/OMG I am soooooo sorry I haven't been able to update for so so long! Goddamnit, school has started once more, and it's been CRAZY the first week; I haven't been able to get anything done! Sorry for the wait, and I hope you enjoy this one. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, but I'm sorry if you'll have to wait another week for it :(/
DEAN
The feathers disappear within the hour, and it's getting dark outside. Mom and Sam are going to be home any minute now, and he needs to prepare Castiel to meet them. They're sitting cross-legged on Dean's bed and Dean's trying to give Castiel all the knowledge he can possibly impart to a being that has lived for millennia but never tasted a cheeseburger up until a few years ago.
"So tell me your cover again?" Dean quizzes.
"I do not understand." Castiel cocks his head. "Why must I lie?"
Dean heaves a long-suffering sigh. "Cas, we've been over this. You can't tell them the truth. You can tell Sam, but that's it, okay? Or they're going to send you to a mental asylum." Dean narrows his eyes. "You don't wanna be taken away from me again do you?"
Castiel's eyes flash and Dean's feels tendrils of guilt curling around his stomach at having to use Castiel's greatest fear to manipulate him, but at this point, it's absolutely necessary. There is no way Castiel will be able to survive out there if he doesn't figure out how to lie about where he's from and try to live normally, for the moment at least.
"I will never leave you ever again, Dean." Castiel presses a palm to Dean's cheek, and places the other hand over his heart. "You have my word."
"Good." Dean sighs and relaxes into Castiel's touch, smiling when Castiel lets his hand drift to Dean's chest and spreads out over his heart. "Now tell me, what's your cover?"
"My name is Castiel James." Castiel continues reciting perfunctorily, his eyes staring straight into Dean's. "I am 23 years old, my family died, and so I came looking for you from Baton Rouge, Louisiana."
Dean nods. "Sounds good. The trick is to not get too much into details. Just tell my Mom that your mother died when you were a little kid, and your father just died, so you decided to come looking for me, and all that jazz."
"What has music got to do with anything?" asks Castiel, confused. D'awww…Dean chuckles, reaching over to muss Castiel's hair. His emotions are starting to show more on his face, and Dean is trying to get used to not looking for wings when he looks at his former angel.
Dean doesn't bother replying, just leans in and gives him a long kiss, tender and sweet, with just a little tongue, the way he knows Castiel likes.
"I love you." Dean assures Castiel lightly kissing both his eyelids. "And they'll love you too. Don't worry."
"Dean!" Sam chooses that exact moment to gallop through Dean's unfortunately unlocked door, holding up the latest Assassin's Creed game. "I just-" Sam's jaw drops and he just stands there, stupidly staring at the sight Dean and Castiel sitting on his bed, lips red, in various states of undress.
Dean would find this hilarious, if he wasn't so worried about other more pressing issues. He would tease Sam later on how much he looked like a gorilla on steroids later, but for now, he needed to act. Getting up, Dean ushers his brother inside, and closes and locks the door. Folding his arms over his bare chest, he stares Sam down.
Still open mouthed, Sam turns to Castiel, who is pretty much dressed, sans pants and trenchcoat. Finally Sam looks down, then looks at Dean again and seems to have gained control of himself. "I think you guys need to get dressed." He says, then walks out, video game in hand, and closes the door behind him. Dean smirks at the closed door for a second then shrugs and passes Castiel his pants.
Five minutes later, the three of them are seated in Dean's room, and Castiel and Sam are having a staring contest. Dean sighs, watches them size each other up for a moment, then decides to interrupt.
"Sammy, Castiel. Castiel, Sam." Dean gestures to each of them in turn, then points at himself. "I believe you all know Dean."
Sam rolls his eyes, then starts. "Castiel? The Castiel? The angel?"
Castiel nods. "Yes, I was an angel."
"Was?" Sam frowns.
"I fell." Castiel says shortly, eyes dark.
Dean hates seeing that look of loss and confused pain on Castiel's face even more than he hates the guilt that weighs his heart down and taints his love. He clears his throat, and shoots a grateful glance at Sam's change of subject.
"So what're you telling Mom?"
"We came up with a cover." Dean explains, placing a hand over Castiel's. "We're going to say Castiel's here cause his Dad died, and he doesn't have any family left, so he came to find me."
"Less details, the better." Sam says. "We don't want to get too into it. Mom's pretty good at weeding out lies. You remember that one time you got drunk?"
"Don't remind me." Dean rolls his eyes, while Sam laughs, and Castiel smiles, seemingly pleased at this brotherly bonding.
"So, Sam, how is Jessica?" Castiel leans forward, eyes fixed on Sam in that intense way he has.
Sam is caught entirely off guard, and his eyes widen. "How did you…"
"Angel." Dean shrugs, by way of explanation. "C'mon. Mom's probably still downstairs making dinner. We can surprise her."
They troop downstairs, Dean leading them, and Sam bringing up the ranks. "She's good by the way." Sam mutters to Castiel, blushing. Castiel's smile grows wider, and Dean lets himself be a teenage girl for once, and reaches over to squeeze Castiel's hand, pulling him into the kitchen.
"Hey Mom." Dean begins, as they walk in. Mom's cutting vegetables on a chopping board at the kitchen counter, and doesn't turn around at the appearance of her sons.
Sam clears his throat and wraps an arm around Castiel, bringing him forward. "Mom, Dean has someone he wants you to meet?"
Distractedly, Mom turns around, putting down the knife. Her eyebrows lift when she sees Castiel and she gives Dean a reproachful look. "Dean why didn't you tell me we had a guest?"
"It was kind of unexpected." Dean mumbles, as his Mom wipes her hands on a washcloth, and holds her hand out to Castiel. "Mom, this is Castiel. Cas, my Mom."
Mom gives him a kind smile. "HI Castiel, please call me Mary."
Castiel stares at her outstretched hand, and Dean bites his lip, hoping to every deity he could think of that Castiel remembers what he taught him. Suddenly, Castiel jerks his hand out and takes Mary's gingerly, giving it a soft squeeze before releasing it. "It is truly a pleasure to meet you Mary." Castiel says, the words slightly stiff but the words completely genuine. Dean relaxes and exchanges a relieved smile with Sam. He should've put more faith in Castiel; the guy was a real champ.
"So Castiel, how do you know Dean?"
Castiel casts a worried look at Dean, then gazes at Mary's open, lovely face, seeming to gain encouragement from whatever he saw there. "We met years ago…at Baton Rouge, in Louisiana."
Mary's eyes clear with understanding and she shoots a cryptic look at Dean. "I see. What brings you here so suddenly?"
"My family is dead." Castiel says vehemently, his eyes downcast and flaming. "My father is gone. There is nothing left for me there. I came to find Dean." Dean inhales deeply, then shifts closer to Castiel, rubbing a comforting hand over his back.
"I'm so sorry. You're welcome to stay as long as you like." Mom smiles at the former angel comfortingly. "Sam, would you go make our guest comfortable? Dinner should be ready soon."
Sam takes Castiel's elbow and steers him out of the room, and Dean moves closer to his mother, steeling himself for the barrage of questions. Surprisingly though, Mom doesn't ask anything out of the ordinary. "I assume he'll be sharing your bedroom with you. Did he bring any clothes with him?"
Dean shakes his head, somewhat stunned. "No, he didn't."
"Go out and get him some clothes tomorrow." Mom smiles.
"Aren't you going to ask anything?" Dean begins, hesitantly.
"Honey, I know you boys well enough to know when you're hiding something from me. But I see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him, and how miserable you've been without him." Mom sighs. "Whatever it is, as long as it's nothing illegal, he's welcome here."
Dean shakes his head, "No, no, no, nothing illegal. Nothing like that."
"Then it's fine. I don't need to know, unless you want to tell me."
Dean rubs a hand over his face. "I wish I could tell you Mom, I really do, but…"
Mom leans up on tip-toe and presses a loving kiss to his forehead. "Dean, sweetie, don't say a word then. That boy of yours looks exhausted, and I think above all, he needs a good night's rest. Everything else can wait till tomorrow. You don't need to tell me, or anyone else anything."
"Thank you Mom." Dean's voice is hoarse with emotions, and he has never been eloquent or expressive even on his best days, so instead he gathers his mother into his arms and kisses the top of her head, hoping to communicate it to her, and hoping she understands.
The smile she gives him and the look in her eyes as he pulls back, tells him she does understand.
Dinner is cozy and warm, and Castiel proves to be a rather interesting dinner guest. He tells stories of mythology, both Greek and Roman, and outrageous stories of ancient philosophers. Dean has never seen Castiel laugh this much, and he can see the pain ebbing away from those limitless blue eyes. Dean feels overwhelmed with the amount of love he feels for this little family of his. It is in no way perfect: Castiel is broken and terrified, he is scared that Castiel will leave him again, Mary does not know the true situation of Castiel and Dean, and Sam has grown up without a father to see him through his graduation. However, even with all that, in their imperfections and flaws, and utter dysfunction, they are beautiful. Dean cannot imagine loving any other family more.
Dinner passes quickly, and soon bliss ekes out and old worries return at full force. Dean voices his concerns the moment he and Castiel are lying in bed, side by side, staring up at the ceiling.
"Are you ever going to be an angel again, Cas?"
Castiel shifts a little, turning his head to gaze at Dean. "I do not know, Dean."
"Do you want to be an angel again?" Dean tries hard not to let his voice betray his true feelings, but can't help the crack in his voice at the word 'angel'.
"I have never been anything else, Dean." Castiel pauses, and Dean waits, sensing that there is more. "I…I do not know what it is like to be human. I do not even know if I can become an angel ever again."
"But given the choice…?"
"I do not know."
And they leave it at that. But Dean's brain still whirrs, no matter how much he wills it to quiet. He knows, deep down, that if Castiel decides to angel up again, there will never be another night like this. So he curls up, close to his lover, and prays to God for the first time in a decade, for the strength not to be selfish.