Sorry for the delay, my computer is broken, so I had to wait to use my grandma's. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm sorry if you think it sucks :3
Day 2
Cat didn't speak or look at me for the rest of the day. After Jade and Robbie came in, Jade snatched the remote and put on MTV, and Cat didn't utter a word the whole time. Even when Jade called her out on it, all Cat did was smile and shake her head. Jade and Robbie had let it go, but I kept stealing glances at her, hoping to catch her eye. But she didn't look at me once, and it burned.
Breakfast time came and we walked to the dining hall together, the only sound being Jade, Robbie, and Rex arguing with each other. I tried again to catch her eye at the table, but nothing.
"Cat, are you okay?" Tori asked gently. "You're being so quiet today."
Cat stopped pushing her food around and looked up at Tori, giving her a small smile. "I'm fine; I think I'm just tired." She smiled once more before drawing her eyes back to her food.
Tori frowned, she wasn't stupid, and she knew something was wrong. I could tell by Jade's expression that she also wasn't buying Cat's excuse, but didn't wanna push it.
"Oh, well how about after breakfast you and I go relax and watch Disney movies?" Tori suggested with a grin.
For the first time that day, Cat's smile looked real as she nodded her head and said quietly, "I would love to."
Tori and Cat had quickly finished their food and took off, leaving me with Jade and Robbie. Robbie soon after announced that he was going to go lie down and left too.
"Wanna go a walk?" Jade asks, already rising out of her seat.
"Um, sure," I mumble. "Where to?"
She's already walking away. "Around," she calls over her shoulder. I jog to catch up with her, and follow her down the hallway. We reach the staircase and she starts climbing it.
"Where are we going?"
"Stop asking so many damn questions!" she snaps. I sigh and begin following her up the stairs. We reach the third floor, and she leads me down the hallway where her room is located, until we reach the end of the hallway. There's a pair of French doors, and Jade opens them, leading to a stone balcony. She swings a foot over and sits on the fat railing made of stone.
She reaches into her pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lights one and starts puffing on it.
"Are we allowed to smoke?" I ask.
"You didn't strike me as the type to care about rules," she says.
I take a seat beside her, and pull a cigarette out of her pack without asking. I also help myself to the lighter sitting on her lap and quickly light up. I close my eyes and inhale, feeling the smoke fill my lungs. It's been three days since my last cigarette and it taste heavenly. I exhale and look over at Jade, who's smirking at me.
"What?" I ask.
"Nothing," she says, taking another inhale. "By the way, we are allowed to smoke, if it's a way to help us relieve stress."
"How long have you been smoking for?" I ask her.
"Around the same time I started cutting: thirteen."
I just nod my head, since she's brought up the fact that she cuts, and it stains the mood. I catch a glance at her, and I see her eyes glistening over, like she's holding back tears. She turns and looks at me, and she quickly gathers herself and lights another cigarette.
"Jade…" I trail off, unsure of what to say. She's obviously not as strong as she would like everyone to believe.
She puts out of her cigarette on the stone railing and throws it away. She throws one leg over the railing, so that she's not facing me. I think she's gonna swing the other leg over and leave, but she does something I totally don't expect. She grabs the back of my head roughly and smashes our lips together. I sort of just sit there, not doing anything for ten seconds while Jade's kissing only gets stronger and rougher. Cat's face pops into my mind and I finally grab her by the shoulders and push her away.
"What are you doing?" I demand.
"Kissing you," she says, biting her lip slightly.
"Wh-yy?" I stammer out.
She wiggles out from under the grip of my hands. "Look pretty boy; don't go thinking I got some crush on you. Even crazy girls have urges." She grins at the last part.
I say nothing, I have no words.
She swings her other leg over the railing and stands up. "All I'm saying is that we could help each other out. I had a…friend here before, but he got released a month ago. I just want someone who won't catch feelings. And I think you're exactly that: someone who won't get clingly."
It's a tempting offer, I can't lie. Jade's hot, and she's throwing herself at me, with the promise of sex and no attachment. Every guy wants this, but Cat's face keeps popping into my mind. I don't want to ruin whatever is going on between me and Cat by fucking her best friend.
"I don't think so Jade; I don't think it's a good idea. I mean if something happened, it's not like we can just avoid each other," I explain. Even though Cat was doing a pretty good job at avoiding me.
"Just think about it okay," she whispers. She grabs her smokes and opens the door. She winks at me before shutting it.
I take a few more drags of my cigarette, before putting it out. I put my head in my hands and breathe deeply. I want Cat, I'm falling for Cat, but I don't want to. The thought terrifies me, nothing good ever comes of loving someone; it just ends up destroying people. Cat's already so broken, I can't hurt her anymore.
But I know I'm never going to feel that way about anyone ever again…and that's why I know I can't let Cat go. I'm terrified, but I know that Cat deserves someone who cares about her as much as I do. For the first time in my life, I feel good enough.
I decide to tell Cat how I feel that night. I'm confident she feels the same way, maybe not as strong, but there's something there, right? After that moment we shared earlier today, it had made it clear to me.
I sit across from her at dinner, beside Robbie. Tori and Jade sit on the other side with Cat. Cat's just picking at her salmon, along with Tori.
"Oh don't tell you're gonna start starving yourself too, Cat," Jade hisses.
Cat blinks a few times before looking at Jade. "What?" she asks sounding dazed and confused.
"You picked at your breakfast, you skipped lunch, and now you've only taken a bite out of your salmon," Jade points out. "Start eating or they'll start monitoring you just like Vega."
Tori rolls her eyes. "I went down a pound, but I'm just 13 pounds away from being in a healthy range." She frowns at her food as she says this. "I've gained a total of 7 pounds since I've been here."
"Just eat," Jade commands.
Tori takes a couple bites of her salmon and potatoes and a drink of water. "I need to pee."
"Fascinating," Jade mutters.
Tori stands up and goes over to tell the lunch monitors where she's going. I'm surprised they let her go, but then I remember that only Cat and I know Tori's dirty little secret. I glance over at Cat, and I catch her looking at Tori as she's leaving. She chews on her lip roughly, before looking back at her food.
I debate if I should say something, but I don't want to break Cat's trust in me. So I go back to eating my chicken. The next few moments are full of silence, until Jade breaks it by burping loudly.
"Man can't you behave more like a lady?" Rex comments.
Jade responds with the finger.
"Hey, Tori's been gone a while," Robbie points out. "Maybe you or Cat should go check on her," he says gesturing to Jade.
Jade rolls her eyes. "If the princess isn't back in two minutes, I'll go check on her."
Suddenly there's a commotion coming from the hallway, and we all turn to look as the girl with the pixie hair cut bursts into the lunch room with a screaming Tori.
The girl opens and closes her mouth a few times as if she's unsure of what to say, but she finally gets out, "I saw Tori puking in the bathroom." She lets go of Tori's arm, and the hall monitors grab Tori before she can run away. The girl covers her mouth as if she's trying to hold back tears and whispers, "I'm so sorry."
"Oh fuck, they're taking her to back ward," Jade says, standing up along with Cat, who has tears leaking down her cheeks.
Tori's screaming, and trying to get out of the hall monitor's hold on her. Finally security comes and picks her up and throws her over his shoulder. Tori calls for Cat and Cat goes running.
"Cat, no!" Jade screams.
Cat grabs Tori's arm and starts screaming, "You can't take her back there! She hates it there, please, no!" She tries to pull Tori away from the security guard, but he pushes her away. She stumbles back into one of the tables, and I jump out of my seat and run over to her.
"Don't ever touch her like that again!" I yell, I can feel my arm tensing up and I'm so tempted to punch this guy in the face.
"Don't Beck," Cat says, her voice rough with tears. I look back at her and I see pain in her eyes. I don't want her to see me for the monster that I am, so I step away from the security guard. I pull her into my arms as they take Tori away, her body shaking with sobs.
"She hates it there Beck," she whispers.
"Shh, it's okay."
After dinner, Cat said she wanted to go lie down. I offered to walk her there, but she shot me down. I still needed to talk to her, but after all that had happened tonight, I decided it would be best if she rested for a little while before I confessed how I felt.
I joined Jade and Robbie in the living room where we were watching TV. Jessie and a pretty Asian girl with long black hair and scars all up her arm were sitting in a window seat and quietly talking to one another.
"Tomorrow's Saturday, that mean it's time for visitors," Jade says. "Not that there's ever that many. Just Vega's annoying sister."
"She may be annoying, but at least she visits Tori," Robbie points out.
"Yeah whatever," Jade mutters, rolling her eyes.
I wonder if Cat will have any visitors. I wanna see what her family is like, to maybe get an idea of what made Cat the way she is.
At nine, I decide to go see Cat. I knock on her door gently and when I hear no response, I peak my head in slowly. Her bed's empty. I close the door and lean against it. Where could she be? I turn my head and notice that Cat and I's side of the hallway also has a pair of French doors. I turn the handle and open it, and discover that there's an identical balcony to the one Jade showed me.
There's also Cat sitting on the wide stone railing.
She turns and looks at me, giving me a sad smile. "Hi Beck."
I step out and close the door behind me. I take a seat beside her and stare out into the dark forest and country hills and starry night sky.
"Wow, you can see so many stars," I comment.
"Yeah, it's very pretty," Cat whispers.
I decide this is my best chance to tell her how I feel, while we're all alone and taking in this enchanting sight.
"Cat, there's something I need to tell you," I say, turning to look at her.
Cat turns her head to face me, her eyes meeting mine, for what seems like the first time in years. "Yeah Beck?"
My heart is beating so fast. "Cat, I know I just met you, and its sounds crazy…but Cat I…I have feelings for you."
There it's out there. And I can't take it back.
She looks away from me and glances down. "Oh Beck…," she trails off. She's silent for a moment before looking up at me again, and those beautiful brown eyes suddenly look dark and hard has she says, "I don't feel the same way."