Leila
Chapter One
I really did love Christian. At one time he was my world, my very breathe, my heartbeat and he owned my soul. I submitted fully to him to be with him. Then, he broke my heart. He sent me away because I did love him. I didn't understand at the time why, but now I do. It took me awhile to come to this understanding and now I see that we would never be happy together. As much I as loved and desired him, he could never make me truly happy and as I look at him with his lovely wife, Ana and their two children in some gossip rag, I know I would never make him as happy and peaceful as he is now.
After Christian sent me away, I floated around Seattle lost with no hope. Then, I met my husband. We dated, we fucked, and we married. We were happy for a few years, but then he changed or I changed…I don't really know…but we were never happy again. I found out that hubby had another woman that he was supporting and loving. He would leave our bed and go to hers and vice versa. Like the doormat that I am, I never said anything until I went to my OB/GYN appointment and diagnosed with a STD. To say that I was pissed off is an understatement. That very day I stopped being a doormat. I moved out of our home and out of the small town in Connecticut where we lived and moved to New York City. I have friends there and I lived with them for a while as I found a job and a small apartment on the lower East Side. I worked, minded my own business and found joy once again in my art. It was through my love of art that I met my boyfriend, Michael Hopkins. We were drawn to each other the moment we heard each other's voices. We held hands as we walked through the Metropolitan Art Museum and he told me about himself. By the end of dinner, I was smitten. He was everything that Christian and hubby could never be. He loved art. He found joy in the simple pleasures of life. He wanted children and most important…he wanted ME! We dated for a month before I moved in with him. I contacted a lawyer and started divorce proceedings against my husband. It would be easy since we did not have children and I didn't want anything from him except my freedom. He could have the house, the cars, and his money. I just wanted out so I could be with Michael.
The day that the divorce papers were served to my husband, Michael was in a horrible car accident and was killed. When I was told, I lost it. I had to be restrained and sedated. I was lost and heartbroken. I had nothing left in my life and I wanted to die and be with Michael.
I stood in the middle of our living room the day after his funeral. I could still hear his voice in our apartment. I can smell his after-shave and if I close my eyes, I can feel his hand on my shoulder. What I wouldn't give to feel his lips on mine just one more time. I fell to my knees sobbing. I should have kissed him more. I should of have made love to him one more time before he left for work that morning. I remained on the floor crying my heart out and feeling my soul breaking up into pieces. I would never be happy again. I would never feel secure again. I needed something or someone to give me guidance. That's when I remembered Christian Grey. Well… I don't have to go into that story, because it is public knowledge that I stalked and threaten Ana. I'm not proud of what I did, but in the end it worked out for both Ana and I. She got the man of her dreams and I got the treatment that I needed.
After my little trip back East for treatment I did make one last trip to Seattle to apologize to Ana and Christian. Again, you all know about that fiasco. Christian did not appreciate my actions and I guess felt threaten. I went back home to Connecticut to my parents. The divorce finally went through and I was finally done with my husband. I had a new life to make for myself without Christian, the husband and without Michael.
With the good advice of my therapist and her blessing, I returned to New York City. I got a job as an art consultant at the Livingston Art Gallery. I lived in a cheap hotel until I had enough money to move into an apartment in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I have to admit that I did have help to acquire the apartment. Mrs. Ana Grey spotted me the rent deposits and actually gave me a wonderful recommendation. She really is a sweet woman. I am glad to report that I did pay her back within a year from my salary and to my surprise she sent the money back saying that my good mental health and happiness was enough payment for her. I don't know if Christian knows about her good deed and I hope he never does. He can be so unreasonable at times. I know he still distrusts me and I don't blame him. For some reason He sees me as a threat to his life. I would never hurt him because to do so would hurt Ana and I have too much respect for her to hurt her.
I worked for the next few years at the Livingston Art Gallery and kept to myself. I dated here and there but my heart was still with Michael. Every year on the anniversary of his death I place a bouquet of red roses on his grave and tell him about my life. To my sadness, his stone never talks back and I no longer feel his presence. He has crossed over, I know. He doesn't need to stay behind for me. I am strong enough to face life on my own now.