, the awakening receptor."
Renji swallowed hard and struggled for words. He couldn't bear to ask the next question. He couldn't bear to hear the answer he already suspected…the reason why Byakuya had agonized over telling him. But he had to. So he blinked back the tears that rose in his eyes and forced the words out.
"B-bya…" he said, feeling like he had lost the ability to breathe, "where is the spirit receptor?"
Byakuya didn't answer. He looked into Renji's tear-filled eyes gently and took hold of one of his lover's hands. Silently, he lifted it and brought it to rest over his heart. A choked sob escaped the redhead before he could force it down and he pulled his hand away as though he'd been burned. He sat staring at Byakuya with the tears breaking free and running in streams down his face as the noble pulled him close and held him tightly. It seemed strange to Renji that Byakuya's body felt so calm, so quiet, so relaxed even while he was coming apart.
"So…" he went on when he could speak again, "you're telling me that you have to be cut…and…and dying?"
Byakuya loosened his arms and reached up to brush the hair away from Renji's face.
"Once the flesh is opened and my life force weakens," he explained, "the spirit receptor will awaken. It will begin to pulsate and to draw in reiatsu. That is when the reiatsu must be fired into it. It will have to be a large amount of reiatsu…ban kai strength."
Renji flinched and pulled away. He met the dark eyes warily.
"Byakuya," he said in a trembling voice, "you…you're not…going to…"
Byakuya caught Renji's face in his hands and kissed away the suggestion.
"Renji," he said, pulling back and brushing away the redhead's tears, "I would never ask you to do that."
"But you said you wanted me to honor whatever you would ask of me. What did you mean by that?"
"Renji," he breathed, wrapping his arms around his lover, "I was thinking that it would be difficult for you to be there, to know what was happening…and to let it happen as it must. You have to be strong, because you will have to be at my side, in physical contact with me when all of this happens."
"But if I'm not the one who will…will…If not me, then who?" Renji asked.
Byakuya sighed.
"I don't know," Byakuya admitted, "We can't let the form fail, because the spirit receptor would not awaken…but…I don't know how…or who. That is why we haven't acted. I just haven't been able to cope with the idea of burdening someone with this. Even though it is meant to give me back my shinigami form, there are no guarantees. So we are in a holding pattern while I work on the idea. But we do know who will fire the reiatsu and how. There is only one zanpakutou that we know of that can capture enough reiatsu and force it into a compact enough stream to infuse the spirit receptor properly. That zanpakutou is Zangetsu."