Chapter 8

He ran his hand through is hair as he sat down. Rhett then placed his face in his large hands. The realization of everything was breaking his calm reserve. "I wish we could turn back time to when I first returned. Things would be different."

"That is a lie. You couldn't have known what was to happen. You didn't know about the baby. We would have said and done the same over again."

"But not only have I hurt you more than I ever intended, I have hurt Bonnie. She never should have been in our crossfire. What did you tell her?"

"I told her I slipped and there was an accident and it was not your fault. Then what are we going to do?"

"I….I don't know what we will do. How can you say the accident wasn't my fault, I put the idea in your head, I cursed you with my words." Rhett stated honestly. For once he did not know how to handle a situation. When it came to his wife and daughter he had the mind of an invalid. "We can just work on today and put the rest off for tomorrow. I want to recover to your former self. Let's focus on you and then work on Bonnie as needed."

"Do you really think that is the answer? Holding off till tomorrow? Weren't you the one who always teased me about that?" Scarlett understood what Rhett wanted and she could not fully agree to it. "You do realize our Bonnie is not a plain child." Scarlett was avoiding the situation that had gotten them to this point. Asides from the mentions of the accident, Scarlett tried to forget the words or move the conversation into a different direction. Bonnie was now her focus, if she couldn't have her baby to love her then she would have Bonnie.

"I think I would know that better than you." Rhett said with a harsh tone. Taken aback by his wife's reaction Rhett added in a calmer tone, "I'm sorry. I did not mean to say that. You must understand I have been there for Bonnie constantly over the last three years."

"We will talk another time then, Rhett. I'm feeling tired now." Scarlett tilted her head to the opposite side to end the conversation.

Rhett fiddled with the bottles on her side table before addressing her. "Take some of medicine before you sleep, it will help you." He administered a spoon full of one medication and then a second of another bottle. "Sleep well, my love." Rhett placed a kiss on her forehead before taking the discarded dishes out of the room.

Bonnie returned to her mother's room toting her wooden wagon behind her filled with dolls, stuffed animals, her silver tea set, and books. In her hand Bonnie carried a wooden box what contained her crayons and paper. The child was ready to play with her mother; she had brought all her favorite things she expected her mother would like.

To the child's dismay, Scarlett was asleep. With the curtains drawn, it looked as though it would be a while until she woke up. Normally Bonnie would think of many fun and exciting activities to do while she waited, but that was during times when she did not have to be as quiet as possible. Everything that swam into her mind required loud noises and squeals of delight.

Walking on the tip of her toes, Bonnie made her way to the opposite side of her mother's bed and grabbed an unused pillow that rested perfectly in place against the headboard. Maneuvering back around the bed, Bonnie placed the pillow on the floor in perfect eye shot of Scarlett. She then retrieved one of the books from the wagon and lay down on her stomach propped up on the pillow. Bonnie was too young to know how to read, but to her advantage her books were adorn with many pictures to allow her to make up her own stories.

She lay there for a long while, flipping through the book and resting her eyes on the pictures imagining what the pictures told of the story. Periodically she glanced up at her mother to see if she were awake, much to her disappointment, Scarlett remained very much asleep.

"Bonnie," Scarlett softly voiced. Sleep was heavy in the word, as well as in her eyes.

"Mommy!" Bonnie jumped to her feet and rested her elbows on the bed, afraid to touch the bandages on her mother's arms.

"Could you do me a favor and go find daddy?" Scarlett asked, but the horrified look in her daughter's eyes saddened her. "Oh baby, I'm sorry you saw what you did. Everything will be alright. Could you please go over there instead and pull the rope to have one of the servants come up?" she asked as a way to make the child more comfortable.

Scarlett was frustrated more than she had been during her convalesce with Bonnie. At least then, any pain she had was due to childbirth and she could actually sit up in bed. Once she was bout of bed, Scarlett would make everything right in her life, as she had always wanted to. Though her fantasy plan would be altered since she could not and would not have Ashley Wilkes' which meant she would never be the mistress of Twelve Oaks, though the war hand destroyed that idea long ago. During the rest of her period be being caged up, Scarlett would be determined to plan out her life from its current state since nothing came out as she first planned as a girl in love with something she never could have.

After the bell was rung, Bonnie went back to her mother's side. "Mommy, can I stay with you tonight?"

"I don't see why not. Would it make you happy, baby?" Bonnie gave a nod of the head, her fresh curls bouncing cheerfully around her angelic face. "Good, you may sleep here. Would you like to come and sit on the bed and tell me about your trip? Where did daddy take you, and what all did you see?" Scarlett inquired. She was not sure how to relate to her child, it was so foreign to her. In Scarlett's mind, children were to be seen and not heard. When it came to her own child she was distant from any form of maternal bond other women have.

What did she know of her daughter anyway? Bonnie was three, spoilt, has a pony, afraid of the dark. Scarlett could list things about her daughter, but they were all general facts that a stranger on the street could see. Scarlett wanted the bond with Bonnie that Rhett had, the special connection and uniqueness that only parents have with their children. She wanted to have special memories with Bonnie that only the two of them would have.

But why did she even want any of this now? Why did these feelings not generate years ago when she gave birth to her child or while she still carried her in the womb? Could this feeling be regret?

Regret for not being a proper mother, and possibly deep down a proper wife to Rhett. Regret for not being the lady her mother was or what her mother wanted her to be. What a disappointment she was to her mother's memory. The teachings bestowed upon her had been left in the past, but when? There were now so many questions that have been opened up and the most asked would be 'why'.

"Mommy, Mommy, did you hear me?"

"Miss Scarlett, honey child." Mammy said with a slight worrying quiver to her voice. "Is something the matter?"

"Hmm?" Scarlett replied coming out of her trance. "What? Oh nothing is wrong; I must have been lost in my thoughts. Mammy could you please bring me something to eat? If I am to be strong again I need to eat. Oh, where's Rhett?"

"I'll bring you some soup since it easier for your body. Captain Butler went into town this morning."

"It has gone back to Captain Butler, Mammy? After all he has done for us you still have something against him."

"After what he done to you these last months, he lucky to even been in the house." Mammy had the tone from when Scarlett had first married Rhett, though it amused Scarlett it also hurt. Mammy still, in a way disapproved of Rhett.

"Mammy, please not in front of Bonnie." Scarlett insisted. She knew the damage done to Bonnie was done and would take time to fix, more time than it would take to fix her broken body. "Please bring me the soup now, I fear I may starve." Mammy took her leave as Scarlett turned her attention back to Bonnie.

"We got on a big boat in Charleston and went to New York, and then London. London was horrible and it smelled really bad. Did you ever go to London Mommy?" Her innocent eyes asked. Oh how blue they were.

"No baby, I haven't. Maybe one day we will all go. Tell me more about your trip."

Mother and daughter started their new relationship through the tale Bonnie spoke. Some details Scarlett knew were exaggerated, others were questionable. Her daughter was quite animated and full of stories of her trip. Scarlett was grateful to have her daughter with her now to keep her mind off of the unpleasant topics in her mind.

I would like to give thanks to the unsigned reviewers! I am glad everyone is enjoying the story so far.

Wade and Ella are not in the story because I felt it would be too complicated having all three children.

~GWE