Chapter 9

It took Alejandro some time to come out of his stupor and realize what he had done. He regretted it deeply and wished it could be undone. He rode out to the canyon, but he found no way to get to the bottom. On the hard ground there weren't any tracks and he couldn't find out where Victoria and Felipe had gone. After searching for some time he decided to give up. He wasn't sure either if he would be welcomed by Felipe and Victoria once he found them. Instead he rode back to the pueblo to seek out the padre.

One of his helpers informed him that he had been called on some emergency and Alejandro's heart sank. He could well imagine to whom the padre had been called. Was Zorro already dead?

Alejandro decided to wait for the padre's return in the church.

"Don Alejandro, I didn't expect to see you here," the padre addressed him, "but I understand that you need to pray now." Padre Benitez thought of Diego who was fighting for his life.

"Padre, you have already heard what I have done?" Alejandro asked him desperately.

"Done what?" the padre asked a bit confused.

"That I have shot Zorro!" Alejandro confessed, looking into the shocked face of the padre. It was rare that the mild mannered man showed his personal feelings. "Padre, I have sinned and I don't know what to do."

"That is indeed a great sin. Tell me what happened!" In the quiet of the church the padre sat down with him to take his confession.

Slowly Alejandro began to tell about his doubts of Victoria and how he had seen her and Zorro in the garden. Then of his plan to prove Victoria's infidelity and confront Zorro.

"Why would you do that?" the padre asked.

"I did it for my son. I want him to be happy with his wife. Once there was no more Zorro, they could be happy together."

"Did Diego ask you to do this?"

"No, of course not. Diego would never do something like this. But someone had to do something, hadn't he?"

"Are you so sure of that?"

"Yes. No. I don't know!"

"Why do you think you had the right to take Zorro's life?"

"I didn't intend to kill him. It was an accident."

"But you went there with a loaded pistol that you pointed at him."

"Yes, I thought I could scare him off and keep him away from my family."

"And if not? If he wasn't scared away? Was Zorro's life worth less than that of your son?"

"No, it wasn't worth less, but Diego is my son. He is my own flesh and blood."

"Have you thought of Zorro? He may have a family, too...a father who loves him."

"No, I only thought of my son. Oh padre, what can I do? I know I was wrong."

"I will pray with you, pray for Zorro and that he may forgive you should he live. I will also pray for his father, the man who may have lost his son today."

"Thank you, Padre." Alejandro said gratefully. "Padre, I know you might not tell me, but I still have to ask. Did you see Zorro today? Is he still alive?"

"Yes, I saw him," the padre replied thoughtfully, knowing that he had no right to disclose Diego's secret. "He was alive when I gave him the last rites, but I don't know for how long."

"I want him to live, Padre. Pray with me, that he'll survive."

He prayed with the padre for some time, but it didn't rid him of his guilt. Once he got home he would need to talk to his son and tell him what he had done. Hopefully Diego would forgive him when he couldn't forgive himself.

Diego wasn't home and none of the servants had seen him, but they were used to his disappearing for longer amounts of time.

While he was waiting in the library for Diego to return home, his vision fell to the rapier which Felipe had carelessly discarded on the floor.

He thought again of the strange behavior of his grandson. Felipe had never wielded a sword in his presence, but had handled it with ease that spoke of practice. His reaction to the news about Zorro's death had been quite strong, just the way Alejandro would expect him to act if something happened to Diego. But Zorro wasn't as dear to him as Diego...or..was he? But why should he? Unless...

Alejandro didn't want to think it. No! It couldn't be! Diego couldn't be Zorro! He would have known it. But still.. If he was... Then it all would make sense.

Alejandro began to pace as thoughts raced through his mind. Diego had changed so much after his return from Spain... and the days he slept into the late hours of the morning - that could have been due to long nights riding. And, of course, his marriage to Victoria... Were the kisses he had witnessed in the garden only the expression of the deep love they shared as husband and wife?

No! He couldn't have killed his own son. No! Not Diego. But he understood now Victoria's final words to him. If he died he'd regret it for the rest of his life. And he also understood why the padre knew he needed help before he had told him what he had done. The padre had thought he wanted to pray for his son.

He sat there for hours in the library waiting for his son to come home and as the time passed by he knew that his son would not come. Not today. Not ever. He had killed his own son and he'd never forgive himself. His head dropped to the table and he cried.

Z Z Z

After a sleepless night he saw Victoria enter the hacienda in the morning. Getting up from his chair in front of his desk he rose to talk to her.

"Victoria, I need to talk to you. Let me tell you that I'm sorry. Please, tell me, is Diego really Zorro? Is he alive?"

"Yes, and at the moment he still lives," Victoria answered shortly. "But don't keep me any longer." At her accusing stare Alejandro backed off. He couldn't blame her. How could she forgive him when he couldn't forgive himself? It was him who was responsible for Diego's condition or his death. The thought of Diego being dead drove tears in his eyes and he almost bit into his fist to numb the pain inside. Quickly hiding it behind his gloves, he turned around and sat back in front of his desk though he didn't see anything that was written on the papers.

Z Z Z

The next days he saw Victoria only shortly. She came to the hacienda to get food and other things, staying only as long as necessary. Alejandro wanted to ask her where she was going and if Diego was still alive, but she refused talking to him, throwing him only an accusing looks.

Instead he managed to corner Felipe on one of his frequent visits. Though the boy couldn't talk, he at least answered some his questions. Alejandro was relieved to hear that Diego still lived.

"Can I visit Diego?" he asked. Felipe only gestured that Diego was unconscious and made the sign for Victoria.

"I understand, Felipe. Diego can't hear me and Victoria won't see me. Then I'd better stay away. I don't want to stress Victoria more than necessary."

"But you will tell me if there is any change?" Felipe nodded depressed, almost crying.

Alejandro patted him on the shoulder to comfort him. "I'm sorry, Felipe, I'm so very sorry. If you need anything, just tell me and I'll get it for you." Felipe nodded, but then he rushed off again to return to Diego's bedside.