Dean had to force himself to sleep that night. It seemed like the cloud of hope he had been floating on had dissipated without warning when he had opened the door yesterday and everything that could possibly go wrong flooded his head. John hadn't seen Anna and Balthazar in years. What if he didn't recognize them or asked the wrong questions? What if one of the kids freaked out at the still impressive number of tubes coming out of every orifice? Maybe having them come was a mistake.

Sam didn't fare much better. He had thought maybe these changes were good. That they had stood a chance, and maybe the world he had spent so long trying to escape wasn't so bad. After he had gotten off the phone with Ellen he realized he knew better. Good things didn't happen, at least not in his experience. Ever since he had met Gabriel he thought things were changing. When John had been in the accident Sam had reacted like a normal person. Like something awful, maybe even life-altering had happened to his roommate, not like the universe had a personal vendetta against him. There hadn't been a reason to panic and he hadn't. He had been proud of himself.

Then yesterday happened. Sam had some casual contact with Meg; they ran in the same general circle and he knew she wasn't the most pleasant person. He hadn't given her much thought, but if he hadn't seen Rebel yesterday he wouldn't have believed she was capable of that. His bit of faith in humanity that had been restored over the past few months, fragile as it was, broke. He had been right. Humanity was nothing but a pile of crap.

He hated that he was forced to be a part of this society, this species where things like what washappening to Rebel, to Cas, could happen. He hated being pigeonholed into a designated cutout of what someone else decided life should be when he was five. Maybe he could do something to help change it. It was far too early in the morning for this. God, he needed something to smoke.

Castiel had never fallen asleep. He had sat in Rebel's room, rocking chair pulled close to his crib, watching his child sleep soundly. Slow, steady breaths went uninterrupted by anything resembling pain or panic. Cas realized Rebel wouldn't even remember any of what was happening. That, assuming things went well, he likely would have no recollection of his mother.

Cas wasn't an idiot. He knew how these things worked and that he was automatically under more suspicion, not only because Meg was filing charges, automatically putting him on the defensive, but also because mothers were flat out more likely to get custody of a child.It didn't matter that it was inherently illogical for Meg to leave her son with someone she thought was abusing him.

He tried not to think about the little he knew of Dean's childhood. He knew Anna and Balthazar had gotten very lucky, having Dean to keep them from starving, and he strongly suspected, to shield them from their father's drunkenness. He knew if he lost Rebel his son wouldn't have a Dean to protect him from his mother's rage or her inability to care for him. He was going to have to find a way to pull it together.

Rebel woke with a start and a cry promptly at seven, startling Cas from his reverie. Cas tried not to groan as he forced himself to do his job. He promptly changed and fed the baby, before standing in front of the fridge, baby on his hip, debating what to make for breakfast. He blinked at the mostly empty fridge. Who was supposed to do the grocery shopping this week?

Sam, having crashed the previous night with his door open had woken up when Rebel started crying. He padded into the kitchen, rubbing sleep from his eyes, unused to be awake at such an early hour.He peered over Cas' shoulder and saw the box of baking soda and expired milk.

"Whose turn was it to shop?" Cas demanded. It was far too early, and he had gotten far too little sleep to be anything but demanding.

"It was Dean's, but with everything going on-" Sam found his reply cut short when he had an armful of confused baby looking at him curiously, followed by Cas' back stalking towards Dean's room.

"Dean Winchester get your ass out of bed this instant."

Sam inched out of the kitchen to stand at the end of the hall, out of line of fire, drawn to the scene as he would be to a car crash.

"Cas wass goin' on?" It was a mumbled, sleepy reply. Not entirely incoherent, but Dean certainly hadn't been awake and out of his own head enough yet to be prepared for an onslaught of hungry, tired, angry Cas. Sam honestly felt Cas needed to get the rage he undoubtedly felt about the previous night's event out. He had been far too calm thus far, but he couldn't help but wish the brunt of that anger had been directed at him, or better yet, a good solid punching bag. Dean had enough to deal with, especially today.

"Rebel, I think your daddy's lost it," Sam whispered. The baby didn't respond; he just grabbed a fistful of Sam's hair.

"You were supposed to go grocery shopping this week! There is no food anywhere in this apartment."

"Sorry, man. It's been a crazy week. I'll do it 'fore I head to the hospital."

"You still have responsibilities in this apartment, Dean." Castiel's voice was low and Sam knew Cas knew exactly which nerve he was hitting.

"Don't you dare, Castiel."

"You aren't the only one having troubles." Cas' voice was surprisingly even, considering the anger with which he moved down the hall.

"You aren't an angel either and at least I prioritized my family before they got hurt."

"I can balance my life just fine."

"That's right. You don't have a family to care about."

Sam decided it had gone far enough. He had let them get out some of their frustrations but they were toeing a line that shouldn't be crossed. He strided down the hall.

"Ok. That's enough."

"Get out, Sam!" Dean threw a pillow, causing Sam to turn so the pillow hit his back instead of the baby.

"Did you just throw something at my son?" Cas' voice had gone low and more gravelly than normal.

"I just threw something at Sam." It didn't matter. Cas had thrown himself onto Dean's bed and started throwing punches. Sam glanced down at the suddenly crying baby and cursed his current inability to physically pull them apart.

"Sorry, Rebel, this is going to hurt your ears," he said low, before raising his voice. "All right. Both of you, stop it. Now. Get off of him and pull yourself together.

"Good," he added, once fists stopped flying, but he kept his volume up, just to be safe. "Now here's what's going to happen. We're all going to go out and have a nice civil breakfast where I will tell you all who Ellen is. Then Cas is going to come home, call her, and Dean is going to go to class, followed by the hospital. I will do the grocery shopping. Then tonight I'm going to make dinner and invite Gabriel over and we're going to eat as a fuckingfamily. Do I make myself clear?"

Both boys were frozen on the bed, Dean with a hand raised defensively against the blood dripping from Cas' nose. They blinked in unison, then nodded. Cas hauled himself off of Dean and slunk down the hall to clean himself up, avoiding eye contact. Dean hauled himself out of bed and pulled on yesterday's jeans. He dug around in the closet for a mostly clean t-shirt and realized he hadn't done laundry in a very long time.

"I'll get you some ice for your eye."

"Thanks." Sam left. He shifted Rebel to his hip (he was mostly just whimpering now) and dug the ice pack out of the back of the freezer. The baby was instantly enthralled with it and Sam struggled to keep Rebel from putting it in his mouth as he walked to Dean's room. He knocked.

"It's open."

"Here. Rebel, let go.There. Take it." Sam pried the ice pack out of Rebel's hands and handed it to Dean who pressed it against the tender skin of his cheek.

"Thanks. That was a hell of a wake-up call."

"Yeah. It was. I'm gonna go check on Cas."

"Probably a good idea. I think I may have broken his nose."

"Great." As Sam knocked on the bathroom door he couldn't help but feel he was doing far too much knocking in his own apartment this morning. He hadn't even had coffee yet.

"Go away, Sam." If the words hadn't been more of a muffled garble of consonants he would have left Cas to lick his wounds in peace. However given Dean's suspicion of a broken nose he figured he should push.

"Come on. I just want to make sure we don't need to go to the ER." The door creaked open.

"I'm fine."

"If I could understand what you were saying through the glob of tissues I would be more inclined to believe you."

"I hate you."

"Yes, I'm sure you do. Now let's get you cleaned up."

"You can put Rebel on the floor, if you want."

"Right." Sam sat the baby on the floor and pushed one of the bath toys into his tiny fist.

"The bleeding has mostly stopped."

"Just let me see." Cas grumbled some more, but pulled the mess of tissues away from his face. Sam approached him, and carefully prodded. Cas hissed a couple of times but Sam was reasonably sure it wasn't broken.

"I told you I'm fine."

"Yeah, yeah. That's going to hurt for a few days, but your face will be ok."

"Thanks Sam."

"Not a problem. Just try not to get into any more fist fights for a while."

"I think I can manage that. The aftereffects are rather unpleasant."

"Take some ibuprofen."

"I will."

"Are you ok to watch Rebel now? I need to get dressed and I'm starved."

"It won't be a problem."

Sam went to his bedroom and shut the door. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lighter off his bedside table and lit one as he sunk onto the floor beside his bed. It had been a stressful morning. He only smoked when he was stressed. It was more the monotony of the routine that calmed him down, not any particular effect the nicotine had. He finished the cigarette and made sure it was out before tossing it in the trashcan. He paused when he heard voices at the end of the hall.

"Cas, I'm sorry about the whole pillow thing. I wasn't even thinking about Rebel or that it could hurt him."

"There was no harm done. I over-reacted to the food situation."

"Still though, Cas. I knew you were reacting so dramatically because of well, the situation and I should have known better."

"Dean, really there's no need for us to lay blame. I reacted inappropriately."

"Just shut up and accept my apology."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

"Is your nose ok?"

"Yes. Its sore but I'll be fine. Is your eye alright?"

"I can still see out of it at least."

"You guys ready?" Sam asked as he came down the hall.

"Let's go get some grub," Dean agreed.

As he sat in the passenger seat waiting for Cas to get Rebel strapped in Sam allowed his mind to wander. He was actively aware of what he was missing. His roommates had these little families and it seemed like most of their reactions came from there. With a pang he thought of Amelia and wondered what she was dong. Family didn't determine his worth or sense of self. There was still something missing. He didn't quite feel whole; he hadn't for a very long time. He had been able to ignore it. Unbidden the half-finished document, now perpetually open on his desktop, came to mind.

With a clarity Sam was sure he hadn't experienced in years it all came together. It had been building for a while, probably since before he had ever known Dean and Cas, but knowing them was what pushed it over the edge. More had happened in his life in the three months he had known them then the previous 20 years. He wanted to be a writer; he wanted to actually understand metaphors and similes and narrative structures.

"I think I'm going to change my major to creative writing, guys."

"Sure."

"Ok. Good luck with that."

Sam glanced down and picked absently at a forming hangnail. This was a revelation that had been coming on for months and they had barely acknowledged it. Here he was, calling in favors to save their sorry asses and he didn't matter. He had to remind himself he couldn't think like that. They were his friends and he was helping them because he liked them, not because they owed him anything.

They pulled into the diner and got settled, perusing the familiar menus. They talked about classes and the weather and if Dean should make the leek ringshe saw on the Food Network the other day. They ordered their breakfast and acted like there hadn't been a fist fight less than an hour previous. When the food arrived they knew they could avoid talking about things much longer.

"So who's Ellen?" Cas asked around a mouthful of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. It's disgusting."

"Shut up, Dean. Well?"

"She's an old friend. Well, initially she was the social worker assigned to me after my first overdose when I was seventeen and scared. We became friends though, in a way. She owns a bar now."

"You called her for legal advice?"

"She still has some contacts. She said so far as lawyers go, Rufus Turner is the best there is. Said she'd pull some string, maybe ply him with a few free beers, see if he'll take the case pro bono."

"I'll give him a call."

"She said you also might want to think about hiring a PI."

"Very film noir," Dean joked, earning him two death glares. "Sorry. Inappropriate."

"Did she give a name?"

"Victor Henricksen. Said he's a right bastard most of the time, but he's good at his job."

"I'll think about it. Really depends on paying the lawyer. I'll call Ellen. Talk it over with her."

"That'd probably be the best idea."

"Crap. What time is it?" Dean asked. They had spent some time eating in silence. Sam's food had started get cold as he monolouged and chewing the rubbery scrambled eggs was taking most of his focus. Cas pulled out his phone.

"It's 8:45."

"I have to get to class, like fifteen minutes ago. Can you guys walk back?"

"We'll be fine. Don't worry about breakfast. I got it." Sam said as he waved away Dean's wallet.

"Thanks, man. I'll see you tonight."

"Don't be late."

"I'll do my best."

"Have fun."

"With my dad and the kids in the same room? It'll be like an amusement park."

"And turn down the snark."

"Yes, mom."

Dean drove the college, jockeying for a reasonable parking space. He jogged through campus and only managed to be a few minutes late. As luck would have it, it was one of his last big lecture classes and the professor didn't even look up from his lecture notes when Dean came in.

Dean went through his classes on autopilot. He knew he'd hate himself when finals came along and all his notes from today were useless. He couldn't help that the nerves were distracting him. His family, the parts that mattered at least, were all going to be in the same room for the first time in four years. He had wanted this to happen, maybe not until the kids were a little older and certainly not while John was in a hospital bed, but it was what he wanted. Now that he was actually faced with the reality of it all he could think about were the ways it could go wrong. He knew John wouldn't be drunk and in itself was a big enough blessing. The kids could be afraid him though, or change their minds; John could be in too much pain or he could say something about Mary. Dean could panic and not be able to facilitate the meeting.

He talked himself down. He was showing up half an hour before the kids would be there to be sure John was still ok to see them. He called Leah at lunch and she had reassured him Anna was bouncing with excitement and Balthazar was curious about finally getting to meet John. Everything would be alright. They were going to get to be a family for a few hours.

Three-thirty on the dot found Dean pulling into the hospital parking lot.He made his way upstairs, waving at Dr. Morgan as he passed her. He always had to hesitate outside John's door, a habit he had learned from never quite knowing what he was going to find behind it.

John grinned at him when he entered the room. He was still very obviously injured, but he was doing better. Healing, and Dean suspected a good chunk of that healing wasn't physical. Maybe they would get to be a family again for longer than just today.

"Hey Dad."

"Hey Dean."

"How're you feeling today?"

"Sore. Ready to get this tube out of my chest."

"Yeah. Tomorrow. The kids will be here soon."

"I'm excited. It's been too long since I've seen them. And it's my fault, but I think I'm just realizing how much I miss them."

"I know. I guess Balthazar is kind of nervous. He doesn't remember you. I don't think Anna has even seen you sober, and-"

"Dean, I know. Balthazar is an artist, he has your mother's eyes, which I'm not supposed to mention, and he's shy. I'm supposed to tell Anna if she hurts me and ask about her soccer tournament next week. I can handle this."

"I know. I'm just nervous. That you aren't ready or they aren't. This is the first time we've all been in the same room in years and you're in the hospital."

"Are you ready for this, Dean?"

"I've been waiting for this for years."

"Then try not to worry so much."

"Right. Deep breaths."

"There you go."

"I'm going to wait for them outside."

"I'm not going anywhere. Couldn't even if I wanted to."

"Thanks. For agreeing to see them."

"I want to see them. Don't know how many times I have to say it. Go wait for them."

"Right." Dean walked out of the room. He forced himself to stay casual. His pacing up and down the hall was doing nothing to give even an illusion of calm. When he saw Anna and Balthazar walking towards him with a forced subdueness he let out a breath. They were here and this was really going to happen.

"Hey guys."

"Hi Dean." Anna shuffled away his attempt at a hug, but Balthazar went and grabbed his pant leg. Dean ignored Anna's rebuff and picked up his brother. He smiled in greeting at Leah who nodded towards the waiting room.

"You guys ready?" Balthazar nodded into his neck.

"I've been ready for a long time."

"Ok, Dad has some scary looking tubes coming out of him and he still hurts, but he's really excited to see you."

"We know, Dean. I already talked to Balthazar. Can we go before he changes his mind?"

"Yeah."

Dean smiled at her impatience. He took a deep breath before he opened the door with the hand not supporting Balthazar. His brother's fingers touched the side of his throat in reassurance. The look on John's face when he saw his youngest children was worth all the worrying he had done and the black eye he was currently sporting.

"Daddy!" Anna cleared the room in a matter of seconds and stopped immediately at John's bedside. His hand went to the top of her head.

"Anna, hi. God, you're so big."

"You haven't seen me in a long time."

"That's true. Maybe not so long next time

"Leah said I have to be careful because you're hurt. I already knew that though. We were supposed to have a weekend with Dean, but you got hurt so we had to come here instead. We had to go home early so Dean could take care of you."

"And he did a good job of it too. I'm getting better."

"Oh that's Balthazar. He's nervous because he doesn't remember you since he was so little when we went to live with Leah and Steve. I tell him stories about the good stuff, but he still thinks you won't remember him."

"Course I remember him. Spunky kid. Dean says he can draw."

"Hi." Balthazar picked his head up out of Dean's shoulder and looked at John when he spoke.

"Heya."

"Can you put me down, Dean?"

"Yeah buddy." Dean figured things were going so well this far that he could get away with putting Balthazar down on the foot of John's bed. They both looked at him curiously, but looked at each other, almost surprised when Balthazar put a hand on his ankle.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you. I made you a get well card though." Balthazar handed him the piece of paper he'd been clutching.

"A zebra, huh?"

"Anna said your hair was black and white so I thought of a zebra. Do you like zebras?"

I can't say I've ever known one." There was a genuine smile on John's face that hadn't been there for years.

"You're silly. You can't know a zebra."

"Sure you can. No zebra has the exact same stripes as another."

"Really?"

"And most of the things that eat them can only see in black and white so they can't tell a single one apart when they're in a herd."

"Things that eat other things are called predators and the thing that gets eaten is called prey. I learned that in school last month," Anna provided.

So the conversation continued, John asking his children about school and their hobbies. He learned Anna excelled in math and played in one of the best pee-wee soccer leagues in the state. They had a tournament for the spring championship over the next several weeks. He heard about Balthazar's art teacher, the one he took lessons with and how she was ready to start teaching him charcoal even though he was only six, and that he loved reading. He was reading The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe and loved the series so far. Before they knew it hour and a half had passed.

"Hey guys, Dad has surgery tomorrow and needs to rest."

"A few more minutes. I can manage a few more minutes."

"You need to rest and these guys have a long drive home."

"Dean, please."

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom, then it's time." As Dean walked away he heard them laughing halfway down the hall. On his way back, Leah stopped him.

"They about ready?"

"Yeah. I was just getting them."

"They sound happy."

"They are. It like having my family back, even if only for a couple hours."

"Dean, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Your dad. John, he has a name, God. Do you think he'll fight to regain custody once he gets out of here?"

"He says he wants to change, to try to be a part of their lives. If he manages to stay away from the damn bottle he might be able to, but I don't see him fighting for custody. Even sober he can barely take care of himself and he has a long road ahead of him, and well, Balthazar has my mom's eyes."

"Right. It's just Steve and I can't imagine giving them up. To anyone that's not you, at least. We know you won't cut us out of their lives."

"Of course not. You guys, you've raised them. You love them like your own and you took them both. You're a part of their lives."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to go get them."

"Right."

When Dean stepped in front of the door he listened to the giggled coming from inside and he knew, for once, what he would find when he opened his father's door.

"Alright. Leah wants you back."

"But," Anna began.

"No buts. You'll see him again."

"Dean."

"Go with your brother, Anna. I'll be here." John was firm.

"Dean," Anna said again.

"Anna, stop arguing."

"But Dean." Anna sounded well and truly desperate.

"Anna what?"

"I don't think his gown is supposed to be red."

"Shit. Dad you're bleeding." Monitors started beeping insistently and the room was flooded with various people in scrubs.

"Sir, we're going to need you to step outside."

"Right. Of course. Anna, Balthazar." Dean felt two small hands grasp onto his own and he backed out, eyes riveted to the gray form on the bed.

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Major technical difficulties on both my end and my beta's ( I spent two weeks thinking my novel was entirely gone, to give some perspective). However we both have a functioning computer now, so things should be back to normal shortly. Thanks for sticking with it.