Why do bad things always happen to me? Why can I never find happiness? Every bit of happiness I've ever had has been taken away from me. I shut myself off from the world, hoping to avoid any more pain, but then I am approached by a small thread of light. I am given hope, happiness, but then sure enough, before long that is snatched out from underneath me, and I am all alone again with no one to turn to for comfort…
"Shizuko! Shizuko get down here now you lazy brat!" The harsh voice pulls me from my slumber and I struggle to wake up.
"Hey Shizuko! Stop ignoring me!" Heavy footsteps echo through the house as the owner of the voice thunders up the stairs, towards my room.
"I know you're awake Shizuko!" The footsteps stop right outside my room, I can see the shadow of large feet from under the door. I bury myself under the covers, sheltering myself. I know it won't work though, soon he's going to come in here, and he's going to yell at me again like every other morning. I know this, and yet I kid myself that by burying myself under the covers I can gain a sense of protection, protection from him. It never works though, it works for a little while, but then he bursts in and drags me from my domain.
"SHIZUKO IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF YOUR BED THIS INSTANT I'M GOING TO DRAG YOU OUT," I ignore him, he's going to come in here and drag me out anyways, even if I do as he says, so why bother? I bury myself further under the covers, trying to gain at least a tiny bit of comfort from the warmth.
"THAT'S IT YOU ASKED FOR IT" He sounded angrier than usual, he's probably been out drinking again, like he does whenever he's pissed off at something. But today…for some reason he sounds scarier. I'm never scared of him, only angry, but today the sound of his voice scares me, I don't know why, I feel like obeying him, at least to avoid some of his wrath. But I won't. I can't let him control me.
The door slams open, and his shadow looms over me. The warmth I had been trying so desperately to hang onto is removed from me, making me feel vulnerable. He grabs me roughly by the wrists and pulls me off the comforting bed; I can tell there's going to be a bruise there later. He throws me onto the floor and kicks me in the ribs. I let out a small whimper, trying not to let him hear it, that would only give him pleasure.
Unfortunately it would seem he heard, "DOES THAT HURT? IF IT HURTS YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE AS I SAID IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU LAZY BRAT. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EVEN RELATED TO YOU" He kicks me again, this time in the back, winding me.
I lay on the floor trying to regain my breath, why me? Why do I have to be the one putting up with this? Why? As I try to find an answer the man, who is supposed to be my loving and caring father, laughs at my pain. He pulls me by the shirt and slaps my face. I can feel the tears threatening to spill, but I won't cry, at least not in front of him. His large hands enclose around my throat and tighten. As I struggle to breathe he grins at me, finding pleasure in my suffering. As I felt my last breath leave me he releases me, I collapse on the floor coughing and trying to draw air back into my lungs.
"Maybe next time you'll do as you're told," My so called Father leaves the room, no guilt whatsoever.
Once I'm positive he is out of earshot I break down, allowing the built up tears to flow freely. I cry and cry for what seems like hours, then sense comes back to me and I struggle to my feet, stumbling to the wardrobe to find my uniform. Most people may not like school, and I am no different, but I find it is the only place I can escape my father's abuse, therefore I am probably the only person in my class who looks forward to Monday's or any other week day for that matter. I dread Saturdays, because that's the night he goes out drinking with his mates and he always comes back completely drunk, and angry.
I don't bother with breakfast, the sooner I get out of that house the better. I make my way down stairs and find my shoes, being careful not to wake father, who has fallen asleep on the floor. I rush outside and close the door behind me, breathing in the village air. I take my time to and from school, not caring if I'm late, it just gives me more time to myself even if my father beats me for it.
As I walk slowly to school I see little children smiling brightly as they are accompanied by their loving parents, it makes me sick. Seeing all these smiley, happy families. Why can't I have a happy family? Why do I have to have an abusive dad? I didn't do anything wrong, maybe I was a bad person in a previous life? As I my head is filled by these questions, that becomes more and more likely.
At School:
I may not seem like it, but I am very serious about my studies. I don't care if it's boring, the better my studies are the more chance there are of getting a good job and moving out of that house and into my own. I don't care what kind of job it is, as I don't really have a particular interest in anything, just getting out of the house and away from that man is good enough for me. Although there may be something I am slightly interested in… plants.
I don't know why but ever since I was young I have been captivated by all plants, be it flowers, trees, you name it. I am drawn to their beauty. And I… understand them. I don't really know how to explain it, since the day I was born I have been able to feel nature somehow. For example when I take a walk in the forest, during my time away from father, I can somehow communicate with it. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I am one with nature.
When I was little I would often run away to escape fathers abuse, I was always drawn to the forest. It was strange, but I would converse with the trees and plants. I know it's weird but to me it seems as normal as breathing. I don't just talk to them either, as I found out when I was 4 years old, the happy days…that is, before I realised the full potential of my power…
"Shizuko-chan! Shizuko-chan where are you?" That sweet familiar voice fills my ears but I ignore it and carry on crying in my little space underneath the large tree at the bottom of the garden.
"Shizuko-chan? What's wrong Shizuko-chan?" I voice grows louder as the owner approaches me but my sobs drown it out.
"M-mommy," I cry more as she embraces me in her arms, I am engulfed in her comforting warmth. She pats my head and kisses my forehead.
When my sobs finally die down she spoke up, "Now, care to tell me why you are crying? Hm?"
I held out my cupped hands, in which I withering flower lay, and started to cry some more, "I-it's dying mommy!"
Her soft hands cupped my face and wiped the tears away, "It's just a flower sweetie, look we have plenty left, you don't need to worry about that,"
"But mommy! I-I can f-feel its pain," She kissed my forehead and pulled me into another hug.
"Shizuko-chan, you keep telling us that you can speak to the plants and feel what they are feeling and I understand your need to gain attention but isn't this going a bit far?" I was stunned, my own mother didn't believe me?
"Mommy, why don't you believe me? Why don't you believe your own daughter?" She placed her hands on my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes.
"Shizuko, that's enough, I'm tired of this, stop lying. You can't speak to the stupid flower and you can't feel its pain, it's all in your head,"
"Your wrong mommy," I muttered under my breath
Her grip on my shoulders tightened, "What did you say?"
"Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong,"
"Shizuko! Stop muttering!"
"Your wrong! YOUR WRONG YOUR WRONG YOUR WRONG" Before I could register what was happening, the previously withering flower in my hands sprouted vines. Those vines spread all around me whilst heading upwards. They twisted and grew until for what seemed like forever, but at last they stopped.
"Mommy? Mommy what's wrong? What happened?" She just stared, eyes full of fear. She started to back away from me as I reached out for her, but I couldn't get to her. The vines had grown around me, almost as if I were in a cage.
"d-don't t-touch me!" She stammered, she backed even further away , unable to believe what had just happened.
"B-but mommy, mommy please help! I'm stuck in here! Please help me mommy! Mommy I'm scared," I could feel the tears streaming down my face as I tried to reach out to her.
"Stay away from me, y-y-you monster! MONSTER YOU ARE NOT MY DAUGHTER," What? Why?
"Why mommy? How can you say that? I am your daughter! I'm right in front of you mommy!" She wasn't listening; she just kept staring at me, as if I really were a monster.
She ran inside and came back with a large kitchen knife.
"Mommy? Mommy what are you doing with that?" Her eyes terrified me, they weren't the usual eyes of my once loving mother. The eyes of a gentle woman who chased away my nightmares, a gentle woman who sang me to sleep at night and tended to my wounds from falling from trees, no. She reminded me of a monster, her eyes full of hate mixed with fear.
"Mommy? Mommy answer me!" Her breathing was heavy, she glared at me with the knife above her head, she wasn't my mommy anymore.
"MONSTER. YOU ARE NOT MY DAUGHTER. YOU ARE A MONSTER, DIE" With that she brought the knife down over my head. I thought I was going to die. The vines protected me, they lashed out at mommy, tying up her arms and legs so she couldn't move. But even though she was unable to move, she still shouted at me, "MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER," I clamped my hands over my ears, trying to shut out the hateful word. It was just one word, but it got to me, especially the fact that it was my own mother who was saying it. I wanted to crawl into a small dark hole and stay there for the rest of my miserable life…
Shortly after that incident my mother committed suicide. I suppose she couldn't cope with a monster for a daughter. It was right after she died that dad became so abusive towards me.
"Shizuko-san?" I snapped out of my daze to see the teacher staring at me with a stern look.
"Err yes miss?" The class started to giggle.
"You seem distracted, is something wrong?"
"N-no miss, sorry miss,"
"ok then, just don't space out again, or I may have to give you a detention," With that she turned back to the board and resumed teaching.
Authors note: Okay I know I took forever I'm sorry but I never found the time to just sit down and write XD and when I did I was distracted. I decided to do this chap on shizuko's past because I kinda like her now, she has grown on me xD and since she is now mikans friend I wanted people to see what her life is like.
Also: I recently gained some advice on how to improve my story so when I find time I will be reading through what I have so far and making improvements (hopefully!)
Please leave a review ! :D