Chapter 9 – Ungodly Hour

Marie opened the door and entered the apartment, Sam followed her, in total and absolute silence. She unzipped her dress, with difficulty, hoping Sam would notice and help her, somehow breaking that terrible tension between them. She looked at him, over her shoulder: he was going through the books resting in the shelves, outside the bedroom.

She hung her dress back in the closet, exiting Sam's sight.

All those books about myths and monsters, all the religions in the world, the "prank" under the carpet… How did he not know? Not for sure, at least?

While she was in the closet, Sam traded his clothing for grey cotton track suit pants, his pajama bottom. Marie leaned against the door jamb and just watched him, with a heavy look on her face. She had seen that tattoo so many times before and, all those times, she chose not to ask: she already knew he answer. She just… She wanted to see if he'd ever tell, when he would tell her; how long would it take before Samuel trusted her enough. Or maybe… Maybe she was just trying to delay things, you know, procrastinate reality and just make it much simpler for both of them.

Oh Sammy, your will of having a normal life betrayed you and stopped you from being sure of what was right in front of you. Your wish of being ordinary forbade you from trusting your own eyes and clouded your judgement.

The secrets about her past, the books, the devil's trap. How could you not know, for sure, that she was one of yours? Where you that desperate to leave hunting behind? To just settle down and try to have a family, if not with her with someone else, like you were going to do with Jess? The necklace she never took off… «Sam? Don't ever let her take it off», the absent family…

Oh Sam! And while you ignored the truth she probably knew your secret, for a very long time, and was giving you the chance to tell her your own, giving you time to trust her. Or maybe she didn't even care, maybe she was trying to make things easier for you; maybe she wanted to save you both from facing that reality none of you chose, maybe she…

She's right there Sammy, waiting, in very short shorts and a large sweater, holding her entire body against the wall. Maybe she didn't know, maybe she chose to ignore the truth, just like you did, Sam. Maybe she did not know and is now scared of what follows next. Maybe she's afraid of you, because something in your eyes always told her not to trust you. Maybe she finally saw the anger you hide from the world…

Oh Sammy, no! You don't know that, but she's not afraid of your other possible, and certain, secrets. She is, indeed, scared of what follows next, but not because she chose to ignore reality, but because she does not know how you feel about the situation you're both in. She doesn't know if you already knew or if it came as a surprise. She's just scared you don't trust her anymore; she's afraid you'll choose to leave because she can't be apart of your 'normal' and 'alternative' life. What you don't know is that, if you choose the latter, she won't be able to handle it. Well… You're still in her house; guess that's good news for now.

Marie just looked at him, in silence. Her hair fell on her back, hiding half of her face. God… He was so quiet, what was he thinking? Maybe she was actually a great liar and he bought all her excuses and never had a clue that she was kind of like him.

He had told her he wanted a normal life, someday: that was not a normal life. I mean, she knew they wouldn't be together forever but she never thought, and never wished for things to end like that, because of that.

He walked towards her and grabbed the necklace she had on. He opened the locket: on one side her family picture, on the other an anti-possession symbol, much like Sam's tattoo.

His eyes found hers, scared, golden but not has calm and confident as usual. Physical touch was something they both desired at that moment, because it meant everything would be okay. If they could not hug, or hold hands, or touch the other's cheek, everything was terribly wrong.

Her eyes said the words he so desperately wanted to pronounce: I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all the secrets, I'm sorry for not trusting you enough or thinking that I didn't. I'm sorry for not wanting to make your bag much heavier and I'm sorry for the way I did it. My dear, I apologize for changing things and creating this silence. I'm sorry you had to see that.

Sam's lips opened, but made no sound. What was he supposed to say? Her eyes got a little sadder.

His mouth opened a second time and this time Samuel succeeded: he broke the silence that had ruled for the past two hours.

"Did you know?"

She said yes, moving her head up and down.

"Did you?" Marie replied.

"I wasn't sure. I guess, unconsciously, I decided to ignore the facts."

"For all that's worth, I'm not a hunter", she spoke, "This was a one time thing. I only hunt them when they come to me. My parents are the hunters. I don't follow them, but I can't ignore them if I find one on the streets. Which is unfortunate."

"I'm sorry."

"For what Sam? You did nothing wrong. You didn't bring hunting back to my life. In fact, if you and your brother were not here, I would have never been able to finish that job by my own. Those two women would have died." She caressed his hair. "But I made you waste your time. I'm never gonna have a normal life. I'm always going to worry about my parents and their hunting trips, if they ever need my help: I'll tag along. I'm going to salt my future kids' bedrooms and draw traps under every carpet, jus in case. We probably wouldn't last that long, but… a one hundred percent normal life with me is not possible."

"Do you think I would ever have one of those? I can't just forget what I've seen over these past years." They stayed in silence, for a few seconds, untill he grabbed her hand, without even noticing. "I'm not leaving, if that's what you're worried about. This is nothing compared to my daily life. It's piece of cake. Chicken soup. I can get used to this in my sleep, without even trying!" She laughed, softly; he smiled.

"Well… I guess we have a lot to talk about." She said, sitting in bed.

"Yes we do. And you might be the one leaving after that."

They told each other all there was to be said. Marie told him she was born in Port Angeles, December 13rd 1986, to a family of father was hunting a vampire nest in New Hampshire, that exact same night: he wasn't the second person to hold her, her brother was. Her dad's grandfather was from Poland and his grandmother from Greece, that's why her name was so weird – Marie Artemis Colt-Lazarus. (Sam laughed a little, she had never told him her full name) When both her parents decided to go hunting, she and her brother often stayed with a neighbour or with their grandparents. When her brother reached 15 years old, he was the one who took care of Marie, during their parents hunting trips. At 18, he left, forced by his parents and Marie left when she turned that same age: she was 15 when her brother left and had spent 3 years taking care of herself when her parents were in God knows where hunting God knows what. She went to college and got a job. In 8 years of being on her own, she hunted only 3 things, but sometimes she searched for cases and gave them to her dad. Billy's brother was a hunter too and so was their dad and their oldest uncle.

Then, it was Sam's turn. He told her about his mother's deal and how she died in November 2nd 1983. Sam told her about his father's will to hunt down and kill the demon that had done that and how Dean was the one who basically raised him. He told her how he ran to go to college, about Jess and how she died and how that was the beginning of the Winchester brothers hunting trips. Samuel told Marie about all the bumps in the road, his psychic stuff, how is father sold his soul for his older son, how he, himself, died and Dean's deal to save him. He told her how they opened Hell's gates and how his big brother killed Azazel. How he got into business with Ruby, how Dean was killed by hell hounds and was gripped tight and saved from Perdition by an angel – Castiel.

"I thought he was too pretty and nice to be human." She joked. Sam laughed.

She then went back to just listening and not saying a word, with a very calm, ensuring and focused expression.

Sam told Marie he drank demon blood, that he could kill demons just by snapping his fingers. How he started the Apocalypse by killing Lilith. (He paused, expecting that she would run. She told him to go on, with no fear in her eyes). He told him about Lucifer and how he was his vessel and how Dean was Michael's: the two brothers, destined to fight each other to death.

She got up and went to the kitchen. Sam followed and kept talking, at her request. She made coffee and he told her about everything that was left to say. He told her about everyone they lost in battle, all the people he had loved: his family. He told her about all the terrible things he had done and how he wished he could redeem himself.

When he stopped talking, the sun had been shining for a few hours: they got into bed and she cuddled up in his embrace, made his hug her safe point. They could talk more later, if anything still needed to be told by then.

Marie gave Sam one last look and he smile, with gentleman's manners that she was not used to anymore, like he was from the 19 hundreds and needed permission to do what he desired, like it was an outrageous thing for two unmarried people to do that:

"Can I kiss you?"

She smiled and said yes. The kiss lasted only a few seconds: sweet and quick. Everything had been said: all was good, the rest could wait… Their ungodly hours were finally over.