Sorry for the wait! I've been so busy with school, didn't have much time to write :( this chapter is just kind of a filler, but big things are on their way ! :D
Alcoholic. Crack addiction. Alcoholic. Rape victim. Self harm. Anorexia. Anger issues. Split personality. Bulimic.
I didn't even know these people's names, but their issues is what they were known as. Cat, Tori, Robbie, and Jade had filled me in on everyone's issues. But has I sat seated in a circle for group therapy, I found myself searching their faces for clues of the issue that had landed them here. A girl with platinum blonde hair with black underneath and a lip piercing, was here for anger issues. I think her name was Tara. She frequently got into fights with other patients. Tori said to avoid her, Jade had told me to give the bitch what she had coming.
There was a girl with pale skin and light hazel eyes who was here for bulimia, Keri. Tori and her were friends, bonded by their similar issues.
A boy with shaggy brown hair was here for an addiction to crack. I had asked why he didn't go to rehab, and Cat said she didn't know, but she thinks it had something to do with the fact that his parents were both users and had abandoned him, and he probably had inner issues to sort out.
A girl with a black pixie cut was here for alcoholism. Jade said that she had also been a prostitute and a stripper.
And finally there was a girl who wouldn't even look up, her long brown hair covering her face. She had apparently been raped a few months ago and frequently woke up screaming from flashbacks and nightmares. She had also tried taking up self harming, but her attempts were squashed.
Our group therapist was a middle aged woman with dark, greying hair and warm brown eyes. She sat beside the girl with the hair in her face and smiled, taking the time to look each and every one of us in the eyes.
"Did everyone enjoy dinner?" she asks.
"Oh yes!" Cat squeals, bouncing up and down in her seat beside me. "We had red velvet cupcakes and they were delicious!"
"No one cares," Tara hisses.
Cat frowns and looks down at her feet, while Jade gives Tara the finger.
"Tara, we don't talk like that," the woman scolds Her eyes fall on me. "Group, we have a new member, Beck Oliver. Would everyone please say hello to Beck."
Everyone muttered hellos, besides Cat who leans over and pokes my stomach, and Tara who licks her lips at me.
"My name is Liz, and I want you to know that this a safe place, there will be no judging," she explains. "This is for you all to see that you're all going through issues, and that you can help each other get through them." She glances over at the girl sitting to her left, the one with the hair in her face. "Felice, would you like to go first?"
Felice shakes her head quickly, burying her face deeper into her chest.
"Felice, it's alright, this is a safe place," Liz says gently.
Felice places her face in her hands and leans her head on her knees, and starts to shake. My chest seizes up at seeing this poor girl so broken because of some creep who violated her body. I never understood how men could ever get it in their mind that they have a right to take girls and do what they want to them, look what it does. It leaves a girl who should've had a future, a real life, dead or broken like Felice.
"It's alright Felice, we'll move on to Keri," she says smiling at Keri who's seated between Felice and Tori. "How are you Keri?"
"I'm fine," Keri says quietly.
"Have things been getting easier?" Liz asks.
Keri swallows deeply. "It's still a struggle, obviously, I'm still tempted, but it's been getting a bit easier, the temptation has been getting weaker." When she talks I notice that her teeth are yellow, and I wonder how many times this girl had to force her insides to come up in order to rot her teeth. How many times she had to see her food in the toilet to feel in control, like she wasn't a failure.
"That's great to hear Keri, and thank you for sharing that with us," Liz says, with a big smile. She turns to Tori. "Tori would you like to go next? How have things been with you?"
"Like Keri said, the temptation is still there of course, but it's not like before," she answered, as she reached into her pocket, probably remembering how she had stuffed a piece of chicken in there a short time ago. I bite down on my bottom lip, the guilt rushing over me. She isn't really recovering, is she? She's just filling Liz the bullshit she wants to hear and getting her dish clean at dinner.
"I'm so happy to hear that both of you are having such progress, I believe that you're up one pound from last week, isn't that right Tori?"
Tori looks like she's been kicked in the stomach. She looks down at her feet and whispers, "Yeah that's right."
"It's alright to feel like you're failing Tori, that's normal behaviour for a recovering anorexic, but you need to know that you're not a failure, you're a winner, anorexia is the loser here," Liz says gently.
Tori nods her head, but she's not believing it. All she hears is up one pound.
It's Robbie's turn, but all he does is make rude comments through Rex, and Liz quickly moves onto Jade.
Jade rolls her eyes. "I'm great."
"Jade, would you like to share more with the group?" Liz prompts.
"If I wanted to, I would have," Jade mutters.
"You don't need to feel ashamed to talk about it," Liz encourages. "You are all here for your own personal reasons, your group members won't judge."
Jade sighs, but speaks. "I haven't cut myself or tried to in over a week." She pulls her long black sleeved v-neck closer down, to cover her wrists. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. I would have never have guessed that confident, cynical Jade was a cutter. I would have said anger issues, not self harm.
"Has it been getting easier to resist the urge to harm yourself?" Liz presses.
"Yeah," Jade mutters, crossing her arms and leaning further back into her chair. Her eyes fall to her feet. After everyone speaks about their problems, they can't face anyone. Talking about it makes it real.
"That's wonderful," Liz beams, her eyes falling on Cat. "Cat, how have you been?"
"Fine," Cat says with a grin.
"Okay," Liz says with a smile. "Beck would you like to go next? How has your first day here been?"
I look at her and than at Cat, confused to has why Cat didn't get questioned, she just had to say fine, and that was good enough. Jade catches my eye and shakes her head and whispers "don't worry". I blink a few times, still confused.
"Um, it's been okay," I say.
"Made any new friends?"
I look at Cat, and she smiles a little, batting her eyelashes at me. I grin. "Yeah, I have."
"I'm glad to hear that, I don't want you feel pressured, but would you mind sharing the reason why you're here with the rest of the group?"
I bite down on my bottom lip, hard. I really hadn't wanted to share why I was here, but than I remember that Cat and Jade already know, so I guess it doesn't matter anymore, I don't really care what everyone else thinks of me.
"I'm here because I have anger issues," I reply.
Liz grins at me, "Thank you so much for sharing that with us Beck, it was very brave. I'm happy that you feel comfortable with the group. Jessie, it's your turn."
The boy beside me, Jessie, mutters something about how the one on one therapy is helping a lot, and than it's Tara's turn.
"It's been getting easier to resist the urge to strangle some of the people here," she barks out, her eyes falling on Robbie, Tori, Jade, and Cat. Jade hisses at her, and Tara puts her fist up at her. Liz yells at them to stop, and tells Tara to think of nicer words, and than moves on to the girl with the pixie hair cut. Her response is similar to Jessie, that the private therapy sessions have been helping her a lot.
Liz announces that group therapy is over, and that she hopes to get to deeper issues at the next one. She packs up her things and leaves, telling us that now is our free time until bed time.
Tara stands up and walks over to Jade. "If you ever hiss at me again West, I'll rip out your fucking tongue."
Jade stands up, eye to eye with Tara. "I would love to see you try."
"Guys, don't, you guys both got in trouble for fighting last month," Tori tries to object.
"Shut up Vega!" Tara and Jade scream in unison.
"Jadey, come on, it's not worth it," Cat pleads, standing up.
"Listen to your stupid pet, Jadey," Tara sneers. Cat looks like a kicked puppy, and I stand up quickly, and grab her hand, pulling her closer to me. I feel protective of her, she's so small and fragile, I'm scared that someone could say the wrong thing and shatter her.
"Take that back you bitch!" Jade yells.
"She's too dumb to understand anyways," Tara smirks. Cat steps back, and her lip quivers. I pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her, holding her close. She buries her face in my chest. Jade glances at Cat, and turns back to Tara, her teeth gritted.
Jade raises her hand and slaps Tara hard across the face. Tara's mouth drops in surprise, before pushing Jade roughly. Jade screams and lunges at Tara, and they fall to a heap on the floor. Tori, Robbie, and the girl with the pixie cut quickly try to break them up. Tara throws a punch at Jade, getting her in the mouth, and Jade swings and connects with Tara's right eye. Robbie grabs Jade and Tori grabs Tara, and they manage to get them off each other. They both stand up has two nurses rush in.
"You dumb bitch," Tara hisses, snatching the ice from the nurse to put on her eye.
Jade wipes her bleeding lip on her shirt sleeve. "Don't ever fucking talk to Cat like that again."
"Ladies, stop!" one of the nurses yells. "You both are going to Liz right, this is the second fight you've had since you've both been here! Enough is enough." The nurses push Tara and Jade out of the room, and down the hall. Bitch, cunt, slut, can be heard all the way down the hall before a door slams.
Tori sighs, fixing her ruined hair. "I'm sick of them always fighting." She looks down at her arm. "And one of them scratched me!"
"At least one of them didn't bite you!" Robbie yells, holding out his hand which has a bite mark in it.
I pull Cat out of my arms, and place my hands on her shoulders. "Are you okay Cat?"
She furrows her eyebrows at me, confused. "I'm not the one who was in the fight."
"No, I meant, you know those things that Tara said weren't true, right?" I ask, staring deep into her dark brown eyes, trying to find some of the pain that was in them just moments ago.
"Well, I am kind of dumb," she says, twirling a piece of hair around her finger.
My mouth open and closes a few times, trying to find the words to say. "No you're not Cat, Tara's just an idiot."
"It's not just Tara, I've been hearing it my whole life," she replies, shrugging her shoulders. Her eyes light up, and she slips out from under my grasp. "Let's go watch Beauty and the Beast!" she screams, running out of the room. Tori and Robbie roll their eyes, but smile following her. The rest of the group trails behind.
I stand there for a few moments, stunned. I've been hearing it my whole life. Cat's been hearing that she's dumb her whole life? What else has been hearing, and from who? And why didn't she have to talk about her problems at group therapy? What's Cat's secret? What demons is she battling?