A/N: I do not own "Jabberwocky" (by Lewis Carroll) or "Land of Our Dreams" (Jay Althouse) or "The Wizard of Oz" (L. Frank Baum) or "Over the Rainbow" (Harold Arlen and E. Y. Harburg). They are just favorites of mine. Sorry if the action moves too fast, but this was getting too long so I made it shorter.
Update: I can't believe I forgot to mention that this is Humanstuck. Sorry 'bout that.
Nepeta was shaking like a leaf on the first day of middle school. She'd cut her (previously hip-length) hair over the summer, and she felt exposed. She pulled her green jacket tighter around her and walked into John H. Smith Middle School, home of the Wombats.
The school had just been cleaned. She could smell the ammonia. The patterned tile floor, the same generic kind of floor tiles used in every school everywhere, shone with polish. Everything was squeaky-clean, and it made Nepeta fell badly out of place, with her messy hair and scuffed shoes and ancient cat-shaped backpack. But she braved it anyways, like her sister had advised, and arrived at her first class (history—was the universe plotting against her first day of school?).
"I-I'm Nepeta. Nepeta Leijon," she stammered to the history teacher, Mr. Kelley.
"Hi!" he said happily. That didn't help her nerves. "Take a look at the seating chart and sit where it says to. You'll just need a notebook and a pencil today."
Nepeta nodded, gulping, and found her seat. Why did she have to be fifteen minutes early? There were six tables of four chairs. She was at the middle left one, with some people called Jade, Peter, and Hailey. She pulled her mechanical pencil out of her bag and chose a notebook. She was a huge fan of color-coding, so she made sure to pick the green notebook for history.
The Jade girl was the last person to arrive. Hailey had given Nepeta a dirty look and Peter was absorbed in some book. Jade was different.
"Hi!" she said. "I'm Jade. You're Nepeta, right?"
"Yeah," Nepeta said shyly.
"Nervous?" Jade asked.
Nepeta nodded.
"Me too. But when I get nervous, I get talkative. Hey, what was your elementary school?"
"I went to Cleese."
"I just moved here. My old school was called Palin."
"You just moved here?" Nepeta asked, sensing that Jade was actually nice.
"Yeah, me and my twin brother John."
"So you don't know anyone here?"
"No."
"You could sit with me and my friends at lunch."
"Really?" Jade asked, sounding earnest.
"Of course," Nepeta said, letting her social-butterfly tendencies shine. "I love meeting new people! And John can sit with us too."
"Thanks so much!" Jade said. She dropped her voice and added, "I was scared of not having a place to sit."
Nepeta smiled brightly and the teacher started class.
In fourth grade, they did American History, all the way through. In fifth grade, they did the Revolutionary War. In sixth grade, they did the Civil War. So, naturally, the first thing they did was study the Oregon Trail.
The school system was seriously bizarre sometimes.
Nepeta found Jade and John in the lunchroom and they stood in line together, talking way too fast and way too high-pitched. They were the last to the table, where six people sat at one round table. Nepeta pulled up the ninth chair and sat between Equius and Jade. "Hi guys!" she said. "This is Jade and this is John. They moved here from…"
"From Washington," John said, his mouth full of metal. "We used to go to a school called Palin."
"Do you know anyone else here?" Nepeta asked.
"We had a couple of online friends, Rose and Dave, who lived in New York and moved here, but they go to William."
"William sucks ass," Karkat said, earning him a glare from Equius.
"Yeah, everyone knows that Smith rocks. It's the best school," Terezi said.
"It doesn't matter. Why don't we ignore middle school rivalry and realize that this will be heavily unpleasant and we'll all end up at Brook River East anyways," Aradia stated.
"It'll be fun!" Jade insisted. "It'll be just fine."
"Ouch!" Nepeta shouted suddenly. "What was that?"
"A roll of bread?" Terezi asked, surprised. "These things are like rocks."
"Well, how come it whacked me on the back of the head?" Nepeta asked, annoyed.
"I think someone threw it," Terezi said.
"Who was it? I will force them to stop," Equius said.
"Them," Sollux answered, pointing at some boys wearing muscle shirts and backwards baseball caps and some girls wearing brand-name clothes and…makeup? In sixth grade? The kids in question were snickering like a bunch of idiots.
Equius started to stand. "Stop," Nepeta said, and Equius sat back down.
"Nepeta, they could've injured you."
"Equius. Really, it's fine. We don't want them after us. And, you know, once they realize you wouldn't hurt a fly," She dropped her voice for that part, because Equius had told all of one person that he hated to hurt people. "They wouldn't leave you alone."
Equius nodded, accepting his cooler-headed friend's logic. Not like Nepeta wasn't angry, she was, but she already knew that those kids wouldn't leave her alone. For her small stature, for her odd looks, for her dead father (she now understood that more acutely), for the small artistic talent she possessed, for her best friends, for any tiny detail about her that they could choose to ostracize her.
Middle school sucked.
Every day of sixth grade was the same. Social studies with Jade, math with Terezi, reading with no one but one girl who spent all day poking her with a sharp pencil until a small bruise formed on her left arm, a constant reminder of the fact that everyone in the school hated, for some reason, her. Then science with Equius, lunch with everybody, then writing with Karkat, PE with Aradia and Equius, and then French (the language of love) with at least half the popular bitches in school, who relentlessly bullied her until she felt like exploding.
It was at the end of first trimester, one of those times when everyone was nervous over report cards and final grades. Nepeta was shoving her notebooks and folders into her backpack when someone shoved her over and she landed hard on the ground. The girl, the one called Valerie, laughed. Or more accurately, cackled. Nepeta scrambled to her feet, trying not to betray the pain she was feeling. She touched her knee and there was only a little blood. She grabbed the writing notebook that had slid over to the floor and blink twice, hard, refusing to cry in front of those jerks.
But when she got home, her sister noticed. "Kitty-cat, what's wrong?" she asked, a purr in her voice as always.
"Nothing, Cat," she said to her sister. When she was little, her sister called he kitty-cat, and since her mom called her kitten, she assumed that "cat" was "sister." To this day, she called her sister Cat.
"Now, come on, you've never looked that upset before," Meulin prodded.
"Nothing, really. Some girl just pushed me in the halls today," Nepeta said.
"That's not nothing!"
"Yes, it is."
"You know, when I was in middle school, kids used to bully me a lot. But you know what? Seventh grade is the worst and after that, eighth grade rocks."
"What about sixth grade?"
"Well, it's hard. But you'll get through it."
"Yeah. I guess."
"Hey," Meulin said, suddenly serious. "Promise me something."
"Sure. What is it?" Nepeta asked, nonplussed.
"Promise me that no matter what, no matter what, you'll never hurt yourself, never stop eating or make yourself throw up, and never, ever, commit…never kill yourself," Meulin said, getting choked up towards the end.
"I promise," Nepeta practically whispered, a few more tears rolling down her face before she ran to her room to do her homework and maybe practice her lines for the school play audition monologue.
The auditions were Wednesday afternoon, around the same time as art club and team practices and every other club in school. Nepeta was skipping art club for this, of course. Art was fun, but acting was a passion.
So she stood up in front of the drama teacher, the choir teacher, the band and orchestra teachers, and three student directors and recited the monologue from the play that year, The Wizard of Oz. The only thing keeping her there was the fact that her best friend, Karkat, was there just outside the room for moral support. "Well, I'm a little muddled. The munchkins called me here because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. And there the house is, and here you are, and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East. So, what the munchkins want to know is, are you a good witch, or a bad witch? Which witch?" She felt the blood rush to her face and her hands start to shake, but she refused to stop. When she finally finished, she crossed her fingers behind her back and smiled awkwardly.
"Your song?" the choir teacher asked.
Nepeta nodded. Her sister, the best singer in the whole of Smith Middle School, had coached her on this. "Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high," she began, and she kept singing until she held the last note for an eternity or so, letting it peter off into space. She knew she was breathing too hard and her heart was too fast, but she kept it together until she walked out and fainted.
Karkat must've caught her, like she knew he would, because she came to on the posture chair that perpetually sat right outside the stage/orchestra room.
"Oh my gog, are you okay?" he asked. "You just collapsed! Jeez, what the hell were you thinking? You know you get stage fright sometimes!"
"I'm fine," she said. He handed her a water bottle and she drank half of it gratefully. "Thanks, Karkitty," she said.
"You're welcome," he said gruffly.
"Wait, is the nurse gonna come?" Nepeta asked. The school nurse was infamous for being sort of…crazy.
"No, don't worry, I was the only person who saw," Karkat said. For all his grumpy demeanor, he was her best friend and he knew her better than anybody.
Now all they had to do was wait for the cast list to come out.
"Today is the day!" Nepeta squealed to her friends the following Wednesday.
"Today?" Kanaya asked. Nepeta had talked Jade, Kanaya, and Karkat into auditioning with her.
Jade nodded. "After school. We'll see who got what."
"Bet I'm not even damn chorus," Karkat said. "I suck at acting. And singing."
"Don't be so negative," Nepeta said poking him playfully. "We'll find out soon enough!"
And sure enough, they did.
After school, the four of them found the list. Karkat pushed his way to the front, took a couple cruddy pictures on his cell phone, and fought his way out again.
"Kanaya. They put you on costumes," he said.
"Thank you, Karkat," she said, smiling maternally. "I must catch the bus, so see you all soon."
"What about me?" Jade asked eagerly. She didn't really want to be in school play, but there were no cuts.
"Chorus," Karkat said, reading the blurry photos.
"What about you, Karkitty?" Nepeta asked.
"I'm…a Winky," Karkat said. "And a flying monkey."
"So you're a dancer?" Nepeta asked.
"Yeah. You are…let's see…you're an Ozian and a munchkin. So I guess that means sort of dancer-singer combo?"
"Cool."
"That's mostly seventh graders, you know."
"Well, I guess that wouldn't be so bad."
"Never know."
"Well, I've got to get home for voice lessons. See you guys!" Nepeta called, walking away.
"Yeah, gotta catch my bus," Karkat said.
"Bye!" Jade called, jogging to the car line.
Nepeta biked home every day. She also biked to school early for orchestra on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. On Mondays and Fridays, she biked to school at the normal time with everyone else. She usually biked with Terezi, who was always ten minutes early to stop at her house. Or maybe she, Nepeta, was just always running late. Probably both. Meulin would probably drive her to high school when the elder sister was a junior and the younger sister was a freshman.
Rehearsals for school play were every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday after school. Mostly because there were no clubs on Thursdays, teacher meeting day, so everyone could make at least one day. Nepeta came every day and brought homework to do while she waited for her turn to practice. Kanaya spent her time sewing in the drama room. Karkat came sometimes when he couldn't come up with a good excuse in time or Nepeta bugged him enough. Jade came most days, missing only Tuesdays for Builder's club, the service club at school.
But the worst was dress rehearsal day.
The drama teacher, Mrs. T, was infamous for being really awful the few days leading up to school play. And for some reason, she seemed determined to take it out on Nepeta.
"You! In the coat! You need to get your costume on better."
Nepeta rolled her eyes and adjusted the green sash over her left shoulder, accidentally brushing the bruise from the girl in reading class. She winced briefly.
"What was that?"
"I-I've just got a bruise on my left arm…"
"Stop rolling your eyes at me, you little brat! I can kick you out, you know! There's a whole school willing to take your place!"
Nepeta nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. Before Mrs. T could shout one more thing, she nodded again and ran to her favorite hiding spot: through the choir room, to the door everyone thought was locked, through that door, into one of the room the gifted reading kids used. She curled up and tried not to bawl. It wasn't that she cared all that much what Mrs. T thought of her (in fact she was a favorite student when Mrs. T was in her normal mood) but people yelling at her really upset her and she was such an emotional person that she couldn't control the response.
The door creaked open and she looked up, tears still running down her face.
"Nepeta?" Karkat asked.
"Leave me alone," she muttered, but she didn't really mean it, and he knew it.
"You know she gets like this around the time of the play," he said.
She nodded.
"She's a bitch," he said. He'd been swearing a lot more often recently and she had the feeling that it was to do with keeping up his constantly angry image. He was angry plenty, sure, but a good part of it was an image.
She shook her head. "No, she's just stressed."
"She still shoudn't've snapped at you like that," he said. "I could yell at her a bit if it'd help."
She shook her head again. "It's nothing," she said.
"If you're sure," he said, rolling his eyes.
Regaining her composure, she smiled. "You never act this nice," she observed, only half teasing.
"Well, if my best friend is sobbing in a room all of twenty people in this school knows exists, I think I should be comforting like a good friend."
"Thanks," she said, smiling properly this time.
"It's almost your scene, come on," he said, taking her arm and dragging her towards the stage.
The performance and the end of the school year passed just like very other school ending before. Summer was excellent, as always, and they met the William kids. It was life.
Then seventh grade
Meulin was right. Seventh grade was the worst.
On the first day of school, someone stole her favorite cat-shaped lunchbox. During the third week of school, when her cat, Pounce de Leon, died, everyone laughed at her for crying over the animal that she'd known since she was born. At the end of first semester, a boy named Tony stole her report card and waved around the red ribbon she'd gotten for her 4 B's and 3 A's, calling her a teacher's pet and taunting her talent in art class.
She wished Equius was there to protect her.
Right around January, the worst time of the year, she was just standing at her locker when Valerie and Natalia and Maddie and Olivia shoved her from behind again. She threw out an arm to stop her fall, but it didn't help. One of them threw her books under the dusty trophy case while another grabbed her sketchpad and flipped through the drawings, tearing them out and mocking each one. Nepeta scrambled to her feet and grabbed the sketchpad from Natalia, piling the rest of her books into her backpack. She was about to close her locker when Maddie slammed the door on her fingers, causing Nepeta to shriek in pain. She clutched her quickly swelling right hand and ran to the nurse, not even caring that her backpack was half-zipped and she'd left behind three pens and a folder.
"How did this happen?" the nurse asked when Nepeta walked in, cradling her right hand. Her fingers had turned purple by now, and they seemed to be heating up. Probably because of the blood gushing from the two cuts on her middle finger.
"I…I tripped," Nepeta lied lamely. "On the stairs."
The nurse looked doubtful, but nodded. "I'll give you a splint for the rest of the day, but you really must go to the hospital and get that looked at."
Nepeta nodded, wincing as she adjusted the splint on her sore right hand. Luckily she was a leftie.
"I'll write you a pass," the nurse said, scribbling down something on a pink slip of paper and handing it to her.
Nepeta nodded yet again. "Thanks, Mr. K," she said, jogging off to class.
The next week, someone taunted her for the cast on her hand. Another person shoved her again and said, "You're such a little bitch! It's just a bruise! Weakling!"
It wasn't. They'd taken X-rays at the hospital and there were four broken bones.
At the end of second trimester, Tony stole her report card again, and this time, he had friends. One of them punched her face and laughed when a tear rolled down her cheek. "You're way too emotional," Tony taunted. "Crybaby! If you can't handle a couple bruises, why don't you just kill yourself?"
She ran away, holding her jacket tight around her to hide the tears that had started pouring down her face.
Meulin hadn't been home much lately, because she was busy planning something for the animé club at Brook River East. Even though she was a freshman, Meulin had been given a lot of responsibility in animé club. Not the dumb kind, either. Real jobs and stuff.
Gog, Nepeta thought. Why am I so useless?
As usual, Equius came over at four o'clock exactly to do homework. He immediately noticed her tearstained face and asked, "What is wrong?"
"Nothing," she said reflexively, used to the question from the teacher who saw the way she never talked in class anymore, the school counselor who insisted on bothering her every time she walked in front of the guidance office, the nurse when she needed another ice pack or band aid.
"Tell me," Equius ordered.
She broke down in tears, sobbing hopelessly against his side while he gently put an arm around her. She told him everything, starting back on the first day of sixth grade.
When she finally finished crying, he stopped being comforting and instead looked livid. "I will find this Tony and when I am done with him, he will not hurt you ever again."
"No, don't do that!" she protested. She hated him, but she didn't want Equius to really hurt anybody.
"If you insist," he said. "But you must swear to me that you will confront both him and the others."
"What others?" Nepeta ask, playing innocent.
"The females."
"Who?"
"Do not lie to me, Nepeta. I know when you are lying and I dislike it. There are four girls at this school by the names of Valerie, Maddie, Olivia, and Natalia and they are the ones who broke your fingers. I wish for you to confront them and the male. You know you have the ability."
It was an odd compliment, but he was right. No one outside of her PE class would guess it, but she held the school record for most PACER laps, best mile time, and most sit-ups. She had the seventh grade record for most pushups and the flexibility tests. If she wanted to, she could most definitely beat up those girls and Tony too. But hell…she couldn't. She just couldn't. More precisely, she wouldn't.
"Fine," she promised. "I will. Give me some time."
"Until the end of seventh grade. Then I will step in," Equius said sternly.
"What about you?" Nepeta asked. "I know how much crap some of the others give you."
"Language," Equius warned before continuing, "I took care of it."
"Oh my gog, did you kill someone?" Nepeta asked in horror.
Equius looked offended and a little upset. "Of course not! I informed them that I would not be afraid to injure them seriously and…"
"They believed you," Nepeta said. "Oooo, Equius is telling lies."
"I was not," Equius protested, but it was weak and Nepeta knew it.
"I'm just teasing," she said, patting his shoulder. "Hot cocoa?"
He nodded and she left to retrieve the hot chocolate.
She didn't do it the next day. Or the day after that. She told Equius that it was her hand, the broken fingers.
Karkat was worried for her, too. Since he'd beat up an eighth grader in sixth grade, no one messed with him. He used his status as "that kid you leave alone" to basically stand up for all the kids who couldn't stand up for themselves. The kids who were too small, too scared, too nice. He said that he just hated bullies, but Nepeta knew he was a protector.
She actually had to tell him repeatedly that she didn't want him to stand up for her.
It was a conversation they had at least once a week, usually during acting classes on Saturdays. "Come on, Nepeta. You've got to let me have a go at these bitches."
"No," she said. "I can stand up for myself. I told Equius I would."
"Yes," he said. "I'm not going to let them shatter your good hand this time."
"I am fine," she said. "All healed. And anyways, I will stand up for myself. Really. I can do this myself."
That was usually when he relented, saying, "Fine. Fine. If you're sure. But I'm not going to keep this up forever." But not this time. Not this day, two weeks before the last day of school. He changed it around this time.
"Nepeta," he said. "I don't know what you're trying to prove with this. There's nothing wrong with asking someone else for help when you need it."
"But I need to do this for myself!"
"Look, I get that. I really do. But…it's like…we're raised to be independent and do everything for ourselves. Like, we constantly have to be really fucking strong and perfect. But…it's okay to ask someone for help. I fucking hate it myself, but sometimes it is gogdamn okay to ask for help."
"Look. I really can do this myself. I…I have to."
"Okay. I get it. But I'm gonna give you until the end of the fucking year, then I will get those dicks myself."
"Fine. I promise."
Now she really, really, had to suck it up and just do it.
She wasn't exactly expecting one of those movie moments when the bullied girl suddenly gets strong and takes the popular girls twenty notches. But she was hoping for some satisfaction before eighth grade.
Last day of school. They had the picnic, signed yearbooks, said goodbye to everyone. And Nepeta was ready. She walked up to the four girls who had broken her hand and said, "You are all huge bitches for bullying me for two years and I hope you know that. I also hope you know that everyone in the school hates what you do and your only power comes from fear." Then she walked away and collapsed on the grass next to her friends. "I did it," she said.
"Excellent," Equius said, patting her back very gently.
"Good job, Nepeta," Karkat said.
"What about Tony?" Equius asked.
"Uh…" Nepeta said. "It's not important?" she tried.
"No. You must stand up to him or I will take this matter into my own hands. You know this, Nepeta."
"Fiiine," she said. "He's on my bus. I'll get him. Promise."
So that day, after dodging the popular bitches for a few hours, she was ready. She saw Tony and she prepared herself. "Tony," she called.
"What, cat-girl?" he taunted. "Back for more?"
Her entire body was Jello, except her guts, which were lead. But she answered calmly, "No. I'm here to give you what you deserve." She punched him in the face and, smiling innocently, she climbed onto the bus.
She watched as he covered his bloody nose with his hand and the blood dripped from between his fingers. She knew he'd never admit he'd been punched by a girl, so she was safe. A swooping sensation in her stomach made her giggle like a five-year-old.
They had a group chat that night, all nine of them.
AC: :33 i did it!
CG: NO FUCKING WAY. YOU ACTUALLY STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF?
AC: :33 yes i did, smart alec
CT: D- I am glad to hear you say that.
AC: :33 thank you cg and ct!
GG: so thats why tonys nose was bleeding?
AC: :33 mm-hmm
AA: revenge 0f the nerds
AC: :33 im not a nerd
AC: :33 i am an otaku
GT: so we just got tony?
GT: cool
TA: 2o next year we take no 2hiit from them, agreed?
AC: :33 agreed!
GC: agreed
CG: AGREED.
CT: D- Agreed.
GG: agreed
GT: agreed.
TC: AgReEd, MoThErFuCkErS
AA: agreed
AA: thank y0u, ac
AC: :33 it was nothing, really!
AC: :33 equius and karkitty talked me into it
CG: YEAH, BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO COWARDLY TO JUST PUNCH THE KID IN THE FACE.
AC: :33 hey!
AC: :33 i did it
AA: and g00d j0b.
The group chat went on for a little longer, an end-of-school party planned. Nepeta felt properly proud, and she was ready to spend the rest of her summer happy.
After that long and happy summer, she was ready. And Meulin was right, again. Eighth grade rocked.
Classes were better now that the story of her and Tony and the other four had spread. The four bitches still tried to get to her, but it didn't seem to bother her anymore. It was annoying, sure, but she brushed it off like a dead bug. She had friends and soon, they'd be off to Brook River East, the high school. They'd finally meet Vriska and Rose and Dave and Tavros and Feferi and Eridan and Kanaya. They'd be in a place where more than half the kids had never head of them. Something about that last day of school had given her confidence and optimism, and she was feeling better than ever.
She could not wait for high school.
But she thought that as long as she was stuck in middle school, she should enjoy it.
So at the end of first trimester, when she was able to keep her report card, she relished it. And during winter break, when she finally got a Facebook, no one gossiped about her. And in January, when she tried out for school play the third time (last year she'd had some sort of minor speaking role, all of three lines), she was ready.
The monologue was a poem this time. Jabberwocky. She'd practiced over and over and she was ready.
"'Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogroves and the momeraths outgrabe," she began, being as dramatic and exciting as she could. "'Beware the Jabberwock, my son, the jaws that bit, the claws that catch. Beware the Jubjub bird and shun the frumuous bandersnatch! He took his vorpal blade in hand, longtime manxome foe he saught. So rested he by the Tumtum tree and stood a while in thought. The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, came wiffling through the tulgey woods, and burbled as it came! One, two, one, two and through and through! The vorpal blade went snicker-snack. He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back. 'And has though slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy!' 'Oh frabjus day, calloo callay!' he chortled in his joy. 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogroves and the momeraths outgrabe." She finished and looked up at the people who would cast her. "Your song?" the choir teacher asked.
Nepeta nodded. The song was "Land of Our Dreams" this year. "Slumber now, my darling one. Rest, for now the day is done," she sang softly, attempting to throw some acting in with the words. Once again, the only thing keeping her upright was that Karkat was waiting just outside the door.
"We're off to the land of our dreams," she finished, letting her last note fade away to nothing.
The auditioners let her go and she walked out the door, for once feeling like she might have a shot.
"So?" Karkat asked.
"I think it went alright," she smiled.
He rolled his eyes. "At least you haven't fucking passed out yet."
"Shut up," she said.
"Twice!"
"Seriously. Shut up," she said, but it was light and teasing.
"Fine, whatever," he said.
"Your turn," she teased. He sighed and walked in to audition, too. She'd convinced him and Jade and John to all audition this year. "The last year!" she'd said. "We have one more year here. Let's be involved in something huge like this!" And Kanaya was on costumes, of course. Terezi and Sollux were both in the band that would be playing some of the music during the play. Aradia was on makeup. Gamzee…she was ninety-nine percent sure that he was technically on costumes, but Kanaya was keeping an eye on him.
Ever since he started drugs in sixth grade, Gamzee hadn't quite been the same.
It didn't even bear mentioning to her, that Gamzee was on drugs. It was a fact of life and, if she was being honest, it was for the better. In fifth grade, Gamzee was volatile and scary. Then, in the middle of sixth grade, he started drugs, and he was back to his dreamy self. It was a sad fact of life, but it was. He was a bit different, that is, he was completely addicted and a little bit weirder, but he was safe.
The cast list came out two weeks later.
As usual, it was Karkat who pushed his way to the front of the crowd, took a picture or two with his cell phone, and pushed his way out again. "Jade," he said. "You are…the Gryphon. Whatever the fuck that means. John, you are the Chesire Cat. Nice. I am…" he squinted at the blurry picture. "I am th White Rabbit. Oh gog."
"What about me?" Nepeta asked eagerly. He did this on purpose, kept her in suspense like this.
"You are…" he squinted again, longer this time. "Hm…can't quite read the fucking thing…"
"Tell me already!" she squealed.
"You're Alice," he said finally, giving her half a smile.
"No way, really?" she asked eagerly.
"Would I fucking lie about this?" he asked.
She fangirl-shrieked and smiled hugely, hugging him. He stiffened, not used to being hugged, but he didn't resist, because they were best friends.
"That's great, Nepeta!" Jade said, hugging her. "I can't believe it!"
"Thanks," Nepeta said gratefully.
"We gotta catch the bus," John said. "See you guys for first rehearsal tomorrow!"
"I've got to meet my brother for a ride home," Karkat said. "See you, Nepeta."
She nodded. "See you, Karkitty!" she called, skipping to her bike and riding home at top speed.
She was at every rehearsal, no matter what. She missed half of a family dinner (no complaints there—Uncle Leo was weird and creepy) and a few voice lessons, not to mention her sister's panicked "oh-my-gog-Nepeta-you-haven't-picked-up-your-phone -what-the-fuck" calls. Five of them.
On the day of the show, Nepeta was ready. She was in costume, painted with makeup, and double-checking her lines. She was ready for the brief pause right before she "fell" off the stage and into the spinning circles of actors.
The White Rabbit's main role was to shove Alice into the hole for these scenes, so Karkat was supposed to pretend to shove her, then pause for a brief second while the lights turned off and on again. Some logistical thing with the new lighting system. "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" he shouted. Then he grabbed her shoulders and started to "shove" her.
Nepeta and Karkat froze just before he "pushed" her off the stage.
She looked up at his face, all of two inches from hers, and she felt like fainting. His gray eyes seemed to be multilayered orbs of silver and his dark, constantly messy hair was just perfect. His hands, gripping her shoulders, were strong and warm and smooth and his lips—
No, she couldn't be thinking this.
Crushes were for other people, older people. Crushes were for those stupid high schoolers who walked around holding hands with someone. Crushes were for her older sister and her friends in high school. Crushes were not for the matchmaker, the one who observes and becomes way too emotionally invested in her friends' relationships. Crushes weren't for her.
But dammit, he was beautiful.
It wasn't fair. Why did she have to develop such an intense crush on her best friend? Why did he have to be so perfect? His voice, his talent with making speeches that made most peoples' knees turn to water, his adorable grumpiness, his face, everything.
"Nepeta?" he asked, bringing her back to reality. "Get ready."
She fell off the stage for the last time and it felt like she was falling in love.