/Okay, so this is the end muchachos. I might post an epilogue, but don't expect anything xD/
CASTIEL
Perhaps the one thing Castiel can be grateful for is the fact that the leap from angel to human is not painful. There is no debilitating agony as his feathers slowly drift to the floor, coming to rest between the debris of his and Dean's most recent love-making. For a moment he feels nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is no grief or relief or anything really. Just a mind-numbing blankness. Castiel, with complete calm, turns to Dean. He watches the love and wonder in Dean's eyes drain only to be replaced by guilt and sorrow, and something foreign, almost akin to hope…
"I am not an angel anymore." He says, testing it out in his mouth, which has dried up considerably. His voice feels lighter, less rough, as if the power in it had dissipated. He feels not-quite-whole, and there's a slight ache in his stomach. Castiel rubs at the wetness in his eyes and nose. It takes him a moment to understand that he is crying. Dean pulls him close, and Castiel simply lays his head against the firm warmth of Dean's chest. Castiel forgot what Dean smelt like, and he takes a moment to jog his memory, inhaling deeply. Dean smells musky, with a slight hint of soap covered by cologne. It's a pleasant mix and Castiel revels in the familiarity of it.
Dean pulls away partly, and reaches over to pick a feather off Castiel's shoulder. It is soft and fragile in Dean's calloused and work-worn hand, and Castiel stares at it with a feeling of dread in his belly. He doesn't even want to look at it, so he closes Dean's fingers over it with his own, shaking his head.
Dean, thankfully, gets the message, snaking an arm around Castiel's torso and tugging so that Castiel rested against him once more.
"It's gonna be okay Cas, baby." Dean says, in a hushed voice. Castiel can hear the dread in his voice. Dean giving comfort is strange to Castiel. For his charge's entire life, Castiel has been the one rocking him to sleep, wiping away his tears and combing fingers through his soft hair as he cried. It brings back memories.
Dean was sick when Mary and John were in the hospital having Sam. He had a bad cold, and Castiel rocked him in his arms while he sniffled, tears leaking out of the big green eyes that stared right at Castiel. Dean had been in pain, and Castiel soothed it, singing Enochian lullabies and telling him stories until he fell asleep. Finally, Dean's grandmother came in when dawn broke to check on him, and discovering his fever, which was in the midst of breaking, gave him a thick syrup to drink. Dean shook his head stubbornly, eyes trained on Castiel's own and Castiel frowned, pointing an index finger at the tiny cup filled with pink fluid. Dean looked surprised for a moment as if he thought Castiel was wrapped around Dean's little finger and would do whatever he wanted. Moments later, Dean was shuddering, an empty cup grasped in his chubby hands. Castiel awarded him with a smile, and the toddler smiled radiantly back.
Castiel sighs. Things are going to be changing rapidly from now on. It is frankly, quite terrifying.
Just when Castiel thinks Dean is about to fall asleep, he asks Castiel a very difficult question.
"Do you want to be an angel again?"
Castie can hear the worry in his voice. He honestly doesn't know how to answer Dean's question. He's never lied to him before. Not once. Castiel can barely figure out what he wants himself. It's never been an option before, to become human. Such an end has never made itself known to Castiel, but up till now, it's always been just that: an end. But dinner with Mary and Sam and Dean gets Castiel wondering. Perhaps, it is more of a beginning than an end. Castiel cannot fathom a future like this, so he answers in the only way he can.
"I do not know, Dean." He turns a little to look at his charge's face, but Dean's upturned profile is inscrutable, almost stony.
Apparently this is not enough for the man lying beside him. "Do you want to be an angel again?"
"I have never been anything else, Dean." Again, Castiel strives not to lie. He tries to tell Dean about his conflict. "I…I do not know what it is like to be human. I do not even know if I can become an angel ever again."
"But given the choice…?" Dean pushes.
"I do not know." Castiel makes his answer final, his quiet gravel indicating the end of their conversation. To punctuate it, he turns away from Dean to face the now dry window. It wasn't raining any longer, and Castiel misses the comforting sound of water tapping against the glass. It still feels cool and the duvet over Castiel's naked skin is comfortable and welcome. For the second time today, Castiel feels a warm fog envelope him, and he drifts.
The bright whiteness covers him again, and Castiel rubs at his eyes. "Father?" He calls out.
"Castiel." The quiet warmth of God's voice is Castiel's undoing. He sinks to his knees, and the wetness springs to his eyes, unbidden and unwanted. Castiel's face screws up as he weeps.
"What have I done to deserve this?" Castiel whimpers, through his tears. It is blasphemy, the height of betrayal for an angel, and Castiel knows this. He ignores it, bitterly thinking that he is no longer an angel, so it shouldn't matter.
God doesn't seem to bothered by it though. "Child, you were always meant for other things. Heaven, Earth, angels, humans, what is all this? You are all creations, loved and made by me and only me. Why have you forgotten?"
"You've been missing for years." Castiel accuses.
"I never do things without a reason, Castiel." God assures him. "I had plans for you, and Dean, and your arrogant, idiot brothers, up there."
This provokes a surprised chuckle out of Castiel and the light pulsing around him turns loving and caring.
"Castiel, do not restrict yourself to what you know, and what you have always known. It is not in comfort that we find happiness."
"Father, when will I get home?" Castiel pleads.
A quiet chortle resounds in Castiel's head. "What's home, kid?"
Castiel jerks awake, fingers grabbing at the duvet. The first thing he looks for is Dean, who is stirring beside him.
"Cas?" Dean props himself up on his arm, gazing at him through sleep-lidded eyes. "Babe what's wrong?"
Castiel stares at him, open mouthed for a while. Concerned, Dean sits up and moves closer, to look into his eyes uncertainly. Castiel blinks, coming out of his trance, and throws his arms around Dean, crushing his charge to him.
"Home." Castiel mumbles into Dean's shoulder. Pulling away, Castiel cups Dean's face in his hands, searching his green eyes. All he sees there is love and comfort and care. Castiel knows, then, what it is he's been missing in all the time God has been absent from heaven. "I'm home." He whispers.
Dean lifts an eyebrow. "Dude, are you okay?"
"Yes Dean." Castiel laughs, loud and carefree, then suddenly remembering himself and where he was, slaps a hand over his mouth, erupting into giggles.
"Uh, Cas?" Dean's eyes widen, even as a nervous smile pulls at his mouth. "Kinda scarin' me here."
"Don't be scared." Castiel kisses Dean deeply. "I love you." He says as he rests his forehead against Dean's.
Dean rubs Castiel's back. "I love you, weirdo. C'mon, I got another day off tomorrow, and I intend on sleeping in."
As it turns out, Dean does not get the chance to sleep in. By 10 AM, Castiel rousts him out of bed to answer the door bell, as both Mary and Sam are out. Mary went grocery shopping according to the note left on the fridge, and Sam is at school, so when the bell rings cheerily through the house, Castiel's first instinct is to nudge Dean with his foot.
Dean groans, rolling over, and off the bed, apparently having forgotten the decrease in rolling space given there were now two of them in the bed.
"Motherfuc-"
"Dean." Castiel groans. He has discovered that he is not at all a fan of waking up in the morning. Sleep is perhaps the most wonderful of God's gifts to humanity, and he wants to stay in this wonderful soft bed, cuddled with Dean forever. He would however compromise and stay in this wonderful soft bed, minus Dean.
"Come with me." Dean pokes at Castiel, and since Castiel still can never refuse Dean, and Dean is an awful person who will not allow Castiel to sleep in, the former angel grumpily pulls off the covers and trails behind Dean to the front door.
"Chuck?" Dean gazes at their guest, mystified, as he opens the door.
The shorter man chuckles and looks at Castiel with such a kind benevolence, Castiel almost wonders how he missed it before.
"Father?" Castiel whispers.
"You look happy, my child." God-Chuck murmurs, stepping forward to hug his angel. "Dean, you look well, as always."
Dean gapes at the scene, and Castiel grasps his elbow, head bowed reverently. "Dean this is our Father."
God-Chuck shakes his head, waving him off. "Nah, no need for that nonsense. Just call me Chuck."
Dean seems to finally get it. "Wait, Chuck? Chuckis God?"
Castiel nods gravely. "I do not know how I did not recognize you before, Father."
God-Chuck winks. "Well, being God has its perks, Castiel."
"If you're God, why are you Chuck of all people?" Dean blurts out, wincing when Castiel elbows him.
Chuck smirks at Dean. "Do I intimidate you?"
"No." Dean scoffs.
"Do I make you uncomfortable?"
"No."
"Are you sexually attracted to me?"
Dean chokes. "No!"
God-Chuck laughs. "Well I guess you pretty much answered you own question, huh Dean?"
Dean is, for once, speechless.
"Dean, may we have a moment?" God-Chuck asks.
Nodding, Dean casts a quick glance at Castiel, who nods reassuringly, and disappears into the house. Castiel hopes he is making pancakes with extra maple syrup. Castiel likes those.
"Father." Castiel says fervently. "I am glad to see you once again."
"You did not follow orders, Castiel. You put Dean before all of heaven and directly disobeyed the angels I left in charge."
Once upon a time, Castiel would've hung his head in shame and begged to be forgiven. Now, he holds himself high and nods. "I would do it again in a heartbeat, Father."
"Good." God-Chuck lets his face break out into a wide smile. "You put love first. That's all I've ever taught Castiel: Love before all else. You are living proof that love trumps all, even the combined powers of all the angels in heaven."
Castiel remains silent, unsure of how to respond.
"I plan on making you an example." His creator continues. "You would of course, be elevated to Archangel status. Things need to change around heaven, and if hierarchy is the way to go, might as well put someone who has the right idea in charge…"
"Father." Castiel's stance is determined. "I do not wish to go back to heaven. You asked me what home was last night. I believe I know what it is. Home…may not be just a place. To Dean, his Impala is home, and his family is home. I hope to believe that in the same way, I am also home to him, just as he is to me. Heaven is not home to me….but Dean is, Father. I do not want to leave him ever again. And if being human with him, living a life with him, growing old with him: if that is the price to pay, I will pay it with the utmost joy. I can think of no honour higher than spending my life with Dean." Castiel says, jaw set. He made his decision last night, and he doesn't plan on going back on it.
"I was hoping you'd say that." God-Chuck grins, a twinkle in his eye. "I think Anael could do with a change in post, don't you?"
"I agree. Anael will make a fine Archangel." Castiel smiles back.
"I'll be keeping an eye out, Castiel." God-Chuck steps closer, a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Never doubt that I am always beside you."
"Goodbye Father." Castiel closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, his Father is gone. He makes his way back into the house, closing the door behind him. Castiel inhales, the sweetness in the air making his mouth water.
"Cas!" Dean yells from the kitchen. "I got a plate of pancakes with your name on it! Extra maple syrup, just the way you like it."
Castiel pads over to Dean and kisses his neck before happily retrieving the plate and sitting down to watch Dean flip pancakes.
He doesn't want anything more than this.
/Okay, so normally I'm one for schmoop, but this is the longest fic I've ever written and to be honest, I feel like it ended perfectly right here. Let me know in the comments if you want something schmoopy or a future epilogue thinga-ma-jiggy to end it off, but I feel like this is just right haha. Once again, this fic was dedicated to Annie, I love reading your reviews every chapter, and I hope you'll continue to read my future fics. To all the people who've been reading, liking and commenting, I appreciate it! Much love 3/