April 23
01:15 pm
The twenty-two year old version of Santana Lopez was feisty, proud and certainly not submissive. That version of her was so much better than the current version. She would never give up, she would never bow down and she most definitely would never let anyone take advantage of her. Twenty-two year old Santa was a force to be reckoned with. But that was a long time ago, a lot had changed in those three years, everything in her life was now, quiet, monotonous and quite frankly boring. But she is forced to live with this version of herself even if it isn't who she really wants to be.
At present though twenty-five year old Santana Lopez found the courage to lift her glance from the ground and slowly rolled her eyes at the blonde girl sitting at a tattoo table across the room. But as soon as she met those incredibly mesmerizing blue eyes, she couldn't help but waver suddenly feeling dizzy. It was incredible how that steely gaze was able to bore through her chest, straight to her heart leaving her feeling exceptionally vulnerable and exposed.
She couldn't hold the weight of that look, feeling her blush rising, left her with no other choice than to lower her gaze again to try to hide her embarrassment.
Brittany's words echoed in her mind, shaking her perfect world once again.
Hey Barbie.
The way the blonde girl pronounced that nickname, just to mock her, was annoying her so much, provoking a hot flush of anger to rise from her stomach.
And there, after three years of lying dormant, twenty-two year old Santana Lopez came out for just a second.
"Could you just stop calling me Barbie? I'm not even blonde!" she said in one exasperated breath, without thinking but as soon as the last syllable escaped her mouth she immediately realized her mistake.
Oh, crap.
Brittany hinted a smile and for a second Santana could swear that she had left the reckless girl speechless, but that sensation didn't last long.
"What are you doing here, Barbie?" she repeated putting particular emphasis on Barbie backed up with a sly smirk. Santana's blood rushed again up to her cheeks, thanks to a sudden acceleration of her heart rate.
"I, I-I was in the neighborhood and I thought I would come here and check if you were here, I-I need to talk to you about my decision." She explained stuttering and cursing herself at the same time for coming across a complete mess. That wasn't who she was at all, but the presence of said blonde in the room was making her nervous and uncertain.
Of course she wasn't in the neighborhood but she wasn't going to admit that she had woken up that morning and the first thing she had thought about was her meeting, or to be more accurate her fight with Brittany the day before. Ray was going to the golf club for a quick session with his colleagues and she had told him that she really needed to catch up on some work, but as soon as her boyfriend had stepped outside her mind started thinking about the blonde tattooist once again. She simply couldn't push her out of her mind and despite how much that girl had annoyed her the day before she was dying to see her again. She couldn't explain it to herself where this irrational need had come from, but for once she let her heart lead the way.
So here she was blushing and lying to said girl.
Brittany grinned again and every time she did Santana couldn't help but wonder if that was another way of teasing her.
Stop being so scared, please.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she being so timid and uneasy?
"Ok, since you were in the neighborhood" she said with a teasing tone. "Just give me a couple more minutes I've got to finish this." She said rolling her eyes at Puck's chest.
"Oh yes absolutely no problem." Santana answered. "I'll wait outside."
"You can stay and watch if you like."
Santana didn't understand the reason why she blushed again, that sentence wasn't implying anything. So she chose to just take a seat a few inches away from the tattoo bed where Brittany's assistant was laying.
"Hey you" Puck said smiling at her and trying to roll on his right side to speak with her, but Brittany pulled him back.
"Stay still, ass."
"Hey Puck" Santana replied quickly while the other girl, Sugar just sat right next to her seemingly making herself comfortable seen as when Santana checked what she was doing she had pulled out a fashion magazine from her extravagant Chanel bag and started reading. How was it even possible that a girl like that, who was probably wearing 1500 dollar shoes, was in this shop, reading a magazine and completely at ease?
"Sugar what are you doing here?" Brittany asked while wiping away the ink residues from Puck's skin with tissue.
"Oh nothing I was bored at home." She replied winking at her and then rolling her eyes at the guy.
Brittany smiled shaking her head, understanding what Sugar was hinting at.
Then her face changed to one of pure concentration completely focused on the task at hand. She dipped the tip of the tattoo gun in a little bottle of black ink and pressed her foot on the pedal next to her chair.
Santana felt like she was trapped in her own bubble, rigid and unmoving all she could see was Brittany as she tattooed Pucks chest.
She had never been interested in other people, or what they were doing. Well, she couldn't deny that once in a while, maybe when she was at the gym or playing tennis her attention was drawn to a hot guy passing by, or training right next to her, but that was just part of being human. It was simple appreciation, meaningless attraction and it usually only lasted a couple of seconds. She had never fantasized about anyone or even looked in somebody else's direction since she had started dating Ray and that was supposed to be a good thing but somehow she wasn't that happy about it. Ray was probably the perfect man on paper, but what if perfection wasn't what she needed? Was that the real reason why she had ended up in a tattoo studio on a mundane Sunday morning?
She didn't know the answers to any of those questions but something's were simply undeniable. She couldn't stop staring at the tattooist, so focused whilst working on her friend. Usually she was supposed to be staring at the guy's amazing abs or at his full lips but instead all she could do was gaze at Brittany's expression.
Her heart was still beating faster than the regular rhythm and if summer wasn't almost here, she would have been sure that someone had turned on the heater.
Brittany was completely focused on what she was doing and everything about that image was absolutely flawless. The way she was frowning, squinting slightly to concentrate her incredible blue eyes, on the lines she was drawing was just adorable. But there was more, Santana couldn't stop looking at her mouth.
Everyone has their own tics, their own way of easing the tension and usually they are funny or clumsy things but the way Brittany was focusing on Puck's tattoo was causing her breathing problems.
Eyes glued to the piece of skin she was marking, steady hand on the drawing, the only thing she could play with was her lips. She was continuously biting her lower lip, sometimes with short, quick bites sometimes chewing it and it was hypnotizing Santana.
Santana's heart skipped a beat when the blonde girl slightly opened her mouth just enough to let her tongue out even if it was something to be expected by a fully tattooed girl, the fact that she had a tongue piercing immediately sent Goosebumps down her spine. Brittany slowly brushed her upper lip with the tip of her tongue making Santana gulp while a warm sensation was slowly spreading throughout her body.
What the hell?
Was she really turned on by that? Wasn't it wrong and impossible since Brittany was actually a woman?
Santana had no clue what was happening to her, the only thing she knew was that her mouth was watering as the girl playfully biting her piercing. How was it even possible that she was finding all of this unbelievably sexy?
"It's pretty impressive huh?"
Her thoughts were finally shaken by Sugar's words. She immediately blushed, afraid of being caught staring at Brittany's lips.
"W-what?"
"The way she is doing that" Sugar explained nodding at the tattoo with a slight movement of her head. "She really is remarkable, isn't she?"
Oh, she is.
"Yes, it's really impressive." Santana replied even though she was only now noticing how beautiful the wolf drawing was, that had slowly began to appear on Puck's skin. Brittany was indeed talented she had done that in less than twenty minutes.
A slight oh escaped her mouth and she immediately lifted her gaze to check if Brittany had heard it, but luckily she was still focused on cleaning Puck's skin.
"Ok genius, my work here it's done. I'll finish the shades tomorrow after work, ok?"
Puck nodded smiling and immediately got up to check the new artwork at the mirror.
"Wow, B."
"I know" Brittany replied with a smirk. "Oh, and don't be an ass this time." She added with a firm tone making Santana wonder what she was talking about, but the answer arrived a few seconds later.
"Got it no surfing." he stated.
"Hey Sugar, want to grab a coffee?" he proposed wanting to leave the two of them alone to talk.
Santana could tell Sugar was clearly into him as she immediately stood up beaming like a smitten teenager.
"Sure! Let's go."
"B, you want something?"
Brittany shook her head pointing at the beer.
"I'm fine."
Puck rolled his eyes at her but Santana kindly smiled and said "I'm fine." She stood up and followed the couple with her eyes as they left walking down the street. As soon as they were out of sight she turned, looking for Brittany but she almost jumped when she found her standing right in front of her.
Brittany was clearly invading her personal space and was definitely standing way too close for comfort, causing the all too familiar effect of light headedness.
Why the hell does she have to look at me like that?
Feeling again the weight of Brittany's eyes on her and again she still couldn't hold her gaze.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" Brittany asked still confidently staring at her.
Santana immediately took a step back to try to gain back some control. Having her that close was clouding her brain and making thinking that much more difficult.
I've come here to see you.
"I, I came here to tell you my answer with regards to removing my tattoo." She managed to say in one breath even though that wasn't the truth at all.
Brittany smiled the usual teasing smirk and looked at her with the expression and-what-is-that?
"I want you." But as soon as Santana uttered those words she looked away nervously, but she still couldn't hide the red glow that came over her face.
"Wow Barbie, I'm flattered." Brittany replied teasing.
"No I didn't mean I want you 'cause I want you I just" but then luckily her brain managed to stop sending electrical impulses to her mouth and she stopped talking afraid of looking up.
Why the hell everything was so damn difficult around her? No one ever had the ability of making her feel so, nervous and shy as Brittany could.
"Hey, what are you thinking?" Brittany insisted probably entertained by her nervous breakdown.
"That I should do myself a favor and stop speaking." Santana managed to reply, finally with a light tone that made Brittany smile.
"Are you always this nervous?"
Why the hell was she always so direct with her? Maybe coming back here wasn't the smartest thing she could have done. Santana had the impulse to answer and tell Brittany she was the reason why she was nervous but she managed to control herself once again and replied with a quiet no.
"So, do you want me to remove your tattoo?"
"I do."
"Have you really thought about it?"
"I have." She continued, even though the right answer was in fact a resounding no, but since Ray wanted it so badly she was willing to agree and on the plus side she got see more of the enigma that is Brittany. "Well, I guess we'll be spending some time together then!"
"I guess." Santana replied.
"Ok, we can start next week but if you want to postpone a little bit it's still fine for me."
"No! no, next week is perfect." She answered a little too quickly, again causing a sensation of embarrassment to take over her.
April 28
06:00 pm
One week, actually five and a half days to be precise, had passed since she had been at Urban Ink and incredibly the whole time all she had been thinking about was Brittany, maybe a little too much.
She had even Googled her one night when Ray was already asleep. But every time she caught herself thinking about her she inwardly scalded herself since it wasn't normal or what was she was used to.
Brittany was probably one of the most arrogant and rude person she had ever met and despite that, Santana simply couldn't do much to stop the image of blonde hair and tattoos marked on soft skin from crossing her mind every two seconds.
On one side she was actually really excited to see her again but, on the other hand she was still scared and uncomfortable at the thought of spending some time alone with Brittany. Considering the effects she seems to have on her whenever they are within close proximity of each other.
In any case she had no more time to mull over it since she was sitting in Brittany's waiting room or more of a bench next to Puck's desk.
Puck had said hello in his usual way by hitting on Santana.
So she just took her Ipad out of her bag to pretend to be busy doing something in order to make the guy stop talking to her.
Brittany was twenty minutes late, and she had already worked all day. The only thing she wanted in that moment was to be at home relaxing on her couch, but instead here she was, sitting and waiting for the girl that had recently occupied all her thoughts. She was shaken from those thoughts by the one and only thought stealer in the flesh.
"Santana?"
She readily stood up, turned to say hello to her.
"Hi."
She was even more beautiful than she remembered and the fact that Brittany was wearing a pair of jean shorts immediately caught her attention. She asked herself the reason why she was so interested in a pair of female legs, but those legs were smooth, toned and seemed to go on forever.
"Ready?"
No.
"Yes." She lied anyway.
Brittany led her into her studio, holding the door open for her. Santana quickened her pace and stepped into the private room, smiling since that was probably the first nice gesture that girl had shown towards her.
"Ok, take your shirt off and lie on your stomach" she said getting straight to business, tapping her hand on the bed which she wanted Santana to lie down on.
Santana immediately blushed, she was definitely no stranger to having to strip down to her underwear she did it regularly at the gym in front of other women but why did Brittany make her so uncomfortable?
"Ok." She replied in a whisper, turning to try to hide her embarrassment while she was undressing herself. The fact that she could feel Brittany's gaze on her, was making the whole thing even more difficult.
Santana did everything so quickly with her eyes still glued to the floor, she jumped onto the bed where she finally felt a bit more comfortable.
Her heart was already beating so fast, not because she was about to experience a probably painful laser treatment, but because she was exposed in front of Brittany. Her heart slowed down for a moment when she realized that Brittany was setting up the laser machine and not paying attention to her.
"Ok, just to let you know what it is going to happen now" she said while checking some parameters on the touch screen in front of her. "This first laser session is always the worst one, 'cause the skin is not used to it so it will probably burn a little bit."
"Oh ok." Santana replied but she wasn't really scared of the pain, she was a tough girl after all. "I'm sure I can handle it."
"Ok, wonder woman." She smirked at her. "Anyway, I'm still going to put some anesthetizing gel on the part of skin we are going to treat today, in order to help you a little bit." She added taking out of a drawer a little tube of gel.
Santana instinctively relaxed on the bed and for a moment closed her eyes, but as soon as she felt Brittany's cold hand on her skin she couldn't help but stiffen. She wasn't expecting her touch to be so delicate and gentle. Brittany, to spread the gel equally, softly massaged the inked part of flesh, making her skin tingle under the slightly cold pressure.
An almost undetectable moan escaped from her lips, even though she tried to push it back down.
"Ok, are you sure?"
"W-what?"
"I'm getting started Barbie, are you really sure you want to remove it?" Brittany paused for a second but Santana couldn't answer her question. She wasn't sure about anything anymore.
"I'm asking you 'cause it's always a big step to have something meaningful you have had for a while removed."
"Yes, I am sure."
"Good." She replied but Santana noticed an almost disappointed tone in her voice. "It will burn a little."
She warned again before switching on the machine.
As soon as the laser hit her skin she immediately felt a warm sensation spreading rapidly around the skin of the heated spot. At first it was just a hot, almost pleasant feeling, but after a few seconds Santana realized why Brittany had prepared her twice for the burning part. It was actually burning and hurting.
"Uhg."
"If it is too painful just tell me." Brittany said again and Santana was warmed by the girl's concern for her, but that sensation lasted only a few seconds. "Unfortunately money only buys the procedure, it can't stop the pain." She added teasing.
"I'm fine." Santana replied quickly with a firm tone, already getting annoyed by her arrogant tone.
"Oh, we have a though one here!" Brittany mocked her again. "So, we have about half an hour. Tell me something about you and your wonderful life." She insisted with the teasing tone.
Santana had never been stupid and one of the many things she couldn't stand was people mocking her.
"Like you care." She replied snorting whilst trying so hard to remain calm even though her heart was beating so fast against her ribcage she could swear she could feel it vibrating through the table.
"You're right, I don't really care but you should speak to distract yourself."
Santana didn't want to give her the satisfaction of talking about her life and mostly she didn't want to give her any more ammunition to mock her, but she was willing to do anything to stop thinking about the burning.
"Ok, you win. What do you want to know?"
Brittany shrugged, or at least that was what Santana pictured in her mind.
"A part from staring at my lips does Santana Lopez have a hobby?"
Santana's blood immediately rushed up to her face she thought she had been subtle with her leering, obviously not.
"I wasn't staring."
Yes, I was.
"I'm just kidding, so?"
A hobby, no she didn't, how could she? She spent most of the day at work and then she was home with Ray. What 25 year old had a hobby?
"I actually don't, I mean I work, like a lot."
"Oh so you are one of those people who live to work?"
"No, I'm not! It's just that I don't have much free time, to do the things I like."
"That or your boyfriend doesn't give you any free time." Brittany suggested.
"Is that a bad thing?" Santana questioned unsure.
"I don't know. Are you happy to play the part of the perfect girlfriend always by his side?" Brittany insisted.
"I don't play anything. It's just who I am!" Santana replied annoyed.
"Wow."
What the fuck was her problem? Why the hell was she being such a bitch to her? But what was annoying her even more was that she seemed to be paying to be insulted.
"You do realize that I am the customer?" Santana asked.
"So?"
"You should treat me…" she paused because she was afraid of saying anything as she knew that whatever she said would be wrong.
"Oh, I get it you're rich, so you are also buying my kindness?"
"Your kindness, what the hell is your problem with well off people? You treat us like a wicked race. We are all different people and ever since I've met you, all you have done is make your own generalizations, but the truth is that you don't know anything about me!" Santana almost yelled in one breath but as soon as she calmed down she realized her mistake.
Fuck.
She had risen to Brittany's provocation.
"I'm generalizing 'cause you're all the same!" Brittany insisted. "You all think you're destined to rule the world and everyone in it, you don't care about other people's needs or feelings. When you guys have a problem, well it's easy for you because you usually just pay someone to solve it or make it disappear."
"That is completely untrue! Do you really think our life is perfect? Do you really believe my life is perfect?" Santana said fighting back against those accusations. Brittany couldn't have been more wrong. Santana would have gladly traded her life for anyone else's.
She realized that she was gripping the bed too tight as her knuckles were turning white and she felt a couple of tears blurring her vision.
Focus Santana.
She wished she hadn't got involved in this conversation to begin with.
"I bet you have your own issues, Barbie, like what should I wear or what car should I take this morning." Brittany teased and at that answer Santana tried rise on her arms all set to confront her but the blonde girl readily push her back on the bed.
"Hey, hey don't move."
"Then, stop being such an ass!" Santana almost screamed out loud.
Brittany froze for a second before giggling.
"Ok, maybe this isn't the best time for this kind of discussion." She agreed.
"You think?"
"So tell, what is wrong in your life?" she asked again surprising Santana for the umpteenth time in the past fifteen minutes. How was she even supposed to think about opening her heart up?
"I don't want to talk about it"
"I am just trying to understand." Brittany explained.
"You won't understand."
"Try me." The tattooist insisted and Santana couldn't help but wonder if she was genuinely interested in what she had to say or if she was just trying to fuck with her.
"I-I" Santana stuttered realizing that she had never really talked to anyone about her past issues and what she was feeling in this particular moment of her life. She wasn't even sure if she was even able to admit to herself what was wrong.
"I had some past issues with alcohol." She cut shortly even though that wasn't exactly the truth, she had only one issue with alcohol and it was related to that horrific night she would rather not think about.
Brittany didn't say anything back and Santana took advantage of it to add.
"I know you don't understand since you're probably living like a rock star."
"Now look who's generalizing. Just because I am covered with tattoos, it doesn't mean I get drunk all the time."
"The last time I was here you were tattooing your friend while drinking." Santana argued.
"Oh come on, it was just a beer and it was Sunday."
"So, you are really telling me that the badass Brittany S. Pierce, who owns a tattoo studio, doesn't get wasted on the weekend?"
Brittany giggled a little bit and for a moment Santana had the impression that the two of them were actually talking and not arguing.
"Well…" Brittany paused. "I can't deny that I had fun in the past and that I've tried all kinds of drinks and drugs but I've realized it isn't for me. I mean I do drink and..."
She paused to check her reaction, "smoke occasionally, but getting wasted isn't really my thing."
"Why?" Santana asked thinking about all the past Saturday nights alone in her big empty house, where a bottle of wine was the only thing that was keeping her company.
"People always say that they drink to have the courage to do certain things, right? But that's the point of having the courage to do them if you can't remember them the following morning?"
"Some people drink to forget their problems."
"I don't get that either. The alcohol doesn't delete them it just postpones them till the following day."
"Yeah but..." she tried to argue but she was actually speechless, she knew that girl was right she just didn't want to admit it.
"You're making it too simple."
"Life isn't that complicated Santana or at least it shouldn't be, if it is it's your fault."
"It's not true sometimes you simply can't control everything."
"True, but you certainly can control most of it."
"Again, you're making it too simple." Santana added, her heart was still racing and she was totally shocked since she had just been overtaken by an irrational urge to tell the girl who was so far away from her way of living, all her troubles. She bit her lower lip to try to push back the waterfall of words, approaching her mouth.
"So, what's your hobby?" she asked to divert the topic from that one.
"My job."
"Work isn't a hobby!" she argued, but she was somehow amused by that answer.
"It depends, whether or not you like what you do for living."
"I don't know, a job is just a job." Santana replied mentally rolling her eyes at herself for that stupid answer. She knew she didn't really mean it but she was jealous of the thought that someone could actually love their job, since hers was probably one of the causes of her current depression.
"See Barbie for you, your job is probably just a way of earning money and something to fill your day otherwise it would be even emptier."
As quick as lightening there she was, insulted again and what was worse, she knew Brittany was right. It was like she was reading her mind, but still Santana couldn't stand the idea of being vulnerable in front of someone, especially her so she chose her best defensive maneuver, avoidance.
"You keep talking about me, but you don't actually know anything about me! Plus, what's so special about tattooing people?" Santana tried eager to take the attention of her.
This time Brittany didn't respond to her dark tone, she let out a calming sigh, before she answered.
"Everything Santana, my job allows me to get in touch with people. It's true that 20% of people who get a tattoo just do it to appear cool or badass, but the rest of them do it for their own personal reasons whether it is for a loss so they never forget, something passionate or a memory, I become part of it. These people actually allow me to become part of their life, permanently since a part of me, a part of who I am will be with them forever and that is simply amazing. Every time I tattoo someone it's completely different from the previous one and the way I feel during each time is just amazing. It's a mix of adrenaline, excitement and sensitivity. But I guess you'll find all this boring and pointless since it actually involves feelings and feelings are for human beings not robots."
Santana didn't know what to answer, her first reaction was to start crying because the way Brittany was speaking about her job made her feel even more miserable about her life and second because she couldn't bare to have her insult her like that. It was the truth, she hadn't been feeling anything these past few years and she thought she was used to a life without emotions, but she wasn't sure about that anymore, she had never felt so vulnerable and sensitive in her entire life.
"No, I just think you're lucky to be doing something you love so much." she opted for kindness and Brittany was visibly shaken for a second.
"Oh..." she whispered not expecting those words at all. "Yeah I guess I am."
"Well, I do have a hobby but I actually don't do it anymore." Santana added trying to keep the conversation on a light note.
"And what's that?"
"Listening to music I just love it"
"Who doesn't?"
"Well, Ray for example."
"Oh come on, a life without music is like a life without boobs." Brittany agreed in her own unique way. "Plus, sometimes the lyrics of the songs seem to be written for you or for the people surrounding you." She added.
She guessed that girl was right but she couldn't remember the last time she had really paid attention to the lyrics of a song.
"Oh and Barbie?"
"What?"
"We're done here." She announced making Santana widen her eyes in surprise since she had been too busy arguing with her that she hadn't even thought about the pain.
"Wow." She answered but she wasn't completely sure if it was for quick the treatment went.
April 30
11:30 am
Ray pressed his three-hundred dollar shoes on the gas of their Ferrari Enzo. Santana hated this car, it was way too extreme and flashy but that Sunday they had the famous brunch at Reed's and Ray just wanted to make his usual entrance.
"Ray?" Santana asked.
"Yes Hun?"
"What's your favorite song?"
"I don't have one. You know I don't really like music."
"How can you not like music?"
"I just don't like it Sanny." Somehow the sound of the name Sanny leaving his mouth made Santana shiver with annoyance, she hated when Ray called her that and she hated that he was avoiding her question again.
"Well I do." She snorted turning her head to look outside the car window but her mind was suddenly woken up by the sound of a song playing she quickly turned again and saw Ray looking at her smiling.
"If you like listening to music, I can always start to listen to music." He explained sweetly making her hint a smile and immediately felt guilty about her black mood towards him.
Her mulling over her behavior towards Ray only lasted a couple of seconds since her brain was too focused on the music playing.
It was a nice, sweet, slow melody accompanied by light guitar chords and she simply couldn't help but pay attention to the lyrics of the song.
Everything will break.
People say goodbye.
In their own special way.
All that you rely on
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning
But find you in the day
Instinctively her heart sped up as she heard the lyrics, she didn't know why but something was happening to her in that car and Ray didn't seem to notice at all. She turned to hide her uneasiness.
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you're all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
Brittany's image had already invaded her brain and wasn't leaving no matter how hard she was trying to push her away. Luckily for her Ray, unknowingly, saved her from her thoughts.
"Here we are." He said approaching the private road that led to the big white colonial style house.
The car arrived quickly at the entrance and Santana smiled since a lot of people she knew but didn't actually care about, were standing on the porch waving at them but then her heart froze, it literally stopped beating for a second and her jaw dropped refusing to belive what she was seeing.
Was she hallucinating or was Brittany S. Pierce was standing on that porch, wearing a white cocktail dress?
Guy thank you so much for the feedback so far!
Hope you like it! Have an amazing weekend!
And Ruby..Thank you for the help!