Author's Note: Hey all! I am SO incredibly sorry it's taken me this long to get a new chapter out! I hope that it was worth the wait. I seriously am trying to get a new chapter out every two weeks. I'm determined! *Side note, I do go on vacation in about two weeks, but I'll try and have a new chapter out before that.*

Another side note, all of Lizzie's poetry, I wrote. I didn't take the poetry from another source. I was bouncing ideas off of a good friend of mine, and she agreed that it would be best if all of her poetry was original. *Oh, and the poetry is both bolded and italicized.*
-Anneryn

I DO NOT OWN LIFE WITH DEREK OR THE CHARACTERS (Though, I don't know why they don't let me…)
Music Credit: "Savior" – Rise Against, "Tear You Apart" – She Wants Revenge, "Diary of Jane" – Breaking Benjamin

Chapter Six:

Lizzie's POV

I heard the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting flesh. I heard pounding on the staircase. I jumped off of my bed and ran out into the hallway.

Edwin's POV

I don't know why Derek would say something like that to Liz, to Liz of all people. He's never had a problem with her before… much less talked to her, or treated her like that. She didn't deserve it. Something about the way he said it… or maybe it was what he said… made something in my snap. I pushed him up against the wall that he had Liz pushed against.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You talk down to her now?" I demanded. His eyes are livid and dancing with fury. It just pissed me off more.

"She deserved it." Derek growled. His eyes grew narrower.

"No, she didn't. And you know that she didn't." I countered.

"Then maybe, she should be slutting around." Derek said, defiantly. I lost it. I lost control. I hit him in the jaw. My hitting him seemed to pull him out of whatever alternate reality he was in. He pushed me backward and hit me in the stomach. I advanced toward him and started swinging. I could feel him hitting me back, but it didn't register. I just had to do something to get rid of this rage that he pulled out of me.

Casey's POV

I sighed to myself as I unlocked the front door. I let myself inside, and shut and locked it behind me. I heard someone being hit.

"What the hell?" I muttered to myself. I dropped my purse and keys on the floor and tore upstairs.

Derek's POV

He's right. He's right, about everything. Z didn't deserve a single fucking thing I said to her. I needed to tear her down, because I feel ten times worse seeing her with him, than I made her feel. I need to feel the pain that Ed's hitting me is bringing. I need to have something that I'm in control of. I can't take this anymore. I can't control myself.

Lizzie's POV

I ran out into the hallway just in time to see Casey running up the stairs. My attention only flickered over to her for a moment. My gaze immediately flew to Derek and Edwin rolling on the floor pummeling each other. I ran over to them and started pulled at Edwin. He was closest to me.

They shifted positions so I got an arm around Derek's middle and started pulling. Casey got a good hold on Edwin and pulled. I really hope that they aren't completely set on fighting, because honestly, I don't know how effective Casey and I are going to be at breaking them up. Both Ed and Derek are both taller, stronger, and bigger than we are. If Mom and George get home and they are still fighting, we are all, all kinds of fucked.

Derek untangled himself from Edwin; Edwin allowed Casey to pull him back. Derek let me pull him to his feet. He spun and turned around suddenly. He picked me up, got me out of the way and glared at both Casey and Edwin. Edwin, who was also now standing, broke away from Casey and they charged each other.

"Motherfucker," I growled. I wormed my way in between Edwin and Derek. They stopped throwing punches but didn't look like they were going to back down anytime soon.

"Get out of the way, Z." Derek growled.

"No, this is ridiculous. This is between you and me. Ed has nothing to do with this." I protested. I felt Edwin tense up behind me.

"You can't seriously think that this has nothing to do with me! With the way he talked to you!" Edwin yelled, angrily. Like I really need a reminder of what Derek said to me.

"Yeah, Z, looks like the boy wants to dance. You should let him. After all, why should you care? You've been busy with other things." Derek taunted both of us.

I almost said, "Fuck it. You can tear him apart for all I care." But, I couldn't do it.

"This is ending now. Anything you have to say to me, you can say it later. Leave Ed alone, Derek." I told him. Derek gave me a slightly demented smile. He took a small step closer to me, so I was pressed against his chest. He leaned down; I can feel his breath against my ear.

"Are you a feisty little whore?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper. I repressed a shudder. His voice still does things to my body… I gripped his waist with my hand. I let my fingernails dig into his side. He winced and looked at me with fiery eyes.

"Don't ever talk to me like that again." I hissed at him. He looked at me surprised. "I'm done being talked down to." I told him. I felt Edwin move away from me. Casey led him into her room.

A smirk played on Derek's lips. He almost looks himself again. His eyes flickered over my body. I shifted uncomfortably. I went to move my hand from his waist, but his hand covered mine, and kept it there.

"Do you know how amazing you look, when you get all hot and bothered?" Derek asked me, in a hushed whisper. I didn't say anything, but pulled at my hand, again. His grip on my hand tightened. He pulled me closer to him, but I stood my ground. I ran my free hand through my hair. I shook my head.

"You… are such an asshole. Do you know that? Let go of me." I demanded. He looked taken aback, but still didn't let go of my hand. I don't know how he manages to do it. He makes me feel so many things at once. It feels like I'm running on overload. Even if things did magically work out with Derek… I couldn't be with someone who treats me like shit all of the time.

Derek sighed and brought my attention back to him.

"I know, and you're the only person that makes me regret it." He said. He didn't apologize… but those words… well, they were almost, halfway close.

"Then don't be." I said. I yanked my hand from his grip.

"Z!" He yelled after me as I started walking downstairs. I don't want to be near him right now. "I need…" He started. I turned around. "I need to talk to you. Just let me…" He said, walking over to me, trying to grab my hand, to hold it, like before.

"No, Derek. I'm just a whore, remember? I don't want to give you herpes." I growled. I went downstairs and slid on some shoes. I unlocked the door, and grabbed my keys and my cell phone. I opened the door and shut it behind me. I can still hear Derek calling after me. I sighed and blinked back tears. This is too much right now. I walked next door and knocked on Emily's door. Please be home, please be home. The porch light came on and Emily opened the door. She smiled in surprise.

"Hey, Liz, what brings you here?" She asked. My look must have tipped her off. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked. I gave her small smile.

"No, not really. Derek has been such an ass lately, and I… I just can't stay there tonight. Is it okay if I crash here?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Yeah, of course. Come on in." She said. I felt so bad; I know that it's late. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." She said. I nodded.

"I know, with you and Casey in college, now." I agreed. She smiled and nodded.

"My parents are out of town until next week, so it's just me. …We can catch up tonight." She said. She gave my hand a quick squeeze. I nodded, feebly.

"Thanks, Em." I told her. She nodded.

"Anytime, you know that." She assured me. We were up most of the night, just talking. We talked about just, life in general. I didn't tell her about being head over heels about Derek, but I did about pretty much everything else. I called Casey and told her where I was. She wasn't surprised.

We ended up going to sleep around 7 in the morning. I woke up around 3 in the afternoon to pounding on Emily's front door. I walked sleepily out into the hallway and down the stairs. I ran into Emily, who was yawning and sipping coffee. She gestured to a steaming cup on the table. I nodded in thanks and made a beeline for the coffee. I drank some and carried it with me, and went with Emily to the front door.

Emily waited until I was next to her until she opened the door. I mean, sure, it's 3 in the afternoon… But, both of us just woke up. I wouldn't want to answer the door alone, either. I stifled a yawn. She shot me a sleepy grin and set her coffee down on the small table near the front door.

She put her arm on my shoulders, and pulled me into a hug. I held my coffee mug still as I yawned into her shoulder. I feel rested, but tired. My brain definitely needed a break. She pulled the door open and we both looked to see who it was. The door opened to reveal a very annoyed looking Derek. I didn't say anything. Well, I wasn't expecting this. Emily was the first to say anything.

"Hey, Derek," Emily said, semi-brightly. He nodded.

"Hey, Em," he replied, looking at me. I drank my coffee to avoid looking directly at him. Emily cleared her throat.

"Do you, um, want to come inside and have some coffee?" She asked. He nodded.

"Sure, thanks." He said. He didn't move, neither did we.

"Fair warning, though, if you pull anything ass-like, you have to leave." She warned. God love her; you've got to give Emily her props. That woman is fearless. Derek gave her a slow, surprised smile.

"Fair enough," he responded. Emily led me into the kitchen. I sat on a barstool at her kitchen island. I continued to drink my coffee. She gave me a refill. Derek sat on the stool next to me. He looked at me, intently.

Emily gave me a look, asking me if I was okay with this. I gave her a slight nod. Although, I haven't told Emily everything, especially how I feel towards Derek… I think she knows something's up.

"Can I talk to you?" Derek asked me. I didn't do or say anything. Emily gave my shoulder a quick squeeze.

"I'll let you guys talk. I'll be upstairs. Get me when you're done… or yell… if you need me." She told me. I nodded. She gave Derek a warning look. He waited until he was sure that Emily was upstairs, in her room, with the door closed, until he started talking.

"I didn't mean for last night to happen." He told me. I looked at him.

"See, I don't believe that. I think that you were waiting for a reason to make last night happen." I told him. He visibly recoiled. He looked at me intensely, searching my eyes. "Stop lying to me, Derek." I told him.

"Z, I didn't want that to happen." He insisted. I looked at him, brow furrowed, in disbelief.

"You meant what you said, Derek." I told him. He looked hurt.

"If I could take them back, you know that I would." He said.

"Do I?" I asked him. He reached for my hand, but I slid it back.

"Z, you're so far from slutty, you make nuns look like prostitutes." Derek joked. I looked at him. He can't fix this by joking. He seemed to realize the same thing. "I'm serious Liz; I know that you aren't like that. You're so far from being a slut. I've never thought of you that way… I never could." Derek said, softly.

I looked at him, torn. I want to believe. God, I want to believe him. But, it's so easy for him to hurt me.

"Okay," I told him. He looked at me, expecting me to say more. But, I really can't. Not now, at least… not without falling apart. I need to stay together. If I start to crumble now… no good will come of it.

"That's all you're going to say?" He asked me, quietly. I looked at him, trying to shield all emotions from displaying themselves on my face.

"Derek, right now… that's all I can say." I told him. He nodded. I finished my coffee and slid off of the barstool. I went upstairs and told Emily I was leaving. …One look on her face… one look, and I knew. She knows. She also knows that nothing can ever happen… not unless something changes.

I grabbed my clothes and promised to wash Emily's and bring them back to her later. She told me not to rush. I grabbed my phone and my purse and headed next door, back to my house. Derek said something that I couldn't hear to Emily. She responded just as inaudibly. I heard him follow behind me. I control my wandering thoughts.

What if I was able to let go? To just accept that nothing between us will ever happen? What if I can let go, and… he can't? What if he won't let me? Everything feels like it's spiraling out of control. I don't have another reason for his behavior. I know that it's ludicrous and jumping to conclusions… but what else could explain why he is so damned possessive over me?

I stumbled on my way over to the side door. I wasn't looking where I was walking and my foot hit some rocks the wrong way. I started to fall forward and my clothes fell from my arms.

"Z!" Derek called from behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist before I fell to the ground completely. My knees hit the gravel that makes the path to the side door. I winced as he started to pull me to my feet. Once I was standing, he didn't move. I can feel his breath on my neck. My body tingled as waves of pain washed over my legs. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the feelings.

"Thanks Derek, I'm fine." I told him. I pulled at his arms. He moved one of his arms, but kept one securely wrapped around my waist. He stooped down and collected my things; he supported me as I walked inside. I knew that pushing him away would be a waste of time. Once he gets his mind set on something…

I unlocked the door and Derek stood closely, behind me. He moved his arm further around me waist. I don't understand how someone so affectionate could be so cold… He let go of me to drop my clothes in the laundry room. I kept walking upstairs.

"Elizabeth, slow down." He said. I paused and turned around. "You need to clean that up." He said, gesturing to my knees.

"I know; I'm going to." I told him.

"Let me help you." He offered.

"I'm fine Derek; it's not that bad." I assured him. He sighed, irritably. I went upstairs and headed to the bathroom. Not even a minute after I shut the bathroom door, someone knocked on the door. I opened the door. Derek came inside and put a first aid kit on the bathroom counter. I sighed and shut the door behind him. "Sure Derek, come on in." I said, sarcastically. He smirked and looked at me expectantly. I was toweling off my legs when he knocked. I washed them off in the tub.

"I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed." He said, simply. I nodded. I walked past him and opened the first aid kit.

"Thank you," I told him. He nodded. I grabbed the rubbing alcohol out of the kit and poured some on some cotton swabs and started cleaning my knees. I winced; the alcohol burns. I threw the swabs away and got new ones. I poured rubbing alcohol on them and repeated the process. I didn't say anything else to him.

"If you need anything…" Derek said. I looked over at him and nodded. I took a deep breath.

"Space?... Time…" I told him. His jaw locked but he stood up.

"Not too long, though. I'm going to find you later. I need to…" He started to explain. I nodded.

"'Kay," I answered. He left the bathroom.

Derek's POV

I didn't want to give her time or space. I wanted to shake her until she finally understood. But… I'm not sure what I want her to understand. I know that I care for her. If I didn't… it wouldn't bother me… fuck that, it doesn't bother me. If makes me want to destroy something, every time I see her with him.

I don't know what I'm doing, or what I'm starting. I just need something to happen. I don't want to share Z. I don't want anyone else to have her. She's… I want her to be mine. But, in what way? I don't know why I expect her to understand what I'm feeling with perfect clarity, when I don't have a fucking clue.

I shut the bathroom door behind me, absentmindedly. My foot connected with something that made me start to lose my balance. I put my hand on the hallway wall to steady myself. I heard light snickering behind me, and turned around to find the source of the noise.

I saw Marti hurriedly picking up her toys, laughing to herself.

"What's so funny, Smarti?" I asked her. She didn't appear to have heard what I asked her. "Smarti?" I asked, again. She turned to look at me. She didn't say anything, but her smile faltered and she glared at me. "Are you mad at me, Smarti?" I asked her. She nodded. "Why? What did I do, to upset the Great Princess Smarti?" I asked her, crouching down next to her. She sighed and looked like she was mentally preparing herself. Great… this isn't going to be good.

"You're a big, giant, jerkface." She announced. I was too shocked to actually say anything. Smarti never gets mad at me. "You were a butthead to Liza." Smarti concluded. I looked at her dumbstruck.

"Smarti, I didn't mean those things I said yesterday… I thought you were asleep." I told her. She shook her head.

"It wasn't just yesterday, Smerek. You've been so mean to her!" Marti practically yelled as she stomped her foot. "I was playing Spy Kids with Elvis and he heard you being mean to her." Marti explained. She stood in front me looking more pissed off than I had ever seen her, before.

"Not just yesterday?" I asked. She nodded.

"You're always mean to her, now. How are you supposed to get married and live happily ever after, if you're always mean?" Marti asked. Her voice dropped and her chin trembled. I reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Smarti, why do you think that we are going to get married?" I asked her. She looked at me like I was a mental case dressing in drag that escaped from the local looney bin.

"Because you love each other," she answered simply. She stormed off to her room. I stayed in the hallway, frozen. After a minute, my brain started work again. I walked downstairs. The doorbell rang. Who is it and what do they want? I answered the door, still confused by Marti's revelation.

As soon as the door opened, I felt all of my anger returning, but it was directed to another person - Clay. Why the fuck is he here? Can't he keep his paws off of Z for a fucking day? I glared at him. He visibly stiffened.

"Is Elle here?" He asked. I nodded, but I didn't move. "Can I come in?" He asked, trying to get me to move. I shook my head.

"I need to talk to you." I told him. He looked confused but nodded.

"Okay." He said.

"I'll come out." I told him. He nodded. I stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind me.

"Would you rather talk somewhere else?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Sure." I told him. He nodded.

"Okay, let's go; I'll drive." He offered. I nodded. He got into his car and I climbed into the passenger's seat.

Lizzie's POV

I finished cleaning up my knees. I didn't bother with bandages… I need to shower, and I'll just have to replace them. It would just waste the bandages. I left the first aid kit in the bathroom. I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair as I left the bathroom. I started to head to my room when I saw Casey watching me from her doorway. I looked at her questioningly. She didn't say anything, but followed me into my room.

She shut the door behind us. She looked at me expectantly. I didn't do or say anything. She walked in front of me, and gently pushed me backward onto my bed. I sat up but she pushed me backwards. She crawled over me, and straddled my midsection. My eyes flicked over to the door. She locked it; I hadn't been paying attention.

"What did he do to you?" She asked in a soft voice. Suddenly I realized why she was trapping me like this. She doesn't want any bullshit answer; she doesn't want to give the chance to lie; she wants the truth. I took a shaky breath. "Tell me what happened, Lizard." She commanded softly.

"Let me up." I told her. She shook her head. "Casey," I warned.

"Okay, but tell me the truth, Lizard." She said, with pleading eyes.

"I will." I promised. I grabbed the remote next to me and I turned on my music. I told her some of what happened… some things, she doesn't need to know. And some things, I don't feel comfortable sharing. I left out almost of the details before yesterday… before last night. Casey didn't say much, she just listened. She looked morose by the time I was finished speaking.

"So, that's why Edwin hit Derek? That bastard, he deserved it, then." Casey said quietly, to herself. She looked over at me and pulled me to her; she just held me. It felt nice to be held by someone who knew most of what was going on.

"I don't understand him, Case. I don't know what to do." I told her. She started to say something, but stopped.

"Liz, talk to me. Is there something else that happened?" She asked. I shook my head. She doesn't need to know. "What are you feeling?" She tried again. I just shook my head.

"I need to think about this, Casey. I need… to be alone." I told her. She nodded and then shook her head.

"I get that you need space, but I'm not sure that you being alone is what you need right now." She argued.

"Casey…" I started to say, but she interrupted me.

"Just know that if you need me, I'm here. Don't shut me out, if you're suffering through this. I don't- I don't want you to do anything stupid or reckless." Casey finished. I nodded.

"I will, but I need to deal with this, alone." I told her. She nodded. She squeezed me before letting me go. She kissed my forehead and left my room. I closed my eyes and knew what I had to do to get myself under control. If I don't do something soon… I'm going to explode.

I got off of my bed and walked over to the window. I crouched down and took the cushion pillow off of my window seat. I lifted up the lid and moved all of my things out of the storage space. After everything was out, I took out the false bottom. I moved a few things that I keep hidden, because I don't want anyone else to soil them. One of those things is a small throw pillow. I unzipped the pillow cover and retrieved my poetry journal. I need to write.

Derek's POV

We drove in a strangely comfortable silence. After a few minutes, Clay put some music on. I smiled to myself after I heard his music choice.

'It kills me not know this, but I've all but just forgotten what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them.
As the telling sign of age rains down, a single tear is droppin', through the valley of an aging face, that this world has forgotten.
There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place and there is no time like the present.
So, drink these draining seconds.
Seldom do these words ring true and I'm constantly failing you.'

I have to admit, he has good taste in music. …As much as I hate to admit that I like anything about him. He's still a slime ball… specifically the slime ball that keeps trying to get with Z. I wasn't paying too much attention to our destination. Clay slowed down and parked. I looked at our surroundings. We're at Sal's. Why are we here?

Clay got out of the car; I followed suit. He took me to the back of Sal's. We went in the back way, and he led me into a hidden, vacant room.

"This is my uncle's restaurant and they only use the back room for storage. No one comes back here, so we can talk." Clay explained.

"Cool," I responded. Clay sat down after he shut the door to the backroom behind us. He motioned for me to sit in the chair next to him. I sat down and he waited for me to start talking. "So, you and Z, huh?" I started out, lamely. He nodded.

"Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?" He questioned. I nodded.

"Don't hurt her." I told him. He looked at me, surprised. A casual smile spread across his face.

"Is this the 'You hurt her and I'll hurt you speech?'" He asked, smirking. I nodded. "That's funny, coming from you." Clay stated.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned him.

"The way that talk down to her… It surprises me that you want to talk to me about treating Elle right, when you don't." Clay said. He looked me directly in the eyes as he spoke. His eyes are fearless. What kills me is that I know that he's right.

"I didn't mean what I said to her last night. I had a shitty day, and I took it out on her." I defended myself to him. I tried to justify my actions.

"Derek, man, I never had a problem with you until yesterday. You've always seemed pretty cool whenever I saw you around town. But, last night, you seemed to know exactly what you were saying and you didn't seem to regret any of it. You had to know the effect that your words were having on her." Clay leveled with me. My brow furrowed. "Elle fucking adores you, man. Why else would she take what you say so seriously? I know you're her older brother," Clay continued to explain. I visibly winced at the word 'brother.' The things I'm feeling for Z are anything but brotherly. "But the way she actually listens to what you say, is so much different than the way she listens to Casey." Clay finished explaining. I didn't say anything.

"I know that I fucked up… but understand that I do care about Z. And, if you hurt her, I will make you regret it." I threatened him. He didn't look scared or surprised. He nodded and… smiled.

"I wouldn't expect anything less. I know that you love her; I'll treat her right." Clay told me. I nodded.

"I do; I love her. I think you're a good guy, don't prove me wrong." I told him, but my mind was elsewhere. What I said… I knew that I meant them… but I didn't know how… not until I heard myself say them out loud. I love Z; I love her. What else could explain what I'm feeling towards her?

"Now that we have that out of the way, I need to say something." Clay told me. Despite the fact that him being into Lizzie, I actually like this kid. I mean, he's got guts. If I can't be with Z, I wouldn't mind her being with him. But I'll be damned if I let that happen without trying.

"Go ahead." I told him. He nodded.

"It might not be my place, but if I hear you talk that way to Lizzie again, I'm going to hand your ass to you." He said, seriously. I smirked.

"You can try." I told him, arrogantly. "But, I wouldn't expect anything less. But, Z is a big girl, she can handle her own battles." I told him.

"I know that." He assured me.

"Good, because if you didn't, that's something you should learn, quick. Z doesn't always let people take care of her. She takes care of herself; she always has…. There is a lot of things that she doesn't talk about." I told him.

"I know." He said. I nodded.

"Okay, then." I said. "We done here?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Do you want anything to eat, or anything? It's on the house." He offered, as a peace offering.

"Sure, but after this, you wanna run me home?" I asked. He nodded.

"Sure." He said.

Lizzie's POV

I turned my music up louder… It's easier to lose myself in my writing that way. I wrote as the music filled the room around me.

'An escape is just a nod and a casual wave - obsessed about it, heavy for the next few days.
It's only just a crush.
It'll go away.
It's just like all the others.
It'll go away.
Or maybe this is danger, and he just don't know...
You pray it all away but it continues to grow.'

I set my pen down and turned the page of my journal. I finished a piece and continued to write another. Nothing is stopping the words from flowing out of me.

'I want to hold you close, skin pressed against you tight.
Lie still... close your eyes, girl.
So lovely, it feels so right.'

I concentrated on writing; the words around me only gave me more inspiration.

'I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart.
As I whisper in your ear, 'I want to fucking tear you apart.''

I continued to write. Hopefully what I'm writing actually makes sense. Sometimes when I really get going, it doesn't. I skip words and I have to correct my work when I reread it later.

I paused when I saw little drops of water on my paper. Only then, did I realize that I had tears pouring down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them. Writing is the only time that I willing allow myself to become emotional. It's hard to write and not get lost in my emotions.

I jumped; someone touched my shoulder. I looked up and saw a very concerned looking Derek. I jumped, again. I didn't notice the door open. I hurriedly wiped at my cheeks and got off of the floor. Derek pulled me to his chest. I pushed against him, but he didn't let me go.

"Are you okay? Why were you crying Z?" Derek whispered.

"Don't fucking touch me, Derek." I growled. I pushed against him, again.

"Stop it Elizabeth! Damn it; tell me what's making you cry." He said, angrily.

"No." I told him and he let me go. I grabbed the clean clothes that I set on my bed, earlier and went to the bathroom. I took off my clothes and got into the shower. I sat down on the shower floor, and I let everything go. I couldn't stop the tears.

Derek's POV

I never expected to get along with Clay so well. With a few exceptions… he reminds me a lot of myself. My thoughts flickered to what just happened. I opened Z's door and saw her sitting on the floor. I gently touched her shoulder. She jumped at looked up at me. Her face is covered in tears. She stood up and I tried to hold her. I just wanted to make her stop hurting. She refused my comfort and left. I sat down on her bed and raked both hands through my hair.

I stopped when something caught my attention. I can see pages with Z's writing on it. It looks like a journal. …I know I probably shouldn't look at it, but I couldn't help myself. Maybe she wrote down what's upsetting her. I can't let her hurt like this.

A loud blast of music filled the room. I looked around, remembering that I was in Z's room. The song must've changed. I looked at the words she wrote, and started read them; I read them softly under my breath.

"No one really understands. How I feel inside. I have trouble finding the truth, that's buried underneath all of their lies.

The world I was born into, I don't recognize this place. Everyone has two faces. I don't know what to say; I miss the way it used to be. Honestly, I'm not sure how to survive here. Every day is a different challenge: new rules and different things to face.

Am I any different? Am I worthy of your saving grace? I've lost sight of everything, among the rubble. I've lost myself; I don't know who I am anymore. Can you save me from this haze?

I'm not sure if I'm broken or if I have just forgotten how to work. Broken toys and broken dreams surround me. I am among the lost and forgotten. What was worth remembering of me? I can't remember. I used to be sane here.

Here, I used to be safe. The world bled into an alternate universe; everything here is twisted and fake. Save me from this nightmare. Alas, I can't wake up. Still, no one can see me. I have chosen to give up." I whispered.

It took me a few minutes to process what I had just read.

'Try to find out what makes you tick, as I lie down sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line between love and hate and I don't mind.
Just let me say, that I like that.
I like that.'

I sat on her floor and flipped through her journal. I didn't want to read all of it, but I want to read more of it. I need to know how she's feeling. I never knew she was suffering this much. The music drowned out the rest of the world.

'Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.'

Some parts in particular resonated with me more than the rest of what she wrote.

"I pray for a different tomorrow: a better, quieter tomorrow. Until then, my hands act as barriers: my only devices to mute the sounds. Music helps drown out the swirls of angry words. Tonight, screams and vulgarities will be my lullaby. Yelling and profanities will sing me to sleep tonight. My radio is broken; my ears are open; my hands are falling to sleep. Everything is failing me. Sleep is starting to wash over me. I'm ready for a night of peace. If the nightmares stay away, tonight will be better. Better, than tomorrow." I continued to read.

I rarely own up to my feelings, but my heart was breaking for her.

'As I burn another page, as I look the other way, I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane...'

"Things are different. Her eyes are haunted. She has shadows under her eyes. She never says anything is wrong." I read enough and closed the journal.

I threw it across the room. How had I been so fucking blind?

'Desperate, I will crawl...
Waiting for so long...
No love...
There is no love.
Die for anyone…
What have I become?!'

I got up and turned off her music. I picked up the journal. I need to find Ed and apologize. Does he know about this? How could he. I sighed, angrily, and I left Z's room and looked for Edwin.

I paused outside the bathroom door. Would he be in the shower? I listened closely. I didn't hear any singing or music. Ed's the only one who takes quiet showers. He won't mind if I interrupt his shower, not with something this important.

I opened the bathroom door and shut it behind me. I walked past the next doorway and in the part of the bathroom that held the shower. I pulled back the shower curtain and I peered inside. It's definitely not Edwin.

Lizzie's POV

I started turning around in the shower, expecting to see Marti or Casey. Sometimes Marti likes to come in when I'm showering and tell me some of the stories that she made up that day, and sometimes Casey just wants to talk. I covered my chest with arm before turning around. I looked up in shock.

"Derek?" I asked, mortified. He blinked, trying to get his brain to unfreeze.

"S-sorry, I thought Ed was in here." He said, embarrassed. He didn't move… neither did I. I was rooted to the spot.

"I'm not Ed." I told him. He nodded. He looked up and down the now, wet and soapy, and very naked me.

"I know that." He said. I pulled the shower curtain closed and he turned around, covering his eyes. "I would have never done that, if I knew you were the one showering. Normally Ed is the only one who doesn't shower without music." Derek explained. My cheeks were burning. I took a deep breath and tried to process what just happened. "I'm, um, I'm gonna go." He announced. "But, I need to talk to you when you're out." He said.

"Is that what you needed to talk to Edwin about?" I asked, still humiliated.

"Yeah, sort of." He said. I nodded, slowly, to myself.

"You can stay, if you promise not to touch the shower curtain, again." I told him, hoping I wouldn't regret my decision.

"I won't." He promised. I saw his shadow next to the shower. He sat on the toilet, so he could talk to me.

"I'll have to push you up the stairs and make you bruise your shins, if you do." I warned. He laughed.

"I won't." He promised.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked him. He cleared his throat.

"You left your journal out on the floor." He revealed.

"You read it?" I croaked.

"Yeah, but… Z, I didn't know you were dealing with all of this. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

"I didn't tell anyone. That journal is supposed to be private. It's how I deal with things." I said, angrily.

"I get that you're mad, but, Lizzie, you've been hurting for so long." He said, in a melancholy voice.

"It's not a big deal, Derek. Most of that, is years old. I don't write everything down… or in the same place. Some things I throw away… or I burn." I said.

"Z, the things you wrote. It's all so raw, and full of pain." He said.

"Not everything." I corrected him.

"Most of it." He said. I sighed. I washed off the last of my soap.

"Can I have my towel, please?" I asked him. I turned off the water. He handed it to me, over the shower rod. I wrapped it around myself before coming out of the shower.

He looked at me, intensely.

Derek's POV

I'm such a dumbass. I can't believe I walked in on her taking a shower. But, at least I know that my thoughts are definitely not brotherly. I can't stop thinking about her in the shower, with the water cascading over her body.

"Z, you need to talk to someone when you're feeling this way." I told her.

"I deal with things, my own way, Derek. Lately, I can't even have a civil conversation with you. How do you expect me to open up to you and tell you all of my problems? I know that you're used to every female you know whining to you about their problems, but I don't do that." She told me.

"I know that. Why won't you let me help you?" I demanded.

"I don't need your help. …And I don't know why you would want to help me, not with the way you've been treating me lately." She told me.

"I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve any of it." I told her. She looked at me before speaking.

" I-I love you, Z. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I just couldn't be the only one hurting." I told her. I'm probably going to regret my words later.

"What?" She asked. "Why are you hurting?" She asked me. I didn't say anything.

"I want things to be okay between us." I told her. She nodded.

"You're forgiven." She told me. I pulled her into a hug, and this time, she let me. "I love you, too." She whispered, against my chest. We broke away when Marti pounded on the bathroom door. I watched Z put her robe on, and grab her clothes.

"I need to tell you about Princess Lily pad and her conquest over the kingdom of Cheerios!" Marti yelled. Lizzie looked at me and we laughed. We both left the bathroom. Marti went with Z to her room, telling her merrily about her story. Marti went into Z's room, first. Lizzie looked back at me one last time, before going into her room. I nodded to her. The corners of her mouth twitched, before she disappeared into her room.

Author's Note: I'm SO sorry for the delay. This chapter is long (like the last one) to make up for it! Please review and let me know what you think!

Hugs and junk,
Anneryn