Weasley's & Potions
By Archangel N. Bloodraven

It was well past curfew but even with the threat of Sirius Black and the dementors of Azkaban, not all students were in their beds.

"Gotta admit," Ron said nodding towards his two slumbering friends. "They look good together."

"Why do you tag along with them, Ron?" Ginny asked. "You know that you're really just a third wheel."

"Maybe. But that was enough to save your life." Ron shrugged. "Those two have the drive, you know? Even Harry has some clue of what he's doing with his life, and he's been raised as far from magic as you can get."

"So does little ickle Ron have a plan?" Fred said softly as the twins joined the impromptu Weasley family gathering."

Ron dug in his pockets and pulled out a vial of pale blue liquid. "I think… we ought to give them a little nudge."

"That will be hilarious." Ginny couldn't help but grin. "Mom hasn't said as much but she's hoping that maybe Harry's role of gallant knight might be parlayed into something a little more personal. Never mind that I might not want that."

"I know what you mean." Ron nodded towards the couch. "Mom has come flat out and said she thinks that Hermione would be good for me. I don't think we could ever work as a couple. Maybe a Triad with Harry as a buffer, but never just a couple."

"You two fight so much it's ridiculous." George had spontaneously appeared with the group, presumably with his twin but making assumptions with those two was never a good idea. "And why wouldn't our little princess want a dashing wizard doting on her?"

"I'm not sure I want Harry." She shrugged. "Hell, I'm not entirely sure I want a wizard at all."

Fred leaned against a table with an arched eyebrow. "And just what do you want, dear sister of mine?"

Ginny took a deep breath as she blushed to the tips of her ears. "There was a really cute little Slytherin firstie, Astoria Greengrass." She screwed her eyes shut and waited for the explosion.

"Greengrass, Greengrass. I've heard… Daphne Greengrass, that's it. She's a nice enough girl, all around." Ron said thoughtfully. "If I can't get Neville or Hermione for Herbology help, Daphne is just as good."

Ginny stared in surprise. "So you don't mind that she's-"

"A Slytherin? Heck no. Crabbe is wicked good at charms and fast as hell. He probably has a future as a duelist." Ron began counting off his classmates on his fingers. "Blaise Zabini is good for transfiguration. Pansy Parkinson is a potions ace, and easy on the eyes. Millicent Bullstrode is the go to for creature care. I've nothing against Slytherins if they bring something of value to the table. Malfoy however just brings his own inflated ego and his family name. If you want to go after Astoria, well best of luck to you. If need be we'll ask mum for a little help." He waggled the vial in his hand.

Percy pursed his lips in dismay. "You do realize that you are in possession of a class three restricted potion, correct? As head boy I ought to march you straight to Professor McGonagall-"

"Oh come now Percy. You can't very well take the moral high ground on this." George smirked. "Especially after Penelope."

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about." Percy stammered slightly.

"So a Ravenclaw prefect who would only give you the time of day as a matter of general politeness suddenly finds you interesting enough to talk to, despite your seemingly inordinate lack of common ground?" Ron adopted a flat stare that was a combination of Harry, Hermione, and McGonagall, as he'd seen them enough to mimic them flawlessly.

"I would never-" Percy broke off as he met Ron's flat stare. "A-all right. I did slip a little something mother sent me into her goblet. But it was just once! Just to put me on her radar, so to speak."

"Doesn't it feel good not to lie to family?" Ginny grinned as she passed Ron a glass vial filled with curly brown hairs. "You'll need to key whatever you're doing to one of them, so there's some essence of Granger, for Harry."

"Thanks sis. No offense intended but are you sure this is Hermione's? We learned the hard way about dumping hairs in potions on good faith."

"So it's true?" Fred said. "You lot actually made polyjuice potion?"

"Mostly Hermione's work." Ron acknowledged with a nod. "We thought it was the best way to question someone who likely knew more about Slytherin's Heir."

"She is bloody brilliant." George said. "Too bad she's so uptight."

"There are potions for that." Fred replied. "But right now Ron's got the right of it. These are the maiden's hairs?"

"I stopped in to ask her about a sleep charm you can put on objects. She was yanking a hairbrush through her hair."

"And you're sure it was her brush?" Percy asked, resigning himself to the fact that he would have to be his sibling's keeper in this mad endeavor.

"Definitely. It was definitely muggle as no self-respecting pureblood witch would ever use a brush without a built in vanishing charm or leave so much of their essence intact for spellwork." Ginny said. "I nicked those after Lavender asked if anyone had seen her nightgown."

"Lavender is another nice girl, if you don't mind anything more than a physical fling." Ron rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Thinking on your future little brother?" George ruffled Ron's hair playfully.

"With this manner of mischief? How can I not?" Ron grinned pocketing the potion and vial of hair.

"So what are you gonna do first?" Ginny asked.

"I'll add the hair to the potion and then slip it into Harry's pumpkin juice. He ought to be thinking of Hermione nonstop for a week or so." Ron grinned.

Percy frowned. "Just make sure you keep us up to date on what everyone's doing. I'd hate to have them end up in the infirmary because the twins decided to pull a prank and it interacted badly with Ron's potion."

"Course I will, Percy." Ron smirked as the twins set about transfiguring the couch into a double bed to make the unsuspecting victims more comfortable. "It's for the greater good, after all." He tossed off a favorite quote of his mother's as he ascended the stairs.

AN: I've seen loads of fics where the Weasley family are using potions for their own nefarious purposes and I thought it might be amusing to see the cliché turned on its ear a bit. Of course they're still manipulating people in a very much frowned on way, so it's in their own best interest not to get caught, but it's not 'OMG! Mollyz brewing da love potion for her kids!'