A/N: I apologise profusely for that long break. This chapter may seem to spin out of control and change direction very rapidly, but I promise you, I know what I'm doing.
Just a little something I feel you guys should know.
When I was in the fifth grade, one of my friend's little sister, Shannon, was diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukaemia. She was six years old. APL is a difficult type of cancer to fight; if any of you have read My Sister's Keeper, you will know why. Once you have used a treatment, it cannot be used again, because the body will reject it.
Shannon fought a tough battle, and was in remission by the end of the year. All looked well. She was coming to school, playing with friends, having a good time. Halfway through the next year, she went into molecular relapse; the physical symptoms didn't present, but inside, the cancer cells had steamrolled the progress made. She was given another round of chemotherapy, which seems to be the only treatment the APL can't exhaust. Back into remission Shannon went.
The next couple of years passed. Towards the end of ninth grade, one of my other friends told me that Shannon had relapsed and required a bone marrow transplant. She had the BMT and spent six weeks in isolation...over Christmas. By this time, Shannon was ten. The other day, my mum said that Shannon had gotten really sick again around the beginning of September. She'd been admitted to PMH, but there was nothing the doctors could do, and they've sent her home until the end.
Shannon is twelve years old, and she's fought a five year battle. Inevitably, she will die. I'm not sure how much longer she has left, but it's not a long time. Shannon probably won't see Christmas. Their family has struggled. Her mother is a single mother, and her older brother, my friend, is autistic. Everyone loves their family to pieces.
If I suddenly stop updating this again, the story has hit close to home because of the circumstances outside. But I won't abandon it. If I take another long gap like I did just now, assume that heaven has gained an angel.
Shannon, we love you
Disclaimer: I don't own CM.
I dedicate this story to Shannon, a true fighter if there ever was one. A beautiful little girl who has never stopped smiling no matter what happens.
Looking into Henry's bedroom, Sandy was surprised to find his bed empty, especially because the house was completely silent.
If Henry was awake, everyone knew.
Looking into the nearby bathroom, she found it silent and empty, just like his bedroom.
Having a vague idea of where to find the little man, she trudged to the back of the house. Reaching JJ's slightly ajar bedroom door, she gently pushed it open, poking her head into the room. A smile reached her eyes as she took in the sight before her.
JJ was sprawled out on her back, one hand resting lightly over Will's wedding ring, the other across her stomach, as best as she could manage.
Also in the bed was Henry. He was lying across the bed, using JJ's stomach as a pillow, his blonde hair falling across his eyes.
As Sandy turned to leave the room, Henry stirred, lifting his head up as he rubbed his eyes. "Nana?"
"Sh, don't wake up Mommy," Sandy whispered, stepping over to the side of the bed. Leaning over, she lifted Henry up over JJ and onto her hip. As soon as Henry was out of the bed, JJ shifted, curling up on her side.
Closing the door behind her, Sandy carried Henry into the kitchen, setting him down at the table. "What would Master Henry like for breakfast?"
Henry giggled, brushing his hair back from his face. "Scrambled eggs?" he asked sweetly.
"I think I can do that," Sandy laughed, moving to the fridge to grab milk and eggs. Henry jumped down from the table, going into the lounge room to get his colouring book and crayons. Carrying them back to the table, he climbed back up onto the chair and entertained himself with colouring until his breakfast was ready.
JJ opened her eyes to find the room filled with bright sunlight. Blinking a few times, she looked around the room as she slowly woke up, before realising that Henry was gone.
She remembered him coming in in the middle of the night to give her a kiss from Will.
Looking over at the clock, she was surprised to discover it was past 10:30.
Reaching down towards her stomach, she gently caressed the small bump that was beginning to show, smiling a little as she thought of how in 8 months time, Henry would be a big brother.
Flinging the covers back, she got up out of bed and slowly walked down the hallway. Henry and Sandy's voices floated towards her as she approached the lounge room. Henry was giggling, and Sandy was laughing.
Stepping into the archway, she found Henry and Sandy playing with Henry's cars.
"You let me sleep in," she stated simply. Sandy looked up, smiling.
"Mommy!" Henry said happily, jumping up and running to her. JJ lifted him up, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek.
"I think you've needed a little extra sleep. It didn't hurt anyone to let you stay in bed, did it?" Sandy chimed. JJ smiled softly.
"I guess not," she said, letting Henry back down onto his feet.
"Come play," Henry said, tugging on her wrist. JJ let him pull her into the room, sitting down between him and her mother. She smiled as Henry passed her car after car, babbling away as he told her all about them.
"Mommy, this one my Daddy car," Henry said softly, holding up one. JJ focused on the car he was holding, realising it was a sheriff's style model.
"Why's that, baby boy?"
"'Cause they the police, they get the bad guys. Daddy got the bad guys too," Henry explained simply, pressing it into JJ's palm. JJ bit her lip, smiling a little as she closed her fingers around the item.
"He sure did, baby"
"We're gonna have a baby...," Will whispered in disbelief, the palm of his hand resting on JJ's slightly rounded belly. She smiled up at him, her eyes filled with loving, open honesty.
He had flown to DC as soon as she had broken the news to him. Now they lay together, bathed in the moonlight streaming through the window, having celebrated JJ's news in the same fashion that caused the news to exist.
"I love you so much it hurts," Will said softly, leaning down and pressing a kiss to JJ's swollen lips. JJ wrapped her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers through his hair. As the kiss deepened, she lifted her legs around his muscled waist, opening her most intimate area as an invitation for him to start round two.
Curled up on her couch with her favourite Kurt Vonnegut book, Emily blocked out the sounds of the thunder booming through the sky. The driving rain was streaming down the window, making Emily feel quite cosy as she sat in the warmth of her condo.
A knock on the door brought her out of her book. Frowning slightly, Emily pushed herself of of the couch and moved to the door; she wasn't expecting anyone today.
Pulling the door open, she was pleasantly surprised to find JJ standing on the doorstep.
"JJ," she stated, her surprise obvious. "Hi"
JJ smiled softly, though it never reached her eyes, her arms wrapped protectively over her stomach. Her thin frame, pale skin, and the lingering sadness in her eyes gave off a look of incredible vulnerability.
"Hi," JJ said quietly. "Sorry for just showing up like this-"
"It's fine, Jayje. Come in," Emily replied, stepping aside and allowing JJ to enter. "Would you like something to drink?" she offered. JJ shook her head, continuing towards the lounge area.
As they sat down on the couch, Emily drew in a breath. She wasn't sure how to start a conversation with a close friend who was obviously emotionally broken.
"So...how are you?" she asked hesitantly, her voice soft. JJ looked up, catching her eye.
"I'm...ok. Not great...but ok," she replied truthfully.
There was a short silence before JJ took a deep breath. "Actually...I came because there's something else going on and I need to talk to someone other than my mom"
Emily frowned slightly, moving closer to her friend. "What?" she asked softly.
JJ's hand came to rest on her stomach. There was no way Emily would've been able to notice the bump...but since discovering the pregnancy, placing her hand there was a subconscious reaction that she couldn't shake. Just like when she found out about Henry.
"I'm pregnant," she said softly, so soft that her voice was almost inaudible.
Emily's eyes widened, her heart breaking as she gently took JJ's hand in hers. "Jayje...how long have you known?"
"I found out about a month ago...I know when it happened too...," JJ replied, looking up. For once, she thought, there were no tears in her eyes. She was physically and mentally exhausted.
"JJ...," Emily started, but not knowing what to say, she trailed off.
"It's ok...I was pretty...scared...when I found out, but I guess I've come to terms with it now," JJ admitted. Emily could feel her heart tearing for her friend. JJ could put up as big a front as she liked, no matter how convincing, but Emily could still see the pain in her friend's eyes. The loneliness.
"Anything you need, JJ...anything at all, you just ask, ok?" she said firmly. JJ nodded, a small smile managing to show through.
"Thank you"
JJ pinched the bridge of her nose as she closed the front door behind her. The rain was still coming down thick and fast outside, but that didn't stop her from having a huge headache.
Today had been an ok day. JJ had found herself judging each and every day according to what had happened, and had quickly realised that she was verging closely on depression.
"Where have you been?" Sandy's voice cut through the silence, shrill and sharp. "You were gone for hours!"
"I told you I was going to Emily's," JJ said bluntly, dropping her car keys on the hall table and brushing past her mother. Her headache was having a drastic effect on her mood; she was in no way bothered to listen to her mother worrying.
"No, you didn't, Jen, and I was worried sick that you'd gone and done something reckless!" Sandy replied exasperatedly. "I thought you weren't going to come home!"
"Why don't you give me a curfew then, just like you did when I was fourteen?" JJ replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
"It's not that...it's the fact that...I thought you'd...," Sandy struggled, unable to find the right words.
In reality, she had thought that JJ had done something reckless; reckless meaning suicidal. She hadn't thought JJ had been that bad in recent days, but as soon as she'd been gone for a while, Sandy had begun to worry.
JJ whirled around, drawing in a deep breath. "Is that how you think of me right now? Some self destructive mental case?!"
Sandy looked shocked. "No, that's not what I was saying-!"
"Really? Because it sure as hell sounded like it! You thought I'd gone and jumped off a bridge or something!" JJ snapped, completely oblivious to the fact that Henry had just entered the room.
"Jen, I worry about you because you're not yourself anymore! I just want you to be able to get your life back together-!"
"Get my life back together? I just lost my husband, Mom! He was the only man I ever loved, the only man who ever loved me back, and now he's gone!"
Sandy grabbed JJ's hands, holding them in her own as she looked into her daughter's tear filled blue eyes. "Jen, I know how you feel, I went through exactly the same thing when your father died-!"
"Except when Dad died, you spent a whole year moping around and feeling sorry for yourself! It's been less than two months since Will died and you're already trying to get me to stop grieving!"
"I'm not trying to stop you from grieving, you need to grieve, Jen! I'm trying to help you-!"
"I don't need you hovering over me every second, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself!"
"You think you are, but right now, you're not!"
"YES, I AM!" JJ yelled, her expression filled with anger and frustration.
Letting go of JJ's hands, Sandy pulled away, throwing her arms out to the side. "Fine! You don't want me here anymore, then I'll get out of your way!"
"Fine! I don't care! Just leave!" JJ exclaimed angrily as she stormed to the back of the house, slamming the bedroom door so hard that the windows shook slightly.
Sinking to the floor against the door, she let her tears go; tears of anger, frustration, and sadness.
She'd snapped.
Henry slid off the couch, little tears running down his face. It was dark. Thunder was booming overhead as lightning cracked through the sky, illuminating the room every now and then.
His nana had left ages ago with her suitcase, and she hadn't come back. And now Henry was getting scared.
Making his way to Mommy's bedroom, he reached up and tried to turn the handle, but found that it was locked.
"Mommy?" he called out in a tiny voice. Flattening his hand, he hit it against the door a couple of times, but heard nothing from within.
"Mommy, I scared!" he called again, his voice choking up with tears. Hitting the door again, more tears fell. "Mommy!"
Night had fallen. The moon was up, and the rain was still coming down in gusty, ice cold sheets. Henry's tummy was rumbling, and JJ still hadn't come out of the bedroom. Henry had been calling out to her for over an hour, and still had no answer.
"Mommy, I'm hungry," Henry called through the door. When there came no answer, he drew in a deep breath. "MOMMY!"
Finally, after what had felt like forever for little Henry, the door opened, and JJ came into the hallway, scooping Henry into her arms.
"Baby boy, I'm sorry...it's ok," she said softly, tears evident in her voice. Henry clutched to her tightly, not caring that she was a mess.
"I was scared, Mommy," he whimpered.
"I know, baby boy, and I'm so sorry," JJ whispered, kissing her little boy's temple.
As Henry clung on to his mom, there was something he failed to notice, as most almost five year olds probably would miss.
He failed to notice the faint trickle of blood on his mother's forearm.