Ballad of a homosexual Benjamin part 4
(whatever the name of the fourth godfather movie is… that's this parts name.)
ManBehindSentry was just being awesome as usual doing amazing things like eating pizza pockets and existing when STUFF HAPPENED! (This stuff includes Gabe Newell showing up in a fucking police box). ManBehindSentry said HOLAH SHAT WHUDAFAQWAZTHATWHICHJUSHAPPENED BLOWIN UP MAH DAMN WALL LIKE THE COOL AID MAN DON'T YOU KNOW WALLZ COST MONEY WHICH I LACK WHY YOU DO THIS MAN AND WHILE IM YELLING, ITS FUCKING GABE NEWELL! Gabe looked at ManBehindSentry the future decimator of steam a man who single handly brought down his favourite company by writing wel ritten fan fics on the internet. Gabe noticed that he was in fact as amazing as the legends foretold BUT THERE WAS NO TIME TO TELL HIM HOW AMAZING HE IS, no… IT WAS TIME TO SAVE DAH WORLD. (The next scene is boring and stuff so you know you can skip to me and gabe newell beating up employees of EA at … there isn't really a page system as I type this so ill just draw a buncha faces in bold where the good shit is.) Gaben said LOOK YOUR AMAZING FAN FICS BROKE PEOPLES MIND AND THE FOURTH WALL AND EVERYONE WAS ALL LIKE YEAH NO MORE BEING ON STEAM AND SHIT WITH THERE FAIR PRICES AND NEAR FLAWLESS SERVICE LETS BUY BLAM BLAM SHOOTY GUY GETS SHOT AND DIES 47 FROM THE LOCAL CEILING-MART. BUT WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND "MY BOY" - (clevar reference) is that we removed the /me system because people where abusing it to look like admins in servers. ManBehindSentry thought on this… MAKES SENSE NOT EVERYONE IS AS PERFECT AS ME, but who would be such a prick as to abuse such an amazing system. (meanwhile at the headquarters of dlc incorporated) SOON WE WILL HAZ ALL THE MONEY AND SUCH, said EA executive satan. AND ALL WE HAZ TO DO IS PUBLISH THE AMAZING MANBEHINDSENTRY FAN FIC FOR ALL THE STUPID PUBLIC TO READ. But sir, said some douche who works for ea. Isn't that immoral? Not to mention fucking stupid. NONSENSE, said Beelzebub. I CAN DO WHUT I WANT. (meanwhile at the house of the most amazing and modest man on the fucking planet) I see Gabe… ManBehindSentry said, we must get vengeance on ea also sorry I insulted you… Did you lose weight, All over? my god you are thin and amazing and make good games and im sorry. NOW WHERE WAS I… ah yes WE MUST DESTROY EA! (awesome theme music as a kick ass montage of ManBehindSentry and Gabe prepare for there final showdown the lastening) (the music sorta goes like this WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB *pause* WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB!) AND THEY WHERE OFF ON THERE AMAZING QUEST OF GLORY ManBehindSentry rode on his Morale superiority while Gabe rode On the power of steam both made it to the valve headquarters in under 0 milleseconds.
:3 OVER HERE IS THE GOOD PART
ManBehindSentry took out his lazer katana *a katana that shootz lazers* and Gabe took out a hat. The Ea employees starting charging at the amazing heroes. ManBehindSentry started to unsheathe his kick ass katana when Gabe stoped him. No said Gabe, THIS IS A JOB FOR THE HAT! ManBehindSentry knew all to well what a hat was capable of and backed away allowing gabe newell to do what he does best… SELL HATS. Gabe held the hat to the light and proclaimed THIS IS A LIMITED UNUSUAL TIPPERS TOP HAT WORN BY MERCS WITH PRIDE AND ONLY ONE OF THIS SHIT EXISTS *right now* AND ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS GIVE ME 2.50 TO HAVE A CHANCE OF OBTAINING THIS HERE HAT. All the EA employees took out there wallets and started tossing money at the man. In the confusion ManBehindSentry made his way to the executives office. Gabe yelled from behind the crowd ILL CATCH UP WHEN I CAN. ManBehindSentry acknowledged him and took the elevator to floor 666 (It's a very tall building but you can have nice things like that when you charge people 60 dollars for a game like sim city that does not work offline and does not work online) ManBehindSentry approached the desk of satan and watched as he threw the remains of a goat off to the side of the room. Satan turned his chair to face MBS and stated why are you here? MBS proclaimed BECAUSE NOTHINGS ON T.V AND MY INTERNETS DOWN! (also why he's writing this) I could fix that you know said Satan. I oversee all the cable and internet companys in Canada *MBS sneered* OF COURSE YOU DO, with those prices it was fucking obvious, some parts of Africa have better internet then Toronto (look that up its fucking true) AND I *interrupted Beelzebub* could provide you free service… for the rest of your lifetime. MBS pondered this he was really bored, but should he side with the lord of all evil AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, he really wanted to kill something… I mean he came here to kill something… FUCK IT HE DIDN'T COME ALL THE WAY HERE TO MAKE A DAMN DEAL AND NOT KILL SOMETHING. HELL NO! yelled MBS. I'M NOT MAKING A DEAL WITH THE SAME MAN WHO LEAD TO ME NOT GETTING STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT 3! IT WAS A NEICHE GAME AT BEST screamed Beelzebub. FUCK YOU YELLED MBS as he continued to charge, I LIKED THE FUCKING JET PACKS AND RTS ELEMENTS SO BURN IN HELL! Actually for me it's like room temperature I mean I'm Satan I'm used to it. NOT THE DAMN POINT! *at this moment MBS leapt into the air and swung for Satans neck* Satan was then decapitated and stuff but he yelled "FOOL YOU CAN'T KILL AN IMORTAL!" and then there waz 2 satans one spawned from the head the other grew a head and then MBS knew he was boned and shoulda just taken the internet and killed some EA employees on the way out. MBS used the only thing left at his disposal… praying to his atheist god… OH RAPTOR JEZUZ if you are not to busy eating small children or keeping science out of our public schools could you just… please, please… kick this guy's ass? Flying spaghetti amen. It was then that Gabe appeared with some new friends IT WAS ALL THE MOST POWERFUL FORCES IN GAMING, ARIN HANSON, JON JAFFARI, ANGRY JOE, YAHTZEE CROSHAW, JIM STERLING, AND A SHIT TON OF LETS PLAYERS AND TOGETHER! They got killed by Satan. I mean COME ON what did you expect there fucking mortals. Just then raptor jezuz showed up with pizza and was pissed because Satan killed all the best lets players and internet dudes out there. Raptor jezuz with a look of pure rage asked Satan what the meaning of all this was. Satan responded TO DESTROY STEAM. Raptor jezuz was straight up pissed dog like for serious he was angry yo, he was gonna straight up end Satan you hear? Satan loled at raptor jezuz's display of anger. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO ME HUH? IM SATAN! To which raptor jezuz responded IM RAPTOR JEZUZ BITCH! And did 9999 dmg and instant killed satan. Raptor jezuz then resurrected everyone and gave everyone pizza and it was good. MBS asked satan but what will become of EA? And raptor jezuz stated evil will always be out there in minutes EA will find a more evil executive and continue its evil… for as long as there are stupid people who support it. What can we do asked egoraptor. Raptor jezzuz responded OMFG IM SUCH A HUGE FAN… oh right serious ahem… not much just continue to make videos and entertain all the gamers out there until brighter days… But you just said there will always be evil and that its growing more powerful said Jontron. Well you see um… its sorta like *raptor jezuz flew out of the roof and hurt himself* MBS picked up his lazer katana all the remaining vegetarian pizza and started to make his way home. On the way back he found a portal to another dimension and decided to not go in cause that would be fucking stupid and instead bought a cat with the money from the EA CEO's wallet.
THE AMAZING END.
I would like to dedicate this work to
My mother and father who raised me to be the type to publish manure on the internet
My best friend who was stupid enough to allow me to live let alone proof read this
Steam
Not EA
My computer Betsy who I'm using to type this
My other friends but they didn't help, fucking ingrates
My lord and saviour raptor jezuz
My steam friend's list special mentions go out to all of them
My sandwich brother WayT0Dawn who rode the conga line to oblivion as we offered sandwiches to a snowman in tf2 who took our love and in return killed us.
All the video game orientated video makers on the internet besides Pewdiepie
MovieBob for giving me new things to think about
Channel awesome
ANd DAH KANADIAN SKoOl sYSTtem 4 TEAchIN MAH HOOW TAH SPEL GUD
And most of all *sniffle* TO MY FUTURE CAT GIDEON I FUCKING LOVE YOU MAN IN A WAY ILL NEVER FEEL FOR THE MENTIONED ABOVE
As JIM would put it
THANK GOD FOR ME! (but what he meant was raptor jezuz and L. Ron. Hubbard)
*scientology is legit*