A/N:

Merry belated Christmas!

On a side note, this chapter was so long that I actually had to split it up into two chapters. Why didn't I just make it into chapter 8? Because of reasons you'll understand later. This is also the longest I've written, breaking my record of 8 thousand something words to 10,147+ words. My brain is killing me right now. I'm also finished with the journal, so much of this is written on the spot instead of contemplating what I meant back in my high school days.

In other important news, I would like to dedicate this chapter to Rixion for reviewing/favoriting/following my story! Your review made me very happy!

I hope this chapter is to your liking! A lot of things are going to change from now on!

SL

Chapter 7:

Mission of Dreams: Illusions

Roxas

As I reach the main isle, dragging my leaden feet across the sand, the island I left behind disappears in a thick mist, leaving not a trace of its presence. My head leans back into the sky while I wonder if the sun will one day disappear as well, abandoning me in my abysmal consciousness.

I walk lifelessly along the shore. Would it be better to sleep the rest of the time here, dreaming in a dream until I go so far into my mind that there's no method to distinguish what is reality and what is fantasy? If there's any hope of my waking from this coma, that wouldn't benefit me at all. What can I do to pass the indiscernible time I'm forced to spend here? It's as if I am in a prison cell, conscious of the bars detaining me and having nothing more to do than wait for the end of my sentence at the whim of a higher power.

I hear my name called out in the distance, interrupting my thoughts. I've grown accustomed to this voice, even though I couldn't have heard it anywhere before. Like when I was first created, I monotonously follow the sound of life on the island that can only be a figment of my imagination, pondering why it hasn't disappeared yet.

I see Kairi standing on the dock, hands cupped to her lips, yelling out my name with anguish. I didn't realize my avoidance had this much of an effect on her.

"We're coming for you, Roxas!" Selphie joins in.

The guys sit on the dock, their legs dangling from the edge, staring at them.

"Girls, he's probably alright." Tidus comments. "He's not the kind of guy to die because of this. I would know—I fought him."

Wakka agrees, "Ya. He's strong."

Riku shrugs, "I don't care either way. Maybe he went back to where ever he came from. He looked anxious to leave anyway."

Kairi turns to him, aghast, "Don't say that! He would've told us!" Her gaze falters to the ground, "He said he wasn't going anywhere…"

Selphie hops down from the dock, jumping into one of the boats they use to travel between the islands.

"Kairi, let's go! He could be drowning!"

I make my way towards them before the girls sail into the infinite sea of my mind's eye. It's a bizarre sentiment, worrying about the fabrications of my dreams. The attachment I feel for them is real, yet not.

Wakka and Tidus notice me first.

"Hey, man."

"Where you been?"

The girls' boat is released into the waves.

Riku calls out, "Kairi! He's here!"

She turns and sees me, her eyes growing wide. Riku rushes to the water, grabs the boat, and swims back to shore. He ties it once he reaches the dock, completely drenched. Riku extends a hand to them. Selphie takes it, hoping off the boat. Instead of following suit, Kairi ignores Riku, jumps out, runs up to me, and wraps her arms around my body. Her small, warm torso trembles against my cold, frigid one. It takes me a moment to process her actions. I look down at her lethargically, meditating on what I should do. She's not real and she's here to comfort me. Should I allow myself to be consoled or should I make her disappear? Do I want reality or do I want loneliness? Why would my subconscious produce her as Kairi in the first place? If this is in my mind, does it matter what I do?

I shut my eyes tightly.

My arms move of their own accord, embracing her firmly, willing her to become the girl I miss the most in all the worlds.

Xion, appear in my arms. Stay with me forever.

When I pull back, I open my eyes, only to see Kairi standing in front of me. I put my hands roughly on her shoulders, "Where's Xion? Why are you still Kairi?"

Kairi gapes at me as if I've stabbed her with a million daggers to the heart. It's a look of utter betrayal. She pushes me, running off to the other side of the island.

"Kairi!" Riku yells, chasing after her. As he passes me, he shakes his head, "You idiot!"

I wobble to the side, not having the energy to deal with her problems. I only want to fix mine. I flop on the sand and stare at nothing in particular.

Wakka approaches me, "Why'd you do that, man?"

I close my eyes, wishing he would disappear.

"Who's Xion?" Tidus asks.

I only open them to check if Wakka really vanished. I see him standing next to Tidus with disappointment. I stare frontward, willing Xion to appear.

In the space ahead, a contorting mirage materializes, taking on a human form. I quickly stand up, my senses revived.

"What's that?" Tidus inquires with worry, "It just came out of nowhere!"

Wakka throws his Blitzball at it. The object passes right through. "It's a ghost!"

I push them to the side, approaching the image. Slowly, the white orb grows dark, forming a torso, arms, legs, and a face. Xion gazes at me expressionlessly, her vivid, blue eyes hypnotizing me to the spot.

"Xion…" I mutter.

"Xion?" Tidus says, "She looks just like Kairi."

"She's a little older, man," Wakka corrects. "But you're right. Where'd she come from?"

I advance toward her, reaching for her face.

"Xion, I've missed you so much." My hand goes through her face. I take a step back in confusion. "Why can't I touch you? This is my mind—my world. You should be able to move."

I will her to take on a more tangible form. Her body solidifies, yet Xion does not illustrate any signs of life. I touch her shoulders lightly; her body leans forward, falling without indication of restraint. I catch her quickly, receiving an icy, lifeless corpse instead of the warm, frail body I remember. I kneel on the ground, holding her in my arms, overwhelmed with fabricated emotions.

"Why can't you move for me, Xion? Can't you talk to me? Please?"

In my turmoil, I notice Tidus and Wakka gaping at me in bewilderment.

"Roxas, did you make her appear?"

I don't answer Wakka, not wanting him to distract me as I beckon my mind to give her life. I place her hand on my cheek, "Xion, it's just for a little while. I just want to talk to you then you can leave. Just please, can you wake up?"

The corpse does not move.

My care for the passage of time dwindles.

I remain on my knees; the only sounds around me are those falsehoods of waves and whistling winds. I discover I can remain in any position without feeling pain. This explains why I was able to quickly recuperate from the atrophy. It was only my believing that I was atrophied that actually made me feel that way. The moment I wished for the weakness to disappear, it did. Any pain I've felt while being in this comatose state of mind has been hallucinated.

Xion's body disappeared after forty minutes of fruition. As I wait in the recesses of my subconscious, I discover that there are limits to my mental capacity. I am not able to generate anything more than a corpse of the people I want to see. For hours, I create more members of the Organization—even members I don't particularly favor, and they don't last any longer than five minutes. Axel lasted twenty, more than any of the others, but not as much as Xion. I don't understand what decides the time limit. Perhaps it has to do with my attachment to the person. The greater bond I had, the longer the person lasts in my mind.

I stand, finally noticing that I am alone on the beach. I wonder why the children didn't vanish when I wanted them to. Does this have anything to do with my mental limit? If that's true, then why do they live unlike the people I created just now? What makes these figments more tangible than the others?

Without meaning to, my feet lead me to the cave, somehow knowing that I will receive more answers if I only look past that door.

As I arrive, I notice a figure inside, facing away from me. She turns around languidly, her expression mirroring conflicted sorrow. Kairi looks at the stone floor.

"So, I look like Xion that much, huh?"

I don't respond, my sights focused on the door ahead. I will her to leave.

"Not going to answer me?" She scoffs, "I shouldn't have let things get this far with you. You're just like Sora, but you're nothing like him."

Her comments do not perturb me. I walk past her, not wanting to waste any more time trying to form relationships with illusions of my mind.

"Why are you here, Roxas? How did you create that girl? Who are you really?"

I slide my hand down the door, closing my eyes.

"What are you doing? There's nothing there."

My eyes shoot open. I turn to her. "What do you mean? You can't see it?"

Kairi frowns, "See what? The wall?"

I shake my head, "No, I'm talking about the door. This door in front of me."

Kairi looks past me, "There's nothing there."

"Can't you see the light coming from it? It's the only thing that's allowing us to see each other right now."

The eleven-year-old girl shrugs, "Listen. I don't know what's happening to you, but ever since you woke up, it's like you're still stuck in a dream. You can't even tell what's real and what's not."

Her words create a surge of unmitigated anger, flowing through me like a volcano at its eruption. "You're not real! Nothing around me is real! You're just a figment of my imagination!"

Kairi gives me a look of pity that I can't stand. I don't want to be pitied by a fabrication!

"Something's wrong with you, Roxas. You need to get help."

I grow exasperated with her. It's one thing to be pitied, it's another to be pitied and taken for a maniac. I summon my Keyblade and point it at myself. Kairi's eyes open wide.

"Where'd that—"

"You think I'm crazy?" The energy in the Keyblade builds, creating a torrent in the cave. "I'll show you something even crazier."

I shoot myself with Thundaga, blocking the pain coursing through my body, managing to calm down the searing torment into a dull ache. The lightning flickers across my torso as I spread my arms out, dropping my Keyblade. Kairi's aghast expression almost makes me laugh.

"This isn't even the crazy part."

I close my eyes, healing the burn marks with more ease and speed than before.

Kairi gapes at me, mouth open, "What are you?"

I lean down, taking a deep breath. What's maintaining her personality so intact? Why can't I make her believe me at my whim?

"You're in my mind, Kairi. Everything around you is here because I put it there. You're the one that doesn't know what's real. In this world, in my mind, I'm the Supreme Being. I can create and destroy simply by thinking it. Like I said before, you're not real. You're a fabrication that I made to comfort me in my weak state of mind. Do you understand now, Kairi? Everything you know as true," I pause lifting her head to face me, "was created by me."

She doesn't answer immediately. I smile, triumph flowing through me.

Tears fall from her eyes, taking me by surprise. "Why are you being like this? Who are you, Roxas?"

I don't regret making her cry. Her tears mean absolutely nothing to me. They are but insignificant droplets of convoluted fantasies created by my subconscious. To feel anything towards something like her would be nonsensical.

Her hands go to her face as her body shakes with her sobs. I know whom she's crying for. She isn't crying for me. She's crying for the person she wants to see the most—the only person that she hasn't been able to see since I got here. As I look down at her, I realize that we are more similar that I originally thought. We both want something that we can't have as of yet and our presence hinders us from seeing that very person we wish to meet.

"Nothing's wrong with me, Kairi. I'm Roxas. I am a Nobody, a part of Organization XIII. For reasons that I do not know, I am in a coma. We are both in my mind right now. I am seeking a way out. Perhaps in doing this I will also be able to grant you freedom from this realm. You have to believe me, Kairi. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you because you are the spitting image of the person I—" I pause, not knowing how to finish the sentence. I know the word that is usually applied in these circumstances, but for the moment, I feel as if I cannot do it any justice. If I say the word, it would only be hollow. "I need to see."

I stand up and face the door.

"Roxas, wait!" Kairi suddenly shouts.

I turn to her.

"What if I said I believed you?"

I raise an eyebrow, "What?"

"What if I know that you're telling the truth? What if I told you that if you exist…" she looks down, more tears falling from her face, "that it means Sora died?"

I shake my head, "What are you saying? How can that happen?"

Kairi doesn't answer my questions; instead, she looks at me with newfound determination. "Do what you need to do to bring Sora back."

I am momentarily taken aback by her confidence. I wasn't sure what had been plaguing her all this time, but this is the Kairi I remember from the beginning. This is the Kairi that reminds me the most of Xion. It is in that instant that I realize she wasn't created by my imagination. There's no way that I could have made someone like Kairi. She's real and I must have met her before. It's the only explanation I can provide myself right now

I nod in response. "I'll find what happened to Sora. The answers we seek lie behind this door. There must be a reason for why only I can see it." I tighten my grip on the handle. "It must only be meant for me."

I twist the knob, giving way to the contents behind the source of the light.

Shell 8 x Day 8

Xion

I summon a corridor of darkness to take me to the island.

As soon as it opens, I'm pleasantly greeted by Axel smirking back at me. The sight of a familiar face that reciprocates the same amicability disarms me, knotting up my throat.

"Heya, slowpoke."

I attempt to smile to no avail.

"How's it goin'?" he inquires, "Something on your mind?"

I look down, too overwhelmed by his presence and the lack of one that usually stood at my side but is comfortably succumbed to slumber. Axel sighs, crouching to the sand.

"This is you." He grabs a bit of sand and places it in my palm. The sand falls through the spaces of my glove. "You're there, but you're not. When I think I have you in the palm of my hand." He bends down again to pick up more sand. "You just fall right through the creases." The sand slips through his fingers.

I contemplate his words. There is much truth behind them, not only about me, but of the existence of Nobodies. We are like this sand, thinking, hoping that we are whole—a little pile in someone's palm. But we only manage to slip right through, back to the void, lost among all the other grains of sand, never able to recollect ourselves again. We are insignificant grains among trillions and trillions. Once more, I become aware of the irony in the title we give ourselves. Why do we go against whom we are? Why is it so engrained in us to fight for hearts? If we were born without them, why do we seek to fill the predestined gap in our chests? Why can't we accept the truth? Is the truth so despondent that we simply deny it altogether? Not once have I heard a Nobody from the Organization say that he wanted to simply live his life instead of search for hearts. Perhaps there is a reason to our existence, not as Somebodies but as we were created. There must be a greater purpose for us as we are not how we want to be. What is so wrong with being a Nobody?

As if in answer to my thoughts, a cool breeze caresses my face, helping me arrive to a conclusion.

We can't believe that something as abominable as a heartless being exists. Therefore, the only way to remedy such an abomination in nature is to attain hearts. I bow my head. Yet, even if we do attain hearts, we'll never truly be Somebodies. I walk to the shore, staring at my reflection thrown back by the water. It'll be like wearing a mask. To everyone who sees us, we will seem to blend in, like chameleons. But at the end of the day, the mask must come off and we'll always be Nobodies first. There's no way to deny who we truly are. We cannot escape our fate.

"Xion?" Axel mutters.

I glance up at him meekly.

"What's on your mind?" He inquires carefully.

I look out to the ocean, momentarily filled by its expansive existence, envying the power it has to possess the area surrounding it. "Nobodies are like insignificant specks in the spectrum of light. We are errors in the system. We shouldn't even exist, but we do. Why would we be created as fallacies?"

Axel sighs and sits down on the sand. I follow his example. He lifts his right leg, placing his arm on it, and leans forward. We stare at the descending sun in the horizon.

Axel exhales before speaking, "Well, I don't know much, if anything, about being a Nobody. But I do know that we exist."

"But why?" I press on. "Why?" I hold myself, suddenly cold from the ocean breeze.

He shrugs, brushing off the implications behind the interrogative word. "I don't know, but by existing it means that we're here for something, right? Why would we be here if it wasn't for something?"

I ponder that maybe he's like the other Nobodies, incapable of considering the fact that we might not have a purpose in this universe—that the worlds are better off without us.

"Purpose?" I question. "What purpose?"

He shakes his head, "Like I said, I don't know much. But I think that if we exist, precisely because we exist, it doesn't make us insignificant. No hearts, no emotions, even with all that, it just makes us who we are: Nobodies. We exist. We can't change that."

I process what he said, not completely satisfied with his open-ended answer. It did, however, manage to change my perspective on something. Perchance, instead of thinking of a grain of sand as something insignificant, maybe I should see a grain as part of something much bigger—seemingly insignificant, but important. Just as how trillions of sand granules make up the shore and ocean floor, Nobodies make up the population. We exist just as how everyone else does. As Axel said, it doesn't matter what our purpose is. The fact that we are alive is what makes us important in this universe. Every grain of sand is needed, meaning that every Nobody is needed, too. We are additions to the population, different, but equally important.

I smile at Axel, grateful for his input even if he mostly said he didn't know much. "Thanks, Axel. I feel better now."

He nods, a redness settling on his cheeks. I attribute it to the sun. "I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"Why'd you miss me so much? I mean, we hardly hung out. Why are you happy to see me?"

I wait for him to correct himself since Roxas mentioned he didn't like using "pathetic" vocabulary, but he doesn't say any more.

"Roxas would talk to me about you. He esteems you highly. To him, you're his first friend, which makes you his best friend. I think it's an honor to be a best friend to someone. Since you were his friend, it felt like you were my friend, too. Sometimes, I feel like Roxas and I are closer in thought than we think."

Axel looks off into space, mulling over my words. He throws himself on the sand, staring at the purple, orange, pink, and blue hues of the dusking sky. "Xion, how do you feel about Roxas?"

His question stuns be without my understanding why it would.

"What do you mean? About having him as a friend?"

"Whatever you think the question means."

I frown, "I don't really understand you."

"I mean, what do you feel for him?"

I look down in contemplation. Images of when we were on missions together, helping each other when one of us was attacked from behind, when we were eating ice cream on the tower, watching the sun set, ending yet another day, flash through my mind. Peaceful days of companionship that I no longer have with him leave behind a nostalgic constriction in my chest that makes it difficult to breathe for a moment. I don't realize until I stop to think about him how much I truly want him by my side again.

"I think that I have a strong attachment to Roxas." I answer, "If anything bad were to happen to him, I feel that I would lose my mind." I gaze at the sand. The mere thought saddens me.

"So, in short, you'd say you love him?" Axel turns to stare into my eyes, his green irises clashing with my blue ones.

Although I've heard that word utilized in quotidian circumstances, often referring to how one particularly prefers an object or a person, I suspect that isn't what Axel has in mind when he applies the word in this situation. "Love?"

Axel gazes at the sunset, "Yeah. Love."

I stare into the sea, wondering if I understand the meaning of the word. I never thought that I loved Roxas, not once. To me, he is a precious and irreplaceable friend. Do I truly know the meaning of that word either? I only know what 'friend' means from Roxas's definition. Is what Roxas and I have friendship? With time, did it evolve into something more, something deeper and more meaningful than friendship? What do I have with Axel right now? If I were to compare him and Roxas—if I were to have to choose between saving one or the other, my immediate thought is to save Roxas, even though I know how much he cares for Axel. I would prioritize Roxas's safety over Axel's without a second thought. Is wanting to protect someone selflessly considered love? Could this intense attachment be more than friendship?

I put a hand to my chin, pondering the implications of the word 'love.'

I recall the time I spent with him, his sleeping face, his cheesy grin, his gravity-defying blonde hair, his azure blue eyes that seem to lead right into his empty core as they reflect back an image of myself as I stared at him. If he had been any other person, any other partner, would I want to spend as much time with that person as I do with him? My preference for his physical appearance and personality heavily outweighs that of any others. Does preference for a certain person equate to love? If he were to be destroyed would I be able to live without him?

The question stuns the air out of me. I cover my mouth, reminding myself to breathe. I don't want to even think about such a thing. He can sleep forever. That doesn't matter. But please, don't let anything happen to him.

I blink and stare at my hands. Is this immediate panic at the thought of losing him love?

I pause before answering, putting my hair behind my ear, finding my answer. "His presence is as imperative to me as air is to the lungs, as water is to a fish, as a heart is to a Somebody. Without him, I would asphyxiate, I would cease to exist." I look out into the ocean, "Without him, I would truly know the meaning of being an empty shell." I take a deep breath, not getting enough oxygen to my brain. "It's difficult to go along with menial tasks. He's the first friend I ever had. He'll always be that first friend. He's different from you or anyone else. I can live without you. Without him, there's no point in living anymore."

Axel gapes at me, speechless.

"What?" I ask.

"I never thought you'd know what it meant."

I frown, "What do you mean? You're not making any sense. Why are you asking me if I know what love is? Am I not supposed to?"

Axel doesn't answer my question, instead he grabs me roughly by the shoulders, "Xion, snap out of it! Stop living in the illusion that you can feel! Emotions aren't something that Nobodies have. Stop imagining that we have them because we don't!"

I push him off me, suddenly enraged, "How can you do that to me? How can you just throw something I know is true at my face immediately after I tell you? I know I'm a Nobody. I know! You don't have to remind me! But if I am, how do I know what these things are? Have you ever considered that maybe there are certain Nobodies that can feel and others that can't?"

I stand up and place my hood over my head, which had come off in my fury.

"Wait," Axel bolts up, "Where're you going? This is the only time we can meet!"

He runs over to me and grabs my arm.

Without turning, I address him, "Axel. That I'm a Nobody, what does that mean?"

He hesitates, "That you don't have a heart."

"Why don't I? Why don't any of us? You know and you don't want to tell me."

I scrunch my eyes closed, already expecting him to say he doesn't know. The question I long to have answered finally makes its way to my lips from my abysmally empty core.

He exhales deeply, "A Nobody is what remains of those who lose their hearts to darkness."

I turn to face him as he lets go of my arm. "I'm born when another is destroyed?"

He nods slowly.

"What happens to the one that was destroyed? What happens to the heart?"

"If the person is taken by darkness, the heart will become a Heartless. If the heart isn't saved by the Keyblade, it will go to the Realm of Darkness where it will either stay or become a Heartless. We, Nobodies, are created from the strong hearts that were taken by the darkness. My Somebody, Lea, was of strong will."

I frown, "You know who your Somebody is? Do you remember everything about your past self?"

He nods slowly again.

"Then, why can't I?"

Axel simply looks at me, not even attempting to answer my question.

"What about Roxas? Why can't he remember anything either?"

"I don't know why he can't remember."

"Liar." I mutter.

"Honestly! I don't!" Axel corrects. "He's an odd case. I mean, I might have an idea, but…"

"What do you know?"

Axel runs a hand through his hair, "It might have to do with his Somebody. He's a special guy. A Keyblade wielder."

"Who is he?"

"His name's Sora. He's at—" he stops abruptly.

"Wait—his Somebody is alive? I thought you said that we can only exist if our Somebodies lose their hearts to darkness."

Suddenly I understand why Nobodies search for hearts—because that is our purpose. We weren't originally Nobodies, we were Somebodies that lost our hearts to darkness. There is hope for us after all. Then another thought strikes me. "Doesn't Roxas need to find his heart?"

Axel scratches the back of his head, regretting talking about this, "Well, Sora had to succumb to darkness at some point, otherwise Roxas wouldn't have been created. I don't know why Roxas exists if his Somebody doesn't need him anymore."

My chest falters at the thought that my suspicions were correct. Could Roxas truly not have a reason to exist in this universe?

I shake my head, "That doesn't make any sense. Roxas exists because he still has a connection with his Somebody. Where's his Somebody now? Where's Sora?"

Axel fidgets, "I can't tell you that."

I frown, "Why not?"

He grabs my shoulders, "Xion, just please…don't ask me that. I can't tell you. That's the way it is. It'll jeopardize everything the Organization's worked for."

With that simple fact, I instantly know where Sora is. However, I can't share this knowledge with him. Does this have anything to do with why Roxas is in a coma? Could his Somebody be in a coma, as well?

"Fine. But what does any of this have to do with emotions?"

"Only people with hearts can feel, Xion. It's impossible for us to feel things like emotions."

I shove him. "You always say that! Everyone says that, but I know it's not true." I look down, "It can't be."

Axel sighs, "Your memories."

I recall a conversation I had with Roxas before he fell into his coma.

"Do you wonder why you feel these, impulses?"

Did he mean emotions?

"What impulses?" I asked.

"Coming to see me. You said that's what you thought friends did, right?"

I put my hand on my forehead. This is where I explained that I wanted to see him.

"So you didn't react on what your memories told you friends did?" He questioned.

Now that I know of my origins, I become more aware of the fact that Axel might be right. These emotions might not come from myself; they're from my Somebody's memories. Then I remind myself of something essential.

"But I don't remember any of my memories. How can I feel based on things I don't remember?"

"The body holds memories as well. You are the body of your Somebody. I retain all the memories of my Somebody."

"But I don't?"

He shakes his head.

"Why not?"

Axel once again doesn't answer my question.

"Then you're contradicting yourself. You say that I have all the memories of my Somebody and that's why I feel, but I don't have the memories of my Somebody. The only explanation that remains is that I'm experiencing emotion on my own!"

He looks over to the ocean, a melancholic expression on his face, "You're right. I am contradicting myself. But I don't want you to be disappointed when you find out that you're wrong. You're emotions are false. They aren't true emotions."

I feel a heavy weight on my chest. "But," I take off my hood, "How can you have false emotions?"

"You must be simulating a heart and what a heart does."

This angers me, "Just because it's a simulation doesn't mean that what I feel isn't really there. I love Roxas. That's more true to me than anything else."

"No, you can't. It's not real!" Axel raises his voice.

My eyes get as hot as my chest, bursting with a familiar sensation. "It's there." I repeat, "Even if it's a simulation of an emotion, it's still there. What I feel is really there." I wrap my arms around myself. Water droplets spill from my eyes. Axel stares, stunned. I reach for my face with my gloves, wiping the water off.

"What is this?"

The thick weight in my chest rises to my throat, making it difficult to speak. When I realize this, my eyes water more. I wipe frantically at my face in confusion. The knot rises, bursting through my lips in the form of a sob. I put my hands over my face and allow the horrible sound from my throat to escape with no way of detaining it. Axel fidgets, not knowing what to do. He decides to wrap his arms around me in consolation. That is all I need to never stop crying. The water streams down my face. I breathe jaggedly, attempting to speak but find that I am unable. I put a hand to my chest, feeling as if there's a gaping hole there even though I know I'm already empty.

"Axel," I strain to say, "What is this?"

He brings me closer to him and says, "Those—I think those are tears."

"Tears?"

"Somebodies cry whenever they're sad."

My thoughts return to Roxas, of how much I want him to wake up, of how I don't want to tell him anything that I've just heard. These tears are incomprehensible to people like Axel and the other Organization members. To them, this is a simulation, a great one, of emotions. Roxas would understand me. These tears mean something more than just a physiological response to an emotion. It's as if I'm crying because I've lost something important. I'm crying as if it's my final goodbye. I'm crying for myself, for the person I was and will never be again. This is the end of Xion as Roxas knew her. When he wakes, I will not be the same.

I wipe what I can, having to take off my gloves, and look up at Axel. He wipes some of the residual tears with his bare hand, his bodily heat extending to my face. We stare at each other in silence, communicating our thoughts without words. We both have attained forbidden knowledge. We understand what occurred, even so, we don't comprehend the ramifications. The closeness we felt before evolves into an inseparable bond because of this circumstance. I push him away a little, the distance providing me with comfort. Speechlessly, we relay that this is a breakthrough—a breakthrough to our very existence. The problem is: we don't know what to do with it.

"Axel, if Nobodies have feelings without hearts, then what's the purpose of Kingdom Hearts? We don't need to make hearts. We're just wasting time."

Axel shakes his head, "We don't know that for sure. Crying only proves one thing."

"What?"

"That you can simulate very well. It doesn't mean anything for me or any other Nobody. We all need to cry for that theory to be true."

I gaze at the sand, the anger in me rising, "You're saying that this proves nothing? What I feel, what you just saw, none of it proves anything?"

Axel grimaces, turning away, "Yes. The mission for the creation of Kingdom Hearts will continue under the order of Xemnas." He opens a corridor of darkness. As he takes a step inside, the climbing fury envelops me with hopelessness. A few more tears make their way out of my eyes as I clench my teeth and hands. I let out a frustrated yell, bend down to pick up a shell, and throw it at Axel's head, "Traitor!"

He continues walking through the portal, leaving me behind.

I clench my fists again, "Idiot…"

A shell stares back at me, asking: 'Why are you crying?' The only answer I can manage is: 'Because everything is hopeless.' I pick it up and put it in my pocket. I raise my arm, opening a corridor when suddenly I feel the presence of a threat behind me. I jump, summoning my Keyblade, creating a vortex of air, dispersing the sand around me, giving myself cover.

He comes through the sand, blade lifted high above his head, crashing it down on my Keyblade. Sparks fly with the metal scraping against each other. I brace, clenching my teeth with the force of the hit and the block I performed, successfully evading the frontal assault. We land on the ground, creating a cloud of sand around ourselves. We wait until the sand retreats, breathing quickly.

"Seems as if you've improved," says the hooded man.

I scoff, "Are you fond of attacking your opponents from behind? Isn't that a cowardly move?"

"Hmph." He pushes off me, jumping backwards, landing at a distance.

"Have fun infiltrating the Organization?" I continue to taunt.

The figure pulls back his hood revealing straight, silver hair, a blindfold over his eyes. I realize I'm not wearing my hood anymore, but that shouldn't matter since he can't see.

"Not really. But I did find what I was looking for. Most of it pertains to you. Some of it to that comatose Nobody-Roxas, was it?"

I clench my blade, cracking my knuckles. The day has come. I'm making Roxas pay for my revenge on the Organization. I must remedy my weakness with this battle. "What do you want?"

"My friend needs his memories back to wake up. Both you and Roxas are taking them from him. I'm not a murderer. I don't kill to get my way. I'm here to talk to you."

"Attacking me from behind is a funny greeting. What world are you from where that's commonplace?"

The teenager laughs, "This one, actually. And how else am I supposed to get your attention?"

I frown, confused, "From this world? Why isn't there anyone here?"

He looks down, perplexing me even more. He's dropping his guard after attacking me? "My ambition turned to greed and ravaged my home world. Everyone was destroyed, except my friends and me. Thanks to my best friend, he managed to fix what I broke, restoring the world you see around you. This island was our playground as kids. Now that we're older, we don't need to come here anymore."

I look around the islands surrounded by the potent ocean. "What did you do?"

He unsummons his blade, "I craved for the power to travel worlds. When I was younger, I was approached by someone who had that power. He passed down the ability to wield the Keyblade to me. After that day, my friends and I dreamt of getting off this island. On my fifteenth year, I discovered the power of the darkness." He points to the cave I noticed on one of my trips here. "I welcomed the Heartless to my world with the hope of commencing my journey. I wielded the power regardless of dragging anyone down with me. My avarice and need for adventure created nothing but destruction. I put my friends in danger. One of them lost her heart and now the other lost his memories, searching for me."

I find myself understanding his predicament. We both had to pay a price for our selfishness. Could he be an ally? "You opened the door. You're saying that door is the connection between worlds?"

He nods.

"What do you mean one of your friends lost his heart?"

"She lost it. Because of what I did. She sought refuge in Sora's heart, causing him to become a Heartless to free her."

I unsummon my Keyblade, realizing that he might have been the person I've been waiting to meet. The person with answers. "You know Sora? So Roxas truly is his Nobody? Do you know why Roxas doesn't remember anything about his past self?"

Riku puts a hand over his face, "I paid the ultimate price when I opened that door. Sora lost his heart, but Kairi brought him back. I guess since Sora wasn't a Heartless for long, Roxas couldn't have any of his memories. But that doesn't matter. He has them now."

I frown, "What do you mean Roxas has them now?"

"I mean he's taking them as we speak. You are too."

I shake my head, "No, I'm not. I don't remember anything from my past life. Do you know who I used to be?"

Riku doesn't say anything, just like Axel. I summon my Keyblade, feeling a threatening air from him again. "Tell me now. I won't hesitate to attack you."

He summons his sword, "It's not my place to be the bearer of bad news."

"Tell me now! I'm sick of asking and not getting answers! How am I taking his memories? He's Roxas's Somebody, not mine!"

The teenager sighs, "You're a failed experiment of the Organization."

The fury within me silences as I process the curt tone in which he described my purpose. My Keyblade disappears as my will quivers, "…What?"

He walks closer to me and stops, maintaining a few steps distance. "Roxas is Sora's Nobody. Sora can't wake from his sleep because Roxas still exists. You were created by the Organization as a fail-safe for when the moment came when…I would take Roxas from them."

I look up at him, taking a leap back, baring my Keyblade, instantly vigilant. He's managed to make me drop my guard twice already. I can't trust this guy at all, even if he has the answers I need. "So you did come for the kill?"

"Don't you understand? You're a puppet of the Organization. You were created to replace Roxas should he return to his Somebody."

I cover my ears, overwhelmed with the truth. He's trying to make me weak. I can't allow that to happen. "Stop it! I don't want to hear it!" I fall to my knees, losing the strength of my legs, unable to maintain myself standing. I want to curl into a ball and deny that this is happening. I can't do this. I need to be strong, "I don't want to hear it."

"They made you so that you would take everything from him. You are like me, the harbinger of darkness to those with hearts of light."

"Shut up!" I unleash Blizzaga, missing due to my turmoil, "I told you I didn't want to hear it!"

"It's the truth! Didn't you want to know the truth of your existence?"

I glare at him, spitting acid though my words, "You were eavesdropping?"

"I was waiting for him to leave so I could talk to you. I need you to understand something. Something that can change your fate with the Organization. You don't need to be a puppet anymore. You can choose to become your own person. Remember, you are not a Nobody, you are not a Somebody, you are a—"

"I'm a blank canvas."

He hesitates, "Yes…that sounds about right."

As I process the reality of my existence, I comprehend that of all the Nobodies without a supposed purpose, I'm the one with the least importance in this universe. I want to cry. I want to yell. I want to fly high into the sky and plummet back to the ground, creating a hole through the world and arriving at another at the end. There are so many things I want to do to make myself believe that all of this is just a dream. How envious I am of Roxas's slumber. At least if he ever has nightmares, he'll always be able to wake up from them in the end. This isn't a nightmare. This isn't a dream. I'm facing my fate head on. The truth stands in front of me. I can either accept it or reject it. The question is: Will I make the same mistake that this boy made? Will I allow my own selfishness to destroy the one I love?

"Sora is the Key." The boy continues, "He needs to wake up. The problem is, Roxas is absorbing all of his memories."

"Roxas doesn't remember anything." I correct.

"He doesn't need to. He can collect them. That's enough to maintain Sora sleeping."

"Okay, and what does this have to do with me? Why am I absorbing Sora's memories, too?"

"Because you're supposed to replace Roxas as the Keyblade wielder. You were created from Sora's most powerful memory: Kairi."

I recall the image in the cave of the girl. Then I also recall the other image that looked exactly like me. Where does that fit into this? Is there something that this boy is missing?

"What's your name?"

"Riku. And yours?"

"Xion. Riku, you're implying that if I don't return Sora's memories, he'll never remember this girl, Kairi?"

He nods, "She's extremely important to him."

"Does he love her?" I ask.

Riku hesitates, "We both do."

I exhale, "Must be difficult to look at me right now then."

"A little to be honest."

"Not enough for you to tell me to voluntarily disappear, though, right?" Riku is momentarily taken aback by the question.

My tone grows hostile as I glare at him, calling forth courage from the recesses of my empty core, "You need me to return the memories, but you just told me that I am created from memories. Essentially, what you want me to do is die so your friend can wake up. Not only that, you want Roxas to die as well, because both him and I aren't supposed to exist anymore. Roxas was a Nobody born from a boy that immediately restored his heart, leaving half of his soul behind in Roxas. And now I am the clone that's supposed to replace Roxas when he returns Sora's memories, effectively dying. But let me ask you this, Riku. Of all the things you told me, which did you possibly think I would agree to?"

Riku drops his façade of amicability, summoning his Keyblade. "Truthfully, I didn't think you'd agree to anything."

I clench my Keyblade, getting into my fighting stance. "Attacking me from behind was your preemptive strike should I not agree to your demands, huh? You thought right when you attacked me. I wasn't going to allow you to destroy Roxas to save your friend. I'm also willing to do anything whether it is harness the powers of darkness or light to stop you from hurting those I love. If you stuck around for the conversation between me and Axel, you should know that both you and I are more alike than we thought. You have someone you want to protect—" I charge at him with a fury I didn't know I could contain. No one is going to hurt Roxas. Not after I just figured out what I feel for him. "—So do I!"

He evades my attack, sweeping his body to the side, slamming his blade into my back. The pain courses through my body, taking out the air from my lungs. I slide my blade to the left from underneath me, casting three Firaga spells, while air sliding backwards away from any possible attacks from him. I have to avoid his hits at every cost. Getting hit by him will be fatal. He deflects all but one of the spheroids, which manages to successfully hit him in the chest, blowing him back. His coat doesn't catch on fire since the coats were designed that way by the Organization. I wait at a distance, watching. He stands up.

"It's a shame that things have to be this way."

"Don't mock me!" I spit back.

Riku's Keyblade develops an aura of darkness. "I wish you would just give up the memories without fighting me. Saves me from having to hit a girl that looks like Kairi."

He shoots a darkness attack low to the ground intentionally, picking up sand. I close my eyes, trying to avoid getting hit with both the blinding granules and the attack. He comes in from my left. I clench my teeth tightly, fear ebbing its way into my chest. I lift my blade to block him, barely evading the attack. Once more, I air slide backwards, maintaining a distance from him.

"Are you running away?" He taunts. "Come at me! After that speech of yours I was expecting a grand battle!"

I assess potential strategies to defeat him while he waits for me to attack. That's part of his strategy. He only uses frontal attacks when it's a preemptive strike. As long as I'm always looking at his front, he can't attack me. Close combat is definitely going to result in my death. He is too strong physically. Most of my attacks must be from a distance. This reduces me to using magic. Limit Breaks will only hinder me if I'm cut off in the middle of them, however they can provide a good series of critical hits, but only if I catch him off guard, which I highly doubt. So far, there are only two of us on this island and nothing to distract us. A Limit Break will have to be a last resort since I only have one. I take a look at my surroundings. I can't use any sand or water to throw in his face because of the blindfold. If he's this strong when he's blindfolded, I wonder what he's like when he doesn't wear it. I jump into the sky, watching as he follows me with his body. Because of his blindfold, as long as my feet don't touch the ground, I have a major advantage. I land on a palm tree near the cascade. I unleash Blizzaga, trying to distract him. He evades the attack with ease. With Firaga, I set the tree on fire creating more stimuli over the waves and cascade. His ears should be overflowing with sound. The crackling tree weakens at the base. I shoot Thundaga at it, acting quickly in the time that it falls. Riku doesn't know what I'm trying to do; seemingly to him I'm only destroying the terrain. I come from behind and strike him on the head as hard as I can in hopes of knocking him out. The hit propels him forward, but with a swift movement of the arm, he swings his Keyblade behind himself, letting it go in the air, charged with darkness. The blade hits me in the torso, pushing me under the collapsing tree and comes back once more, where it stops in his hand. The tree cracks loudly, falling toward me. Too out of breath from the hits, I create a shield around myself as the tree falls over me. He watches as my plan undoes at the seams.

"Nice try, but I can see through the blindfold." He rubs the back of his head. "That was a pretty good hit, though. Made me see spots."

As his guard is down, in anger, I release Thundaga without using my Keyblade, aiming it at his chest. He lifts his Keyblade belatedly due to the speed of the lightning, receiving the full blow. I use this chance while he's down to plummet him with more Thundaga attacks, swinging my arms down, the lighting materializing out of thin air, brightening the area while simultaneously accentuating the shadows surrounding us. I watch as the energy surges through his body like Nematomorphas. Waiting until he's on his feet will be my downfall. I use Graviga to lift the burning tree, crushing it into smaller pieces, splinters filling the air, raining them over him. He uses shield to block all the attacks, but I can tell he's overwhelmed. I take this moment to air slide towards him, aware that my own attacks will hit me, but willing to take that chance to defeat him once and for all. His shield falters for a second. Instantly, I use my Limit Break, lifting my body into the air and pelt attacks of light at him. I'm hit by pieces of falling debris, but ignore the pain, adamant in taking him down. Whist in mid-air, I kick the burning wood toward him, using an Ether to restore my magic gauge, and plummet him with another bound of Thundaga, the one magic spell that's too quick for him to dodge.

Suddenly, Riku lets out an enraged growl, forming a ring of darkness around himself, expelling me and the falling debris to the side, creating a shock wave of sand, momentarily blinding me. I sail to the ground, my back hitting the dry sand, dispersing with my body. I cough out the granules that enter my lungs. He jumps up, flying into the sky, and nosedives to the ground. I roll to the side, feeling his blade of darkness graze my arm, burning it. I groan in pain. He bombards me with streams of darkness, two which manage to hit me, each time with the breath knocked out of me. As he attacks relentlessly, I cast Reflega on myself as I roll on the ground, sand getting into my eyes, until finally the assault is over. While his body returns to the sand, I shoot a fire blast at his face, hitting him successfully. He hunches down, yelling in pain, taking off the burning blindfold. I jump behind him and this time without fail, I hit the back of his neck, watching as his body becomes immobile, falling to the ground. I pant loudly, holding my injured left arm with my right. The Keyblades disappear.

"If I'm a blank canvas, then that means that I can draw myself any way I want."

I ponder if I should kill him. He's defenselessly sleeping in front of me. Now would be the perfect time to end him and his hunt for Roxas and I. An image of when he defeated me flashes through my mind. Back then, he didn't have any trouble vanquishing me. I wasn't even much of a threat. Now, things changed. He underestimated me. His arrogance was his downfall.

I decide to leave him there, remembering that he could have killed me and decided to spare me. This indicates that he's not as much of a hypocrite as I initially thought. He cares for his friends as much as I care for mine. We both have similar goals, simply contradicting paths to achieve them. It is a pity that we were put on opposite ends of the chessboard. If we were to combine our abilities, I feel like Riku and I would have made good friends.

I open a corridor of darkness with Roxas's room in mind.

My ears feel numb, expecting to hear the sound of waves or fire crackling. I focus on Roxas's breathing, providing me with a blanket of comfort. My eyes adjust to the pale, monotony of the room.

I sigh, my defenses breaking down. "If only I could tell you everything that I learned today. Axel's an idiot, for one. I don't know how you can like him. Obviously, you haven't spent much time with him on opposing sides of an issue." I walk to his bed and lay down, hugging his body to mine. "Wake up, Roxas. I know that if you wake up, you'd believe me."

Roxas twitches his head a little, the most he's moved since the start of his coma. I watch his chest rise up and down. If I didn't see him breathing everyday, I would think he was dead. I sync my breathing with his.

"Roxas, you were right. We have the power to simulate emotions. However, there's a fine line between what is simulated and what is true." I inhale, "Our bodies pretend to have hearts to the point where its convincing enough that we don't need actual hearts anymore." I exhale, "Roxas, wake up already. I need you here with me. I don't know what's going on in this world. I'm so confused. Everything is blurring together, Roxas." I sigh, digging my head into his chest, longing for his arms to come around me in response.

"Don't worry, Xion."

A foreign, yet familiar voice anesthetizes the air around me. No matter how hard I tried to hear this voice when I needed it most, I was never able to. I bolt my head up, feeling a heavy hand on my hair.

"It'll all be over soon."

I stare at him in shock, as he speaks with his eyes closed, wondering if I'm imagining this. After those words, Roxas falls limp again. His voice and his touch still lingers in my ears, in the room.

"R-Roxas?"

I grab him by the shoulders, shaking him, "Roxas? Did you just wake up? Can you hear me?"

After shaking him for a minute, I realize he's asleep again and the movement is hurting him. I'm elated that he's finally showing signs of waking.

I ponder how I should tell him everything I've learned. Then, I realize that if I do, I will put him in jeopardy. Sometimes, things are maintained a secret for a reason. It's in his best interest to not know the objective behind his existence. I don't want him to know that some Nobodies really don't have a purpose. There are some of us that are born as fallacies. There are some that are not. Now I understand why Axel didn't want to answer my questions. He did to me what I'm going to do to Roxas. He wasn't a traitor, he was protecting me. There's a reason why he's still loyal to the Organization, something probably worse than the truth of our existence.

If Roxas discovers that his existence passed its expiration date, I don't know how he will react. In my case, I am a tool that became useless. For Roxas, he isn't meant to exist in the first place. After he wakes, not knowing the truth will at least give him hope that he still has a purpose to find.

I get off the bed, looking down at his sleeping form, "I used to think that your coma was a tragedy. Now, I find it a blessing. I'm glad you haven't been awake for any of this because I know that at least you'll still be the same." My gaze darkens," And that you won't change."

I place the eighth shell with the others. "Thanks, Roxas, for giving me the hope I'd lost and a new reason to fight."

I caress him and step out of the room, leaving the old Xion behind to save Roxas from the fate he hasn't discovered.

A/N:

A lot of stuff happens in this chapter!

So, did Xion just get awesome or what? I remember when I played the game that she just listens to Riku after all. "I have to return to Sora..." Blah, blah, blah! I hated the way she just accepted her fate. She has trouble with it, I know. She isolates herself, but in the end, she gives.

And Roxas woke up a little! Yay! What does his opening the door mean?

Axel keeps his loyalties with the Organization, but he hasn't sold out Xion. Could he still be an ally or should Xion never trust him again?

Xion and Riku have a battle to the death, except Xion spares him because she felt in debt to him for letting her live before. Did she just make another crucial mistake or did she gain an unlikely ally?

And lastly, Xion finally realizes she loves Roxas! The romance is here, folks! Distant, but here!

IMPORTANT:

Sadly, school started for me (I'm updating this chapter: 1/13) and I have to focus on my studies leaving this as my second priority. So this story will be on an indefinite hiatus until I can find some time to write the next half of chapter seven. The good news is that I'm almost done with the story, only around four or five chapters left. Since each chapter is pretty long, that's why it feels like this is kind of short. Please be a little patient with me. I will get a chapter to you guys when I can. Hopefully, soon before things in college get heavy.

SL