A/N: so this update came way slower than expected. I'm really sorry u guys. iPod was taken a way right when I was almost done with the chapter :( but it's back now :)...Hope u like :)

Disclaimer: Not mine, blah, blah, blah. Do we really have to go through this over and over again -.- ? Anywho, the sandbox belongs to Stephanie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. I just play in it...

Chapter 8

Missing

Bella POV

It's been 4 weeks. 4 weeks since my world came crashing down. Edward hasn't been seen since that fateful night after my Seattle show. All of the Cullens keep trying to look for him but have had no luck. Alice has been searching in her visions but has come up empty handed. I cry myself to sleep at night, hoping that I could awake from this nightmare.

Only problem is, this isn't a nightmare happening in my head while I slept. Its reality. I constantly beat myself up over this. If only I would have came out and told Edward in the very beginning, none of this would be happening. I feel it's all my fault...

Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Emmett were all completely okay with the truth. But Emmett became frustrated because he never got the chance to support me in every show I have done. Same goes with everyone else. My disappearances and some lies — like going to Florida to see my mom— all made sense when they found out. Now whenever I come home from long nights in the recording studio, she makes sure that I get sleep.

Or when I finish my 5 hour dance rehearsals, Esme has a meal ready for me and a nice hot bath. Even if I sit in the kitchen saying that I'm fine and I'm not hungry at the moment, she gives me a doubtful look and pushes the plate closer to me. In those times, I finish my food in 5 minutes or less. Knowing damn well that I really was hungry. The first time that happened, Emmett was there. He was like "DAMN BELLA!" We all laughed.

I remember asking Esme once on how she knew I would be so hungry from vigorous hours of non stop work. She beamed and said it was 'Mothers Intuition'.

Carlisle is a whole other story. He's always making sure that I haven't done damage to my body after so many hours of dance. But it's good to know they care. My family has been nothing but caring and supportive. If only Edward *wince* could be here, like everyone else...

I miss him so much, leaving my window open as wide as it can be, hoping that he would come back to me. But there's no hope, I know he's gone. Probably for good this time. I can't blame him. I hate me to. Hate what I've done to him. That's why he deserves someone better than me, someone who could be worthy of his love. Someone who isn't insecure about herself. Someone who doesn't tell lies and keep secrets.

"Isabella Marie Swan Cullen. Don't you ever say something like that, ever again," Esme said, startling me. Wait, did I just say those things out loud? I was in Edward's room, breathing in his scent that still lingered on the pillows. I caught myself dozens of times at his door when I came here. Hoping that when I open the door, I could see him lying on the bed in contempt, then looking up to see me. Smiling with love reaching his eyes. Holding his arms out for me to fold myself in them. But all I saw was an empty, dark room.

"I—I—I— I'm sorry Esme, but it's that truth. How—How could he love me? I'm full of nothing but lies and a secret. I'm a horrible person for doing this to him. To everyone! I'm mean, I'm actually surprise that you all didn't leave right along with him. I expected for you guys to hate me and turn your backs on me. And that was something I knew I was going to live with. But instead, you still love me. You still hold your arms wide open to me like nothing has happened..." I began sobbing in my mothers arms. She held me close.

"First of all, your not a horrible person. Your an amazing person with a beautiful heart. You kept your secret to yourself to protect the people you love. If Edward can't come to his senses and see that, then he's blind as a bat. And of course we still love you, Bella. You're the best thing that ever happened to this family. You brought us closer together. You made us complete. And whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us forever," Esme said, soothing my hair gently.

"Forever and always," Carlisle said, coming out of nowhere. He came into the room, hugging Esme and I close to him, kissing the tops of our heads. Carlisle sat on the bed beside Esme and I.

"Bella, sweetheart, you have nothing to blame yourself for. Like Esme said, if Edward can't see what your reason was for not saying anything, then he's blind. You know, Edward has felt the same about you. About not feeling worthy of your love."

"Really?" I asked, suddenly interested. Carlisle and Esme nodded in unison.

"When we had came back after being gone for so long, you opened your arms wide for all of us. Edward felt unworthy of your love. I think we all did. After the stunt pulled, leaving you," Esme said, shuddering at the memory. A tear escaped my eye.

"To this day, I will admit, I still don't know why your accepted us back the way you did," Carlisle said, looking down at the white carpet. I wrapped my arms around both him and Esme.

"Because I love you guys. Your that only family really have. I mean I have Charlie, but as far as family you guys and Charlie are about the only family I've got. Jasper and Emmett are the protective brothers I have always wanted. Rosalie and Alice are the amazing sisters I always dreamed of. As for you, Carlisle. Your the one of the best fathers a girl can have. And Esme, goodness where do I start?" Another tear escapes my eye but Esme wipes it away.

"You give me everything I want from a mother. Love, adoration, support, help...no one could replace you," I sobbed lightly in her shoulder. She hugged me close.

"Bella, sweetie, what about Renee? She loves you too."

I shook my head. "It's an act she puts up for our benefit. So she doesn't look like a bad mother, and so my friends don't become suspicious about our relationship." Carlisle and Esme give me a confused look.

"She looks and acts as if she cares and loves me. But she...doesn't...when she found out that I finally got my big break in music, she disowned me. She thought it was a waste of time, no one would love my music.

She always told me that she would disown me if I ever made efforts to make my name know. But I never realized that she was serious. The moment she heard the news, she ran to my room and started packing all my things. Kicked me out. Not an ounce of remorse. I thought she would have been proud of me. Proud that I went against her and broke barriers to get my self to where I want go, but she did just the opposite..."

Remembering that memory brought back all the words she said to me.

You'll never be good enough

No one would care for a damn second about your music

Might as well flush your dream of music down the toilet, cause that's where it will end up anyway.

Esme was shocked and so was Carlisle.

"Are you serious?" They both asked. I nodded. Tears formed in my eyes. I put my head in my hands and sobbed. Someone held me close.

"No matter what, I'm here, we're here for you," Esme whispered in my ear. I swear it felt like we sat there for hours. I held my head up, wiping my eyes free of the tears.

"You look tired Bella. Why don't you get some sleep?" Carlisle said. I nodded in response and laid my head on the pillow, covering myself with the blanket.

"Goodnight Bella," was the last thing I heard before slipping into a dreaming state.

∞Ok so that really wasn't a plot chapter, it was kinda a filler, but definitely explained some things for you guys. The next one is going to be a chappy I think you will all love —Edward's thought on the whole situation. I'm not exactly sure when I will be updating but I'll try and squeeze something in, in between homework and stuffs. ∞

❥Reviews keep Bella safe from Victoria, and Edward from doing stupid shit❥