School ended, and even though my close encounter with Jasper still played on my mind, I also still had Jacob on my mind. I'd remembered that I had to go to Billy's to tell Jake how I really feel, so here I am, driving carefully through the heavy downpour of rain towards the Reservation. Towards Jacob.
Even though I know throughout the whole of me that Jacob would be completely fine and more about my feelings for him, I still have that niggling thought in the corner of my head telling me I'm definitely not good enough for him, and I'm also terrified of rejection. Truthfully, I don't think I AM good enough for him, but he seems to think that way, as far as I know. As for the fear of rejection, I don't actually know where that's coming from… Because I know he feels the same way about me, he's let me know in his own little way, so… Why should I be afraid he'll reject me?
I realised I needed to keep my eyes on the road, especially in this rain. I could barely see the ground, and even though other cars passing by had their headlights on, I could barely see them until they were a few meters away from my tattered Chevy. I had to stop getting so caught up in my thoughts, at least for now, or I'll crash and never end up even getting to Billy's. At least then I could stop worrying about being rejected by Jake.
I rounded the last corner, I think, to the road to Billy's. Just a few more minutes, and I'd be there. I started to take deep breaths to calm down. What am I actually worrying about? I know he'll be happy about it, without wanting to seem big-headed, and I keep telling myself that. But it's not working! Shit, I'm here.
I stepped out almost unwillingly, and dragged my refusing feet up the porch steps to the Black's front door. I heaved my repelling hand up to knock… When Jacob opened the door. My hearts stopped, I'm sure of it. He could obviously sense I hadn't turned up for a catch up, and I had something important to say. He invited me in without a word and took my straight to his room, where he locked the door and just… Stood there staring at me. It creeped me out a little, but I stood my ground and held eye contact, awkwardly.
"Bella", he groaned softly, as he almost launched himself towards me and pushed me down gently but forcefully onto his small bed. It was small for him, anyway.
"Jake? What are you-"
"Bella, I can feel why you're here, and I can also feel your worry, I'm guessing towards my reaction. I can sense how you feel around me, but I'd never made the move, I'd always managed to convince myself to wait for you to make the first move… And I'm gonna take this as your first move, if you don't mind. There's no need to speak, I know exactly why you're here. Oh, and don't worry. My dad isn't home."
My heart had started to palpitate. What's happening? First Jasper, and now Jacob? Shit, what a day! Yeah, I'm feeling slightly guilty about Edward, but right now isn't the time to think about him, or Jasper. This is Jacob time, which I've been needing for what seems like a very, very long time. I wrapped my arms around Jake's lower back, then moved one hand to the top of his back and left one still wrapped around his waist. He took that as a 'go ahead', and proceeded to fulfil his dream.
Jacob squeezed his arms beneath me, so that he could pull me impossibly closer into his body. I felt slightly more pressure from his crotch area, and I knew exactly what it was. I didn't mind one little bit. People say it feels wrong to do something like this with a dude you've been close friends with for years, but this seems all kinds of right, no weirdness at all. I'm guessing Jake feels the same way, because he seems to be really enjoying this moment. At this point, he's staring intently into my eyes, and I'm staring back. It's almost like he's waiting for me to verbally tell him he can carry on, so I told him physically. I stroke his back gently, slowly moving further up towards his head with one hand, whilst the other arm pulls him tighter to my body. I slide my fingers into his newly cut hair, which is only just long enough to glide my fingers through, and once I have a good grip on the back of his head, I pull him in towards me. He instantly gets the picture as soon as he realises I'm pulling him in for a kiss, and he brings himself towards me before I have the chance to finish pulling him. His lips finally, after years of dreaming, reach mine, and my eyes drift shut. I swear I'm seeing slight fireworks dancing on the back of my eyelids. I'm sucked into the kiss, and it's feeling deeper by the second. With every twist and lip and tongue movement, it's getting more and more intense. Surely the intensity will stop increasing soon? Otherwise, I don't think I'll be able to cope… This is too good for my brain to be able to function. I think I might faint… Could I faint if I let this get any more intense? But I can't stop…
We were violently yanked out of our insanely deep connection with each other by the sound of what must be Billy returning home. The front door slammed, and we instantly jumped away from each other, like we'd given each other a huge electric shock. Luckily, it hadn't gone on long enough for us to have taken off any clothes, so all we had to do was sneak out of Jake's bedroom before Billy got there and wondered why we were both in his bedroom, with his door locked.
We forced our panting to quieten and slow down and Jacob quickly got up, and then helped me up. He fixed my slightly messed up hair, put my jacket back in place on my shoulder, and then kissed me hard on the mouth one last time.
"Okay… Um…" he whispered, making the atmosphere around us seem slightly awkward, "Okay, Bella, would you just stand outside for now? If Billy asks why you're outside my room, which he most likely will, tell him you're just waiting for me to get changed. If has asks why you're here, just say that we're going for a walk at La Push to have a catch up. You probably have to go home now, so instead of going for a walk, I'll drive us in your truck to La Push where I'll get out and have a breather on the beach and you can carry on home, if you want to… Is that a plan?"
He seemed like he'd been planning this for a while… Almost like he'd known it was going to happen. Strange.
"Yeah, sure, good idea." I walked out of the room silently, being careful not to let the door make a noise. It seemed to work, because when Billy had spotted me, he just smiled and then wheeled himself off to the kitchen, where he got a beer and rolled back to the living room, no questions asked. I'm glad I didn't have to lie to him.
Jake came out of his room approximately a minute later, wearing a different shirt so that his dad would think he'd gotten changed. Jacob's actually pretty clever.
We walked out after Jake explained to Billy what our apparently plans were, whilst I just smiled and nodded, trying not to give away that he was lying. I lugged myself into the passenger seat while Jacob climbed into the driver's seat. We drove in silence until we got to La Push, where we said our goodbyes and kissed a little. I couldn't get enough, and I know it's really dangerous to kiss him out in public, but I don't seem to care…
Jacob got out and jogged off down the beach, and I started the truck back up and made my way home.