Chapter 26: Learning to Let Go

Ichimaru Gin found himself in the oddest of situations as he contemplated the unconscious form of Byakuya Kuchiki and the reality of what he was to do set in. He felt Renji's flaring eyes watching his every move. If not for that…if not for the ease with which Renji had slipped into Las Noches and grabbed him, he might have been tempted to just let the scalpel slip, cut a major artery and send Byakuya into that good night…

But there was no room for deviation. With Renji, Kisuke and Tessai all within sword's reach of him and his spirit energy sealed away, there was no choice but to complete the surgery as planned. He sighed in frustration and checked the IV line to make sure the noble wouldn't wake. If they were in Las Noches, he would have wanted the noble awake…to hear the pained moans as he cut into that pale, lovely flesh and watched the redness flow over it. As it was, Byakuya was blissfully unaware…no fun at all. But when this was over…when he was back in Las Noches, he would see that they paid…Byakuya and Renji…especially Renji. But it seemed to him that the best way to hurt Renji was to hurt Byakuya. He thought carefully about that…and a slow smile crawled onto his face contemplating.

"Wipe that creepy grin off your face and get moving!" Renji said, placing a hand on his weapon.

"Easy now, Renji," he said, still grinning, "You wouldn't want to bump my arm and make me slip."

"Hmph!" Renji grunted, "Just shut up and do your job…without talking!"

Insolent pest! I will make you pay for this, Renji!

Kisuke stepped forward.

"Okay, I put the last tendril in place…now what?" he asked.

"You take the tendril at that end and I'll do this one. We must move precisely or we will unbalance things and his reiatsu will probably fry both of us. Wait now, while I use Shuji to cycle him back to shinigami…"

There was a pause as Gin returned to Shuji and placed a hand on the tendril that protruded from the hollow's chest. He moved it slightly, activating its power, then watched closely as the dark power flowed out of Byakuya and back into the body of the hollow. Slowly the wisps of bone floating around Byakuya's face disappeared. Gin waited until he could see that Byakuya's spirit centers were free of hollow power, then moved to address the first of the tendrils.

"Careful now," Kisuke said warningly, "You make a mistake and you're going down with him."

"I already got the lecture from Renji," Gin snapped, "Just make sure you don't slip and fuck things up. I would hate to die for your damned clumsiness!"

"You know," said Kisuke, his eyes darkening, "It would almost be worth it to see what Renji would do to your skinny ass. But I'll control the urge for now. Just…don't push your luck!"

Gin leaned over Byakuya and cut lightly around the base of the tendril, then looked up at Kisuke.

"With me…turn, pull, turn back, pull, turn back, pull, turn, pull, and turn and pull."

The two tendrils pulled free. Gin and Kisuke moved to the next two and repeated the procedure.

Renji sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, feeling sick inside at the sight of the tendrils slowly being pulled from the delicate white flesh, skin he had so often touched and tasted…and now looked raw and tormented as the tendrils were pulled away. His hatred of Gin and of the monstrosity he had created burned through Renji. It was all he could do to remember that Gin was the only one who could help Byakuya. And it was awful that Renji could only stand and watch, could not actually do a thing to help his injured lover.

He gazed at the noble's beautiful, sleeping face, thinking about how good it felt to wake up next to Byakuya each morning. He finally felt the return of his confidence that they would have a long, happy future ahead of them, one filled with love…with friendship…and someday, with a family. He wondered how many children they would have and what they would be like, who they would favor. He hoped that they would favor Byakuya. He didn't think he looked bad…but…Byakuya's hair, his skin, his eyes…they were all just so beautiful to Renji. He wanted their kids to be that beautiful too…and he knew that whoever they favored, they would be angelically beautiful to him. He wondered if he should bring up the subject. He'd been wanting to for some time, but Byakuya appeared to be waiting for something…perhaps from himself, or perhaps from Renji. Renji decided that as soon as Byakuya woke, he was going to ask…

He looked on silently as Gin moved to take out the last tendril, watching closely to make sure nothing was amiss. Kisuke leaned over Byakuya, carefully closing each wound, then sending healing energy through the whole area. As the last bandage was laid in place on the noble's body, Byakuya stirred and his eyes opened.

"Are you in any pain, Captain?" asked Kisuke.

Byakuya shook his head. He was looking up, staring across the room at Shuji's motionless form. Renji moved to his side, taking his hand and following his eyes to the hollow.

"It will be okay now," he said reassuringly.

Gin looked up at the sound of Renji's voice and followed their eyes to the hollow. His expression unreadable, he picked up Senbonzakura and before the others' shocked eyes, drew the weapon and drove it through the hollow. Shuji's eyes opened and he released a scream of agony, then slowly, his body faded and disappeared. Noting that Renji had risen and that Zabimaru was now freed and pointed in his direction, he returned Byakuya's weapon to its sheath and set it back down.

"I did what I said I would do," he said quietly, "Now, release me."

Kisuke placed a hand on Gin's wrist and loosed his spirit energy. Gin smiled and turned to Renji.

"Well, good to see your little boyfriend is going to be all right."

He leaned close to Renji.

"You'd best keep a close eye on him, Renji. You wouldn't want anything else to happen to him. Goodness knows how you would worry if he went and disappeared…"

Renji grabbed Gin by the throat and held Zabimaru to his chest.

"Say that again," he dared Gin, "You don't want to know what I'll do to you if you ever lay hands on him!"

"You shouldn't tempt me, Abarai," Gin said warningly, "You never know when it will come back to haunt you."

There was the hiss of a flash step and he was gone. Beside Renji, Byakuya flinched and gasped softly, redness rising in a jagged line across one pale cheek. Renji grabbed his face, healing light flaring around his hands. Byakuya's eyes met his warningly.

"That son of a bitch cut you!" he raged, "I'm going to kill him!"

He started to turn away, but was stayed by a calm hand.

"Don't do it, Renji," Byakuya said softly, "Don't go after him."

Renji looked back into the dark eyes with eyes that flared nearly red with hatred.

"How can you ask me to not go after him?" he asked in a wounded voice, "He is the reason all of this happened, Bya! Have you forgotten? He made that freak! He programmed it to come after you! How in the hell do you expect me to forget that? You aren't just my captain…you are the love of my life! He sent that thing after you…and he would have been glad if it had killed you…turned you into another monster like that! And even after everything, he just threatened you right in front of me! And he cut you… How can you ask me to not go after him? He deserves to die. I deserve to be there to make it happen!"

Byakuya lifted a soft hand and brushed away a tear from the corner of Renji's eye. He met the angry eyes with inexplicable calm.

"I need you here," he whispered, "I want to go home, to our home. And tonight we'll fall asleep in each other's arms and we can feel safe again, Renji. It has been a long time since I've felt safe. I need to feel that again, but it won't happen unless you're there. There is time enough to deal with Ichimaru Gin and the others who would do us harm, but let's save our righteous anger for battle. That battle will take place in the future, but now is not the time or place. I just want to go home."

Renji's heart still ached for revenge, but he forced his reiatsu to calm and took Byakuya's hand in his.

"Um," said Kisuke, "I hate to be a nag, but Captain, you just had major surgery. There's this whole thing called 'recovery' that you haven't done yet. Lie down and rest."

Byakuya shook his head.

"I will recover at Kuchiki Manor, attended by my vice captain…"

Kisuke looked doubtful, but saw the stubborn look in the captain's eye and realized that argument would do no good.

"All right…let me open the senkaimon then…"

Byakuya and Renji waited as the senkaimon was opened and then the two stepped into it side by side.

"I still think you should have let me go after him," Renji said in a much calmer voice as they passed over into the Seireitei and approached the main gates.

They continued up the quiet streets, enjoying the brush of wind against their skin.

"It didn't leave a mark, did it?" Renji asked, leaning over to look at Byakuya's cheek.

"No," Byakuya assured him, pushing him gently away, "Stop doing that, Abarai. I'm fine. He was just trying to take a jab at you. Ignore it."

"That's easy for you to say," Renji muttered discontentedly, "It's a matter of pride that I do a competent job of defending my captain. This is a clear failure on my part. You should have demanded that I kill him to defend your honor."

Byakuya turned and took him suddenly by the shoulders, bringing their mouths together in a hungry, wet kiss.

"You honor me with your love…Renji."

He turned and was followed by a much more docile Renji Abarai. Renji looked over at him thoughtfully.

"Byakuya, I was just…wondering about something," he said, a feeling like hell butterflies rising up inside his stomach.

Byakuya turned to look at him, still walking slowly. Renji looked into his eyes and the words he wanted to say disappeared. Byakuya's expression became curious. He came to a stop, eyeing Renji appraisingly.

"What is it, Renji?" he asked quietly, "You look like something's wrong."

"Ah, hell no…nothing but ah, being still pissed at Gin."

He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"I was just…just kinda wondering…"

He looked into the patient gaze of his captain and lover…and still couldn't find the words. A slow smile was forming on Byakuya's face.

"Renji, it's okay," he assured the redhead.

"Huh?" Renji asked, mystified.

Could he know what I'm thinking?

"I understand."

He…knows?

"Extreme situations sometimes leave people in a rush to move their lives along. We've only been together a short time. I know you were worried sick about me, but I won't have you making emotional decisions you will regret later. Let's just…take one day at a time. My needs right now are very simple. I want you at my side and I want to lie down next to you at night…and wake up next to you every morning. I want to know that when I need you…you will always be there."

It seemed to Renji as though everything else disappeared and all that was left was the calm, soothing sound of Byakuya's voice.

"I want to take long walks by moonlight and sit under the stars with you. I want to tell you all of their stories…and I want us to share all of ours. And when trouble comes, I want yours to be the weapon that rises up in front of me and defends me…and I want mine to do the same for you. I want there to be no distance between our hearts, no space between our souls. The rest will come in its own time and we will share everything…love, marriage, a happy home and yes, Renji, a family…when we're ready…"

"When we're ready," Renji repeated, leaning forward and capturing the lips from which those sweet words fell.

Byakuya stepped out of the shower and dried off, then wrapped a robe around himself, tying it at the waist. He stepped out into the dressing area and shivered softly as he caught his reflection in the mirror. Renji stepped out of the bathroom and caught a glimpse of his expression in the mirror, then stepped forward and slowly wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on a soft, trembling shoulder.

"I hate this," Byakuya whispered, "this feeling of not being safe in my own home. I wonder if I'll ever feel safe here again."

Renji caught his eyes in the mirror.

"You will. It will just take time. A hell of a lot happened…"

"Renji, I'm glad you were with me…that you stood by me when I was accused of impropriety at work…that you found me when I'd been made human…and protected me until I could return to shinigami form…for fighting Orochi…and for risking so much to go to Las Noches and bring Gin back. I'll never be able to…"

"Stop…just don't do that. I love you. I wasn't going to stand by and let bad things happen to you."

"And you can be certain that I will do the same for you when you need me, Renji."

"I know that," Renji said, lifting him into his arms, "and right now, what I need is for you to do what Kisuke said and get some rest."

He lowered his lips to meet Byakuya and carried him to the bed, setting him down gently and watching as he slid beneath the covers. He leaned back against the pillows and gazed up at Renji.

"Will you be joining me?" he asked softly.

Renji nodded.

"I'll just go get some tea and then I'll join you."

He turned and flash stepped out of the room. Byakuya blinked against the too strong light coming in from the garden and climbed out of bed to close the doors. As he swung them closed, Renji returned to the room and upon seeing the empty bed, dropped the tea tray.

"Bya?" he said, his voice trembling.

Byakuya stared as Renji's head turned and their eyes met. Byakuya's eyes dropped to the broken tea set and then returned to Renji.

"Byakuya," Renji said, flustered, "I'm sorry…I just…I don't know. You weren't in bed and I…"

Byakuya flash stepped to him and bent to pick up the tea set. Immediately, Renji knelt and pushed his hands away from the broken glass.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice still shaking slightly, "I guess I just overreacted. I hope the tea set wasn't special to you or anything."

Byakuya leaned forward and kissed him warmly.

"It was an everyday set…not special," he assured the redhead.

He regarded Renji's bowed head and the still shaky hands that picked up the broken glass.

"It looks," he said softly, "as though I might not be the only one needing time to feel safe again, Renji. You reassured me…now let me do the same for you. Everything will be all right."

He pushed the broken tea set aside and pulled Renji to his feet, leading him across the floor and slipping into bed next to him. He turned and curled into the strong, warm arms and laid his head gently on Renji's tanned shoulder. He listened to the sound of Renji's heart beating and watched the slow rise and fall of his chest.

"We'll be all right," he promised Renji, "as long as we stay together…because what we are building we've placed on firmer ground…not something so soft as sand."

There was no audible reply, but Renji pulled him more tightly against his shoulder and ran his fingers slowly through Byakuya's silken hair.