"How is he?" Kensi was startled to hear her team leader's voice behind her. Realizing she was still stroking her partner's hair, her hand immediately withdrew.
"Tired. After he woke up, he had a coughing fit and ripped internal stiches. The doctor checked and said he'd be okay. That it didn't harm anything." Kensi glanced at Callen standing in the doorway.
"Yeah. Hetty told us." Callen was at a loss for words. As he examined Kensi he noticed her exhausted features and tear stained cheeks. Although Deeks was the one lying in the bed, his partner was taking the brunt of the emotional load from this case.
"Is Sarah okay?" Kensi suddenly remembered the pregnant woman that had been kidnapped.
"Yeah. She's doing fine. Experienced a bit of shock but held her own. The case is officially closed."
Kensi nodded and felt some of the weight lift from her shoulders.
"Don't worry about paperwork, Kens. Sam and I have got it covered. I just wanted to stop by and see how it was going. He should be cleared of critical condition in a few hours, right?" Callen gestured towards Deeks.
"Mhmm. At least I won't have to be on full alert then," Kensi tried to add a smile but failed. It was hitting her hard that she almost lost Deeks—multiple times.
"He's going to make it, Kens," Callen encouraged knowing the trauma his agent had experienced. "Deeks, he's a fighter. Always trying to prove something to the world."
Kensi smiled at that. At least Callen held high regards towards their newest team member.
"Why don't you go home?"
"I was there this morning. I'm fine. Plus somebody needs to be here for Deeks when he wakes up. Last time he panicked."
"Kens.."
"Callen, I'm staying." Kensi's voice held no waver.
Callen held up his hands defensively, "Okay. Okay. Just let me know if you need something."
"Coffee." The older agent laughed and nodded, leaving the room in search of coffee for Kensi.
As if on cue, Kensi's phone rang, indicating a call from Nell.
"Hey. What's up?"
"How's Deeks?" Nell asked without pause.
"Better, I guess. Asleep again but they should move him from ICU within a few hours."
"That's great! Maybe I will come visit. Anything you need me to bring? Does he need clothes or food?" Nell quickly rambled off questions into the phone.
"I'm not sure if he is allowed to wear his own stuff but go ahead and bring some sweats and some sort of button down so he doesn't lift his arms."
"You got it! I'll see you guys after work." With that the intelligence analyst hung up.
"I see Nell finally got ahold of you," Callen laughed, holding out a coffee and a sandwich.
"Yeah. She wants to come by. Hopefully Deeks will be awake then," Kensi's eyes were suddenly filled with sadness, "He was in so much pain, Callen. He tried to pretend but I could see it in his eyes and features. But at the same time, you know how much Deeks hates the effect of those drugs they pump into him."
"Yeah, maybe they can give him a lower dose?" The team leader suggested.
"I was going to ask as soon as the nurse comes in again."
Silence settled over the two for a few minutes.
"Have you seen the wounds?" Callen let his eyes curiously roam to the detective's shoulder, still bandaged in white gauze.
"Yeah. They are pretty bad. He's got yellow pins sticking out of his collarbone and stitching surrounding it. His leg is the worst though. Yesterday his thigh was swollen and black and blue, but below the knee an ugly grey-ish color. They said it was lack of blood flow. Hopefully today his lower leg will be better. Unfortunately the bruising up top will only get worse. He has stiches all along his interior thigh where the arterial repair happened. It's definitely going to leave a scar." A reminder to me that I almost lost him.
"Better than being dead, Kens," Callen saw the quick flash of hurt in her eyes. "You saved him, Kensi. You need to believe that. If you hadn't been there Deeks would be lying in a morgue."
"No. Without the doctor's he would by lying in a morgue." Kensi fought back angrily.
"It was you that kept him alive until the ambulance got there. Nobody else could have done that."
Kensi couldn't respond. Her heart felt so heavy with the weight of blame, but Callen's words made sense.
"But if…"
"No buts, Kensi. You made a call. Probably the best one at that. Yes, Deeks got caught in the crossfires, but you saved his life. Be proud of that and let it go. Deeks is alive now and he is going to need you," Callen's tone had turned firm. Kensi needed to get it through that thick skull of hers that Deeks' situation was only better because of her presence, not worse.
"Fine," the brunette huffed, refusing to turn her multi-colored eyes toward her leader.
"Fine."
Callen laughed and told Kensi to call if she needed anything. Sam would be over after dinner to check-in. With that information delivered, the agent left the room knowing Deeks was in the best hands.
"Kensi?" A low grumble came from the bed in front of her.
"Yeah, Deeks. I'm here. You're alright." Kensi squeezed the hand she had been holding and leaned over the bed to take in Deeks' face.
A small smile stretched itself across his full lips, "Hello, Sunshine." Kensi let out a booming laugh, glad that her partner could still brighten the mood, despite his situation.
"Glad I still got it," Deeks coughed.
"Got what, partner?" Kensi played along, however worried about the coughing.
"My charm."
"Ha. If you say so."
"I think the smile on your face says it all, Fern." Kensi just laughed some more and pushed a Jell-o cup toward her partner.
"The nurse brought it for you to have when you woke up. I debated eating it but figured maybe you deserved this one."
"Awww, is Bad-Ass Blye going soft for me?"
"Maybe I just pity you," she responded with a smirk.
"Pity?! It's impossible to pity me with this amazing bod and sexy hair." Kensi just rolled her eyes, refusing to deny his statement. It would be a lie anyways, and she knew it.
"How're you feeling, Deeks?"
"I hurt like hell, but I think I'll recover," he added a small smile as proof. The pain was overwhelming but he preferred consciousness and talking to his partner. The drugs made him disappear, and he hated the blackness. Every time waking up was a struggle. Every time it was Kensi who pulled him out.
"Good. I need to have someone to pick on at work and to buy my ice cream on movie nights."
"I'm hurt. Is that all I am to you?" Deeks feigned devastation, gently placing a hand on his injured chest.
"You know it," Kensi laughed. It felt good, no, it felt great, to get back to their usual banter. "Nell is coming over later to bring you some real clothes. Hopefully the nurses will allow it."
"Yeah, it's getting a bit breezy," the detective laughed and pulled on his gown.
"Oh and Sam said he is coming to check in too."
"Okay. I just hope I can stay up that long. I hate these drugs they have me on, Kens. They make me all groggy."
"I know. I asked Jenna last time she came in if she would lower them. She said she had to have your verbal permission, so you are going to have to deal with her yourself. Sorry, partner."
"S'okay. I have my ways," some of the mischievous twinkle returned to his eyes and Kensi resisted punching his shoulder, considering his injured state.
"Also, you should be cleared of ICU as soon as the doctor finds out you are back from the land of nod and checks you out."
"Awesome." Deeks sighed and relaxed a bit further into his pillow. He hurt like nothing else, but at least the pain meant he was alive. He would heal.
"Alright, Mr. Deeks, you are looking really good considering. I think it's time we move you to a different room."
"When am I not looking good?" Deeks muttered to Kensi who covered her laugh with her hand, but rolled her eyes at her partner's antics.
Deeks shuffled to sit up, slowly. Kensi placed a hand on his back to help him when she heard a gasp of pain.
"Nope. I'm good. I got this."
"Got what exactly, Deeks?"
"I'm getting myself up to my new room."
"Dummy, they move your whole bed. Plus, have you seen your leg? No weight is going on that for a while," Kensi pushed her partner back down. He let out a groan of frustration, feeling totally helpless.
"I hate this."
"I know."
Once Deeks was settled in his new room, Kensi let out a sigh of relief.
"What was the sigh for, Kens?" Deeks questioned.
"Nothing. Just relieved for you to be in here and not downstairs." Kensi spent way too long fretting over whether or not her partner would make it through this ordeal. Now they had gotten the news that he should make a full recovery. It would be a long struggle but they had confidence he would be able to do field work again, should he choose.
"Yeah, tell me about it. I wasn't even allowed to pee like a human being up there." Deeks infused a bit of humor into the situation trying to avoid the very serious conversation he felt mounting. Apparently, his partner didn't get the hint.
"Deeks. I'm sorry," the agent mumbled to the wall.
"For what? Saving my life?" The detective asked incredulously, once again pushing himself to sit upright.
"No, of course not! For putting you in the situation to begin with." Kensi turned to face her partner. "And you should really be lying down, Deeks," she chastised. Moving toward the bed, she grabbed the remote and raised the mattress to the same angle in which Deeks sat, "Better?"
He nodded and continued, "You made the right call, Kens. The same call any of us would have made. Plus, if I hadn't agreed with it, do you think I would have moved so you could take the shot?"
Kensi slowly shook her head.
"Fern, you got me out of there alive. I owe you everything."
"Yeah, but I let you die," tears once again sprang to her eyes.
"You had no control over it. Shoot, actually I'm surprised you haven't hit me yet for dying, let alone trying to place the blame on yourself. That's just crazy, Kens," Deeks shook his head in disbelief and his tone held a bit of anger toward his partner. She should never believe that this was her fault. Ever.
"I can't hit your shoulder and that's my go to spot. Expect a few punches after you recover." Deeks smiled at her words, knowing the tension from their previous conversation was dissipating.
"I'll even give you a few free ones, Baby girl."
Kensi's eyebrows shot up, "What did I tell you about calling me that, Deeks," she warned.
"If I recall, it was that I would wind up in ICU, but considering recent turn of events, I figured you would leave me at peace in a standard room," he laughed.
"For now," Kensi warned.
"Why do I not believe you, Princess?"
"God, Deeks! Stop with the nicknames. Just 'cause I can't hurt you now doesn't mean I won't later."
"Awww, I see you two are getting back to normal."
The pair turned toward the door to see Nell and Sam holding back snickers in the doorframe.
"Hey, guys!" Deeks greeted, glad he was still awake.
"Hey, Deeks."
"What's up, man?" Sam added gruffly.
"I brought you some clothes. Figured you would want something more comfortable the next few days while you're stuck in here." Nell held out her offering to Kensi, who set them on the side table.
"And I brought some food," Sam smiled holding up a bad of Chinese.
"Yes! Real food!" Deeks fist-pumped the air, or attempted to, before he let out a screech and crumpled forward in pain, holding his shoulder.
"Shit. That was stupid," Deeks cursed, as Kensi simultaneously rushed, "Oh my god! Are you okay? Do you need a nurse?"
She was at his bedside rubbing his back as he hunched over within seconds. Nell and Sam shared a glance. The dynamic between the two partners seemed a tad more intimate than usual.
About time, Nell internalized. Sam just shook his head, but had no place to chastise colleagues "becoming more" considering he married his first partner.
"Nope. I'm good." Deeks' breathing was labored from pain and leaning forward into his damaged lung. His eyes were screwed shut in pain, but as Kensi slowly lowered him back to the bed, he began to relax his body.
"Don't do that," Kensi reprimanded.
"Thanks, Kens. I'll keep that in mind next time," Deeks stated sarcastically, but didn't miss the hurt that flashed on his partner's face at his harsh tone.
"Kensi, I'm sorry."
"It's fine. You're in a lot of pain" Kensi wouldn't meet his eyes.
"No, it's not fine. I know you are trying to help. Me being in pain is not an excuse."
Sam cleared his throat in order to break the mounting tension, "Who wants food?"
"I do, but can I get changed first? Doctors said it would be alright to wear my own stuff."
"Sure, I'll help you," Kensi offered.
"Oh, yeah. I guess I won't be able to do it myself." Deeks face dropped dejected.
"Would you rather I get a nurse? That way she can change your bandages too."
Fear crossed Deeks' eyes at the idea. He hadn't seen any of his injuries yet and wasn't sure what to expect. Kensi picked up on Deeks' mental path.
"How about I get a nurse, and I'll stay while they change them. I have seen them and know what to expect."
Deeks turned red at the suggestion she was making in front of their colleagues but knew her presence would keep him calm.
"We will just wait outside until you guys come and get us," Nell stated as she pulled Sam along behind her.
Kensi went to Deeks' bedside. She ran a hand through his hair lightly scratching his scalp; closing his eyes, he relaxed and nodded. Understanding, Kensi went to find a nurse to help with the outfit change and bandages.
"Mr. Deeks, I am going to need you to lie still. Changing the bandages may cause an increase in discomfort levels so try to bear with me, okay?" Deeks nodded, still nervous about seeing the extent of his injuries.
Slowly the nurse removed the wrappings around his torso. Deeks reached for Kensi's hand, trying to calm himself. She squeezed back reassuringly, noting the slight tremble her partner was experiencing from the rising pain levels.
Deeks glanced down at his now bare chest. Seeing the two yellow pins protruding from his collarbone made him feel dizzy and he quickly shut his eyes. Seeing horrific injuries on other people, he could handle. When it came to him being the patient, well that was a whole different story.
"Breathe, Deeks. Breathe," Kensi soothingly commanded. Deeks inhaled sharply trying to catch his breath but felt a stab of pain in his injured lung. Kensi squeezed his hand tighter and continued to stroke his head, realizing how much more relaxed the motion seemed to make her partner.
Rewrapping his torso only took a few minutes and soon the nurse was down by his leg, removing the blankets. Deeks, too curious for his own good, opened his eyes again. The brace had been removed and the bandaging was slowly revealing the black and blue blotted skin which lay beneath, but that wasn't what caused Deeks to groan. The red gash the spread across far too much of his inner thigh caught his attention. The bruising, despite how bad it was now, would disappear with time. The stitching, however, would leave a mark forever.
"It's horrible," he moaned.
"It'll clear up, Deeks," assuming he was just as upset by the bruising as she initially had been.
"No, the scar. It's so big."
Trying to be comforting the nurse added, "Well, the redness should fade over the years and the puckered skin will become more inverted."
Deeks just moaned some more.
"Seriously, Deeks? It's not like it'll show that often. Maybe in your board shorts," Kensi didn't understand why the scar was making such an impression on her partner. They all had them. Shoot, he had two where he had been shot previously in his chest.
"I know, but it's just so big. It's gonna take years for that to not be so noticeable. I have to look at it every day."
Kensi still didn't understand, and scrunched her eyebrows.
"What am I supposed to do with the ladies, Kens?!"
"You're kidding, right," Kensi deadpanned. The look on her partner's face, told her he wasn't.
"God, Deeks. That scar saved your life." Anger quickly rose in her voice, "You would be dead if they hadn't performed the surgery. Would you have preferred that? Huh?"
Deeks' eyes grew big at Kensi's flash of rage.
"Kens.."
"No, Deeks. Don't Kens me. Be thankful for that scar. I know I am," with tears of frustration she turned to the door.
"Please don't go. Kensi, I'm sorry." He tried to reach for her wrist but was limited by his shoulder. Kensi continued toward the door and walked out to meet Sam and Nell.
"Damn it!" Deeks bellowed, coughing from the strain on his lung. The nurse, not sure of what just happened, continued to re-bandage Deeks' leg. The detective felt himself losing control. He was in excruciating pain, his partner just walked out on him, and he knew it was his fault that she was upset. His eyes began to moisten and he titled his head back further toward the ceiling in order to unsuccessfully keep the tears at bay.
"All done," the nurse patted his leg and smiled as she finished tightening the brace. "Wanna get into those clothes now, hun?" All Deeks could do was nod.
"Aww, sweetie. She'll be back. From what I've heard she's only left to go home last night by her boss's orders. Really cares for you, that pretty thing does." Deeks just nodded again, totally dejected.
"He is such a pig!" Kensi stomped over to the chairs in which Nell and Sam were sitting. It was quite the change they had seen in Kensi since they first arrived at the hospital.
"His scar. A stupid, freaking scar and he only cares that it looks like shit. 'But Kens, what will the ladies think?'" Kensi mocked in a nasty tone. The other two members of OSP simply sat, staring at the ranting agent.
"Does he not care that he DIED? He died, God damn it! And the scar that saved his life, he goes on and on about how horrible it is." Tears are now flowing in a continuous stream. "It saved his god-damned life." Kensi collapsed into a chair placing her face in her hands as tiny sobs wracked her body. Nell hurried over to her friend, finding a soothing rhythm in which to stroke her hair.
"Kensi, maybe he was trying to lighten the mood. You know how Deeks is. He deflects pain with humor. Sometimes, albeit, not so well. I'm sure he is grateful to be alive." Sam just sat back uncomfortably, unsure of what to do.
Kensi glanced at Nell, who gave her a weak smile, "Come on, Kens. Let's go back and we can eat some dinner. Deeks needs us here. Specifically he needs you here."
"I'm not so sure," Kensi shook her head.
"Well, I am. So come on," she stated pulling Kensi to her feet and nodding at Sam to follow. Kensi made an attempt to straighten up and wipe her tear-stained face. The three soon arrived at Deeks' room and knocked to ensure he was dressed.
The nurse opened the door," Come on in. I was just leaving. Don't expect him to be up for too long, I just administered some more pain medication."
"He doesn't want that medication," Kensi snarled.
"I am aware, but it is protocol to deliver it after bandage changes and repositioning. Also Mr. Deeks was trembling from the pain. It is causing too high of stress on his body."
Kensi glared at the nurse, "Next time, ask him if he wants it, protocols or not. Ultimately it's his decision to make not yours."
The nurse nodded and quickly walked down the hallway, leaving the three at the entrance to her patient's room.
Hey! Sorry for the late update. Homework is already sucking away all of my time. I hope Kensi didn't seem too off. I just feel that her emotions would be out of her control at points if Deeks died in front of her and he takes it lightly. Let me know what you think and review! Thanks for reading. Hopefully I can get another chapter up in the next few days.