Pretty Boy

Chapter 26

Learning The Crafts

It had been two days since 'Hadrian' had agreed to become an Order member. Nothing was official as of yet, but there hadn't been a meeting since to officially introduce him as one. Which just meant signing a piece of paper swearing not to betray the Order or Harry Potter. It did heighten the sense irony Severus felt just thinking about it. Yesterday Harry had brewed his first potion, very successfully. Today they were trying to close Harry's mind.

"Good, you're getting the hang of it, again." said Severus, "Legilimens!"

Hadrian groaned as his mind was once again assaulted. He was ready to kill Severus, he truly was. He wasn't explaining anything; he just continued shouting 'Legilimens' at him. He was seeing memories Harry did not want him to see. He wasn't sure what the hell he'd done the last time, what made Severus think he was getting the hang of Occlumency? Hadrian winced; finding himself on the floor his knees bruised and bashed from yet another bad fall. Panting in exhaustion, he wiped his sleeve across his sweaty forehead.

"Again," said Severus, "Legilimens!"

"Good. Legilimens."

"Legilimens."

On and on it continued Severus viciously gaining access to the most embarrassing memories Harry had. Memories Harry didn't want anyone to see, not even someone he trusted. The anger continued to mount, and with so much magic just recently released didn't help. It lashed out, an invisible force physically propelling Severus towards the bookshelves.

"What the fuck is that?" snapped Hadrian, shakily getting up, his magic still wildly reacting. His green eyes were flashing in true fury, as he regarded Severus as if he'd never seen him before.

"It's what I'm trying to teach you to defend against," said Severus wincing in pain as the magic forced him against his bookcase. The books and shelves were digging into various parts of his body. He shouldn't have been surprised by Harry's magical display; so much magic had to have an outlet. He was just glad nothing much worse had happened. Yet somewhere deep down, he realized something was wrong…Harry wasn't letting him down.

"By not telling me how? That's how you teach someone?!" snarled Hadrian his magic heating the room uncomfortably. God it hurt hurt more than anyone could imagine. He trusted Severus; he'd finally allowed himself to trust and what happened? He was treating him like shit he'd trod on. He also felt betrayed; he thought he'd meant something to Severus. It was obviously just a ploy, no doubt to get him to destroy Voldemort and Dumbledore.

"You'll learn," said Severus, "Control your magic, don't let it control you."

"Oh I'll learn is that all you have to say?" asked Hadrian, "You know what? Fuck it, I'm done. With you, with Hogwarts, this stupid fucking charade and everything!" that said Hadrian Apparated away, going to the only other place he could.

Severus was released the same second Hadrian impossibly Apparated inside Hogwarts. He fell down, still staring at the space unable to comprehend it. Not only Harry's incredible feat of magic…but the words he'd spoken. Closing his eyes in defeat he sighed sadly. He wanted to kick himself; in his bid to protect him from everyone he'd pushed him away. He who was supposed to be able to read everyone had chased the one he wanted a future with, away. It had taken all of one day to completely alienate him. It certainly was a new record even for him.

He couldn't let Harry run, he had to find him, and he had no idea where to start. No, actually he did, with a destination in mind he fled his quarters. Running faster than he had in his life. He was worried about Harry, so worried he couldn't even get angry. He hurt though, his heart was aching, and he hadn't felt like this since Lily had denounced him as a friend. He'd never let himself feel since, and it was happening all over again. All because he couldn't just bloody get things right, there had to be something wrong with him. Growling low in his throat, he Apparated to Harry's old flat. Removing his wand, he used a spell to detect anyone's presence.

He wasn't there, Severus stood there feeling useless, he didn't know where else to go. If Harry didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be he was good at hiding. Harry had been the one to find him, not the other way around. His mind whirled at the ramifications of his actions, Merlin what was he to do? Black and Lupin, he would have to tell them. With a bit of luck they could find Harry before any damage occurred. Before Dumbledore or Voldemort found him, but as he was still aged, it might never happen. They were looking for a nineteen year old, not a man the same age as himself.

"Harry? Are you okay?" asked Remus surprised to see him, he was kneeling on the floor, and he looked as if his world was ending. Alarmed he called Sirius, not sure what to do. He'd never seen Harry that way, he looked devastated and his heart went out to him. Had Dumbledore found out? Where was Snape? None of this was making sense to them.

"Harry? Come on up you get." said Sirius, keeping himself calm and centred, he'd been reading all books about abused children. Whether Harry was nineteen or not, he had still been abused. It would explain why he seemed to distrust everyone, well other than Snape anyway. Curious, Snape had always been with him, where was he today? With great difficulty he got Harry onto the couch. Using the spell he'd learned from Snape to remove the potion. His godson promptly shrank back to his normal size; at least the potion didn't hurt when he drank it. Otherwise he wouldn't have removed the potion from him.

"I've left him." said Harry, his eyes were closed and he was thinking of every moment they had together. He almost regretted it, but damn, Severus had hurt him so much. Treating him as though he was nothing, he didn't want to be nothing anymore…he wanted someone to love him. To be kind to him, someone he could rely on and be happy with. He wasn't sure what happiness felt like, but he imagined it was how he felt on the little holiday. Without care and worry, being worshiped by Severus, god, Severus could make him feel so good. Swallowing thickly, he wasn't sure what was going to happen now.

"Why?" asked Sirius genuinely surprised, it couldn't be that bad surely? What the hell had happened? He didn't take it too seriously though; he'd lost count of the times James and Lily threatened to leave each other. Both of them bloody drama queens, now it seemed Severus and Harry's relationship was going to be the same. Especially seeing that Harry had his mothers temper.

"He hurt me," whispered Harry, wincing as pounding headache made itself known again. Even now, it was still hurting like blazes, you shouldn't hurt someone you love, and he certainly wouldn't.

"What did he do?" asked Sirius getting angry now.

"He was teaching me Occlumency and he never even tried to explain, he just kept hurting me over and over again." growled Harry, his hands made into fists, as he tried to let go of the anger. Harry's biggest weakness was that he could hold a grudge, oh he could, and for a long time.

Severus Apparated into the flat, standing at the door, Sirius pointed his finger at him, forcing him to remain quiet and stand there. Harry, who had his back to him, hadn't seen him. It was time Snape learnt some home truths if his relationship with Harry was going to last.

"Then what happened?" asked Remus, always aware of Snape's presence he could smell him.

"I got angry, he was hurting me damn it, I told him I was leaving then I came here." said Harry. "I don't know what to do." he sounded lost. Neither Remus nor Sirius had seen Harry like that before. This was a new side to him, and it warmed them a little that he had come to them. He could have just disappeared, he hadn't, now they had to fix it before Harry really did decide to leave. Harry didn't love them enough to remain for them alone. They knew that, so they had to fix Harry and Snape before it boiled over.

"Harry there is something you should know about Severus," said Remus crouching down beside him. "How he teaches, he needs to ensure people pay attention, otherwise it would be pandemonium. He keeps strict control of his students, through intimidation and fear."

"I'm not a student!" snapped Harry angrily.

"I know, and I think he forgot that." explained Remus quietly. He knew he and Sirius weren't enough to keep Harry here, not yet anyway. They had to fix Severus' bloody screw up. It seemed his bedside manner needed some fixing. "You need to learn it that's what you both agreed to isn't it?"

"He didn't tell me what to do!" growled Harry, clutching at his head in desperation, the headache was getting worse.

Sirius went over to his medical cabinet, removing a headache remedy; Remus got them a lot after the full moon. "Here drink this, trust me it will help." said Sirius handing him the uncorked potion. He smiled slightly when Harry drank it, he trusted them a little it seemed.

"Harry do you love Severus?" asked Remus, he could scarcely believe he was sitting here giving Harry advice. For so long he'd through Harry hated him, hated them both. He owned Snape this, and so he would help the man - however undeserving it was. He should have known better than to do his usual crap with Harry.

"Unfortunately," muttered Harry darkly, his green eyes glinting angrily.

"All of him? Good, bad, sarcastic, funny…you can't pick and choose what parts to love. The part you witnessed is a side of Severus as well; yes he shouldn't have done it I agree. He just needs someone to show him he was wrong. If you haven't already done that." said Remus wryly, he felt bad for keeping the fact Snape was here listening to this from Harry. Yet he knew Snape had to hear this, he'd learn one way or another. Hopefully Harry wouldn't be too much like his mother and reject Snape. Truth be told, Severus probably wouldn't take it very well, just like his friendship with Lily.

"I do, which is what makes this hurt all the more, he's hurt me more than what I've had to do for money all those years. At least I didn't know them, they were nothing, I didn't care but he made me care." said Harry angrily.

Severus flinched as if the words had been a physical blow to the face. He'd listened to everything but that one sentence was a dagger to the heart. He truly had messed up; this wasn't going too fixed with a simple apology. "Can you give us a moment please?" asked Severus, his voice showing a small amount of emotion in his otherwise usually impassiveness.

"We'll be in the kitchen if you need us," said Sirius speaking to Harry before both men disappeared from view.

Severus cast a silencing spell to give them some privacy, he did not want them nosing in on their conversation. He'd never had to explain his actions, not really, or show how sorry he was in such a long time. It was going to be extremely difficult, but to keep Harry he would have to.

Sitting down next to the stiff figure, he wrapped his arms tightly around him. Keeping a grip when he fought him, he didn't keep it up for long before Harry gave in and accepted the comfort. "I am sorry Harry, I just…I didn't think, I wanted to protect you from everything I didn't stop to think it through."

Harry just borrowed further into Severus, knowing just how much it had cost Severus to apologize. He knew because he would feel the same having to say sorry.

"If you wish it, we can get someone else to teach you." said Severus.

"I'm not letting anyone else see my memories." said Harry adamantly. Hell with that choice he'd choose Severus every time. He at least could understand his actions, not many others would.

"I thought as much," sighed Severus, "The problem with Occlumency, or rather learning it…its different for everyone Harry. Every mind is unique, like a fingerprint no two are identical. Only you know how to close your mind, to some its natural, like Lupin he has natural mind shields because of his…furry little problem. If you can't learn Harry, we will have to stop this…charade; I don't want to put you in danger."

"No, I'll figure it out, somehow, someway I'll figure it out if you can just explain a little bit what to do." said Harry desperately, he wanted to learn it but he just didn't know how.

"Of course," said Severus in agreement. Cupping Harry's chin, he soothed him, rubbing his thumb back and forth. Merlin he couldn't believe how much he cared about Harry. That brief moment when he thought he'd lost him…he'd felt like his heart was being ripped out. He never wanted to experience that again, part of him just wanted to back away and leave Harry. That way he knew he'd be safe from heartache in the future. Yet the bigger part, the one who didn't want to die alone, beseeched him to keep Harry safe. Severus leaned forward, pressing his lips desperately against Harry. Needing to know they were alright, without saying anything. He'd already opened himself up too much; Harry kissed just as urgently back. Relief flowing through them both, they were fine, they'd gotten through it…they'd had their first fight. Breaking apart Severus chuckled at his thoughts, before hugging him close, relishing in the feel of his Harry so close to him.

A knock on the door caused them to part; Severus removed the charm and said "Come in."

"We have enough dinner here if you'd like to stay?" suggested Remus hopeful, they'd hardly seen each other apart from brief meetings or when they were planning something. He wanted to get to know Harry; it wasn't something he could do if he was never around.

"What do you think?" asked Severus, it was entirely up to Harry.

Harry stared into Severus' eyes, not sure if Severus wanted it or not. They had been his enemies for so long, yet his eyes were peaceful or as peaceful as they could get. He realized Severus truly didn't care either way, Harry turned to stare at Remus and saw he did care. He wanted him there, one dinner couldn't hurt. "Alright then, dinner it is." said Harry, it would be nice to eat something he hadn't made for a change.

"As long as there's no talk or pranks," said Severus in warning.

"The only person I'm planning on doing anything to - is Dumbledore." said Sirius a sneer in his voice, talking from the kitchen. Sirius just wished they would tell him what they were planning.

First fight and surviving woohoo! LOL :D R&R PLEASE