A/N:
Here it is, chapter four! Without meaning to, every chapter just gets longer and longer, huh? Well, that's changing for the next chapter! Keeps things interesting. Vacation's going swell and ironically, it's harder to find time to write now than when I was in school.

Anyways, enjoy!

SL

Chapter 4:

Mission of Discovery

Xion

I create a dark portal, taking a step inside as a shadow moves to my right. Without hesitation, I summon my Keyblade, hunching into my fighting stance, searching for the threat. I minimize the portal into nonexistence, leaving nothing but silence to occupy the empty space of the Entrance Hall of the Beast's Castle.

"Who's there?" I ask.

I slip my hood on in order to maintain my anonymity. As I drop my hand to the side, I hear a crack in the rocks behind me. I turn swiftly, lifting my Keyblade to block an incoming attack, staring at a hooded figure in the Organization coat.

"Who are you?" I demand.

The hooded figure says nothing and pushes me down to the ground with great force. This is clearly a male. My Keyblade and his sword parry at a standstill with my arms struggling to keep his sword off my body.

"Who are you?" He strains, "What're you doing with the Organization?"

I grapple against his weight, "Get away from me!" I unleash a powerful light attack, blinding each other as the light engulfs us. In that instant, I get a glimpse of his body moving towards me. I hunch low to the ground and deliver a blow to his stomach. He recoils with a grunt, jumping backwards, landing in front of me at a distance. We stand, breathing agitatedly, staring at each other, waiting for one of us to make the first move. In the moment's respite, I ponder if I should fight him. So far I've already revealed one of my techniques while I haven't learned anything from him. The only similarities between us stop at the coat and the blade in his hand.

"Why do you have a Keyblade?" He shouts.

We walk cautiously around each other in a circular motion, intently waiting for one or the other to initiate the attack.

"What's it got to do with you?" I retort, "Who are you?"

He sprints towards me with his blade held high. I sweep my Keyblade up to block him, establishing my stance firmly on the ground to maintain my equilibrium against the oncoming force. What I have learned from him is that his initial attack is always his strongest one, the one he packs the most strength into. Our blades clash loudly, but I'm glad I was ready for it this time. Standing and struggling to hold each other off, we clasp our blades together, equally not surrendering to the other.

"Why are you wearing the Organization coat? Why are you fighting me? Who are you! Answer me!" I growl.

"So, you're a Nobody." He states, not a hint of exertion in his voice. This disconcerts me. Where did he suddenly gain the stamina? He must've used a Potion after I hit him.

"Yes." I groan, exasperated.

"Hmm…that explains it."

"Explains what?"

He unleashes a darkness attack, catching me off guard, sending me flying through the air until I make contact with the stone floor. I land on my back, my blade falling out of my hands.

"The Keyblade." He whispers to himself.

He approaches me. I summon the Keyblade, pointing it at him to back off, ignoring the pain.

"Though this explains many things, it still poses more questions."

With that said, he turns and walks away. "Our encounter here will be forgotten. I've found what I wanted to know."

I stand up with difficulty and anger, feeling ridiculed and weak. Who is this guy? I ponder if I should use a Potion or Cure, but assess that there will not be enough time for it. Staring at his back, I prepare my Keyblade for another light attack, only to watch him disappear before my eyes.

I am lost in the amount of time that passes between his disappearance and his attack on my neck that causes me to suddenly succumb to darkness.

I wake up with a jolt, realizing that was a mistake as I rub the sore spot on my neck.

Feeling disoriented and dizzy from the sudden movement, I process my surroundings with difficulty as my vision attempts to clear. My eyes widen as I realize I'm in my room. I stand up slowly and walk out to the corridor, a million questions surging through my head.

How'd I get here? Who was I fighting? What did he want? How does he know about the Keyblade? Why was he wearing our coat?

Then I understand: he's infiltrating the Organization. Could he be in this very building right now? I realize that this information is crucial to tell Saïx and the others. We could all be in danger.

Before I tell them anything, I need answers of my own. I rush to the Grey Area confronting Saïx, ignoring Xigbar's presence.

"What happened to me?"

Saïx shrugs, acting differently with me than with anyone else. It's as if anything I say is of no importance.

"I don't know. You tell me. Getting weak, I'm afraid?"

I shake my head fervently, "I'm not getting weak! There was this guy—"

He lifts his hand to silence me, "Don't answer me with your antics and excuses. Your adversary beat you and could have destroyed you, but didn't. You are on no valid grounds to say that you're not weak because clearly, you are."

I glare at the floor, trying to find something to counter him with, but to my disillusionment, there is nothing. I clench my fists tightly against my sides. "How was I brought here?"

"How else?" Saïx scoffs, as if the question itself is redundant, "Through a portal. We wondered where you were and I sent Xigbar to check on you."

Xigbar, who's been sitting on one of the white couches adds, "No worries, puppet. I didn't wake you up from your snooze."

I frown at nothing. "So, I was unconscious and found by you—"

"As we've clearly made it known, yes." Saïx interjects condescendingly.

I turn and walk away. They're not even going to ask me why I was knocked out? They're just going to assume that I'm weak? I furrow my eyebrows in anger.

Then I won't tell them about the hooded figure. He can infiltrate the Organization all he wants. I know he won't destroy me because I'm still alive. I must serve as something of importance—I smirk—because I wield the Keyblade.

I stop in the middle of a long white corridor, frozen to the spot.

The indifference the Organization members express towards anything that happens to me makes my stomach knot up painfully to the point where I have to find an escape and leave them behind. This has been going on ever since I was created, and yet I only just noticed how much it hurts me. I also realize this is the first time I'm keeping a secret from the Organization. Even though I want retribution, I fretfully hope that I won't see the consequences of my decision.

I walk into my room and close the door quietly. An image of the hooded figure comes to mind. Could that have been Axel? I reject the idea. That couldn't have been him. He wouldn't have attacked me. That other guy didn't know I was a Nobody. Would he know where Axel is? Is he someone that Axel confronted? Could he have taken Axel's coat to infiltrate us? Is Axel really—

I shake the thought. Why didn't the infiltrator destroy me? He showed interest in the Keyblade and why I wielded it.

I hold my head in my hands out of frustration. What should I do? I don't have a lead to where Axel could be and the only one that seems possible is one that I don't want to accept. Going to Castle Oblivion is too risky. I don't know how to get there either. I'd have to ask someone to take me, which defeats the whole purpose of my search. Where should I go?

Roxas…what should I do?

Without a second thought, I leave for the island.

I walk to the small dock and sit, letting my feet dangle on the edge, reminding me of the sensation I felt when I was back at Twilight Tower eating sea-salt ice cream. But here, it's as if the taste is all around me, wrapping me up in a cocoon of comfort. The pleasant heat of the sun blankets me from my immediate worries, telling me that everything will be all right and that I'll find the answers to all my questions. Sadly, I know that some of those answers will not be what I want to hear. Still, I allow myself to bask in the illusion.

I wait for a moment, before addressing my worries.

If Axel were alive, then he would come back to the Organization, right? If he were destroyed…there wouldn't even be a body to find.

Should I continue the search?

An image of Roxas smiling comes to mind. I shake my head in defeat. Roxas is counting on me. Axel is his first friend and while Roxas can't search for him, I will.

Maybe Axel was captured. Maybe he's not destroyed. As long as there's no proof that he's been destroyed or turned into a Dusk, then I'll keep searching.

For the moment's contemplation, I stare at my reflection in the ocean water, watching my face contort due to the movement of the waves. I touch my black hair, moving it behind my ear, waiting as if for something to push me off the edge. Small water droplets swell from my eyes, making ripples that collide with the waves as they fall into the water. My image blurs until I can't see my face anymore, just like it was in the beginning—nothing but a pale, expressionless mask. I jump off the dock, immersing myself into the sea and look for a pretty shell to give Roxas. I feel around in the sand with my eyes closed until my hand clasps onto something. I break to the surface, taking a few breaths, shaking the water from my eyes. I admire the shell, nodding that this is what I want.

Something hits the ground to my right.

I jump high into the air, creating a sphere of wind around myself as a shield, drying myself in the process, while summoning my Keyblade. I land on the shore, rustling the sand around me, creating a shockwave—my first line of defense—ready for battle. My eyes search for any potential threat, waiting for the slightest movement. I notice a coconut rolling out onto the shore. Still cautious, I walk over to the tree that makes up the entire island, next to the cascade. I search for someone that could have made that happen, yet there is no one on this island but me. My Keyblade vanishes with the lack of a threat. I sigh at my paranoia. After my fight with that guy, I've become more vigilant. I suppose that comes with benefits. At least I won't be attacked by surprise anymore.

I summon a dark portal, ready to search another world when my peripherals catch another coconut fall to the ground and roll into the tree, disappearing. I frown in confusion.

The portal closes behind me as I air slide over there, expecting to hit something solid, yet nothing is in the way. What first appears to be a chasm in the tree is actually a cave. The tree managed to shield the stone opening with its great roots. I step forward carefully, tracing my hand against the wall. At the end of the passageway, I see a light. Following it, I reach the end of the cave and gasp as I take in the artwork etched onto the stone walls. From the beginning, I thought this island had never been uninhabited. I wonder what happened to all the people, or children, that drew this. I notice a castle, and a symbol that looks strangely familiar. I run my hand across the rock, touching a drawing depicting a boy and a girl. I frown, wondering why the boy's image looks so familiar. Is this Roxas? I shake off the thought. It can't be. This is a kid. Nobodies don't age. I crouch low to the ground to observe the drawings more closely, but as I gaze at these illustrations, my head begins to pound, an overwhelming sensation coming over me. I quickly stand up, holding my head, breathing in small gasps. I walk away from the image, my head clearing gradually. I sigh, pondering what just happened. A light emanating from my left captures my attention. It takes me a few seconds to realize that there's a door in here and only just now noticed it. I approach it slowly, marveling at its authenticity. The wood doesn't even match the stone around it. The door is as if untouched by age. Who could have put this here? An ominous vibration exudes from the mysterious door, calling me to it while repelling me simultaneously. I put my hand on the knob. I twist it carefully but feel resistance, indicating it's locked. I sigh out of relief. Why am I so nervous?

A sudden chill runs up and down my spine as I see the door shake. My Keyblade appears in my hand, uncontrollably wavering from side to side. I try stabilizing it with both hands as it lifts me off my feet. "Steady! Come on!"

Instantly, as if on my command, the Keyblade stops moving all together, but doesn't budge from its position in the air. A thin strip of light emanates from my Keyblade into the door's Keyhole. I hear a light click. The Keyblade disappears as quickly as it came. A debilitating sensation tightens in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I suddenly feel sick. I put my hand to my mouth. What's happening to me? I give names to the sensation. I'm worried, I'm anxious, but most of all, I'm scared. It seems as if I will see the consequences of my actions sooner than I thought. I take my Keyblade out immediately and attempt to lock the door. I will with all my might for that light to come out.

Nothing happens.

Whatever this door leads to, is now accessible for anyone who discovers it. I ruminate on what I should do. It's my fault this happened. I have to see that no one finds this place. It's hidden enough already. Finding it would be difficult, but blockading it would raise questions, wouldn't it? As far as I've seen, no one really knows this island exists. Should I just walk away? My Keyblade opened it but it can't close it. I re-summon my blade, attempting to lock it again to no avail. I place a shaking hand on my forehead, "Roxas, what should I do?"

I perk my head up. Roxas! When he wakes up, I can ask him if he can try locking the door. The pain in my chest disappears cautiously with the problem semi-solved. If I put this off, I'll feel better. Even if this is still unsolved, just knowing that something might be done is enough to ease some of the pain in my stomach. I make my way out of the cave when in the corner near the entrance/exit I notice another drawing. I walk closer to it, wondering why it's so small and isolated from the rest. As I peer at it, I realize it has an uncanny resemblance to me. This drawing's a little different from the other one, which looked similar to me, but younger. I place my hand on the stone and trace the lines. How did this get here? Could Roxas have been here before me? Is this the island he mentioned he saw in his dreams? If so, then it really was a memory. I correct my thoughts. But this is reality and this drawing is of me. He couldn't have drawn this here. He hasn't been here in bodily form. He only dreamt of this place. I tilt my head to the side. Then how in the world did this get here? Finding more questions than answers, I bend down for a sharp stone and start drawing, knowing I won't receive any explanations. A line here, a line there. After I finish the drawing, I leave the rock on the ground and step out of the cave.

This is a small memory of our existence. If anything were to happen to us, this will remain here, etched in stone. Roxas, I hope you'll always remember me, just how I will never forget you. I may not have memories of my past but the few memories I have have been of you. Even if I don't ever remember who I was, as long as you're in my memories I am content, for you are my fondest memory.

That alone is enough for me.

Roxas

"Tidus, think fast!"

I spin in midair, hitting Tidus on the back with a wooden sword, causing him to fall flat on his stomach, getting sand in his mouth. He gets up weakly, spitting everything out.

"Ow! How'd you get there so fast?" he groans.

I smile triumphantly, but inwardly feel guilty for beating an eleven-year-old.

"Practice." I respond.

Selphie cheers loudly from the sidelines. "Whoo! Go Roxas!"

I walk over to Tidus, lending him a hand.

Tidus frowns as he stands up, "Shut up, Selphie!"

Selphie frowns, "Tidus, you're mean!"

Wakka laughs at their argument. He stands from his place next to Selphie and faces me, "My turn, Roxas. Let's see what you got, man."

He charges at me with his Blitzball in hand. I get into my fighting stance, fingers tingling, and smirk.

20 minutes earlier

As I walk through the passageway to the posterior side of the island, I see the group at a distance sparring against each other. I stand by, watching them closely, observing and memorizing their moves.

"Selphie! You should really get a better weapon. Your jump rope feels like a whip!" Tidus yells as Selphie swings her jump rope at him, making a loud cracking sound.

Selphie pouts, "That's why it's a weapon, duh! It has to hurt! How else am I supposed to win?"

Gravity-defying-haired Wakka throws an oddly shaped ball at the back of Tidus's head.

Tidus spins angrily, "Hey! Why are you both attacking me?"

They laugh in unison. I wonder how long it'll take for them to notice me standing here.

Tidus glances over my way, opens his mouth to say something, then gets hit in the face with Selphie's rope as she sees me, swinging her arms in the air.

He writhes in the sand. "My lips!"

Selphie shows concern and kneels down, holding him.

Wakka laughs, walking over to them. "Aya, man. You'll be okay. Stop complaining."

Selphie lightly touches Tidus's lips.

"Is it bleeding?" he asks, looking at her.

She nods, "Just a little. I don't want to wipe it away with my hands because they've got sand on them and it might hurt even more."

I walk closer to where the children are huddled, "Hey, how about you go wash it off on that small stream, coming out of the rock under the broken bridge? It seems to be fresh water."

Tidus stands up to do what I said, waving as he walks away. Selphie smiles, "Hey, Roxas!"

"Hiya, man." Wakka greets.

I return their salutations, staring out to the ocean. It looks different from this side, darker and more mysterious.

Wakka stands to my left as Selphie stands to my right.

"What do you want outta life?" he asks randomly.

I frown at him, confused, "What?"

Making odd gestures, he explains, "Ya, you know. See rare sights, broaden your horizons, get stronger…take your pick."

I wonder why he would ask something like that—perhaps to strike up a conversation? I shrug it off, contemplating the question. What more do I want out of life? I've already seen rare sights and broadened my horizons by going to new worlds, and I've been practicing to get stronger. I stare out in the distance, pondering what I should say and if anything needs to be said. In the end, the only thing I want to know, the only question that begs answering is: understanding what having a heart really means and if I need one to begin with. Expanding the question further, what does being born a Nobody mean? I would like to understand my existence, my being in the universe. What is my purpose? I look down, attempting to find a word or phrase to express those thoughts.

"I think I'd like to know my purpose." I respond, "That's what I want out of life: answers."

Wakka frowns, "You want knowledge? How's life gonna give you that?"

I glance at him, furrowing my eyebrows. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything this philosophical to an eleven-year-old I just met. Selphie suddenly grabs my right arm, hugging it to her bony chest. I feel a sharp pain in my thorax, a barrage of images flash before my eyes: memories of when Xion tested Sora's redness with her theory, her face near mine, when she shot Darkside with ice, when she scaled his arm, when she first realized she could use the Keyblade, when we're sitting down on the Twilight Tower, eating ice cream together, when I glanced at her face without her knowing, taking in her delicate features, her shy smile, her hand slipping loose strands of hair behind her ear as she looked down, contemplating what Nobodies were.

"Selphie, get away from him. Stop flirting with everybody." Tidus scolds her as he comes to join us.

I return to the present, breathing a little faster than before. No one seems to notice.

I don't make any attempt to untangle myself from her grip, but I don't like the proximity. That is Xion's place, not hers.

"Roxas," She ignores Tidus and my discomfort, "What's most important to you?"

"What's that got to do with anything, Selphie?" Tidus remarks.

"Shh! I want to know!" she shouts. "What is it, Roxas?" she faces me, green eyes open with anticipation. "Could it be being number one, friendship, prized possessions, or…something else?"

Why does it feel like they're quizzing me? I think about the question anyway. It deserves contemplation. What is most important to me?

Instantly, I think of Xion and Axel. Of the options she gave me, I wouldn't choose any of them.

"Neither of those." I answer.

Selphie frowns, "Then, what is it?"

I hesitate, suddenly embarrassed. Why do I feel this way? Can I feel like this? If I shouldn't, then what is this pain in my chest when I think about Xion? It's not the same pain I feel when I think about Axel—thinking he's gone. That pain hurts me inside, ripping me apart. But for Xion, I feel empty, as if her absence takes with it all that makes me who I am. When we're together, the pain is dull, but it never goes away. With Axel, I never had pain until the news of his defeat. Does this mean that the more pain I feel for someone, the more they're necessary to me? If I cannot be with her, does that make her significant in my life?

I close my eyes and sigh, "There's someone that's very important to me."

Selphie's eyes glaze over, "Who?"

I shake my head, "You don't know her."

Then again, she might be able to see her image. Kairi looks like Xion except for the hair. But judging from the way Selphie appears right now, I don't know if telling her that is a good idea. It might lead to a misunderstanding and I wouldn't want to cause conflict between her and Kairi.

"Oh, and who is this girl, hmm?" she insists.

Wakka elbows me on the side. Selphie lets go of my arm. Remembering Xion and being able to talk about her with someone brings a smile to my face. "She's one of my best friends."

Tidus nods. Wakka grins. Selphie pouts.

"Not fair!" she whines, "Why'd you have to meet her first?"

I frown at her reaction. Why is she acting like this?

"Do you want to be my friend?" I ask.

Her eyes grow wide, "Yes! I'd love to be your friend!" She clings onto my arm again. I have a presentiment that I'll have to get used to her holding me if I'm still here tomorrow.

I think of tomorrow and the days after. Will I still be here? Will this all end? Will it ever end?

Wakka shoves me in the direction of the shore. I fall face first into the water. I scramble out, trying to breathe. I sit in the waves in shock. That caught me completely by surprise. I shouldn't ever let my guard down.

"Wakka!" Tidus and Selphie yell. He holds them back as they try to get to me. I try blinking away the water trickling into my eyes, rubbing them with my wet fist. I grimace as the sand stings my vulnerable corneas. My bangs come over my ears and eyes.

"Wakka, what's your problem?" Selphie demands to know angrily.

Wakka picks me up from the front of my shirt, looking me straight in my red eyes, "What, man? So we can't be your friends, too?"

I blink twice. Is he seriously asking me that?

He lets go of the front of the shirt, extending me a hand, "How about it, Roxas? Wanna be friends?"

I grin, recognizing his odd manner of expressing disappointment as unique, "Yeah." I take his hand and pull him into the water next to me. He laughs, splashing Selphie, Tidus, and I as they join in.

Now, not only Xion and Axel are my friends but Wakka, Tidus, Selphie, Kairi, and Riku are my friends. A warm sensation covers me like a blanket regardless of the cold, ocean water surrounding my body.

So, this is friendship.

Present Time

I deliver the final blow, hitting Wakka with his own attack, bouncing the ball back with my wooden sword. He crouches on the ground, holding his head in his hands. "I lost."

I drop my arm to my side, unclenching the sword so tightly.

"My turn." Selphie says, rubbing her hips next to mine as she passes by. She really doesn't know much about personal space and the disgust older people feel when she violates it.

"Don't go easy on me!" Selphie lets me know as she unfurls her jump rope.

I pace around her in a circle. Even if she says that, I'm still not going to hit her. Not only is she a girl, she's also eleven years old. I prepare myself for her attack.

Selphie comes charging at me, swinging her rope like a lasso. I let her hit me, cringing at the sting.

"H-hey, Roxas! Dodge!" she says with worry. She slashes at me again, but this time I move out of the way fast enough. The reason I let her hit me was so that I could see how swiftly she could use her weapon. Selphie charges at me again with a battle cry. I jump backwards, using glide to get even further away, while facing her.

"Roxas, stop running away! Take me seriously!" She yells. I hide a smile.

I glide back over to her before she runs all the way to where I was. Thinking she'd wait for me until I landed was wrong. Selphie whips her rope at me while I'm still in mid-air, wrapping it around my arm. Still gliding, I yank the rope, trying to get it out of her hands but her body comes with it. I unconsciously stop gliding as I catch her and fall to the sand, creating a dust cloud. As we slide on the sand, burning my arms in the process, I feel her weight on my stomach, remembering a similar situation with Xion. However, I prefer saving Xion from Heartless any day than this girl. It's a good thing that the sand isn't as slippery; nonetheless it only made my impact on it all the more painful and blinding. Once we stop, I lay my head back in relief.

"Selphie?" I ask wanting to make sure she's fine.

I lean my head upwards and see her sitting on my stomach. She has her left hand to her lips with a surprised expression while her other hand is on my chest. Her pupils retract as a smile comes to her face. She places both hands on my chest, leans in and pecks the tip of my nose with her lips. I flinch, pushing her off quickly, rubbing my nose, thoroughly disgusted. She chuckles at my reaction, "I win."

Wakka and Tidus run up to us as I am sitting up.

"You guys okay?" Tidus asks, furrowing his eyebrows in worry. I rub my nose and notice Selphie pouting angrily at me. I ignore her, looking the other way.

"Yeah, we're fine." I answer.

Wakka grins, "Good. Now we can see if you can fight the three of us."

I wipe a droplet of sweat off my cheek and smile, "Sure thing."

I charge at Selphie first. Tidus and Wakka make a good team. That's their biggest mistake. If they didn't leave Selphie behind, they'd have better defenses. Her whip has a medium range and deals a low amount of damage but with continuous hits, the damage rises quickly. While Tidus slashes at me with his wooden sword, Wakka smacks me with the Blitzball. Selphie unleashes a powerful whip attack on my chest, stinging me to the core. Wakka throws the ball again. I deflect it, knocking it back to him, throwing him down on the ground. In that moment, Selphie attacks me again, but this time, I wrap the rope around my arm, yank it towards myself and catch Selphie, who doesn't let go of the rope like last time. I notice a slight redness to her complexion and assume it's because of the heat—although the sun is already close to setting.

"Sorry, Selphie." I apologize, "But it's game over for you."

Selphie crosses her arms and pouts as she walks to the sidelines, "Hmph."

As soon as I have my attention back to the fight, Tidus attacks me with his sword, aiming for my face. I react quickly, shielding myself. Our swords clash. We struggle against each other's weight; pushing against the swords. But his eleven-year-old strength is no match for mine. I sense Wakka's Blitzball heading for my head again. I push Tidus off with a grunt, sending him flying to the sand. I switch my wooden sword to my left and smack the ball harder than Wakka had sent it. I accidently smack him right in the face. His body lands on the sand with a cloud. I see Tidus getting up in the distance and decide to check on Wakka.

"Are you okay?" I poke him with my sword. "Wakka?"

Selphie stands up, sighing. "He's out. I'll take him to his house. You guys have fun." Selphie walks over to Wakka and places one of his arms over her shoulder. She turns to me and blows a kiss, winking. "See ya, Roxas."

I close my eyes, breathing deeply, condoning her flirtatious behavior. As long as she keeps at a distance, I don't want to call attention to it.

My sight focuses on Tidus again. He bends down to pick up his sword. I get in my stance. Tidus charges at me with a battle cry, similar to Selphie. Our swords clash, my strength overpowering his. He falls on one knee while I push against his sword, using little effort. I hit his hand, sending his sword flying again. He sighs and stands up to get it, "Why are you so good?"

I raise my eyebrows, "At what? Fighting?"

He picks the sword up, "Yeah. You're really strong. I can't last much fighting you. You knocked out Wakka with one hit! Now I know you were really reserving your strength when you were fighting Selphie."

I scratch the back of my head. I can't tell him that I have to fight well so that I don't become Heartless bait on my missions.

"Practice makes perfect, I guess." As well as threats to your life. There's nothing to do but learn in those situations.

"Oh. So you mean that if I keep practicing I'll get as good as you?" he asks hopefully.

I feel a slight heat wave at the praise. "Sure, I think so."

He grins, punching the air, "Yeah! I'll start practicing right now. Wait—" he interrupts himself, "—Can you teach me?"

"H-huh?" I stutter, taken by surprise.

"Yeah! Can you teach me?"

I look around, scratching my head, "I don't know how to teach."

He approaches me, "It doesn't matter! Show me what you learned first. I'll be a good student, I swear! I want to be as good as you."

I can't help but feel warm inside at his admiration. I've never had anybody want to fight like me, to want me to teach him or her—to need me.

"Alright." I nod, "I'll teach you.

His eyes widen and his mouth transitions to a huge grin. "Really? Alright! Thanks! Can we start now?"

I hesitate, "Now?"

He nods vigorously.

I shrug, "I guess." I look over to the horizon, "We'll stop when the sun sets completely, okay?"

He nods, "Yes, sir!"

"Alright, the first thing you need to know is how to hold a sword."

Sir? I think I'm going to like being a teacher.

"Go to the right."

Tidus swings it to the right without losing form.

"Now left."

He swings it to the left correctly, but slowly.

"Good. No need to rush. This is your first day, after all. It took me a while to get it right." I grow solemn as I remember how I used to be before. I couldn't even stand on my feet, much less hold a sword—a Keyblade in my case. Axel was my caretaker and for that I'm forever grateful. He taught me everything I know and became my friend. I wonder where he is…

"Roxas?" Tidus's voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"What are you most afraid of?"

I stare at him, curiously, "Why do you ask?"

Tidus shrugs, "I want to know what you'll say. Wakka said he was afraid of being different. But he kind already is. Selphie said she's scared of getting old—" he clicks his tongue "—Figures. And I'm most afraid of being indecisive."

I find the information seems accurate for them. It matches their personalities.

"Well, there are many things I'm indecisive about." He goes on, "Being indecisive makes me feel like I'm not true to myself, to who I am. And I try to know what I want. I want to be genuine, not have some warped identity crisis."

I raise my eyebrows at his last statement. "Hmm." I mumble.

"So," he continues, "What are you most afraid of?"

I don't answer for a while, contemplating my fears. After a few seconds of silence, I find that I can't come up with anything substantial. Isn't fear an emotion?

"I'm sorry. I don't really know."

"What do you mean? You're not scared of anything? That's impossible. Everyone's scared of something."

I rub my face with my hand, stopping at the bridge of my nose.

I don't have a heart; therefore I don't know what fear is. I don't have the means to know such an emotion. I ponder if I should ask him to explain what fear is. Will he think it odd if I ask him something that should be so obvious?

"Tidus, I don't understand the question. What do you mean by 'fear?'"

As I thought, Tidus finds it odd that I don't know, but proceeds to explain anyway.

"When you fear something, it means you don't want it—whatever it is—to happen to you. Or you don't want it to get near you."

I cock my head to the side in confusion.

"Okay," Tidus shakes his head and hands back and forth, "Let me start over. Here's an example. When you're scared of a thing—it's like a little kid scared of a monster in his closet or a little girl scared of the boogeyman under her bed. Are you getting it?"

I shake my head.

"Alright," he sighs, "Next example. The past two were examples of being scared of a thing, of a person that would hurt you. That's another thing to mention. People fear what puts their lives in danger. Which leads to my other example: people are afraid of dying."

This catches my attention, "Is dying the same thing as being destroyed?"

Tidus frowns, "That's a weird word for it, but yeah, it's basically the same thing."

I nod, understanding.

"Fear can also be for someone else. Like you're scared for someone. Let's say a sibling, or a parent, or a girlfriend or something. You naturally fear for your life, but for that person's as well. More so for that other person in this case."

"Really? How does that work?" I question, remembering how similar that emotion was to when I saved Xion and Selphie. Is worrying an emotion too? Is there a close tie between the two? Can I possibly develop emotions?

Tidus frowns, "What do you mean, 'how does that work?' You just know! You're telling me you still don't get it?"

"Some of it."

He sighs in exasperation, "Okay, if you don't get this last example then there's no hope for you. We've already talked about fearing a person, fearing for your life—which is the most common one—but now we need to talk about fearing an idea. You can be scared of losing yourself."

I completely don't understand, "What?"

"You can be scared of losing who you are. Your identity or losing someone."

My eyes glaze over as Axel comes to mind.

"Let's say you lost all of your family. You lost everything. Your house, any relatives. Everything. You'll be all alone. Being alone can make you go crazy or depressed. I think that you lose who you are when you lose everyone else. People weren't meant to be alone. We need to talk to someone, to have friends. The idea of losing that friend and being alone is scary."

Axel and Xion's faces flash before my eyes. I can finally make sense of it all. I would hate it if they were destroyed for good. Just like how everyone thinks Axel's destroyed. I feel a sharp pain in my chest. Is this fear?

"What if," I pause, "Something happened to your friend? What would you feel then?"

Tidus looks at me sympathetically, "Then I suppose you would feel sad."

My gaze veers to the ground. Is that what this is—sadness? Can I really feel sad, even without a heart? I close my eyes, clearing my head of that thought.

"Another thing," Tidus tries to lighten the atmosphere, "When you fear, it's usually something you don't understand. It's in our nature to fear what we don't comprehend."

A multitude of questions come to mind. I don't understand myself, my existence. Does that mean that I fear living or the answer I might find? He said that the unknown is a cause of fear, but what if the answer to the unknown can cause fear, as well? What if I find that there's no meaning to my existence? What if I mean nothing?

"I think I understand now." I mutter somberly.

Tidus exhales with a smile, "Good. So what're you most afraid of?"

I pause, staring out into night sky filled with stars—insignificant specks when alone, but magnificent when shining together in the black infinitesimal empyrean.

"I'm scared of not having or finding my purpose, of not meaning to exist, of being a mistake." I look at him, trying to see his expression in the moonlight. "I'm scared of finding out that everything's a lie. I fear the emptiness I feel inside my chest as it waits to swallow me into the darkest abyss where there's no escape. I fear not having an identity. I fear being a Nobody."

Because in being a Nobody, there's no reason for me to live. I am an error in the universe, someone without a place in it, born from a miscalculation. I don't want to be a Nobody. I want to be something greater than that. Where do I belong? Why don't I have a heart? Why does my existence have to feel so wrong?

My breathing grows labored. I gaze out into the ocean trying to calm myself down, an overwhelming sensation threatening to make me explode with anger or grief or whatever this sense inside me is called.

"The thing I fear most out of all is the fact that I already know the answers." I whisper.

A dead silence envelops the cool, misty air. The waves and the rustling of the trees are the only things capable of breaking the wall of quietude.

Tidus gawks at me, speechless.

"That's—that's…" he stutters. "Odd…" He swings his hands back and forth suddenly." No, I don't mean weird. It's odd because," he stares into nothingness, "because I sometimes feel the same way."

I watch him for a moment, paralyzed by his words. Then, I grab him by the shoulders, "Really? I'm not the only one?"

Can it be that I'm not a lone star in the sky?

Stunned at my outburst, Tidus just nods. Ashamed, I pat him on the head and say he should get some sleep.

"I'll tell you the rest tomorrow!" he shouts as he walks away. I smile, walking to the frontal side of the island.

As I arrive to the other side, I notice Kairi sitting on the Paopu tree. I ponder if I should sneak past her. I know that she'll want to talk to me and I simply want to be alone right now. I go past the Shack and turn to my right, remembering the cave from last time. That seems a good place as any to sleep in. I pass behind the cascade stealthily, something a Nobody in the Organization must know how to do, and enter the cave. It's even darker at night than in the day. I trace the wall with my hand, keeping track of where I step so as not to make too much noise. I enter the cave, my eyes adjusting to the dim light coming from the odd door. As a side quest, I search for any new pictures the kids might have drawn in the years of my absence. There are a few, but none too distinguishable to mention. Finally, I stare at the door. Last time I hadn't been able to move at all. This time, things are going to change. I place my hand on the wood, feeling the brand new materials, the intricate designs. My hand drifts to the doorknob as questions plague my interior. Where does this lead? Why is it hidden? But most of all, what happens if I open it? My hand trembles on the knob. I twist it.

It's locked.

I slouch, disappointed that I wasn't able to see what mysteries lie behind the door. I turn to look for a place to sit down and rest. All of a sudden, my Keyblade appears in front of me, pulling me back to the door, wavering back and forth. I struggle against its strength, confused as to what is causing this. A small light exits the blade, entering the door's keyhole. I use all the strength in my arms to move the Keyblade but it stays fixed in one position, emanating a bright, condensed light.

I hear a soft click.

The light disappears back inside the Keyblade, the blade losing the force keeping it afloat, and falls to the ground. I stare at it, dumbfounded. A chill goes up and down my spine.

What have I done?

I feel like something's gripping at my chest, as if my legs can't move on their own.

The door bulges outward, light seeping from the cracks. I somehow manage to move my legs again, quickly summoning my Keyblade and pointing it at the door, willing it to close and ready to attack if it should open. The door concaves and the light shining from the cracks ceases. All returns to normal. I take quick agitated breaths, wondering if it's over.

The feeling gripping my chest hasn't gone away. I finally understand.

This is fear.

I back away from the door. Somehow, I managed to stop it from opening, but I don't know what to do anymore. I can't close it, assuming I unlocked it, because my Keyblade's acting abnormally.

"Roxas?"

I turn swiftly to the source of the voice.

"K-Kairi?" I make the Keyblade disappear, hoping she didn't notice it.

She looks confused, "What're you doing here? How'd you find this place?"

I can't even focus on what to say. I really don't need this right now.

"I explored, remember? I found it then." How long has she been standing there?

She nods, "Oh, that makes sense. What was that light, by the way?"

I stiffen, "What light?"

She points to my hand, "When I came in, a light came out of your hand."

I shake my head, "It wasn't me. The light came from the door."

She gives me a skeptical look, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. See for yourself."

She walks over to me, grabs my hand and traces the lines on my palm. She flips it over, then back, trying to decide if I'm lying or not.

"I guess you're right." She finally says. I assume she's going to give me my hand back, but her small hands remain around mine. Kairi runs them over mine with a tender smile. The heat in my body rises to my face. Xion and Kairi are the only girls that affect me this way. I slip my hand away from her and turn away, trying to cool down and understand myself.

"Sorry." She mutters.

"It's fine."

Assured that I'm not burning up anymore, I face her, "So how about we get out of here?"

She points at the cave. "Don't you want to know the history behind this? How these pictures got here?"

I sigh inwardly, "Sure."

I listen to her as she explains what Sora drew, what she drew, when she drew it, and how long it took them to have this many pictures. I nod my head so she sees she still has my attention. When she finishes looking at the whole cave, I insinuate I want to get out already.

"Hey, Kairi. I think I'm going to sleep outside."

"No!" She startles me, "You can stay with me and Riku again."

I shake my head, opening my mouth to protest when I notice Kairi looking past me.

"Kairi?"

She walks past to the stone wall behind me. I turn to look at what she's gazing at, widening my eyes when she kneels down and touches the picture I drew of Xion.

"Who is this?" She ponders.

"Uh…it's one of my friends."

"Hmm…" she traces over the picture. I look away in embarrassment.

"She kinda looks like me."

I chuckle outwardly, the laugh coming off a little stronger than I wanted, "If anything, you look like her since she's older than you."

"What's her name?"

I hesitate. Does it matter if I share this information with her? Would it be fine to just mention her?

"Xion." I whisper. I hope I don't hinder her in any way because of this.

"Why'd you draw her?"

I puzzle over why Kairi is asking me all these questions.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I wanted to—can we go? Or if you want to stay here, I'll go."

I head toward the exit, hearing her steps behind me. What happened to the cheerful Kairi? I get out of the dark tunnel, greeted by the cool, ocean breeze. I allow the salty air to envelope my lungs. The rustling of the trees draws my attention. I look over to the small island that Riku, Kairi, and I sat on this morning. I walk over to it, climb on the Paopu tree, grab a fruit, and bit a chunk out of it. I cringe at its sour and sweet taste, the initial burst of flavor waking up my taste buds. I lie down on the large tree, staring out into the horizon.

Why am I here? I'm getting tired of asking this question. How'd I get here? When will I be able to go back? I take another bite of the fruit; it's sweet, tangy juices escaping the creases of my mouth. I lick it off before it goes to my chin. I drop the fruit on the ground and place my hand behind my head, staring off into the heavens. Not too long ago, I really liked this place. It's peculiar how quickly I tired of it and its people. If I could leave, would I go back to the Organization? I sigh, chuckling at my own pitifulness. Where'd I think I could go? If not here, then the Organization. It's all I've ever known. I've never made a decision for myself. All I've done, all I've tried to do, is follow orders.

Xion

I walk into Roxas's room quietly, knowing that he won't hear me come in even if I make noise. I kneel on the ground and prop my arms on the side of the bed, leaning my head on them while staring at him. I stick my hand in my pocket, taking out another shell. I put it on the side of the bed with the other ones.

"Why does it feel like you've been sleeping forever?"

I close my eyes and recount my day. "I met a weird guy today and I still haven't been able to find Axel. I've got no idea where he is. I don't know why but I get the feeling that the guy might know where Axel is. He said some things that made no sense. He knew what Keyblade was and he wore an Organization coat. Somehow, I think we might meet again, too. Can't say I'm sacred, but it's close to that. In reality, I don't know what to think. I just wish I wasn't so alone here. I'm surrounded by Organization members but I couldn't be lonelier. I wish you would wake up soon, Roxas. I wish Axel would come back or appear if he has to. I just want you guys here."

I groan, digging my head in my arm, placing a hand on Roxas's cheek, "Wake up already."

I close my eyes and let sleep engulf me.

A/N:

That's it for chapter four. So, where exactly is Roxas and how's he going to get out of there? What's happening with Kairi? When will Roxas wake up? What did he and Xion do to that door? Are the Heartless going to invade now? Will they have to pay for their actions? Things are veering from the game now, (more so than before). Riku knocks Xion out, but doesn't tell her to leave the Organization. Instead, he states that he's found out what he wanted. What does he mean?

All these questions will be answered in due time!

SL