This is a fanfic. All Labyrinth characters belong to Henson, et al.
NIGHT HAWKS
Chapter Three
Ludo the Enforcer
When Ludo walked into the Peach Pit, the musicians skipped a beat, the dancers missed a step and the customers caught their collective breath. A bystander, ignorant of the way things are, would not understand their trepidations. Ludo's demeanor was calm and affable, certainly not threatening. Ludo was a rock caller, but rock callers generally called rocks only for peaceful purposes, such as construction work. His tusks and horns were nothing unusual in this crowd. His large size and orange fur was not unusual enough to be frightening in and of itself. There were a lot of large furry beings in the Peach Pit. His somewhat ponderous movements held no more threat than the possibility of being accidently stepped upon. But the locals had reason for their nervousness. Ludo was The Enforcer for The King of the Underground.
Ludo had come to the Peach Pit that evening especially to see The King. He had received word from some of The King's trolls that The King had a job for him. He did not like the trolls that had brought the message. They were a couple of idiots in Ludo's opinion. The first troll was an idiot who fancied himself a Chicago-style gangster and the second troll was an idiot that liked to make ridiculous threats. Ludo considered threats to be foolish. Ludo understood the difference between threats and promises. Ludo always made promises.
Ludo made his way across the main room of the Peach Pit to the hallway at the back. He made his way to the heavy wooden door and said to the sullen, sentient door knocker, "Open up." The door knocker was smarter than it looked and so it said absolutely nothing and opened the door.
The King of the Underground was sitting in his massive leather chair with his feet propped up on his stone-topped desk. He looked up through feathery golden bangs as Ludo entered his office.
"Hello, Ludo," The King smiled. "I'm very glad to see you." The King looked as if he were a cat with fifty-one percent of the shares in a multi-state creamery consortium.
Ludo stood quietly in front of the desk. His jaw drooped open slightly, giving him a rather dim-witted air. His finely tailored suit made him look even more massive than he was. He held his hat in one huge hand. Ludo felt gentlemen should remove their hats indoors. He looked disapprovingly at the snappy Zoot hat perched on The King's fluffy head.
The King was not taken in by Ludo's appearance. The King knew Ludo was slow of speech, but quick in thought.
"I have a task for you," said The King, adjusting his gloves in an absent fashion. "Would you be interested in taking a trip over to the Chicken Farm?"
Ludo's head snapped up and his eyes narrowed. The King sat quietly and waited.
"Chick'n Fawm?" Ludo said at last. He stood motionless but his heart was pounding like a humming bird playing a bass drum.
The King didn't answer for a moment. This could be tricky. Ludo had never refused an order before and The King was confident about Ludo's loyalty, but this was a delicate matter and if Ludo outright refused to go, things might get… interesting.
"Yes, there is a small matter of money being owed to myself by The Old Man," The King of the Underground said in tones so cool that butter wouldn't have melted in his mouth if that butter had been coated with creosote and set aflame.
"Old Man?" asked Ludo.
"Yes, The Old Man. I have no interest in The Pimp," said The King, while pretending to be very interested in his gloves.
Ludo relaxed a bit. If he didn't have to deal with The Pimp, he had no objections. He had no love lost on The Old Man or his hat either, but things would be simpler if The Pimp were not involved.
The King saw Ludo's change in demeanor and relaxed a bit himself.
"Yes," he said. "The Old Man owes five grand. I want all of it tonight. Or his hat. Your choice," The King smiled, showing teeth like a shark that did commercials for Colgate.
Ludo said nothing, but simply nodded and turned to lumber out the door. The King sighed in relief when the door closed behind Ludo. He hoped Ludo wouldn't be too upset when he discovered that half of the money was owed by The One-Eyed Pimp.
Ludo left the Peach Pit and headed down the street to where his car was parked. Ludo drove a land yacht of a Buick, with white wall tires and lots of chrome. He checked the back seat for intruders before getting into the car. Ludo was familiar with all of the urban legends and figured better safe than sorry. He would have been surprised to know that not only the back seat of his car, but also the front seat of his car, and most especially the trunk of his car, was regarded with dread by nearly every being in the Underground and the threat of an intruder was utterly non-existent. He adjusted the rear view mirror and then drove away.
Half an hour later, he was turning into the long driveway of the Chicken Farm. It was near midnight and all good little chickens would long be in bed by now. Bad little chickens would be wide awake and doing business. As he reached the end of the driveway, he could see that the parking lot was deserted. That was very unusual. He could also see that the front door stood wide open and no one appeared to be around. That was ominous. Ludo was suddenly as wary as a cucumber in a roomful of pickles.
He exited the car and carefully walked to the front door of the big house. He peered in and could see no immediate threat. He tilted his head and listened. Far back in the depths of the house he could hear a voice.
"Ladies? Ladies? Are you safe?" called Didymus.
Ludo tensed. It was the One-Eyed Pimp.
Ludo wondered whether it was prudent to confront the legendary Pimp. Ludo had no beef with him and wanted things to stay that way. There were several urban legends surrounding The Pimp and Ludo firmly believed that where there was smoke there was fire, better safe than sorry, and a rolling stone will answer quicker than a stone lounging in the sun.
Ludo backed away from the door. It was fairly obvious to Ludo that Didymus was the only occupant of the large house. He wondered if The One-Eyed Pimp had wreaked some sort of havoc and that was the reason for the absence of any other beings in the house. He wondered where the Old Man and the Hat were. They had to be hiding from the terrible One-Eyed Pimp. Why was the Pimp calling out and asking if the ladies were safe? This smelled bad. It smelled as bad as a polecat eating a Limburger cheese sandwich in a summertime outhouse.
Ludo decided that discretion was important in this case. He turned and walked as quietly as possible back to his car, taking worried note of the skid marks and scuffs in the parking lot. He got into the car and quickly left. As he pulled out of the driveway onto the road, he pondered whether he should report the unusual situation to The King of the Underground first or go in search of the Old Man. He realized he had no idea where the Old Man might hide out and decided to report first. The King was always very interested in developing news of this sort.
Ludo turned on the radio and began to hum along with the music. He sat back in the car seat and began to sing in a terribly off-key voice.
"Woo woo, Cha noo ga choo choo."